spudnbeans Posted February 7, 2011 Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 hi thanks for the replies and questions are very useful. i just tend not to reply to then when pissed cos god knows what i would write so i wait for the sober moments there just not been many of these over the weekend. yes i find weekends very very hard as i only have my kids twice a month and i now have them on wed night instead of sun night and so where before i would not drink on sun cos they were coming back to me i do now. my plan is going ok and i needed to be down to 8 cans by wed which i have managed to stick to apart from sat when i did have 10 but thats now been a week on 8 next week will be hard though cos i need to get down to 6 i struggle to stop once i start and am often left wanting more when i finish as my tolerance levels are much highter and so 6 wont even get me to be where i need to be i would do much rather just stop than cut down if i dont start its easier to fight the cravings than it is when i start and have to stop. hope this makes sense. i have not seen my alcohol worker since last time i am seeing him on wed morning but to be honest i am struggling without his support as i only get to see him every two weeks which is too far apart when i am trying to reduce like i am. i am going to try very hard not to drink at all today as the kids come to me tonight and go thurs morning so next few days are going to be tough especially if the sweats are as bad as they have been. thanks for listening again an if i dont answer your questions please keep on asking or remind me it could be that i have read them whilst drinking and dont retain what you have said. hope your new meds are settling down i was on them for bout 18 months and found them to be quite helpful especially at night cos i have difficulty sleeping. i did have some very vivid dreams whilst on them but they did ok for me i had to come off them though cos of the weight gain although with all i am drinking at moment that too has gone out the window. take care and thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 hi thanks for the replies and questions are very useful. i just tend not to reply to then when pissed cos god knows what i would write so i wait for the sober moments there just not been many of these over the weekend. yes i find weekends very very hard as i only have my kids twice a month and i now have them on wed night instead of sun night and so where before i would not drink on sun cos they were coming back to me i do now. my plan is going ok and i needed to be down to 8 cans by wed which i have managed to stick to apart from sat when i did have 10 but thats now been a week on 8 next week will be hard though cos i need to get down to 6 i struggle to stop once i start and am often left wanting more when i finish as my tolerance levels are much highter and so 6 wont even get me to be where i need to be i would do much rather just stop than cut down if i dont start its easier to fight the cravings than it is when i start and have to stop. hope this makes sense. i have not seen my alcohol worker since last time i am seeing him on wed morning but to be honest i am struggling without his support as i only get to see him every two weeks which is too far apart when i am trying to reduce like i am. i am going to try very hard not to drink at all today as the kids come to me tonight and go thurs morning so next few days are going to be tough especially if the sweats are as bad as they have been. thanks for listening again an if i dont answer your questions please keep on asking or remind me it could be that i have read them whilst drinking and dont retain what you have said. hope your new meds are settling down i was on them for bout 18 months and found them to be quite helpful especially at night cos i have difficulty sleeping. i did have some very vivid dreams whilst on them but they did ok for me i had to come off them though cos of the weight gain although with all i am drinking at moment that too has gone out the window. take care and thanks Spudnbeans Thank you for being so kind and understanding. I know well how you feel and that once in the grip of alcohol it is so much more difficult to concentrate. Have you ever considered keeping a journal during these times as it may be interesting reading during the more sober times. Sometimes to take control you have to dig a little deeper to get to the root cause. Is it possible to ask for more intensive support? starry1 mentioned about more specialised forums for alocohol related matters. It is just a thought. I am glad I have caught you soon after you have written. I am glad that the plan is going well, I would suggest that if weekends are more difficult have you got anything that may distract you during the daytime? It is such a battle to change and it is one you can win. For me I found learning and understanding about the physical side of intoxication helped me, and that sutdying my own behaviours was almost like the flipside of the same coin. I will say that if you kept a diary of spending too, that will help you take control of another aspect of your life. I logged spends on my mobile phone calebdar for 2 months and since then my spending has been firmly in control, the diaries were months before I quit. Everything you say makes perfect sense, and is detailed so if I miss a point you are wanting me to respond