why an i such a mess?

[zenry1213]

so I know this girl who says she has BPD. shes so high functioning though, goes places by herself and takes her kids places by herself. she even looks after them by her self yet claims she needs all this help. is this just a case of making her life look perfect on facebook? maybe a sad cry for helo? am I wrong to be so pissed of because her life looks so perfect and struggle free yet we are meant to be enduring the same illness and I'm sat here with an arm full of healing scars?

I cant leave the house at all without anyone I know. I cant take my kids places even heavily supported because it triggers panic attacks. I cant sleep I cant eat proplerly and I cant control my mod wings. I can hardly function due to the combination of my illness and I'm really fucked off about it. how should one person get everything handed to them on a plate and another have to struggle for everything.

I'm so sorry about this stuoid rant but I'm feeling so much anger and rage inside tonight I'm in a foul mood on the outside.

[ForestP]

Hi Zenry

Try not to compare yourself to others, everyone is there own person and things effect people in different ways. BPD like many other things has a spectrum of severity. Some people can appear to be fine, but can be in a constant battle in their mind, always just hovering on the edge. This girl you know may seem high functioning, but requires help to stop everything from falling apart in a moment of bad judgement.

Try to ignore Facebook, it is a window into what people want others to see about their life. My Facebook does not even hint of the struggles that I have every day, it doesn't mean they are not there, I just don't want people to know there is anything wrong with me...

You're not wrong for being pissed off it's completely understandable, just try to remember that just because something has the same name it doesn't mean it's the same. You are looking for fairness in things and I understand that, I often look at life and see the many inequalities. Unfortunately some of us get dealt a rubbish hand in life, it seems that she has been dealt a better one, try not to be bitter about that, it is no more her fault that things have been better for her than it is yours that things have not been so good for you. The important thing is to work on getting better for yourself. There was a time I couldn't go to a supermarket without having a panic attack, after a lot of therapy and work I now only feel mildly uncomfortable and haven't had a panic attack in years, it took me years to get to that stage. Things get better but take time, we are all unique and your struggles cannot be equated to anyone else's.

I do hope what I said makes sense, don't worry about the rant, I'm sure we all felt like this sometimes, I often think "why me" but recognise there are many out there that have things much worse than I do through no fault of their own.

Forest