Why I Want To Be Diagnosed With Bpd

[guntarded]

Hello data,

I don't have t the biggest memory here regarding your circumstances or your history on here. I understand the need of a diagnosis...it helps to know what your facing, it helps to learn more about what you go through and target your therapy to something that can help you.

But having a BPD diagnosis on me, has brought me nothing but the feeling of shame and often helplessness - when I go into work and hospital for various things I cannot even say, hey I have BPD...because of the embarrassment it will cause me...I will be labelled an attention seeking manipulator. Bpd sufferers dont get the treatment they really need due to a general lack of education on it from mental health therapists and even the treatment of the profession is awful.

You would be much better off data, being "labelled" (if thats what you need to validate yourself) whatever it is that a skilled psychiatrist labels you and targets the treatment for you. For me personally the diagnosis of BPD is not a good thing, nor something to be proud of and you would be better served looking at your symptoms and how you can manage them rather than look for a diagnosis to justify your symptoms.

[Saharah Blue]

I can totally relate to everything you're saying Data.

I believe when you approach "life around you" from a problem-solving perspective, then everything about yourself will have to filter through this part of how your mind processes information. Its an integral part of who you are, you organize information (which is good). You need concrete so you can make progress (which is also good).

I had to go through this too, I have been in therapy off and half of my life. Eventually in 2007, several OD's later, and a stay in H that cost $20,000. I got my dx and my whole life changed. DBT does help, I spent 14month before I had learned that I needed to stand on my own 2 feet and practice what I had been learning, they were even willing to let me stay on for life, lol.

Sah

[wordsmithy]

I've wanted to be diagnosed too.

I don't think I've ever been officially diagnosed with BPD. I have seen a consultant psychiatrist who specialises in BPD (and works in a clinic that specifically treats PDs) for the past 3 years. On most of my notes it says I have BPD, but he won't officaly diagnose me (to my face) with it.

Sometimes its does make me feel unvalidated, I don't know if I deserve to see him, or when I was at the PD day hosital, that even I deserved to go there. Sometimes I think if I don't get a proper PD diagnosis, a specific diagnosis, that I can't even take myself seriously. That maybe my problems arent even MH problems.

Without a diagnosis, there's just too much doubt within myself.

But would I be better treated if I had a PD diagnosis? Would it help me, to think I'm suicidal because of a MH disorder, that my thoughts are distorted and irrational? That I would have something to fight against, that I could 'recover' for days when I don't want to kill myself?

I don't know.

But maybe I could start thinking that much of what of whats been happening to me over the last 5 or 6 years hasn't all been my fault.

[Wobbles]

When i was diagnosed 8 years ago, i was full of mixed emotions, denial, as well as relief.

But mostly denial, and here in Aus, i wasn't offered any treatment other than anti depressants and anti psychotics.

About a year later, after many psychotic episodes, i started to go into remission, and i basically forgot about the diagnosis. Until i had my son 2 years ago and the shit hit the fan. I then found this place a year ago and all the BPD stuff made so much more sense than it ever did. It finally fitted, and i wanted recognition. However, considering i was then in the UK, and didn't have any of my old records, i was starting from scratch. My GP diagnosed PND, because the BPD hadn't clicked. I saw a psychiatrist because i suspected i had Bipolar II, and then when i finally came to realise just how correct my orignial diagnosis was, i wanted everyone to know, i wanted to shout it out, because it felt so good to finally accept and understand what was wrong with me.

The psychotherapist i was seeing at the time, was attachment/psychodynamic based, and personally didn't believe in labels, so while i told him about my original diagnosis, he made it clear he didn't want to focus on the name, but rather the symptoms.

So we went about treating the symptoms. I found this both frustrating, as well as highly affective.

