Bpd

[Data]

I got these from the Wikipedia article on Borderline personality disorder.

[at_war_against_me]

I have 9/9 does it mean that I'm a winner?

:P

[RedKitten]

I got 9 too lol

[Ruth24]

8 out of 9. I was interrogated by two psychiatrists so I don't think my diagnosis can be questioned. Trust me, i have tried to find alternatives!

[Paris]

hmm i definitely have bpd but only got 3 there?? hmmm maybe i should be telling my pdoc this next time i see him :lol:

[Marchmadness]

meme -

Hell man yeah I have a few of them. Now how can I get rid of them?

Marchmadness

[Shelley]

7/10

[Sammy]

Just 4, but I recognise I used to have more but have moved forwards somewhat in my life over recent years, does that mean I'm cured? (note: the symptoms I have are also signs of Bipolar though as were the ones I used to have. I have other symptoms not listed)

[Lonley]

I haven't been diagnosed with bpd but ive got two, don't know if tahts good or bad really as Im no further forward as to whats wrong

[toaster]

i got 9 *grumbles* eh i already knew, still, not me proudest moment *)

[Ocean Wolf]

Used to have 8 out of 9. Currently have about 3.

[HayleyINTERRUPTED]

I have all of them, but not all of them are extremely noticeable, and not all occur every day. The biggest one for me is the fear of abandonment. I'm TERRIFIED of being left alone, and if someone doesn't answer my calls/texts, I automatically assume they don'e like me :/

[Squeakybird]

You're a trip without the luggage.

I have 9/9 does it mean that I'm a winner?

[placebo69a]

Looks like I'm hitting a 1.0 average, I can even add some symptoms that aren't bpd to that list. :D

[Data]

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

My marriage is really bad and has been going downhill for years but I just don't have the courage to leave her and be alone, it scares me. I worry I won't find someone else and will be alone forever.

• A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Definitely! I worry that I love people . The next day I hate them and never want anything to do with them . Then the next day they are in my good books again .

• Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

Not sure about this one. Perhaps the fact that I am not sure about it means I have it .

• Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving).

I have been unfaithful to my wife . I eat midnight feasts which constitute a whole meal and am at least 17 stones. I abuse alcohol regularly.

I used to drive dangerously (but not now) - I crashed my car into the central reservation of the motorway reaching for something on the back seat! When I was 18 I punched a steel door and fractured my hand.

• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

I chew the skin around my fingers and they are scarred and bleed occasionally; small pieces of skin are hanging off.

• Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Very much so! I am so intense emotionally and can be OK when I wake up , depressed on the morning , ok in the afternoon , bad early evening then happy again before bed . And I get anxiety moments where I struggle to think straight although this is much better nowadays. Little things trigger me quite often.

• Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.

I view myself as a weirdo and damaged person due to my childhood and find life a bit pointless because I can't get close to people emotionally, and feel an outisder in groups. Not sure if this qualifies for this one.

• Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

Oh definitely! I don't hit people but I fly into rages and embarras myself, I have done it on here more than once.

• Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms.

When I was 20 I believed I was having nightmares and talking to neighbours in my sleep, and revealing secrets... and as a result one of them was going to strangle me.

[les66]

7 out of 9 but not as bad as used to be, so something going right somewhere LOL x

[gingernut]

Sometimes I think you can wrangle yourself into any mental illness, I do worry that self analysis can cause more problems than it prevents. I self analyse alot and it can be soul destroying especially when you aim for perfection.

I would say I have fit all of the 9 criteria but of differing intensities but am managing to try and get my life into order. I know which ones hold me back more than the others.

I would like to know where I would be now if I didnt accidentally find out about the diagnosis

Ginger

[successful_workthru]

Although I have no BPD diagnosis, I thought I would post about myself in relation to the symtoms mentioned in the poll.

I copied and pasted those below, and coloured them in red. I added my comments.

Maybe someone can fill in some blanks.

I know I have some disorder, because of the pervasive way psychological negativity impacts on my life, and my relationship difficulties. I have had some sort of disorder from as far back as I can remember. If my psychiatrist was to speak to my infants school teachers, he would proably have me whisked onto the ward long before I actually got there.

