Has Anyone Ever Had An Abortion?

[name]

ok, i have a lil gurl who is fixin to be 4, and i am sooo unstable that i cannot take care of her, she mainly stays with my parents. now my dumb ass got knocked up again and i am 11 weeks pregnant.

i am having a terrible time w/ this pregnancy, the depression is terrible, and there is no husband or baby's fathers for my kids. its just me and my parents (i am almost 25)

i know that there is no way i am going to be able to take care of my new baby, b/c i cant even take care of my daughter. i have considered adoption but i know that i wouldnt be able to give my child away b/c i'd always wonder about the baby i gave away. even tho i'd be giving it a new life, it would tear me apart and deepen my depression.

i am considering an abortion (i dont even believe in abortion) but i am scared to death. someone told me you feel the entire procedure, and i've researched and even seen videos on actual abortions. but my main concern is how in the world can i live with myself knowing that i killed my baby? i am seriously worried that an abortion would push me over the edge afterwards. i'd never be able to live.

i really dont know what to do b/c i know i cant take of this kid.

has anyone had an abortion, and can you tell me the effects that you suffered from it?

thanks.

[flightlessdove]

wow.......ok, um........ tricky topic.

I had one about 3 years ago. I dont like to talk much about it because im always afraid people will judge me but i would like to help you if i can.

I never believed in abortion either, but sometimes we need to consider the whole picture.

so here goes.......

I fell pregnant through a bad 'manic' patch where i didnt care about anything or myself and kinda wasnt in my own body so to speak.

When i found out i didnt think about it much either - i think i didnt want too.

When it hit me i realised i had no feelings for this man i was with, and that i had gotten myself into a situation where i went against my own morals and standards and now had some decisions to make.

Initially i just thought i had to have it i had no other options. I could move in with this guy as he had a house and i would have security etc.

I remembered one night lying awake and everything became clear. This future'child' was the one i had to think about - not myself. I want my chidren to grow up in a happy and loving enviroment thats safe and they wont go without. I knew i was too unwell to have a baby as i could hardly look after myself. I have huge amount of debt and not a spare cent so i couldnt afford to provide. I didnt want to be with this guy ( he was abusive and obsessed with me ) and i wouldnt want my child having him for a father.....i know that sounds mean.

It is an extremely hard decision to make but you need to think of the child aswell as yourself...........speak to a councillor maybe?

I still find it hard sometimes but i remind myself why and circumstances i was in.

the actual operation i dont really remember. I walked in and i recall talking to the nurse the whole way through about a mystery trip my parents took us on as kids, and then it was over. They were very caring and never once made me feel bad.

also the sooner you have it done the better....i dont know how to put it without causing trouble.

I cant even tell if this helps but as much as i still hurt over what i did i dont regret my decision........it was right at the time and sometimes we just cant look back.

You will get through this and if you want to talk to me you can pm me.

i understand completely how hard it is to talk about too - this is the first ive publicly spoken about it.

You will be okay name and ill be thinking of you.

Take care,

Karina xxx

:bigarmhug[1]:

[name]

thank you for sharing you story, especially since you dont like talking about it. i appreciate that.

i just dont know what to do...

[Ziggy_Encaoua]

I'm all for free expression but I'm not sure this really is the right place to be asking for advice on such an emotive subject.

[name]

I'm all for free expression but I'm not sure this really is the right place to be asking for advice on such an emotive subject.

i'm new to the site, and i wasnt sure where to put the topic.

perhaps a mod can move it.

[Ziggy_Encaoua]

Its more about it being being unfair on people

Abortion is a really tricky issue to give advice on & well I personally feel very uncomfortable about giving any kind of advice & I'm sure I'm not alone with that opinion

[name]

Its more about it being being unfair on people

Abortion is a really tricky issue to give advice on & well I personally feel very uncomfortable about giving any kind of advice & I'm sure I'm not alone with that opinion

what?

nevermind.

i havent been here long but half of the threads are "emotive subjects".

if you dont have anything constructive or helpful to say on the topic, then why are you in here?