Then i came to Aus, found a psychologist and after being in his office for less than 10 minutes, diagnosed me again with BPD. Explained that he specialises in schema therapy for people with BPD and we've been working on that ever since. I've been lucky. I personally have not experienced stigma or discrimination because of my BPD diagnosis, but that's mostly because it hasn't been splashed about all over my records. Which i'm grateful for. I have however, heard some comments from my therapist about BPD that i haven't liked, but i can't argue too much with him because he works every single day with people who suffer from it. My uni lecturer who is a practising psychologist also made some unpleasant comments about BPD, without knowing i was a sufferer.

There is one thing i strongly disagree with Data, you said BPD is a life long illness, and there is no cure. This simply is not true, and there are plenty of people who are proof of that, Joshua being one of them. I can understand feeling like there is no hope for recovery or cure, but there is proof, there is hope, and yes we can all make a recovery from BPD.

I can understand your eagerness to gain a diagnosis, i think i just worry about what it will mean for you to have it written on paper, on your records for every professional to see without first getting to know you, i worry about the treatment you'll receive, or the lack there of. But i certainly understand how you're feeling.

xx

[Data]

Thanks for the replies folks. A lot of opinions here.

I think people are quite polarised about this and their opinions depend strongly on their previous experiences, both good and bad.

I don't want to involve Joshua in this, but I don't believe personally that I can be cured.

I will ask the psychiatrist for a diagnosis next time I see them. I don't particularly want it "splashed all over my records" though.

To be honest, I've never ever had any effective treatment from the NHS, so things can't be much worse in that respect.

[Barebones]

I have kept away so far from this discussion data, due to again in your first post is i am with 2 other people and still don't beleive u have BPD, yes personality disorder, but again sry, it still comes across you are very much like NPD to me.

Speak to your pdoc and see what he says, talk to him in why he wont pinpoint the personality disorder u have, it does take time to build a relationship with your pdoc or anyone.

I have had good and bad bits due to my diagnoses, but then i have only now recieved good which has out weighed the bad.It all about give and take, the more u give, the more you get. Fight and struggle the more you will get tangled, except and work the more u will learn and gain.

i dont agree with alot in your first post, u slag off alot of bpd criteria, and dont seem to have respect for people who have tried in the past.

sry data

[hummm_mabbe]

My psych diagnosed me "personality difficulties" because i had so many traits of different PD's I couldnt really occupy any one box. Having read the diagnostic guidelines in a book by the Oxford University Press, it seems that dx's dont come from the DSM / ICD ticksheets so much - they come from the history of the person, the experiences of staff with the person over a period of years and the extremity of certain features of the person. I think the book is called the Oxford Handbook of Psychiatry.

[Data]

You are a nice person, Gone. However... you do not understand me.

I am very very far from being a narcissist. You might not believe that, but I can't change how you think.

You are welcome to reply to my posts, but as you seriously misunderstand me, it is bound to colour your judgement about me and I won't be taking the things you say too seriously, for my own protection.

[Barebones]

Data, when i say i don't think, it does not mean i am not open to anything else. I am not ignorant or even self centered enough to think i am right, i am just putting text to my voice.

Why i have thought u could be NPD is due to your own posts, but the thing with that NPD could be mixed up with something else. No i don't know you from every angle, but i only know you from what you say here and other.

The DSM is a guideline, due to those 9 critiers is mostly found in BPDers, in one form or another. Not sure how to explain it. Past life is yes a big guide for diagnosing aswell.

sry not really explaining well today, thanks for saying i am welcome and a nice person data.

[<Sophie>]

(((Data))) I hope you get diagnosed very soon.

Soph

[sarabpd]

i was not going to say anything as It has brought up lots of issues for me.

I personally, wished that I personally had never been given a diagnosis. I have been disbelieved in so many aspects of my life that I know the dx was to blame in the outcome. I have managed to convince people that I am not a dx but a person and have the right to be listened to.

I can see your point of getting DBT with a dx but is DBT right for you? It is more for self harm and CBT is more a behavioural therapy. Also you have so many things in your life and have alot to carry on your shoulders.

I had family , Two step kids , two of my own , four dogs, farm animals and then there was all the stuff of school , food etc for others. My problems were never even touched, so I can understand how you feel.