to please let me know. You can do this spudnbeans. (Still a cool name ) Jamie xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted February 7, 2011 Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 Hi spudnbeans You can do this. You will find the sweats pass after a few days. Are you drinking enough water? This will help you flush out the alcohol. If you are still drinking try to drink a large glass of water between each can. I am on day 18 and had sweats when i stopped but it didn't take long before i started to feel better. I got meds from my pdoc to help with the withdrawal and sleeping...maybe you could go to your gp and ask for some extra support like meds or therapy. Hang in there, it does get easier PM me if you want and keep posting starry x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 8, 2011 Report Share Posted February 8, 2011 hi trying hard but not getting very far tonight i did not drink mon night at all which i am pleased bout but i was so climbing the walls it was untrue tonight i have given i cos it was too hard to fight and i have had a small bottle of vodka think its 35ml or 350 ml not sure what the volumes are but its not touched me its left me hanging over that bridge where all the badness lurkes beneath. this is what scares me so much bout cutting down instead of just stopping outright cos if i dont walk over that bridge if i dont take a drink i can fight the blackness the horrid faces etc with a struggle but i can fight them, but as soon as i have a drink those horrid faces thoughts visions etc are with me and unless i drink enough to get over that bridge where i can thin and feel no more i cant cope with it. when i drink i make sure i get over the bridge but by cutting down i leave myself wide open to just starting across that bridge or being left halfway across what the hell do i do then what if 6 cans only takes me half way across how do i cope with getting the rest of the way cos once i started drinking there is no going bacvk. so much for the idea of cutting down and how that solves things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mentary Posted February 8, 2011 Report Share Posted February 8, 2011 Shit! Shit! Shite! I've been off it since Thursday and did a sixer tonight. Just want to sleep and sleep it away. God I love sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2011 hi trying hard but not getting very far tonight i did not drink mon night at all which i am pleased bout but i was so climbing the walls it was untrue tonight i have given i cos it was too hard to fight and i have had a small bottle of vodka think its 35ml or 350 ml not sure what the volumes are but its not touched me its left me hanging over that bridge where all the badness lurkes beneath. this is what scares me so much bout cutting down instead of just stopping outright cos if i dont walk over that bridge if i dont take a drink i can fight the blackness the horrid faces etc with a struggle but i can fight them, but as soon as i have a drink those horrid faces thoughts visions etc are with me and unless i drink enough to get over that bridge where i can thin and feel no more i cant cope with it. when i drink i make sure i get over the bridge but by cutting down i leave myself wide open to just starting across that bridge or being left halfway across what the hell do i do then what if 6 cans only takes me half way across how do i cope with getting the rest of the way cos once i started drinking there is no going bacvk. so much for the idea of cutting down and how that solves things Spudnbeans I found that part of the problem with drinking is that it is all consuming. It takes up so much of your thoughts that there is little room left for the good things in life that are there, that do exist. I would say that whilst I just stopped it is something that isn't reccomend especially for long term alcoholics. You touch upon something tonight that I have no knowledge of, when you talk about faces, thoughts and visions are they something that you could deal with in another way. It is sometimes possible to see drinking as a disease, at other times a symptom of something else. Do you have other conditions? I myself have my MH appointment tomorrow, and it scares me that they'll turn around and say there is nothing wrong, that all these years I have been normal/an arse/lazy/useless and so on. Do you yourself know the bridge? and does it lead you anywhere you want to go?. Cutting down has been the plan so far, and I would see the success in having a Mondays sans (without) alcohol. I would also stick to your plan and not see yesterday as an oppurtunity to drink more today as that is what is implied by your writing. Tomorrow I hope your meeting will provide a fresh perspective and harden your resolve in beating this. I wish you well. Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 hi mate how did your app go i cant find your post and cant reply to the venting one for some reason. i got on well i am down to 6 cans a night now and have def got to go into hospital for detox but need to be def down to nothing before they will take me in which is gutting cos really not sure i can do that but am going to do my upmost to achieve it. hope all went well for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 hi mate how did your app go i cant find your post and cant reply to the venting one for some reason. i got on well i am down to 6 cans a night now and have def got to go into hospital for detox but need to be def down to nothing before they will take me in which is gutting cos really not sure i can do that but am going to do my upmost to achieve it. hope all went well for you Spudnbeans Thank you for asking my appointment did not go well at all. I haven't posted as I need to process it. Let's just say I feel alot worse for going. Well done for the further reduction and It is good to hear you sounding so positive about it. As for the hospital I would say take as much time as you can to prepare for it. Definitely is such a strong word hold onto it. Work towards your goal as best as you can, even if it comes down to the last day beforehand. Im glad your appoinment has gone so well, I hope you are starting to think about your weekend ahead and how you can cope better than the last. Hugs Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 hi hope all people on this thread are doing ok, well i agreed to drop down to 6 cans this week and things have not gone so well i really struggled with this cos when i drink the 8 i get to the place i need to be totally out of it so dropping down to 8 was a killer cos i just didnt quite get there but dropping to 6 has been a total killer partly cos you cant buy 6 i tried buying 8 and leav ing two but that so didnt work cos i drank the two left over so tonight i have tried really hard i bought 4 cans in the supermarket and went to local shop to buy just two so i only had 6 and so far so good, i am on my last can and although i am not where i need to be i think i will cope with it dropping below this is going to be such a nightmare cos 4 dont really touch me and i need it to i am struggling so hard with this but i am so determined to do this i am so confused by it all any advice would totally be liked please comment as you feel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 11, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 hi hope all people on this thread are doing ok, well i agreed to drop down to 6 cans this week and things have not gone so well i really struggled with this cos when i drink the 8 i get to the place i need to be totally out of it so dropping down to 8 was a killer cos i just didnt quite get there but dropping to 6 has been a total killer partly cos you cant buy 6 i tried buying 8 and leav ing two but that so didnt work cos i drank the two left over so tonight i have tried really hard i bought 4 cans in the supermarket and went to local shop to buy just two so i only had 6 and so far so good, i am on my last can and although i am not where i need to be i think i will cope with it dropping below this is going to be such a nightmare cos 4 dont really touch me and i need it to i am struggling so hard with this but i am so determined to do this i am so confused by it all any advice would totally be liked please comment as you feel Spudnbeans You have done so much and come so far, I can see the change and how hard you are trying to make this difficult change to your life. Im proud of how well you are doing. It must be difficult to keep this up and I only hope you have considered the weekend ahead. Ok advice, I myself learned about units and how they stack up an example is 1 unit = 125ml glass of average strength wine. If you drink premium lager usually thet have about 3 units and most alcoholic drinks now have this guideline on the side of the can. If you are finding it easier to stick to reducing by cans then that is probably best. I would suggest that during a sober moment consider how many units you do consume, maybe check with your support as you could buy 8 cans of a lower strength alcoholic beverage and you would still be hitting your targets. This is just a suggestion and something to talk to the experts about, as it does throw the number of cans plan out of the window, whilst still reducing your alcohol intake. If you have drunk your last for the night then switch to soft drinks, water, tea anything and find a way to distract yourself TV? Music? Talking here? Playing the Games? Anything to pass the time away. I will always try to give you the best advice based on my own experiences. Have you tried writing about the bridge and what that means to you? I would be interested to find out more. Only if you feel comfortable to write about it though. Another Idea is to write your diary so you can see your journey, The blogs here are a very useful tool for that. I hope you are keeping as safe as you can. I am here for the night if you need just comment me, I will do what I can. Hugs Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 hi thanks for that, yes i have had my quota for the night and by god am i struggling i so have not hit the place i need to be and have tried a coffee but it does not help cos i am still sober i am still aware of whats going on and that is so not where i want to be normally when i have the full 8 cans i am out of it fall asleep wake up go to bed and the night is over now i am sitting here fully aware of who what i am sober and so so not liking it at all. i did think of reducing the volume i drink cos at moment i am having 2.2 units per can and am having 8 or 6 of them where as if i reduced the volume it would go down to 1.8 i think so not sure what to do really i know i am going to struggle so much going to 6 so god knows how hard it will be to go down to 4 next week