jam-parker Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 Alters is something new to me, I have no experience, and I am a forum first timer. My first thought is that I treat everyone as an individual, a lot of the time I don't even have pictures switched on, in my browser. Has anyone got any useful and easy to read weblinks for information about it? Thank you Jamie xx. What I am asking for is good information and advice for friends fo alters. Thank you Jamie xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 i don't have alters so maybe I should not comment but well I am not sure that is a good idea to encourage separate accounts for people, coz maybe, and like I say I don't know so jump down my throat if I get this wrong, I know people need to express themselves but as there is only one body wouldn't it be better to try and stick together under one account? I guess now people have the choice and I can see from comments that different decisions have been made, eg mhair and Dragon. Christine Benway and toaster 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 I don't have "alters" either but have some dissociative problems I don't know how to talk about or work through. I won't likely be able to work that out either way so no worries about a separate account, for me anyway. Nobody gives a crap really about anything but their own self or others just like them and there's nobody just like me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 why cant people stick to the one account? i was told that people can hide their alts from their families and friends so surely that level of control would suggest having the same level of control on a forum? the person that joined the forum is the one that feels they need the forum? and , like ye, just sign a different name. my understanding is that some alts wont have the mental health illness that the host alt has so they wouldnt need to use the forum? im not knocking anyone, judging anyone, shunning anyone, i will talk to whoever, whoever they are at that time. im just finding this all a bit bizzarre, that all some of these alts have been so in control that they have been able to hide from us but then they are suddenly out of control! i dont wanna seem like a bitch. just expressing my opinion toasties xx Benway, piuma and Saharah Blue 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 thikn its less being out of control and more coming out of hiding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 That isn't true. I'm not able to hide the switching I've experienced and likewise why I've become more isolated, because of it. If you can hide it, then I don't see how it's a disorder really. And I don't care about however many arrogant, judgmental saps there are because they are countless in number. It means nothing. People are ignorant and close-minded wherever you go and don't understand much. DaScuchegw 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 It reminds me of when a party gets going and everyone lets down their hair at once. I haven't been able to keep up either toast, so unfortunately my ability to be able to offer helpful support to is limited. I do feel a bit segregated from being able to just interact. I do try but it is hard enough when you actually know who you are talking to. I think it will settle down with a bit of time though. It usually does around here. Benway 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 thats my point maize. people have hidden their switching. but now they cant. DID develops as a coping mechanism - it doesnt just 'come on' like , say , bi-polar would. a lot of people dont know they have it before therapy and then they are told that they have had the disorder for many years. my disocciation has improved with age, as in, i dont have black outs to the extreme i did at 14...they are very rare in fact. i know this wont be the same for everyone, especially without therapy, or therapy that works. im not discounting anyone or invalidating or saying i dont believe them. im saying im about the sudden surge of alts that have appeared. thats all and yes sahara, its hard to keep up! and i agree about feeling segregated...i know all things change and change has to happen, but its a lot of change around here in a very short space of time toasties xx Saharah Blue 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 the fact of the matter is that, wherever u go, DID is a highly controversial dx - i had never even heard of it until i started using forums. i knew about dissociation and dissociative disorders, but not DID. its not even recognised by the majority of UK professionals, if any. ive been taken in by ppl claiming to have DID, when they havent had it - theyve just been drunk or w/e whilst online. this goes with other dxs ppl have said they have, im not pigeon holing. ive never met anyone in RL with DID, it only seems to exist on the internet. so yes, im sceptical. and at the end of the day, these alts are people in their own right, right? and arent we all wary when we meet a new person? we dont just trust them straight away, take to them straight away - we feel them out, get to know them...and alts have their own separate personality so im going to treat them how i would treat any new person im meeting! shadow8, brainshower, Saharah Blue and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 Same thing for new people who come to your site. Can't automatically trust you. My brother and my sister both exhibit "DID" also but have never been diagnosed. I don't care if you believe it or not. There was a lot of abuse in my family, not your garden variety of abuses, you might say, so I don't give a care who or how you "feel" anyone out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) no u cant trust me str8 away, an nor shud u. its how u get taken in by horrible ppl. an fyi, i know all