It is getting the right balance , other than getting a giant laser gun and wiping out your problems out physically then they do have to be isolated and sorted out one at a time. I just wished too that the NHS would wake up and give people more support when they need it .

[Ocean Wolf]

I can see your point of getting DBT with a dx but is DBT right for you? It is more for self harm and CBT is more a behavioural therapy.

I respectfully disagree with this. I do not self harm and DBT was the best I have received in therapy. The skills that were taught were all emotional and behavioral skills and, although they could probably help someone who self harms, they definitely were not specific. In fact, I think a lot of people could benefit from DBT even if they do not have BPD. I know I will be teaching my son the skills as he grows up in the hopes that adolescence will be slightly easier (and also I hope he doesn't end up like me).

I understand wanting the diagnosis. I don't know if it would actually change something. It might. I know it did for me.

[sarabpd]

oooops well what do I know I have not had therapy so I dont .Sorry data for wrongful info

[Ruth24]

I have just read my diary from when i first joined this site, about 6 months after diagnosis

"A (my friend) found me a great mental health website. I registered and left my first post as BPD although i was tempted to write under depression. Still can't get used to the BPD title. Personality disorder sounds so serious, but i'm not that bad surely?"

Just thought i would share that.

The dangers of self diagnosis or desperately trying to find a dx is that often it can be used as a reason to EXCUSE behaviour rather than EXLAIN it.

I don't want you falling into that trap

Ruthie

x

[Data]

Thanks for sharing.

But its not self-diagnosis. I have been seeing my therapist for 6 months now, and he strongly believes I have BPD.

[Joshua]

Hi Data

Happy New Year.

I see your points for wanting this diagnosis and there is nothing wrong with that but could i ask you to do the same post for why you dont want the diagnosis because believe me once you have it its very difficult to get rid of it.

It took me quite some time!

There are so many negatives to it (Some long lasting) whilst few temporary positives.

[Data]

Hi Data

Happy New Year.

I see your points for wanting this diagnosis and there is nothing wrong with that but could i ask you to do the same post for why you dont want the diagnosis because believe me once you have it its very difficult to get rid of it.

It took me quite some time!

There are so many negatives to it (Some long lasting) whilst few temporary positives.

Well I don't need to do such a post since Nutella has already done one .

I could easily do a post about why don't want to be BPD.. I don't want the isolation, the low self-esteem, the hangovers, relationship problems, the scarred fingers from picking at my skin, the joint pain from when I deliberately broke my hand, the marriage and employment difficulties, etc. But none of this has anything to do with diagnosis.

Happy new year to you also.

[Joshua]

ahh you have misunderstood me, maybe i wasnt clear....

Its not about the problems of bpd itself (The set of symptoms/traits) that make up this diagnostic label but rather the effects the label its self has. Stigma etc.

[Data]

Well my point is that I have been stigmatised anyway (for years) without the diagnosis. And I am now not being offered treatement which I know is available in my area.

Not wanting a diagnosis is like a black person trying to pretend they are white, because of racism.

[Joshua]

I wouldnt agree but anyway I expressed my view which was my intention. Take care and good luck in the decisions you choose.

[Data]

Well, I will ask the psychiatrist what he thinks is wrong with me.

The diagnosis will be HIS decision, and I won't argue with him.

Thanks for your views.

[wordsmithy]

You wanna be diagnosed with something Fair play to you.

[wordsmithy]

I need the same thing. I need that or the current diagnosis - You are stupid 'cause you want to die.

[anastasia]

but data, if he specificaly tells you "Data, you don't have bpd" what would you say? being as you firmly believe thatyou do and your therapist has een feeding you that line for 6 months or so? it would again undermine wht you believe to be true.

AS this thread is upsetting me, my final word is this

Be careful what you wish for! cos when you get it, it can be more of a curse than a blessing

[Data]

I think if he said I didn't have BPD I'd probably just nod my head but I doubt I'd believe him. I don't care that he is a doctor, I believe my therapist. I've had all sorts of shit from doctors over the years and my therapist is the only person who has ever helped/understood me.