[tripper]

Name,

I have had two abortions. Both of the pregnancies were to an extremely violent person I was with at the time and I thought there was no way I was bringing a child into that world. It was a difficult decision and I often think about the children I might have had and what they would be like. The relationship broke down shortly after my second abortion and he left (thankfully). The actual procedure itself wasn't harrowing, it was coming to terms with what I had done afterwards which I found difficult. The thing which made me feel worse was at the middle of last year I discovered that my mother was booked in to abort me and I cannot help but think about that and it makes me depressed reflecting on what I did. I think it is a highly personal choice and unfortunately yours to make alone. Either way you have some difficult choices ahead for you. Perhaps talking with a counsellor or therapist would help you to make the right choice for you?

Tripper

[Kelliemanic]

I have never had an abortion.

I had a miscarriage once, on my eighteenth birthday.

That sucked.

It was a girl.

I don't think I could go through with it.

Or at least I didn't until I had my daughter kaisha, about three months after she was born I thought I was pregnant again and realised I couldn't cope with it, I had decided if I was I would have to have an abortion as there was no way I could cope with two children under one.

Luckily the pregnancy test was negative on that one.

Each to their own, you have to do what's right for you.

Take care,

Kellie

XxXx

[name]

thank you guys for sharing w/ me what you went thru, and for not being judgemental. i'm sorry you guys had to go thru what you did.

this is something i am seriously worried about. either way i decide, its not going to be good. i just dont know if i can live w/ myself and the horror of what i did (if i do it). i will always wonder about my baby, and feel horrible regret. but if i dont terminate it, there isnt no way i can take care of the baby.

again, i dont think abortion is ok, but i cannot ruin another life, especially the life of my child.

[phinnaeusgage]

Name,

Ok, I wasn't sure I had anything to offer on this topic, being gay and having never been pregnant, but I decided that maybe just hearing that somebody respects your right to choose would be nice.

When I was younger, and did sleep with boys a few times, I always knew that if I got pregnant, I would not have the baby. I am not going to have kids because I just wouldn't be able to give them everything they require. I mean emotionally, intellectually, financially, structurally....you name it. I grew up maimed and deprived and I just can't propagate my experience.

If girls could get girls pregnant...My answer would be the same. It just isn't in the cards for me to be responsible for another human being.

I want you to know that this is a choice that is fully yours. Whatever you decide, know that I understand how difficult bpd makes our lives, and our choices, and that whatever you choose, you did what you felt was best.

[name]

Name,

Ok, I wasn't sure I had anything to offer on this topic, being gay and having never been pregnant, but I decided that maybe just hearing that somebody respects your right to choose would be nice.

When I was younger, and did sleep with boys a few times, I always knew that if I got pregnant, I would not have the baby. I am not going to have kids because I just wouldn't be able to give them everything they require. I mean emotionally, intellectually, financially, structurally....you name it. I grew up maimed and deprived and I just can't propagate my experience.

If girls could get girls pregnant...My answer would be the same. It just isn't in the cards for me to be responsible for another human being.

I want you to know that this is a choice that is fully yours. Whatever you decide, know that I understand how difficult bpd makes our lives, and our choices, and that whatever you choose, you did what you felt was best.

thank you very much for your reply.

i cannot understand why God allowed me to be a mother and ruin the lives of my kids.

at the same time in saying that, i realize that i'm not taking up on the responsibility b/c it was ME who chose to have sex...God didnt impregnant me.

but still, what i am trying to get at, i am just not mother material, as you said, its not in the cards for me either. i wasnt made for this. i am having a hard time understanding why He allows me to ruin the lives of others, epecially those i love most.

i am sorry, i'm kinda venting a lil now... i really really dont want to get into a debate about God or religious beliefs. i'm really just expressing what i'm feeling.

thank you so much for reminding me that whatever i choose, that i am dong b/c i feel it is best.

[Silkworm]

Name,

I've come back to this thread a couple of times..it's a painful subject for me, one I relate so much too. I've had two terminations..one about 7 yrs ago and another about 3 yrs ago. I was in relationships both times, but the relationships were failing. Neither partner wanted a child...and this partly influenced my decision. Ultimately though, the decision was mine.