i am so not used to reducing before i have just gone into hospital and stopped the reducing part is so much more of a killer i really dont think i can do less than six i am better to have nothing at al and deal with that than start and have to stop i hope that makes sense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 hi thanks for that, yes i have had my quota for the night and by god am i struggling i so have not hit the place i need to be and have tried a coffee but it does not help cos i am still sober i am still aware of whats going on and that is so not where i want to be normally when i have the full 8 cans i am out of it fall asleep wake up go to bed and the night is over now i am sitting here fully aware of who what i am sober and so so not liking it at all. i did think of reducing the volume i drink cos at moment i am having 2.2 units per can and am having 8 or 6 of them where as if i reduced the volume it would go down to 1.8 i think so not sure what to do really i know i am going to struggle so much going to 6 so god knows how hard it will be to go down to 4 next week i am so not used to reducing before i have just gone into hospital and stopped the reducing part is so much more of a killer i really dont think i can do less than six i am better to have nothing at al and deal with that than start and have to stop i hope that makes sense Spudnbeans Everything you say makes sense to me. Im sorry you don't like who you are. You're a good person, Try not to be too hard on yourself because of the bad things that have happened. If you are staying sober that is a great sign. Maybe thinking things through and writing about them, will allow yo to understand more, help you make sense of the past. Maybe even start looking towards your future. When you say 2.2 units I think I can guess which beer you may be drinking. Lke I said any advice is there to help. I believe that if I only say one word that matters, then it has been worthwhile. The problem with stoppping is that the withdrawal will hit your system really hard and you could go into shock. Also withdrawals may make you decide fuck it, drinking is better. So I would stick to your plan. It seems to be working for you. Apologies for my delay, I have had some crisis in myslef these last 3 days and yesterday was hard on me. Im back now. I hope you are stying safe and that your weekend is going better than the last one. For me when hope fails I have faith (non-religious) to fall back on. Also having amazing friends to help can be key to our survival. For me this place is like a circle of friends, the bigger it gets the stronger I become. Jamie xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 hi moondragon i am so so struggling tonight i have again tried so hard to reduce to6 cans and i have done it so far but god its hard far too hard i am now on my last can and its so so not where i need to be how can i do this how can i reduce to nothing when after 6 i am now so struggling its so not nice i am stuck and so dont know how to move forward from here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 hi moondragon i am so so struggling tonight i have again tried so hard to reduce to6 cans and i have done it so far but god its hard far too hard i am now on my last can and its so so not where i need to be how can i do this how can i reduce to nothing when after 6 i am now so struggling its so not nice i am stuck and so dont know how to move forward from here Spudnbeans Stay strong, Focus on the reasons why you want to stop this. Use any means you can to distract yourself (within reason). Maybe spend time here try to move past your bad feelings by starting a new post (within the rules). I know you feel stuck now, but come tomorrow you could feel so much stronger for managing to get through the rest of this night. You can do this spudnbeans, have faith in yourself. Hugs Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 hi mate last night was so bloody hard i stuck to the 6 cans i agreed although i had to fight hard not to walk to the shops to get more. how mad would someone view me if they could hear the conversations in my head. tonight i have struggled so much without anything so i bought some vodka i could not buy a small bottle which is what i can trust myself with but they had none so i had to buy a 70cl bottle which scares the shit out of me cos i dont trust myself not to drink the whole lot. i am trying hard to make sure i only had half but i cant rely on that. why does this fight have to be so bloody hard i am fighting it i am honestly i am i want to give up but i am so scared of living life sober 6 cans doesnt get me to where i need to be so i need a few more weeks to get used to that if i drop down to 4 too quick i will fail i know i will the vodka hits the spot it really does but i need quite a bit before it does i so hate my life i hate needing something so badly my kids are upstairs i have not seen them since we got in at 6 cos they are either watching tv or playing on consoles how bad a parent am i that i sit downstairs getting pissed while they are up there will put them to bed and then continue drinking but i will tell myself i have to stop soon not sure when but i will moondragon i so need support at them moment but i know its all down to me to sort it out to take control i know that but i so so so need someone to give me a hug tell me it will be ok cos