about your 'non garden variety' types of abuse u speak of, u know, being abandoned then raised by a psychopath and her paedo sons and daughters, u know, that sort of thing... and fyi no abuse is garden type - its called ABUSE for a reason. it either abuse or it isnt. and whatever abuse it is shud never have happened. Edited January 25, 2011 by toaster Warrior Princess, Peregrine, smileler and 7 others 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 I'm not a drug user either. I can't take drugs because my body and nervous system is too sensitive and reacts too much to any sort of drugs including alcohol so none of the above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 no u cant trust me str8 away, an nor shud u. its how u get taken in by horrible ppl. an fyi, i know all about your 'non garden variety' types of abuse u speak of, u know, being abandoned then raised by a psychopath and her paedo sons and daughters, u know, that sort of thing... and fyi no abuse is garden type - its called ABUSE for a reason. it either abuse or it isnt. and whatever abuse it is shud never have happened. All abuse is not created the same, and no you don't know what I'm talking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 Thanku michael et al. Big hugs to u all! Rx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted January 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 I think this is an interesting discussion,we remain behind the orginal post though and its reasoning. I know its controversial but if people genuinly say they suffer with this who are we to judge? Lilly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TizzyGirl Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 Ultimately DID is a coping mechanism. Two people can go through the exact same abuse but one might have DID and the other not. People cope differently. My identical twin does not have any mental health problems or physical health problems yet I have too many to count on one hand. I get what you mean toaster, all of a sudden all these alters turn up and cause a bit of trouble. If they can hide in in RL then why can't they at least control it on here? The difference here is that no one will judge them. They can talk freely without worrying they are a freak and without worrying about losing close ones. We can't have our own body, but we can perhaps have our own online identity by having our own account. One of mine created such fuss on a different forum that I got suspended for a week.. since then I've learned because instead of hiding, they have the power to be who they are and say what they want. If you've not had any element of control for so long, its amazing but some don't know what to do with it. I guess its something most people take for granted. And no, the alters might not have mental health problems but that doesn't mean they don't need to talk too. And most alters are trauma-born, meaning they were born because someone else couldn't handle the pain so they endured it. Silverwolf, Warrior Princess and pepsimeg 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 i dont know much of this, but what i do know is that, all your alts are you! and i remember reading once that the only way forward in therapy is to acknowledge that alts no matter how strong are all parts of you, and to encourage them on here with seperate accounts i think, cant be helpful, im defo not saying they shouldnt be here, but that they should use the same account and sign a different name, there by acknowledging they are one and the same. just my opinion mind sanctuary, Warrior Princess, Benway and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 i know lilly an i shouldnt have said what i did on my last response! back on track... im not judging, no way am i doing that. i guess im just struggling to accept the change in this forum...im used to coming across DID in other forums, namely american forums so its just a bit for me i guess. something i have to deal with, i know. ive had my say. ill leave it at that toasties :) piuma 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 That's really funny because the vast majority of DID people on another site are actually from the UK! :blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 It's obvious there is discriminating, negative attitudes toward the dx here, along with the apparant America bashing. There's a lot of that in some places, for whatever reason. I'm glad to know that now though as opposed to later on after having shared, personally. Such lovely, lovely people. Right!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doormouse Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Been reading this thread.... just chuck in my two pence worth - I don't really know much about DID, except I have a friend who has it, but is always J when I'm with her. So, I can't really understand what its like to "be" more than one person, if thats the right way to put it. I confess, I don't have any particularly strong feelings either way about the separate accounts issue, but I can see that it can be pretty confusing. For those of us who may not know that a particular person has alters, and we can't "see" or tell when the alters switch. I guess what I'm also picking up is that lots of people with BPD - myself included - find change very very difficult. For me, I can start feeling nervous, unsettled and even more pathologically insecure! It's tricky being part of a community where we all have problems, somtimes we are going to set each other off! I reckon Lilly is right - who are we to judge? - but it cuts both ways - so I suppose what I'm asking is that we try and understand if people need to have accounts for alters, but also try and understand that this can be a bit scary for other people. Its not personal - its just part of the problems that we have. Hope thats not offended anyone Mousexx piuma, pepsimeg, TizzyGirl and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibiddi Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Can I make a suggestion, that the other accounts include the primary one. e.g. Bibiddi, Bibiddi-Jenny, Bibiddi-Simon.