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Is this a BPD/cptsd thing


successful_workthru

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When the sun comes out, I can feel my heart drop my mood lower, get more tense, but when it clouds over, its like aaaahhhhhh!!! what a relief?

I go out in the sun cos it is good for me and I like to mix a little but very llimited.

It difficulty with brighness of the sun and low mood a bpd or ctpsd thing? thanks

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Some medications can cause light sensitivity, so can being tired which is common with both conditions.

It could also be that you are subconsciously averse to sunlight, the very belief that sunlight lowers your mood can make it do so, I used to get the same thing with flickering/strobe lights when I thought I had epilepsy, when the belief went it no longer affected me the same.

Forest

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2 hours ago, ForestP said:

Some medications can cause light sensitivity, so can being tired which is common with both conditions.

It could also be that you are subconsciously averse to sunlight, the very belief that sunlight lowers your mood can make it do so, I used to get the same thing with flickering/strobe lights when I thought I had epilepsy, when the belief went it no longer affected me the same.

Forest

Hi Forest and thanks for your reply.

I actually like being out in the sun, when I am in the right mood, but yesterday and saturday were spent in bed, cos i just felt so depressed that I could not face the interior of my flat which needs lots of renovation and I have no money to do it and I am on benefits, so it stresses me, and for some reason, sunlight stresses me more.

Its a purely psychological thing. It's like something horrible happened on a sunny afternoon when I was a kid, but I cannot remember what that was. Maybe I was sent to bed,while everyone else was out enjoying themselves, maybe it's an accumulation of things, but at times, I was hugging a blanket, rocking back and forth, and sobbing my heart out.

I feel a bit more chilled out today cos its overcast. I don't understand it. I first noticed it in the 90's but I could not explain to myself why sunny weather lowered my mood so much.

It's not the heat, i use a spray bottle and find that really nice in the sun. I cannot think of anything bad to say about the sun and sunny days yet I am so god damned miserable on them, and just wanna stay in bed.

I lost my appetite totally as well. I was eating cashew nuts, cos they don't take much eating and have loads of nutrients.

I get flashbacks but some of them are so vague, all I can describe them as is a heavy feeling in my heart and flashes of certain people who abused me mentally.

 

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I feel for you, do you do any mindfulness exercises? I find it helpful on days where I am just in a bad mood for a reason that cannot be rationalised. You may then be able to go out in the sun with a more positive outlook and it may not bother you so much, I imagine once you have done this a few times the trigger will loose it's power over you.

Try not to let your flat get to you, your environment can be what you make of it, being on low income is difficult and these things take time, I'm sure you will get things sorted in time.

Do you know what was upsetting you when you were in bed? Do you think that it is just things in the past or where there other things going on that perhaps made you feel bad? I know I get frustrated with myself when I can't work out what is making me feel the way I am, which often makes me feel worse, sometimes the easiest and most helpful thing to do is just let it go and ignore it.

Another thought, have you thought about creating some happy memories that you could relate to it being sunny? it's quite possible this could readjust your subconscious perception on it.

I'm conscious I've gave a some advice here so I fell a disclaimer is appropriate "I am not a professional, neither do I have any training whatsoever what works for me may not work for you". Also if I always got things like this right I wouldn't be here, I do want to help where I can though.

 

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Sounds awfull. I dont think its a particular BPD or PSTD thing but I dont think its uncommon.

The weather can influence us greatly and like you say you may have some traumatic memories on a sunny day or something.

I think youre doing great as despite the depressed feelings you do try to go out. That is so admirable. I think what Forest says above here makes sense, that it might help to create happy memories on such sunny days.

There are people who have seasonal affective disorder, which means in winter they get depressed and in summer they feel better. And though its not common it does happen that for other people its the other way around.....I wonder if you have some of that playing a part.

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2 hours ago, Lily-Bee said:

Sounds awfull. I dont think its a particular BPD or PSTD thing but I dont think its uncommon.

