complicated Posted August 15, 2009 Report Share Posted August 15, 2009 im so upset i just wana ball my eyes out my friend/boyfriend has gone away for two weeks an weve only just started seeing each other he dosnt have a clue about bdp or ocd that ive got, an i feel so packed with emotion its unbeliveable, hes just text me saying hes ok an having a nice time with his daughter an in the txt he put, txt back but with no negative shit. i feel really insulted but im thinking i must be really bad like deppresive an stuff, he knows i dwell on stuff an that my head gos sometimes but he dosnt know why,or mayby he dos but he just dosnt want to get into it because its all my stuff an he dosnt wana be depressed, like because i`ll be feeling threatend an terrified of rejection or i`ll be feeling he dosnt care an that i cant help it an that i dont know if its real rejection that im feelin or is it that im going over the top an getting confussed about whats real or whats my illness aswell as the obsessing about him an the whole situation coz of my ocd. he really dosnt know how tough it is an i just feel like ive been dead fake with my reply saying have a nice time bla bla bla when really i feel like i wana die,what scares me aswell is because im hurting so much i want to pay him back so in the txt i didnt say i loved him to which means im starting to play games an ive been here before an the only person who gets hurt is me coz im wanting him to feel just as insecure as what im feeling but it dosnt work an then i feel even more unloved an un cared for coz he wont give it a second thought wereas me that would set me off good an proper, i dont want to lose this guy so im trying to act in the right way instead of pushing him away an getting violent an angry, but i also feel that he has no sypathy and dosnt want to talk about feelings, when thats all i do, is this guy good for me atall if i have to pretend im ok an not hurting atall or that i feel like im desperate to have deep conversations with him an he dosnt wana know is this what i need to do to be with someone? bottle it all up away from him is that the correct way to act coz i know in my last relationship we talked to much an i was crazy, i didnt know i had an illness an it was torture an no mattr what he couldnt reasure me of anything so mayby it is a case of me dealing with it on my own an mayby just ask him for abit more sypathy an empathy for what i have to go through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted August 18, 2009 Report Share Posted August 18, 2009 I'm so sorry, I never even saw this post. Admin - this never showed up on my board index. Anyway, I know how you feel, been there myself. You really did the right thing and many more will support you okay? Never given anyone a cyber hug before but there's always a first so this is for you ((((((((((((((((((((((((complicated))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 18, 2009 Report Share Posted August 18, 2009 im so upset i just wana ball my eyes out my friend/boyfriend has gone away for two weeks an weve only just started seeing each other he dosnt have a clue about bdp or ocd that ive got, an i feel so packed with emotion its unbeliveable, hes just text me saying hes ok an having a nice time with his daughter an in the txt he put, txt back but with no negative shit. that must have been hard for him to say, but i'm sure if he is not aware of your illness, he was just being a typical person on holiday not wanting to hear anything bad. i feel really insulted but im thinking i must be really bad like deppresive an stuff, he knows i dwell on stuff an that my head gos sometimes but he dosnt know why,or mayby he dos but he just dosnt want to get into it because its all my stuff an he dosnt wana be depressed, like because i`ll be feeling threatend an terrified of rejection or i`ll be feeling he dosnt care an that i cant help it an that i dont know if its real rejection that im feelin or is it that im going over the top an getting confussed about whats real or whats my illness aswell as the obsessing about him an the whole situation coz of my ocd. he really dosnt know how tough it is an i just feel like ive been dead fake with my reply saying have a nice time bla bla bla when really i feel like i wana die, what you did was sweet to him tho, letting him enjoy his holiday. you say you have only been going out a while, so it would probably be best to leave the heavy stuff till he comes home anyway....then you can talk about it properly if thats what you want to do. what scares me aswell is because im hurting so much i want to pay him back so in the txt i didnt say i loved him to which means im starting to play games an ive been here before an the only person who gets hurt is me coz im wanting him to feel just as insecure as what im feeling but it dosnt work an then i feel even more unloved an un cared for coz he wont give it a second thought wereas me that would set me off good an proper, i dont want to lose this guy so im trying to act in the right way instead of pushing him away an getting violent an angry, but i also feel that he has no sypathy and dosnt want to talk about feelings, when thats all i do, is this guy good for me atall if i have to pretend im ok an not hurting atall or that i feel like im desperate to have deep conversations with him an he dosnt wana know is this what i need to do to be with someone? bottle it all up away from him is that the