I decided not to go ahead with the pregnancies because I doubted I could be the kind of mother they deserved. I didn't want to have kids that ended up suffering the same kind of emotional deprivation that I did, because I didn't know how to provide a healthy emotional environment for them.

Without doubt, this was the hardest thing I have ever done. One thing I found was that the staff at the clinics were unbelievably understanding. Lengthy (impartial) counseling was offered prior, to clarify that I was sure about my decision.

For a while I felt so much guilt...I often thought about who they would be as people..where they are now. I mourned...the loss of my babies and the loss of motherhood. I still mourn...still cry sometimes when I see a mother and baby. But over time, the loss is felt less keenly. When I see a thread like this, it brings it all back, but I'm able to sit with the feelings, accept them, let them pass.

I still feel sure I did the right thing, the kindest thing. I'm absolutely pro-choice ~ it's a woman's fundamental right to choose without being judged.

Whichever decision you make, I hope you can sit comfortably with it in time. Like you say it won't be easy whichever way you go, but you will get through it with support and time. Can you talk it over with your therapist ?

Take care,

Silkworm

[name]

oh Silkworm, i almost cried reading your post.

[Silkworm]

((((((Name)))))))) I'm sorry if I made you cry. I really don't want you to see this as anything other than my experience...just one person. I wanted to share what it was like for me. But please remember everyone is different...and what is best for you is whatever you can live with. I know how hard this must be for you..I'll be thinking of you,

Silkworm

[name]

((((((Name)))))))) I'm sorry if I made you cry. I really don't want you to see this as anything other than my experience...just one person. I wanted to share what it was like for me. But please remember everyone is different...and what is best for you is whatever you can live with. I know how hard this must be for you..I'll be thinking of you,

Silkworm

no no no its not your fault. besides, you gave only what i was asking for. peoples input on what they went thru. i didnt cry, i almost did, but dont worry i didnt cry.

its just that alot of what you said is how i feel and how i think that i would feel afterwards.

i am sooo worried.

[Lifetrap Queen]

Hi Name,

What a toughy for you. I agree that youn eed to consider the health and wellbeing of the unborn child and if you are feeling like you will be unable to support it then you should consider your options and get loads of professional help to help you make the right decision.

You also need to consider you own mental health...I have had abortions before and I was so torn by the whole thing I was at risk of harming myself.

The most practical thing you can do is go and talk to somebody professional as soon as you can considering your 11 weeks.

If you choose to go through with the procedure make sure you have good love and support around you afterwards.

I am thinking of you.

take care.

LTQ

[Joshua]

Hi Name

Il move this to a different place for you.

Ziggy - you have no right in suggesting this shouldnt have been posted.

[sundries]

Hi Name

sorry for the awful position you are in.

Ill just give my thoughts on it but i want to emphasise i tink it is your right to choose so im not saying you should or shouldnt do anything.

Not wanting the child to suffer

I see it as havign an abortion means that is the end of it.

-If you have the child you always have the chance to try and make things better for them. Even if hte kid didnt havea great childhood at least they would have a childhood.

- you might think you would mess it up but kids have lots of resources and they dont just look to thier parents as role models. If you had the kid you could look at simple steps for trying to make things easier for htem, such as joining some womens group/church where htey would have other adult role models.

-Plus purely by being in a western country they are already better set than the majority of kids in the world.

-You might have bpd, but at least you want hte best for your child, i know that that isnt all it takes to raise a kid but simply wanting to give it a better childhood is a sign - however much you fucked up, the desire to do well would be there and kids can tell that - even if it just means you apologising to them as adults for messing them up!

- and say they have such an awful childhood htey end up like us wishing we were dead half hte time. Yep thats what i do, but to be honest - i like having the choice and making the choice for myself and hte fact any of us are here means time and time again we are saying to ourselves 'hey when push comes to shove we'd rather be here than not. And if when they grow up htey really want to be dead, they can always kill themselves and they woud have had hte opportunity to decide for themselves. (sorry negative but true). They would at least have the opportunity to decide whether the pain of their childhood outweighed the happiness theyve had and can have.