Anyroad, here's the symptom list in red, and my blurb in black.

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5]

I need reassurance from those who know me, that I will not be rejected. Up until about age 6, I used to have a repetitive catch phrase "say I'm a good girl"

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

I am a hermit, and those relationships I have had, most have been abusive.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

I don't, fully understand, the concept of Identity disturbance, so I will just relate my experience.

Because I have a nametag, and a body, I know I am a person, but psychologically I feel like a chamelion. When with others, I take on their psychological makeup, and feel forced into a 'role' - all this happens unconsciously, at the time, and it is only on reflection, back, to the event, can I relay how it felt for me. When I was a kid, I did not have my own style, I took on the style of whoever I was hanging around with.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5]

I've had substance misuse issues, and still feel like I have them, although the desire to use is not here, thankfully.

I have sudden inwardly turned rage on myself, and have caused my self bodily harm and lasting physical damage.

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

I am the scab picker for England. A month old tatoo, I got still has a scab on.

I've just bloodied a scab on my thumb again, it wont heal, and is there due to picking.

I pick paint and glue off stuff. I used to put glue on my hands in school and pick it off when dry.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

I find I am very emotionally sensitive, but easily manipulated. I am overwhelmed by my emotions too easily.

I could channel the sensitivity to good use, like psychic growth, rather than be overwhelmed by it.

Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.

Worthless is a nonsense word, as everyone has their inner worth, even if untapped. I am not criticising, I just never understood it when the word worthless is used in the context of people.

I think I am of as much value as anyone else, however I have intense feelings of despair and frustration, because my value has not been tapped. It is there, same as with everyone else, but it is locked away, by my pain, and this rankles.

Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

I have the anger bit, but it is always turned inwards. Please dont suggest punching a pillow, as I tried this, and got a sudden impulse to punch the wall, followed by knackered hands. (a few years back now, but hands still stiff)

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms

I get semi-paranoia at the moment, due to my medications side effects.

I have had real paranoia in the past.

I had paranoia at school, but wasnt aware of it at the time.

I didn't vote, as I am not BPD, but wanted to post, as I identify with some of the symptoms, I think?

You decide.

:)

[Faerielight]

8/9 only cos my mood is perminalntly low these days so i dont have so many mood swings, always in throws of major depression xx

[slimspider]

Just two for me..

frantic effort to avoid (perceieved) abandonment

and difficulty controlling temper..

but these two are bad enough for me to cope with .. although the last one I have got better at..

god knows how you manage with 9/9!! there are some really strong people on this site!

[starryeyesee]

9/9 but my medications have reduced a lot of the criterira. in fact i just feel numb most of the time. don't know if this is an improvement or not

helen x

[Roses]

Okie am scared now as I have or have had all 9 of those, at least 7 currently. But I'm not dx as BPD. Confused.

[catspiracy]

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5]

I definitely have this one, but I have many subtle ways of protecting myself. I seem very friendly and open, but in fact i am extremely guarded about getting close or attached to any person or thing. So I have a kind of reception area inside myself where I hold people and assail them with kindnesses to avoid any probing into my life. I keep it all about them. I am very keen on small slights towards me. I notice tiny shifts in word choice or body language, and if it's remotely negative towards me, the forcefield cuts that person off. But they will never know it. There are like a dozen people running around out there calling me their best friend, but I am safe from them because they've done something that triggered me, and I've got them walled off in reception area. When my hubby and I have fought and the word "leaving" got bandied around, I went into a pseudo-seizure or pound on my head, tear into my arms with my nails, etc. I used to stalk boyfriends and crushes before i was married. Still feel obsessed with my ex bf sometimes....when I split about my hubby, I start thinking about getting in touch with my ex bf.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

People may not see this happening, but I feel it like a boiling cauldron. For example, this weekend, my friend Diane was being very sweet, we were getting along really well. It was her birthday, and I gave her a ceramic pendant that I'd made. She'd shared some ciggies with me, etc. Then Sat. night, Marie-Pierre and I were looking for where the dancing action was, came upon Diane, who was smoking and so couldn't go indoors. I offered to wait outside with her while she finished her clove, and suddenly she lashed out "Why, so you can suck it off me?!" I was just stunned. And I suddenly hated her with a terrible ferocity. Now she's stuck in the reception room.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