correct way to act coz i know in my last relationship we talked to much an i was crazy, i didnt know i had an illness an it was torture an no mattr what he couldnt reasure me of anything so mayby it is a case of me dealing with it on my own an mayby just ask him for abit more sypathy an empathy for what i have to go through. i understand that and you'd be surprised how many people do, do that, but that doesnt mean if he doesnt respond that he doesnt care. after all, he's probably distracted out there, whilst you are at home, waiting for the responses. i think maybe it would be good to try and distract yourself till he comes home. if you can, just an idea. you say he doesnt wanna talk deep, but maybe thats something he finds awkward especially in an early stage of relationship. i dunno, just thoughts lol. i hope you can work it through. a major positive on yourside is you are aware you are doing it thats something you can work with. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
complicated Posted August 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2009 I'm so sorry, I never even saw this post. Admin - this never showed up on my board index. Anyway, I know how you feel, been there myself. You really did the right thing and many more will support you okay? Never given anyone a cyber hug before but there's always a first so this is for you ((((((((((((((((((((((((complicated))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
complicated Posted August 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2009 ahh thanku so much for that cyber hug an i really mean that xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
complicated Posted August 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2009 im so upset i just wana ball my eyes out my friend/boyfriend has gone away for two weeks an weve only just started seeing each other he dosnt have a clue about bdp or ocd that ive got, an i feel so packed with emotion its unbeliveable, hes just text me saying hes ok an having a nice time with his daughter an in the txt he put, txt back but with no negative shit. that must have been hard for him to say, but i'm sure if he is not aware of your illness, he was just being a typical person on holiday not wanting to hear anything bad. i feel really insulted but im thinking i must be really bad like deppresive an stuff, he knows i dwell on stuff an that my head gos sometimes but he dosnt know why,or mayby he dos but he just dosnt want to get into it because its all my stuff an he dosnt wana be depressed, like because i`ll be feeling threatend an terrified of rejection or i`ll be feeling he dosnt care an that i cant help it an that i dont know if its real rejection that im feelin or is it that im going over the top an getting confussed about whats real or whats my illness aswell as the obsessing about him an the whole situation coz of my ocd. he really dosnt know how tough it is an i just feel like ive been dead fake with my reply saying have a nice time bla bla bla when really i feel like i wana die, what you did was sweet to him tho, letting him enjoy his holiday. you say you have only been going out a while, so it would probably be best to leave the heavy stuff till he comes home anyway....then you can talk about it properly if thats what you want to do. what scares me aswell is because im hurting so much i want to pay him back so in the txt i didnt say i loved him to which means im starting to play games an ive been here before an the only person who gets hurt is me coz im wanting him to feel just as insecure as what im feeling but it dosnt work an then i feel even more unloved an un cared for coz he wont give it a second thought wereas me that would set me off good an proper, i dont want to lose this guy so im trying to act in the right way instead of pushing him away an getting violent an angry, but i also feel that he has no sypathy and dosnt want to talk about feelings, when thats all i do, is this guy good for me atall if i have to pretend im ok an not hurting atall or that i feel like im desperate to have deep conversations with him an he dosnt wana know is this what i need to do to be with someone? bottle it all up away from him is that the correct way to act coz i know in my last relationship we talked to much an i was crazy, i didnt know i had an illness an it was torture an no mattr what he couldnt reasure me of anything so mayby it is a case of me dealing with it on my own an mayby just ask him for abit more sypathy an empathy for what i have to go through. i understand that and you'd be surprised how many people do, do that, but that doesnt mean if he doesnt respond that he doesnt care. after all, he's probably distracted out there, whilst you are at home, waiting for the responses. i think maybe it would be good to try and distract yourself till he comes home. if you can, just an idea. you say he doesnt wanna talk deep, but maybe thats something he finds awkward especially in an early stage of relationship. i dunno, just thoughts lol. i hope you can work it through. a major positive on yourside is you are aware you are doing it thats something you can work with. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
complicated Posted August 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2009 thanku so much for ur reply i really appreciate it xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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