The weather can influence us greatly and like you say you may have some traumatic memories on a sunny day or something.

I think youre doing great as despite the depressed feelings you do try to go out. That is so admirable. I think what Forest says above here makes sense, that it might help to create happy memories on such sunny days.

There are people who have seasonal affective disorder, which means in winter they get depressed and in summer they feel better. And though its not common it does happen that for other people its the other way around.....I wonder if you have some of that playing a part.

Hi Lily-Bee

Thank you for your reply.

I was kinda hoping it was a BPD/CPTSD thing because then I could put it down to that.

I just remember feeling low on sunny afternoons, maybe it was because I had very few friends and I felt lonely, and I dunno if repeated episodes of feeling like this is enough to contribute to CPTSD or BPD.

Unfortunately, if I don't use opiates, when i go out, I am at serious risk of falling apart or breaking down. I just cannot do it without, so I don't feel so admirable myself.

I don't get depressed in the Winter, unless there is something serious bothering me, like fam troubles etc. I have heard of SAD happening in summer rather than Winter, but my heart seems to be telling me that I don't like sunny aternoons without self medication for some other reason.

Thank you for talking to me about this.

 

 

 

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I hate sunny weather. I love summer clothes but I wear them in the winter anyway.

I love it when it's overcast and I love rain even more. I have thought of a few reasons why it's that way for me but it might be completely different for you.

The worse the weather is, the fewer people there are around which I'm always happy about

Cloud formations are more beautiful when the weather is bad (imo), the picture Lily posted is gorgeous!

There's something about bad weather that makes the world seem more magical and exciting

The sun makes most people happy so I'm very aware of the difference between my mood and theirs

The sun is hot and makes me sweaty and sticky and I hate that feeling so even before it happens I worry about it

The sun makes it harder to see what's around me so I feel less protected. I want to be able to see people before they see me so I can hide

I haven't been diagnosed with BPD or CPTSD but my old GP and my school therapist both think I have BPD and my gastroenterologist thought I had CPTSD.

I think it probably is due to your diagnoses to an extent, both can make you very sensitive to certain situations and it sounds like that is happening with you.

 

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9 hours ago, lonelyheartemma said:

I hate sunny weather. I love summer clothes but I wear them in the winter anyway.

I love it when it's overcast and I love rain even more. I have thought of a few reasons why it's that way for me but it might be completely different for you.

The worse the weather is, the fewer people there are around which I'm always happy about

Cloud formations are more beautiful when the weather is bad (imo), the picture Lily posted is gorgeous!

There's something about bad weather that makes the world seem more magical and exciting

The sun makes most people happy so I'm very aware of the difference between my mood and theirs

The sun is hot and makes me sweaty and sticky and I hate that feeling so even before it happens I worry about it

The sun makes it harder to see what's around me so I feel less protected. I want to be able to see people before they see me so I can hide

I haven't been diagnosed with BPD or CPTSD but my old GP and my school therapist both think I have BPD and my gastroenterologist thought I had CPTSD.

I think it probably is due to your diagnoses to an extent, both can make you very sensitive to certain situations and it sounds like that is happening with you.

 

Thankyou Emma I can relate to a lot of what you said in your post. I changed the colour of the text to show which of it I could relate to most. I reallly appreciate the post, thank you, I underlined the bit I relate to the most, but I relate to alot of it anyway.

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On 04/07/2016 at 1:31 PM, ForestP said:

I feel for you, do you do any mindfulness exercises? I find it helpful on days where I am just in a bad mood for a reason that cannot be rationalised. You may then be able to go out in the sun with a more positive outlook and it may not bother you so much, I imagine once you have done this a few times the trigger will loose it's power over you.

Try not to let your flat get to you, your environment can be what you make of it, being on low income is difficult and these things take time, I'm sure you will get things sorted in time.