This I think comes with my bipolar, and my supportive community is really helping me overcome it. When I am manic, i am a superhero and very egomaniacal. When I am depressed, I am the scum of the earth. I am a bad person and a total failure. When I'm rapid cycling, I'm a drunk. My community has helped me to diminish this self-judgement. They taught me about letting my dark light shine. They live by radical inclusion: I am included whether my energy is dark or light, I am loved and welcomed unconditionally. I couldn't recover without them. They are a true lifesaving force. I express my sense of self thru my dress a great deal, and the dressing up play that we do is very therapeutic for me.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5]

I am all about the feast or famine lifestyle. I binge or I abstain. I am working on this with Mindfulness lessons from dbt self-help. I am working on walking the buddhist Middle Path. I am trying to stop drinking. I don't really have any interest in stopping smoking cannibis because it's a medication that works best for my anxiety, mania, and depression, and it helps me have an appetite. I tend to go anorexic for a day to two days at a time without it. These symptoms existed before my cannabis use; i didn't use it until i was out of college and had already been dosed with SSRI's which had negative side effects..

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

I have made three serious suicide attempts. I have many scars from adolescent cutting and burning. I wrapped my arm in waxed paper and set it on fire when i was 17. I cut words into my wrists and did very macabre things to myself when I was a teen. Now i get invasive thoughts: almost hallucinations of suicide. I tell them "not this time!" and try to change mental channels. I continue to pick at skin blemishes until they become big oozing sores. I am trying to stop doing that. I do it most when I'm rapid cycling and drinking.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

This overlaps with being bipolar also. But the difference is the REACTIVITY vs. bipolar affectivity if that's even a word. What i mean is, the bipolar moods are actually energy levels, I'm coming to distinguish those energy levels and darkness--lightness continuum from the judgements i noted above. The bpd thing is the reactivity to OTHER people's moods. I feel other people's moods like electrical tingles in my skin. If they're uncomfortable or unhappy, I'm uncomfortable or unhappy. If they are easy breezy cheerful, I feel it like a joy fountain coming up through my center and out my head. It IS very overwhelming to be so present for other people's feelings, and so closed down from my own. And I like what Success said about this part, too. I am learning to remain calm and let emotional energy flow through and around me, as though I am a stone in a river. I have my integrity.

Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.

Self-loathing is my own personal shit palace. I've constructed an elaborate castle, intricate and perfect, but it's made out of shit! Yes, even under the best of circumstances! Just this weekend, I found myself praying to be told I was a good girl! Hence the chiding tone of the desert bird: why don't you listen girl!!! You are loved!! the signs are all around you! Stay awake to the fact that you are LOVED!

Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

Rage is the worst. Rage is my inner child screaming NOOOOO THATS NOT FAAAAIR!!! Rage and hate are like magma. I am learning to look at things as they are instead of how I think they should be. I am trying to understand the harmony present in each moment and place myself in service to it. But I'm not there by any means. I feel rage most often towards my daughter and my husband. It makes me feel like a monster.

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms

Many are the times when my body shows up, but I'm not there. People have confronted me about being on too many hallucinogens and I don't take any. I think people can read my mind and discover how full of rage, hate, and egomania I am. I walk on the edge of social anxiety all the time. I don't like to work in my front yard because I think all the neighbors are looking at me. I'm afraid of the police because I think they will sniff out some kind of guilt in me that I don't even know what it is. I have panic attacks when I'm rapid cycling or stressed out. I have a lot of free-floating anxiety. I also worry incessantly about death or disaster befalling my family or my pets. I feel guilty about anything bad that happens to anyone around me.

I am working on all of these, and I think taking inventory like this was really helpful. Thanks for this thread!

[Unclear1]

I have 9/9 but my anger has calmed a bit towards others, but still get angry with myself.

[autism-bpd]

I got these from the Wikipedia article on Borderline personality disorder.

those exact words were written on my NHS information about BPD. even it says criterion. now i know where they got it from.