hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Hello I realised today how much I am terrified of feeling shame, and how much I try to avoid that feeling. Then I sort of realised that everyone does shameful things, and feels afraid of being ashamed, and suddenly people around me seemed less scary - like suddenly they werent all 'pure' and me all poopie. I suddenly realised that if I imagined other people on the street in shaming situations, like them wearing a pair of skid-marked y-fronts and walking into a room of attractive members of the opposite sex and being ashamed, they seemed far less scary and more human. I realised that having shame is something all people struggle with, and that maybe if we all could be accepted and open for our shamey things, we would feel better. So here is one of my shamey things. I was at a 2 day interview for a job with a department of defence related company. My personality issues were in full swing, and I was trying to be my mask. I imagined that I needed to be this sort of posh, 'charming' person. I already hadnt been hitting it off very well with one of the interviewers, and over dinner I decided I would 'befriend' him. I decided to ask him how he liked steak done, and in a rather self-satisfied, etonian way, I said "ah yes medium rare, thats how it really should be done isnt it?", basically coming across like Hugh Laurie in early blackadder, possibly even adding the snortey laugh. He slowly put down his knife and fork, and fixed me with a look of utter contempt, and then said "You really should avoid making such pompous comments". In the silence and burning gaze of the entire table, I wanted to die, right there, and preferably be cooked but very well done. I kind of knew at that moment there was no way I was going to get the job, but decided to stay for a day and make even more of a hash of it. I like torture it seems .... Sooo anyone wanna volunteer horridey shamey moments? Might make you feel better ... Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Boo! People read it and ran away **sniffs own armpits** I fear I have started the least popular thread everrrrrrr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 I would like to share but there are so many I don't know where to begin.... um so we used to have a set of Hard Rock cafe glasses and I joked with hubbie bout having a good night when we picked them up in America...just a joke. It wasn't until months later my parents came to visit and commented on the glasses (I can't remember details but either they had given them to me or I had got them at a car boot sale). Oh dear, I was shamed as a filthy dirty liar. I know in a way they saw it as a joke but in a way I knew they, and Mike didn't understand why I had lied and the more I tried to say it had been a joke the more they teased me about being a liar. In the end I stopped trying to make them understand it was a joke and I admitted I had lied just to make them shutup. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Awwww nooo thats the worstie type innit, when you mean something as a joke and it all goes horribly wrong **heals Roses skiddy y-front feeling with huggles of wub and acceptance** Mabbe each year when they come you can make up an increasingly fantastic story about them and see if anyone actually says anything. Start with 'gift from Bruce Willis' or Donald Trump Try to do this with a bra on your head. Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 *laughs out loud* thank you so much, that is lovely. You are a good friend. Actually, in the end I got so sick of the sight of them I threw them out in a kinda silent, petulant, defiant rage way how unlike me?????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 *laughs out loud* thank you so much, that is lovely. You are a good friend. Actually, in the end I got so sick of the sight of them I threw them out in a kinda silent, petulant, defiant rage way how unlike me?????? LOL yeah chuck them buggers in the bin I have some books on my shelf that remind me of a horrid party where some arse started telling people I was a weirdo cuz of my book collection. Like how rude is that? Come to my house, and slag me off??? Now whenever I see those books, I am reminded of it, so I turned them round so i couldnt see them. It was my collection of demoney posessey exorcistey type stuff books. The guy who did it was a narcissistic wanker and a very large f**khead. Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thesloaneranger Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 ive put my foot in it so many times, its hard to remember them all! lol! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 ive put my foot in it so many times, its hard to remember them all! lol! xxx Lol yus my life feels a bit like that too :o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Good for you Ross! Better still, I hide books at the back by actually having books behind books running in oppostie direction so you don't even know they are there ROFL ((((Sloane)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 We must be proud of our 'special' books I have an entire bookshelf taken up with psychology and self help, no hiding over a hundred of the buggers, so whoever becomes me new friendies better be accepting. If not they can eff right off. **pretends for a moment he really is that brave** :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarabpd Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 The man probably had issues, as saying his meat was okay is nothing to be ashamed of. He must have had a bad day. I was on a bus in Sheffield and Rik Mayall walked past the bus. I banged on the window and started shouting. He ignored me lol and I then turned round and all the bus were looking. Yes I just curled up and died. Also when my son was little I got the coach from Bradford to Sheffield and he screamed all the way. I tried everything bar shouting. A man got on and said 'shut that baby up' I then told him to try in a not so nice way. When I got off the bus my baby stopped crying but I was gutted as the whole bus hated me. I was ashamed I could not give my baby the comfort he needed and felt sorry for attacking people on the bus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedup! Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Right here goes.... I went to see One Of My Fave Ever Bands, with a good mate of mine and a bloke who I was onny-offy with but was very much trying to, er, 'get on' (nudge nudge) and his mad mate. The four of us went to see the band, my mate driving, and the rest of us started drinking on the journey and also when we got there. I never saw the band. I was the most drunk EVER, passed out and had to sit in the St John's ambulance tent for the rest of the night. Then we all went home early Now that's shameful enough. But it was 4 years ago. My mate STILL delights in telling this story to people we've just met, people she knows that I've never met, her family...... The shame! The shame!! Yes my 'mate' is being a bit of a cow and yes, I should be saying something but....oh the shame. THE SHAME!! **fedup! climbs onto Ross's therapist couch and sobs like this 'ahuhuhuhuhhhh!AHUHUHUHUHHHH!'** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Aww sass You are so brave saying hello to a celeb, I am always sooo shy lol. I bet everyone else secretly wanted to as well Some people can be very poopie about crying babbies Sometimes babbies cant help it, and they cant talk to you. Mabbe babbie didnt like the horrid people on the bus? I shall invent a special helmet to sound proof babbies. Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Right here goes.... I went to see One Of My Fave Ever Bands, with a good mate of mine and a bloke who I was onny-offy with but was very much trying to, er, 'get on' (nudge nudge) and his mad mate. The four of us went to see the band, my mate driving, and the rest of us started drinking on the journey and also when we got there. I never saw the band. I was the most drunk EVER, passed out and had to sit in the St John's ambulance tent for the rest of the night. Then we all went home early Now that's shameful enough. But it was 4 years ago. My mate STILL delights in telling this story to people we've just met, people she knows that I've never met, her family...... The shame! The shame!! Yes my 'mate' is being a bit of a cow and yes, I should be saying something but....oh the shame. THE SHAME!! **fedup! climbs onto Ross's therapist couch and sobs like this 'ahuhuhuhuhhhh!AHUHUHUHUHHHH!'** Awwww I think I need a bigger couch Ive had drunkey shameys too, like being woken up by 5 policemen and an alsatian at 2am because they thought I was dead in a heap near my uni. I dont do vodka anymore .... Oh and vomming 4 square metres of puke onto a pavement so that members of the public had to walk in the road .. for someone so afraid of shame, i seem to have been incredibly good at generating it for meself ... Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corpsewithpulse Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 SO many from my manic days but thankfully they don't count. Another band one... back when Jetplane Landing were around (my fav at the time) I ran onto the stage. The lead singer being the cool guy that he was, stepped away from the mic and let me sing... only for me to forget the words and effectively ruin the song. I salvaged some face by stage-diving but the damage was pretty much done. nb;- Public vomitting (even in broad daylight... in coach stations) didn't really fill me with shame as back in the day, I just used to think I was being really kewl in a rock'n'roll kind of way. Similar comments apply to little corpsey seeing the light of day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Lol corpsey That IS quite a cool shamey thing too :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corpsewithpulse Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Thanksies Rossyplops That demon has just about been exorcised now mehopes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 lol @ rossyplops :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 :grouphug[1]: :grouphug[1]: *curls up on floor at end of Ross's therapeutic couch* I just feel shame for everything I ever do. To be honest I am ashamed to be alive and it hurts to breathe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Ooooo methinks this shamey thing might be the motherlode of poopie feelings Mabbe that is why folkies ran away from me thread ... **adds extension to big ol couch and nicks a cushion before they all go but not before plumping roses' pillow** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 pillows all soft and cuddly..... :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 pillows all soft and cuddly..... lol yus but not them angora ones cuz the fluff goes up me nostrils Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarabpd Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Thankyou Hugs back :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 i have big issues with shame too. i mean, a lot of stuff i do, i feel ashamed about, even if they're just silly things that other people probably didn't even notice. like i'll just start babbling about something and then realise the other person can't even here me cos i'm mumbling or whatever cos i'm so nervous. anything i do when i'm drunk, i mean, i spose that's embarrassing but i don't find it shameful exactly, cos it's like...that's just drink, not really the same thing for me. that guy sounds pretty pompous himself if you ask me, ross. i mean, telling someone else how they should act/what they should say is basically dictionary definition pompous. do you think it's cos you perceived him as "better" than you that you found he could say what he liked but not the other way round? i do find that as i get more confident i'm more able to think clearly in those situations. like if my flatmate asks me to be more tidy, before i'd have felt so ashamed, like she was saying i was dirty or disgusting. but i know that i'm not, she is just a bit tidier than me. neither of us are really in the wrong but while i would normally spend ages brooding about it, to her it's just a flippant comment she's made that she'll probably never think about again. same with you and that guy in my opinion, although it's not exactly the same situation. i get a lot of feelings of shame over how i dress (which i think is something we've talked about before). i do dress quite out there (i mean, i'm not lady gaga or anything, but this is a conservative country amiright?) and i feel so ashamed when people make comments about me. i do NOT enjoy the comments (i pondered for a bit if i was getting some kind of masochistic pleasure from them but i definitely don't). i would be so happy just to fade into the background, not have anyone ever make a comment about me. on the other hand, i like to wear the clothes i like and don't want to change just cos a few assholes think that whistling or calling me a slag is acceptable. i KNOW that's it's their problem, not mine, but i still get that feeling of disgust with myself when it happens. shame is the worst feeling. i'm sorry you feel it ross, and everyone else ((()))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted May 23, 2010 Report Share Posted May 23, 2010 Do you mean like cringeworthy stuff? God I try so hard to not think about things like that! Generally they refer to sex! Or how I have behaved in a relationship. I woke up in a police cell once soaking wet, they had picked me up off the floor outside a club, I was passed out under a bench. My friend let me knock back ten shots, and say see you later feel ill, and when I hit the fresh air passed out. Some kind dude had called the old bill cos he was worried about me. I woke up drenched and not in sweat, I had been so drunk, I had just wet myself constantly in the cell! Jeez. Sounds gross, first I knew it had happened was when they opened the cell door at 6.30 am and said hey you can go home! I was like what the fuck! That was 2003! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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