Do you know what was upsetting you when you were in bed? Do you think that it is just things in the past or where there other things going on that perhaps made you feel bad? I know I get frustrated with myself when I can't work out what is making me feel the way I am, which often makes me feel worse, sometimes the easiest and most helpful thing to do is just let it go and ignore it.

Another thought, have you thought about creating some happy memories that you could relate to it being sunny? it's quite possible this could readjust your subconscious perception on it.

I'm conscious I've gave a some advice here so I fell a disclaimer is appropriate "I am not a professional, neither do I have any training whatsoever what works for me may not work for you". Also if I always got things like this right I wouldn't be here, I do want to help where I can though.

 

Hi Forest.

I don't don't do mindfulness excercises, but maybe I should. I'll have to look some up.

Thank you for sharing that it helps for those unexplained bad moods. I get those. Feel pissed off for no reason or too vague a reason for me to discern.

Thanks for the encouragement about my flat.

"Do you know what was upsetting you when you were in bed? " My flat, my family, my drug withdrawals, my feeling a child in an adults body, the loss of talent development (apparently people say i'm really intelligent, so people have missed out and I feel bad about that. I can't face the day without self medication and stay in bed on some of the days I don't use.

About the sun, I have some good memories of it, but I was drinking and doing lots of recreational drugs at the time.

I appreciate your help, sorry for the late reply, I haven't looked at my emails for a few days, and I also missed this post, I hope that did not make you feel ignored, I liked your post, thanks )

 

 

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Try these to get you started, don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable but try to keep an open mind.

http://www.pocketmindfulness.com/6-mindfulness-exercises-you-can-try-today/

I've wrote and rewrote a few things, but I've came to the conclusion I'm too tired. Also it's harder to type on my phone..I will probably add to this tomorrow.

Don't worry about late reply, I will admit it does get to me when people don't immediately respond. But on the flip side I can be offline for days...that is my problem though not yours :-) don't let my insecurity bother you. I have a bit of a problem with unrealistic expectations and I'm working on it. Im glad you liked my post :-) thank you.

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2 hours ago, ForestP said:

Try these to get you started, don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable but try to keep an open mind.

http://www.pocketmindfulness.com/6-mindfulness-exercises-you-can-try-today/

I've wrote and rewrote a few things, but I've came to the conclusion I'm too tired. Also it's harder to type on my phone..I will probably add to this tomorrow.

Don't worry about late reply, I will admit it does get to me when people don't immediately respond. But on the flip side I can be offline for days...that is my problem though not yours :-) don't let my insecurity bother you. I have a bit of a problem with unrealistic expectations and I'm working on it. Im glad you liked my post :-) thank you.

thanks, ill bookmrk link and look at it.

I go offline a bit or i spend too long on other sites, as im on loads of forums.

Phones r harder to type on, tiny keybord.

yea, i did like your post. :)

I'm sleepy right now but will get back to you

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Is there something you enjoy doing in your spare time? Something that will maybe take your mind of things for a while and you could do on the days you aren't using? If you want to talk about anything in particular your welcome to, otherwise I hope you work through things in your own time, good luck with the drug withdrawals, I can only imagine how hard that must be. Sometimes I am in a child state of mind, I usually just play until I work it out my system. I don't have a proper solution unfortunately :-(. Try not to set too many expectations, just do your best with things and be who you are.

Forest

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13 hours ago, ForestP said:

Is there something you enjoy doing in your spare time? Something that will maybe take your mind of things for a while and you could do on the days you aren't using? If you want to talk about anything in particular your welcome to, otherwise I hope you work through things in your own time, good luck with the drug withdrawals, I can only imagine how hard that must be. Sometimes I am in a child state of mind, I usually just play until I work it out my system. I don't have a proper solution unfortunately :-(. Try not to set too many expectations, just do your best with things and be who you are.

Forest

On my days off using, I just feel like hiding. I get so depressed. No motivation, sorry to sound negative.

Thank you for hoping I work through things and thanks for the good luck wishes with the withdrawals.

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