BPD banging my head against a brick wall?

[bpdrecovery]

ok so i have bpd and ptsd the diagnosis was a shock as i knew nothing about either iv done endless research and yes thats me in a nutshell the label fits if you like so i can now set about trying to fix the problem... well so i thought.  A locum doctor suggested i didnt look like i had bpd and i didnt seem like a bpd person despite me telling him it fitted me like a glove  Iv had issues trying to get help with mental health team as they deem that the services i need arent available because they are offered to people with schitzophrenia bi polar etc yet the treatment that helps bpd and ptsd does not have any affect on people with schitzophrenia or bi polar disorder.  The treatments im talking about being DBT and mentalisation which are proven in reducing my symptoms.  I feel so frustrated and aggravated to fight for everything, they didnt want to diagnose me i begged as i was seeing myself becoming very ill again and i had social services intervention too (another horror story altogether) thats how i got my diagnosis i begged them to find out why i was the way i was and how ill i felt suicidal frequent etc.  Thats the background so today iv been to the agency that jobcentre plus put me with after they assesd my esa claim a few months ago im in the work focus group not the support group despite me telling them how poorly i was and was struggling with self care eating general day to day stuff.  I was assured the agency would understand and help me with re training etc,howvere since being on their books they have done all they can to trick me into working im sick of telling them im ill its as if they dont believe me.  

Today i seen someone who thought he knew it all he basically told me bpd didnt exist!!! im so annoyed he was a supposed ex mental health patient whos come so far etc blah blah blah he knew absolutely nothing and told me i was defensive! now somehow il have to attend a course on something he never even explained anything about im guessing its self worth thinking from the vague idea he did give me and next week i need to attend for 15 hours when i have appointments for me and my son at various places that my support worker has arranged plus the usual ie im going to a funding appointment to see if i can raise funds to be self employed to get them off my back and obviously self employed will suit my mental instability better at this time.  The funding isnt huge its £1000 to retrain and learn a trade which i feel is sensible yet not once has the agency encouraged this.  Iv somehow got to get my son looked after for 15 hours next week and having absolutely no one to help me is crippling me along with my mental health to move forward and work.  I wish i could just get the help i need recover then put up with this crap.  Any advice welcomed as today being told bpd didnt exist has really pissed me off.

[ForestP]

OK, so I've been thinking a lot about this recently, I haven't got a diagnosis I came to this forum because I wasn't sure whether seeking one out was a good idea or not, I came to the conclusion it isn't....BPD, Bipolar, PTSD, OCD are all just labels, or as I see them boxes. I don't think everyone fits neatly into a box. You can't deny the box exists but the definitions are purely speculative. In that sense, I can understand why one medical proffesional may feel one way about things, and another a completely different way, I show traits of BPD, OCD, Bipolar and Social Anxiety to name a few, one therapist asked me if I was on the autism spectum.....I dread to think what my diagnosis would be.

Treatments vary in effectiveness, I didn't think much of CBT, but after a few sessions started to get benefit out of it, I now see a psychotherapist who goes about things a completely different way. If I were you I'd give whatever is on offer a shot, you have more chance of getting better than worse.

As far as I am aware there isn't that much support for people with mental illness getting into work, I may be wrong, but I found it near on impossible to get any help when I was at my worst.

Try not to let people get to you so much, some people don't like boxes, I don't I wouldn't go as far to say BPD doesn't exist, it clearly does just by being defined. Let him believe what he wants, just try to let it go (agree to disagree).

I don't know you/your situation fully, but I would think very hard about the amount of work, drive, and effort that self employment requires. If your struggling to take the time to eat and do day to day tasks just bear in mind that being self employed has a lot of demands that you need to motivate yourself to do, not saying don't do it, but it isn't a walk in the park, training is probably the easiest part of the whole process, once you are going you need to keep a stable business afloat, with multiple demands, deadlines and self management, whilst at the same time working out how your going to be competative and get, and keep customers. I imagine the agency haven't suggested it because generally speaking working for someone else is usually the easier option.

Can't offer much advice on the childcare situation, hopefully others can.

Forest

 

[bpdrecovery]

thanks for the reply i ignored my diagnosis for months never read about it anything just felt shame of the label.  I feel differently now about it as its helped unravel me.  I cant hold down relationships so holding down a job is something im not able to do at the moment im scared of the self employment but i want them off my back as im tired of telling strangers whats wrong with me as on the outside im okay as iv been told you dont look like  you have anything wrong quite a few times now until they see me on a bad time! i find it so tedious and insulting as im a very private person thats the reason im going for self employment as i cant be reliable with a job as i care for my son and can barely take care of myself properley with eating etc so throwing employment into that will most probably end up with me losing the plot.  I havent always been this way i worked full time up until 2011 then part time then everything went to pot im not well enough to seek and hold down a job at the moment i know i could get a job but its me putting a face on i dont want to wear a mask i want to get better then get a job i just want to get better first.  The agency get paid a fee by jobcentre to get claimants off ESA brilliant idea but iv not had treatment yet im still on waiting lists and the stuff i have to have ie appointments support workers nspcc workers etc id never cope with it all i struggle now throw a job into that where they want you to be bright enthusiastic hardworking the lot its just too much of me whilst iv had no treatment....