(or whatever the alters names are). Its separate, and one all at the same time, and its easier for everyone to see who it is. I can imagine I will forget that two different screen names are the same person. piuma, Benway, donnam and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Hi all,I'm finally getting a word in edgewise with my alters. Go me! I'm on the mini lap top so excuse any typing errors. It's such a small keyboard. I just wanted to say that I am so proud of everyone in this thread for being able to openly discuss a highly contraversial subject with out it becoming a huge horrible debate! I can see both sides and relate to both sides of the argument. As someone with DID, I have been through massive denial about the dx and I have asked all the very same questions that Toaster and others are asking. I can only speak from my own experience here so I will tell you what my life is like as a multiple. How do they hide from people? Main way they do this is pretend to be me. They are able to pull that off nicely since they know me better than I even know myself! They also make conversations brief when they need to and make up excuses why they need to leave. They also have a network inside that they can draw on. Example, if it's a little one and someone we know comes up to us, they can ask one of the older ones to switch in and take over so it's not too obvious that they are a child. Next point. You would be absolutely amazed at how people don't notice the changes. I have switched three times in one sentence in front of a church group and my husband commented he was shocked that no one seemed to notice it. If they did they may have thought I was just a bit wierd, which I've been called my entire life, or they may think I'm just in a bad mood today, or a sad mood, or a wierd mood, or a playful mood. Some who don't know me might even think I'm high but I do not drink or do drugs,smoke or even drink caffine! So life as a multiple is a web of lies often No multiple likes that. We are not liars by nature, we are protective of each other and they are very protective of me as the primary personality. Alters are also pre programmed to keep secrets. It's the very nature of the abuse victim. They may have been threatened or some one/some thing they love was threatened if they told. They may have been told that they would be in trouble if they told, or that it was bad behavior to allowe what was done to them so they would be in deep trouble if they said anything. So when you get use to all this secrecy its very easy to hide. Alters are so unaccepted. They often suffer from a long history of rejection. Not just during the original abuse, but also after when they finally start to come out of the closet and admit they are there. Even we host personalities often reject them which only serves to worsen the condition. So why are they all coming out now on this forumn all of sudden? Here are my theories and I'm not judging anyone! 1. The alters all triggered each other. I have found this with in me. It only took one to say "here I am" and all the others suddenly felt safe to come out. Sometimes wanting to all at once which caused "mega switching" opr spinning. I certainly hope this is not my/our fault and that has been greatly on my mind. but then again if alters are really there it may not be such a bad thing. 2. The alters are lonely, and have no one like thenm to talk to so seeing another alter speak is causing them to seek friendship with someone they can relate to. 3. There may be a minority who are making up alters for attention. If this is so, then they obviosly have a deep need with in to be accepted when they feel unacceptable as themselves. If this is a way they can explore that, then like Lily said, who are we to judge? I just take it all with a grain of salt. To me the ones who are doing this will fade out and on to the next attention seeking phase. We all need attention sometimes so why not? 4. (This has been the case with me in the past) Usually when the alters come out they go else where or offline. I have disopeared for periods of time and it's very often an alter who didn't want to tread in my turf and make a fool of me. ALL alters are there for the benefit of the host even if they have forgotten this fact. Through therapy I have a pretty good relationship with all of mine and they did not want to embarass or discredit me so they would just go awol. 5. My alters have come out on here before and sadly felt ignored . It's a huge fear in an alter to be ignored/rejected so it's easier to pretend to be the host or say nothing and just go do something else other than the forum. Maybe seeing other alters post gave them the strength and courage to talk to that other alter thinking that surely another like them would understand, not ignore and not reject them. 6. This reason is personal. I've heard from them that they feel it's their fault I'm not a moderator any more. I just want to clear the air... it's not. I'm just in a phase of great need myself and I needed you guys! As a mod I held back a lot of myself. I also felt I could serve you just as well as a general member. You are in fantstic hands with Arrakis and Aurora. That's all. Sorry for yet another short novel from WP WP Saharah Blue, bibiddi, pepsimeg and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Can I make a suggestion, that the other accounts include the primary one. e.g. Bibiddi, Bibiddi-Jenny, Bibiddi-Simon.