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feeling meh


zenry1213

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I know this is all to comman within BPD sufferes. just feeling down and fed up and them empty. its like how can you be so empty and then feel a thousand things at once? being mucked around by the CMHT with my diagnosis and therapy plan ans ive just had enough. the urge to self harm is all to real but have an important famly event coming up soon and trying to keep clean for that. why is this all so hard?

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I know it's rubbish, try not to dwell much on it, take each day as it comes, and try to roll with it. Don't let it get you down. Hope you're feeling better today.

Stay strong.

Forest

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thank you, unfortunately I'm currently in a faze of feeling very reckless and impulsive then crashes to depression. just gotta keep telling myself that the nice side is out there somewhere.

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It's there, sometimes all it takes to see it is a different perspective :). I'm curious if you realise you are doing something reckless before you do it? If so do you know why you do it anyway? Don't beat yourself up about things, I'm sure you do your best which is all you can do.

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I just get urges to be reckless impulsive or self distructive. like I will set my mind on getting an impulsive tattoo and I will go to every tattoo shop until they can fit me in. or I wil go on a spending spree but not pay any attentjon to how much money ive spent. ive got £400 phones on impulsuse before litrally jst because I was bored and wanted something to do/new.

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Sorry I've only just got back to you on this. It sounds like crisis spending, I do it when I feel crap. I get stuff because I feel a project will cheer me up, in reality the novelty wears off and it doesn't have a lasting affect. so far my crisis spend has left me with:  5 computers/a new car/mutiple smart TVs/a joblot of LED bulbs with various fittings/an electric guitar with all the accessories/100 kettle leads/console games that I buy on release date then never play, magazine subscriptions for things I'm going to get around to reading (some 3 years old)....

I know the feeling, What kind of works for me is working out stuff on how long I need to work to get the money to pay for things, I base this on a £5 an hour basis because once you take tax and the costs of actually going to work that's about what I get, and it's easy to work out, so then I end up with a scenario of "Would I work for 80 hours if someone said they would pay me with this £400 phone?".... Sleeping on it also helps a lot, although it's hard to pull yourself back sometimes, it takes practice, you will get there!

Best of luck

Forest

 

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