at the moment there is no light at the end of the tunnel at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleweed71 Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 sending you as many hugs as you need spudbeans. i'know i'm not j but i think you could do with all the support you can get. i don't know what other support i can give but hugs but if at anytime you need a cuddle i will be there for you. nic it wiil be ok you are stronger than the booze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 hi thanks i cant believe that cos we have never spoken yet you offer what you do that means the world to me it really does cos no one i really know ever offers that to me so for a total stranger to do that means so much thanks prob means that people who know me dont offer cos they know what i am like and people who do not know me offer cos they dont know what i am like if that makes sense thanks anyway means so much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleweed71 Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 hi thanks i cant believe that cos we have never spoken yet you offer what you do that means the world to me it really does cos no one i really know ever offers that to me so for a total stranger to do that means so much thanks prob means that people who know me dont offer cos they know what i am like and people who do not know me offer cos they dont know what i am like if that makes sense thanks anyway means so much been reading this thread and as j has a lot on his plate at the mo (moving house) thought i would let you know that you are not alone. just cos we've never spoken doesn't mean i won't be there for you. complete strangers on this site have offered me support thru my crisis points and i want to return the favour now that i'm relativly stable, i don't know what it means to be in your shoes so i won't preach to you (not that j does cos he's been there) but if you need to vent your frustrations or anger i will listen. hugs and strength in your fight nic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 hi that so means the world i so know he has had lot on his plate and i have told him never to feel guilty he just seems to offer support regardless which means a lot but never ever means i think less of him or what his support actually means to me. i am still so shocked that you offer support to someone you dont know but that still means the world to me i am so alone in all this so what ever is out there is massive to me i really mean that i so cant tell my family the position i am in at moment as to them it would mean such failure disappointment cos they have so been there before the detox the pills i do ot for a while then i give up when the going gets hard thatsmy pattern but if they had to walk in my shoes they would know how hard it actually was and not something i would give up at the drop of a hat which is what i think they think if they knew how hard it was to walk in my shoes i think they would have a different picture but then again how wrong could i be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleweed71 Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 will pm you asap as i don't want what i have to say read in public hugs nic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 hi mate last night was so bloody hard i stuck to the 6 cans i agreed although i had to fight hard not to walk to the shops to get more. how mad would someone view me if they could hear the conversations in my head. tonight i have struggled so much without anything so i bought some vodka i could not buy a small bottle which is what i can trust myself with but they had none so i had to buy a 70cl bottle which scares the shit out of me cos i dont trust myself not to drink the whole lot. i am trying hard to make sure i only had half but i cant rely on that. why does this fight have to be so bloody hard i am fighting it i am honestly i am i want to give up but i am so scared of living life sober 6 cans doesnt get me to where i need to be so i need a few more weeks to get used to that if i drop down to 4 too quick i will fail i know i will the vodka hits the spot it really does but i need quite a bit before it does i so hate my life i hate needing something so badly my kids are upstairs i have not seen them since we got in at 6 cos they are either watching tv or playing on consoles how bad a parent am i that i sit downstairs getting pissed while they are up there will put them to bed and then continue drinking but i will tell myself i have to stop soon not sure when but i will moondragon i so need support at them moment but i know its all down to me to sort it out to take control i know that but i so so so need someone to give me a hug tell me it will be ok cos at the moment there is no light at the end of the tunnel at all Spudnbeans Hugs, Im sorry I wasn't here to help you more. FIrstly well done for getting through the weekend, I saw how hard you struggled on the last one, You should try to give yourself the credit you deserve and the courage and strength you have shown are proof that you have great will and the power to cope. Remember that you are trying so hard and the addiction is fighting you now. It is a slip only if you haven't stuck to things today you HAVEN'T failed. I slipped once a few weeks back by accident I took a single mouthful of an alcopop left on the side by my ex, I thought it was