jades Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 can u try distracting by maybe meditating i hear there are good meditations on youtube or maybe have a laugh try holding an ice cube till it melts itll distract u hope that helps xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Its done with, its over......shes gone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 :bigarmhug[1]: crap, but all I can givexxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Thanks Walker really need a hug.XxX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 me too, honey, me tooxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 I fucking missed my appointment with the new one, iwas 5mins late.she had gone already and i really needed to see someone, coz i just had a big argument with someone, tryin 2 get into my friends house and her son wouldnt let us in and was abusing me calling me a "fat cunt" and referring to me as "IT", i got my penknife out in case he went 4 me he came to the door went to lunge for me and i went to stab him in the head but he slammed the door, so it went in the door then i rushed back in a cab in a state and she couldnt even hang on 5mins she left me a msg sayin she will see me at 3:30 mon...... but i think thats gonna be to late ive lost it now, its gonna be me or someone else. FUCK SAKE. I SWEAR IM GONNA GET HIM, TAKING ME FOR A FUCKIN MUG, and doesnt she realise im gonna be in A state anyway after today freat fucking start eh.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Wot the fuck have i got? nothing... AND they expect me to pack all my stuff and move next week, i can't fucking do it, stress stress and more fucking stress..... really had enough BIGTIME..... I don't wanna be like this but its too late to change it now im gonna fuck it all, then they can all hate me, couldn't care-less anymore.... im not doing none of it, next week is too damn late, way too late, i dont need help and y?, coz help can't fucking help me, nothing can change anything, nothing can make me feel better....its just little old me..again, back to just me and the rest of the fucking lodgers, they can do what they like, come on billy take me over... or ru here already, I think so, with that "dont give a fuck attitude"...........good do what you do best then billy, fucking do whatever it takes have me, take me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 maybe some more of your poetr will help get it all out xxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 .................i'll try.XxX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 sounds good ill listen xxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Done a quikie...# This is so painful, a deep wound, no bruisewaiting to see my pic in the evening newsDeminished responsabillity or crazy fucking psychoeither way i know my minds gone, my lights blownthe worst thing of all is there is no help,they just leave me and wait for me to fall off the shelfAll the warnings i give with no avail,screaming for aid, before im dead or booked without bailI dont wanna die, but i dont wanna live, morei try to balance the scales but they crash to the floorI try to stay saine while my minds a tornado,im treking in a storm without a fucking raincoatAt the end of it all its all down to me,live or die ill take whatevers most easy.XxX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Done a quikie...# This is so painful, a deep wound, no bruisewaiting to see my pic in the evening newsDeminished responsabillity or crazy fucking psychoeither way i know my minds gone, my lights blownthe worst thing of all is there is no help,they just leave me and wait for me to fall off the shelfAll the warnings i give with no avail,screaming for aid, before im dead or booked without bailI dont wanna die, but i dont wanna live, morei try to balance the scales but they crash to the floorI try to stay saine while my minds a tornado,im treking in a storm without a fucking raincoatAt the end of it all its all down to me,live or die ill take whatevers most easy.XxX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 sounds like your very tormented and torn up right now did that hep to get it out if not maybe a poem about ur last day together too may help but i can feel ur ache and overwhelmiming pain xxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Dont think I could do that, too raw.... it went well her going and that, she got me a book..... but now theres no-one i can speak to who knows my situation.... like if i speak to the new CC and say "i went round K's and C started abusing me and i lost it", shes gonna ask who k is, who c is, why there like that, why im like that etc etc too much explaining AGAIN, trusting AGAIN......just to head fucking its like ive got all or fuck all, right now its the latter.XxX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 for right now just stay in today and enjoy what you had today that will come later enjoy what u had today with cc you liked and thats it kxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 I know it's hard to start again but have faith babe. The new cc might prove to be just as important to you as the old one. Grieve and then move on sweetheart. I am here for you and I know how you feel. It's like all of a sudden you have been thrown out on the streets and don't know where to turn but keep the faith and believe. Every new beginning is some beginnings end but it's not always a bad thing. Strength to you at this difficult time. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Im trying Jades, think thats al lthats keeping me going actually. You av hit the nail on the head roses thats exactly how i feel like ur reading my mind....just cant see the light.Thank u 4 both ur supportXxX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mummyismad Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Hiya hun, how are you feeling now? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 That sucks that your new cc left that only waiting five minutes. I am always running late and I absolutely hate when they do that! I'm sorry she wasn't there to help you and you had to deal with so much stuff. It sounds hard. All I can give is a hug, but I hope you find something that makes you feel better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 im sorry today not gone so well. i cant believe she left after 5 mins, thats ridiculous. makes me so angry because the people they are dealing with are often vulnerable anyway and to be left like that for the sake of 5 mins???? with my appointments i was often left waiting 20/30 mins (i know a few times it was so they could have a cup of tea) and they would have blamed me if i had got bored of waiting and left (sometimes did).i know its frustrating having to explain things all over again, would it help to try and write down key things she should know, might help her not have to ask about things and be easier for you than having to go over it again cos it used to make me angry too.take care hun and hang on, once you got past the explaining it really could work out ok.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 thanks avemaria, im now tryin the crisis team route.....coz im desperate, waitin4 a call.............they'll prob be useless as evaxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 hey jinxsta in off to bed will pray fot ya update us so i canread up on it in morning good luck xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Exactly rael, they make us wait.....second class citizens.......the one person who know me is gone x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 CRISIS TEAM; told him how i felt, told him nothing was working to hold back my urge...he said will ring back in an hour, he said can we assume u will be safe, i said no he said we will have to take that risk so there we go....i try i fail fuck'em.X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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