- if you really think yo would be that bad a mother, well look on it as youre giving youre daughter a sibling who as they grow up can support each other and both understand what it was like being kids in that family, for me my sibiklings have made all hte difference - they believe me and understand. (i dont think youd be as bad as you make out, but im just saying - if you were)

- there are so many things you could do to try adn get help with the kid - social services(they dont just take kids away), charities, parents! Yes everone would liek an ideal childhood but until the last few decades the majority of people didnt get it - loads of hte kidds from the 40's didnt have fathers/security cos hteir mothers were war widows for instance - loads of them were evacuuees too.

Youre pain/feelings

guilt about abortion

- you do sound very unsure about it. The probem with these things is by thier nature you dotn have much tiem to decide.

- if yo ualready feel so guilty thats going to be very hard to overcome

- cos youre only 25 you dont have the perspective of a 60yr old. when you get to 60yrs old you might be able to see so many ways you could have helped hte kid, even be more aware of how when the kid grew up htey coudl overcome anything they suffered in chihood eventually (mental helath care in this country is gettign better all the time) - and being in hte west htey will have acess to cousnellors etc...-and if you do start thinking like that it is goign to be so painful. Making this decision now could affect you for the rest of your life, at least if you have the child there you can try and rectify things as you get older and more mature.

-also there is (unfortunately) as stigma about abortion. It would become just one more area of your life you might feel you have to keep secret

Practical things

- maybe simply having the kid would be too much of a strain on your health. and perhaps hte pressure of trying to raise and guilot about not doing a better job would cause you too much stress/depression and be bad for you.

- finances?

I think there can be lots of ways round things especially if you dont view childrearing as solely the parents duty - 6-8hours a day theyd be in school anyway so in one sense you could just put in the effort to get htem a scholarship into some really good school and then leave it to the school. Its not a parentla failure if you are just one of many adults in your kids life. I mean all these rich people just have opares and nannies.

I dunno you just sound so doubtful about going through with it i wonder how much support youve been given to thin round ways you can minimise hte stress kids cause and get more support without resorting to adoption (and even adoption nowadays people can stay in contact with thier birth parents and often later in liofe establish great relationsihps)

[sunshine_bear]

Hey

ok il tell you my experiance, but this is just mine and dont base what you want to do on mine. This is smething you and only you can decide to do.

I have had an abortion, and well I will regret it as long as i live I will never foget what I did and never forgive myself. If I could turn back the clock I would. Id be about 30 maybe 31 weeks pregnant now. i think about it everyday. And have nightmares.

I wish to god Id kept the baby.

But like i said this is up to you and no one else.

sunshinex

[Long Time Man]

Sine there are moderators online currently, I think they are able to decide if these posts are against the T&C's themselves.

People ARE entitled to their opinion, even if you don't agree with it.

[name]

hello everyone, and thank you for your posts.

i just dont think it is something i can go thru w/ (aborting my baby). i think the regret & guilt would deepen my depression so bad that i wouldnt be able to go on.

i really dont know what to do. adoption isnt an option either, b/c it would do the same thing to me. even an open adoption where i could get letters and a pic from the adopting parents wouldnt be good for me, b/c i'd still have a child out there that i'd be longing to be with.

my only option is to keep this baby and try to do the best i can. i'm just afraid that i wont be able to do it, just like i cant raise my daughter. i'm afraid the baby will wind up being taken from me.

i dont have support around here, no friends. my parents live 45 minutes away, and they are gone all day at work, and when they get off work they are taking care of my girl. i already feel like the world's worst parent for not being able to take care of her. she will be here tomarrow but only for 4-5 hours b/c thats all i can handle.

maybe in the near future a miracle will happen.

idk.

[Long Time Man]

Hmmm, more deleted posts!!

Thats why my last one appears to make no sense.

[name]

Hmmm, more deleted posts!!

Thats why my last one appears to make no sense.

huh? :huh:

[name]

Hi Name

Il move this to a different place for you.

Ziggy - you have no right in suggesting this shouldnt have been posted.

ok thank you. i really didnt know which forum to put it in, my bad.