pop and didn't realise until I had swallowed it. I then spent several hours debating with myself about wether I should pour the rest down the sink or leave it there 'til morning for my ex to see I had coped. I know now that, that wasn't true I was buying time to allow my resolve to weaken enough. That time I had help from one of my friends here, If I had been alone I don't think I would have made it. If you have drunk the bottle then that is how it is meant to be, how is it meant to be for you tomorrow?? How is it meant to be for your children?? You have reason enough to not let this single setback take you back to the start of your battle. I know you can do this. As for support I have found out today I am moving and it will be hard for me to do more than inspire and give advice. Have you looked for another support network starry1 mentioned about other alcohol related forums. They will need you as much as you need them. Please keep posting and I will reply as soon as I am able but I value honesty above all and would never lie to you. You can do this. Stick to the plan. You can get your life back, stick with it, fight it tooth and nail. You will win. I use many methods to cope, I want you to try this one. For me I use HOPE and FAITH (non religous). Read back through your posts and see the hope you have had. Realise that hope is still there, and know that if hope fails you, you always have faith to fall back on. You can take back your life, whenever it feels out of reach just stretch out your hand that little bit further. Use your BRIDGE move it to the destination you want to get to. You can cross when it is time for you to finally beat this addiction. You will win. Jamie xxxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 hi things so not good today i got so knocked back today which has really upset me and made me drink. i know thats my responsibility and i take those on baord. i did an hours assessment three weeks ago to get help to go on medication to help me stop but they have no record of this and i have to meet with another worker to start the whole process all over again. it makes me so cross cos i have worked so ahrd to reduce and they are not there as they promised they would be. i have no idea when my detox will be now and how long it will take it does my head in big time as i thought things were really underway but how wrong was i. i am at a loss cos i have worked so hard for the reduction that has happened but till i know when the detox will be when i can see the light at the emd of the tunnel i am done totally done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Hiya spudnbeans, I know a person in r/l goimg thru this at the moment. He is cutting down from 12-6 cans a day an he is getting Librium, Campral and Zopiclone to help. I can see from your posts that you are serious about giving this a shot. Thats a bitch that they lost your records an have to go thru the whole thing again. I believe you have the strenght to see this thru,otherwise you would not be bothering. I have addiction issues also. xxx anne marie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 hope u get there in the end, my mum has broken the cycle, she takes some med that makes her violently sick if she drinks, i have to say it was at my request as she put my kids in danger once by leaving it hidden in her bag on the floor in kids reach in a pop bottle, but i can now trust her with my kids again, knowing they are safe. good luck cad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 i just saw this i think it is nice of u to offer moondragon i have major addiction problems. i started drinking at 14, it culminating in 2 bottles of vodka a day a few years back. i was just smashed all the time. i had to go on librium to help with the withdrawals. my skin was awful, i put on huge amounts of weight cuz when i couldnt afford vodka - which i drank neat, straight from the bottle - i drank my way thru 6 litres of cheapo nasty super strength cider or lager. ive recently learnt when i drink to squash my emotions, it works initially, like, when i am pissed but then the next day i feel seriously suicidal. which i dont really need! i was tee total for about 2 years but during that time i took a LOT of drugs, getting my habit up to £200-£300. i got myself into thousands pounds worth of debt with a coke dealer, i was taking 8 bags of coke every day - that was just for 2 weeks, but it had been buildong up. after that i went back on the whizz an used coke with it, anything i could get me hands on. then i added aerosols, getting to about 20 a day, with the coke, speed, pills, weed, prescription drugs - if you'd offered me smack i wudda taken it. im off the drugs now. but drinking a bit more again. i try not to. but its hard. i just want oblivion. im just drinking at the weekend. no vodka. it turns me nasty. im just drinking a bottle of cheap wine. ive had a gambling problem, drink problem, drug problem, eating disorder (i class this as addiction), addicted to hurting myself. i have tools in place to help me and i have a good support network. i am trying to fill my life with things so i dont feel the need for oblivion. i guess i just wanted people to know that even though i still struggle recovery is possible, even as a working progress. good luck everyone xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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