(or whatever the alters names are). Its separate, and one all at the same time, and its easier for everyone to see who it is. I can imagine I will forget that two different screen names are the same person. Mine have put it in the signature of the secondary account so there is no confusion. This was at my request. I was fine with them using my account since I am always willing to take full responsibility for what I or any part of me says but they decided in the end to use Fireflies so that my rep points would not be effected! I disagreed but majoritty vote ruled me out. Alters are not an excuse for bad behavior and I'm willing to take full system accountability for their actions. And so should we all. Wp piuma 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boobsticle Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Hi all,I'm finally getting a word in edgewise with my alters. Go me! I'm on the mini lap top so excuse any typing errors. It's such a small keyboard. I just wanted to say that I am so proud of everyone in this thread for being able to openly discuss a highly contraversial subject with out it becoming a huge horrible debate! I can see both sides and relate to both sides of the argument. As someone with DID, I have been through massive denial about the dx and I have asked all the very same questions that Toaster and others are asking. I can only speak from my own experience here so I will tell you what my life is like as a multiple. How do they hide from people? Main way they do this is pretend to be me. They are able to pull that off nicely since they know me better than I even know myself! They also make conversations brief when they need to and make up excuses why they need to leave. They also have a network inside that they can draw on. Example, if it's a little one and someone we know comes up to us, they can ask one of the older ones to switch in and take over so it's not too obvious that they are a child. Next point. You would be absolutely amazed at how people don't notice the changes. I have switched three times in one sentence in front of a church group and my husband commented he was shocked that no one seemed to notice it. If they did they may have thought I was just a bit wierd, which I've been called my entire life, or they may think I'm just in a bad mood today, or a sad mood, or a wierd mood, or a playful mood. Some who don't know me might even think I'm high but I do not drink or do drugs,smoke or even drink caffine! So life as a multiple is a web of lies often No multiple likes that. We are not liars by nature, we are protective of each other and they are very protective of me as the primary personality. Alters are also pre programmed to keep secrets. It's the very nature of the abuse victim. They may have been threatened or some one/some thing they love was threatened if they told. They may have been told that they would be in trouble if they told, or that it was bad behavior to allowe what was done to them so they would be in deep trouble if they said anything. So when you get use to all this secrecy its very easy to hide. Alters are so unaccepted. They often suffer from a long history of rejection. Not just during the original abuse, but also after when they finally start to come out of the closet and admit they are there. Even we host personalities often reject them which only serves to worsen the condition. So why are they all coming out now on this forumn all of sudden? Here are my theories and I'm not judging anyone! 1. The alters all triggered each other. I have found this with in me. It only took one to say "here I am" and all the others suddenly felt safe to come out. Sometimes wanting to all at once which caused "mega switching" opr spinning. I certainly hope this is not my/our fault and that has been greatly on my mind. but then again if alters are really there it may not be such a bad thing. 2. The alters are lonely, and have no one like thenm to talk to so seeing another alter speak is causing them to seek friendship with someone they can relate to. 3. There may be a minority who are making up alters for attention. If this is so, then they obviosly have a deep need with in to be accepted when they feel unacceptable as themselves. If this is a way they can explore that, then like Lily said, who are we to judge? I just take it all with a grain of salt. To me the ones who are doing this will fade out and on to the next attention seeking phase. We all need attention sometimes so why not? 4. (This has been the case with me in the past) Usually when the alters come out they go else where or offline. I have disopeared for periods of time and it's very often an alter who didn't want to tread in my turf and make a fool of me. ALL alters are there for the benefit of the host even if they have forgotten this fact. Through therapy I have a pretty good relationship with all of mine and they did not want to embarass or discredit me so they would just go awol. 5. My alters have come out on here before and sadly felt ignored . It's a huge fear in an alter to be ignored/rejected so it's easier to pretend to be the host or say nothing and just go do something else other than the forum. Maybe seeing other alters post gave them the strength and courage to talk to that other alter thinking that surely another like them would understand, not ignore and not reject them. 6. This reason is personal. I've heard from them that they feel it's their fault I'm not a moderator any more. I just want to clear the air... it's not. I'm just in a phase of great need myself and I needed you guys! As a mod I held back a lot of myself. I also felt I could serve you just as well as a general member. You are in fantstic hands with Arrakis and Aurora. That's all. Sorry for yet another short novel from WP WP This was a really great post, I feel like I understand everyone so much better now. Thanks WP :) lucyloo and piuma 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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