Feel Others Violating Me Re Housework Ocd

[madmeli]

Hiya

I wondered if anyone had been in this situation and could proffer advice for it is ruining my relationship with my fiance and my step-kids and making me into this volatile, vicious, heartless bitch and hating life to the extreme.

I've been with my fiance for 6 years now & when I moved in he has his eldest daughter living there who, like a lot of teens, lived in a pig-stye of a bedroom. My f used to tidy in the a.m whilst I worked for he was off work. Gradually the honeymoon period ended and I was left to do most then all of every aspect of running a house. Then 4 years ago I was made 'medically retired' but I still had to do everything. His daughter moved out and I was able to get new furniture, do up the place etc. Then his nephew moved in for a year and he was just as messy so I was ecstatic that he moved out earlier this year and I was able to get all the cans in the cupboard facing the right/my way, the right heights, all the drawers, wardrobes etc sorted.

But it's been a long struggle, especially as having physical probs and whilst I still have a long way to go, the house is getting there. What the prob is tho is that after all my time and effort of getting everything near perfect, they come in and mess it up within seconds which means that I am fuming, and whilst everyone is having fun and sociallising I'm either up in my bedroom sulking, thinking about all the mess that they will be creating and getting angrier and angrier, thinkig about leaving and having thought after thought, or I'm aggressively coming downstairs and flying into a mental case rage, showing my fiance up and if it's the kids making a mess then because I (believe it or not) hate confrontation, I make a snide comment then shout at my man some more. This leaves him humiliated, angry at me and not exactly feeling obliged to help me.

My fiance has just started a brill job and in my head I'm complaining that I wish he had taken that extra shift or sleep in for it means he's not here and I can enjoy a clean house for longer. I even made a point of telling him that I wish he would work more the other day and we haven't really spoken since. Writing this is like a slap in the face for it's hitting home that having a perfect home is worth more than my partner to me - I don't know if that's my dissociative state or what but I know it's ridiculous. I feel violated, used and alone.

Can anyone suggest anything to chilll me out as I keep trying to leave their mess but I really can't enjoy their company when there is stuff lying around and I can see them getting ansy when I do decided I can't take it and start clearing up after them. It also applies to immediate aggressive feelings towards myself if I drop cig ash or spill a drink or whatever. I can't take it and the daft thing is, aside from this my partner is nion perfect and most of the female population would be honoured to have him.

Soz for going on! xx

[Tray]

one word... PROZAC!

its the only thing thats ever made me not arsed with the whole ocd thing... it still bothered me, but not enuf that it took over my thoughts as much

apart from that, not really got advice sorry... there are a few on here that will prob give better advice than me.

[madmeli]

one word ... HOPE

OMG thank you Tray!! I feel like such a weight has been taken off me knowing that there is something out there. I'll ask my GP tomoz. Thank you thank you thank you!!

:)