getoutofthcircus@gmail.com Posted January 14, 2012 Report Share Posted January 14, 2012 I said 5-8 because that's about the time my parents started to fight a lot and I would cry a lot more than the average kid and I would pick at my skin (which I still do). Also, I was afraid to throw any of my toys away or use any of my art supplies (again, I still do this, but with other things now). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ollieclews Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 Mine have all been quite recently in the last 2-3 years. Still not sure what set it off though xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaz Posted January 16, 2012 Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 I voted 5-8; first year of school I started acting out in my friendships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashton117 Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 i put over 26 cos thats when i was diagnosed. I was seein specialists from the age of 4. Iv seen mental health specialists on and off all my life. Its only the last year or so i started asking questions about the antidepressants id been on for years, and why they thought id been depressed all my life that i was referred to the psyciatrist for an 'assessment'. It turns out all them antidepressants didnt work, cos i werent bloody depressed in the 1st place. Now, im diagnosed with did and emotionally unstable bpd!!! what the fucks it all about, A?!!..... im waitin to start dbt therapy, meantime, i dont really know what im meant to be doin.Any suggestions/advice is truly welcome :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 I voted 5-8 I remember what I think is self harming for the first time, I put my head through a window and I still have the scar on my forehead, I think I was about 7 years old. I was bullied also at school because I was different than my peers, Then the sexual abuse started my mother and father didn't give a damn and still don't,They were never around and I just knew I was different,would hate socialising and making new friends etc, I began to self harm more and more in my teens. Would never tell anyone then my brother passed away when I was 17, I fell to pieces and kept all my emotions to myself, Wasn't until I was about 30 I decided enough was enough that I decided to get help, I was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, and now Bipolar, I am glad that I got that help as I really don't know where I would be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaz Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 Fanta, how long have you been getting help and what have you found most effective? I'm looking to supplement psyhcotherapy and dbt with some kind of physical therapy - massage, reflexology, accupunture... ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkerlooper Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 i dont really know what to answer as ive blanked the first 15 years of my life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nueday Posted January 26, 2012 Report Share Posted January 26, 2012 I started having suicidal tendencies after starting school at age 5. My brother and I shared a room, we had a bunk bed and I would often comfort myself with thoughts of hanging myself from the top bunk. I also had a very difficult time sleeping, had nightmares and would sleep walk. I also started having severe abandonment issues and had no self esteem whatsoever. I kind of feel as though I "missed" being a kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morbid_qt Posted January 27, 2012 Report Share Posted January 27, 2012 I voted 13-15 because I can remember starting to self harm and lose control of my emotions at this time. Thinking back on it, I definitely had symptoms earlier. I can remember a time when I was supposed to go to school- I think age six or seven- and I cried and screamed and begged my mom not to leave me. Other than that, I have no memory of my childhood before age twelve at least so I can't be too much help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Icebaby Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 I said 16-18. It was somewhere between 15&17 when my symptoms worsened but I kept diaries from 12 & there's signs further back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted February 3, 2012 Report Share Posted February 3, 2012 5-8. Anxiety and attachment issues. Possibly depression. Separation from Mum to go to school. Dad very unwell with mental health issues [untreated] and domestic violence at home, which included him threatening to send me away. Dissociation started consciously when I was about 7 or 8. This was when the bullying started to get very intense at school. Of course none of this was picked up on at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Icebaby Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 Changed my vote after looking carefully at stuff, now put 13-15 x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foiled Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 9-12 for me. I was very clingy and started getting anxious at age 11 then inevitably- followed depression. age 12 , that's when the rage started. suddenly I became this monster, or rather this monster that was always there- was starting to be known. though I remember feeling strange before age 11, it's fuzzy, but this absolute -need- for attention. I must fill this gaping hole. very early on at about age 4 or 5 and I remember doing some really naughty things to get it. that's pretty much all that I can recall about my childhood. it was quite clear to me looking back that child mental health thought I had it the moment they met me, it was put on my files, it was suggested and of course wasn't diagnosed til age 18, when I was shipped off to Adult mental health. @Ashton, I wish you luck with your DBT when it happens (if not already) , I've improved remarkably since going through it. three times I did it, each at quite a different point in my life. It's been invaluable really- where it's helped me get to, it has opened my eyes and my mind, and most of all my heart, to forgive and accept. anyway, thanks for the thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ria__x Posted March 16, 2012 Report Share Posted March 16, 2012 interesting to seen 5-8 being a top result. i never really thought about it but i guess i was pretty much an outcast in primary school. i voted 13-15 though as thats when i started having sex with people. although more accuratley 11-14 would've done for me.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morethanme Posted March 16, 2012 Report Share Posted March 16, 2012 i put 4 and under cos apparently i was a disturbed child (no suprise then if u knew what happened) i wont write what i would do cos it might trigger / upset ppl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morethanme Posted March 16, 2012 Report Share Posted March 16, 2012 thanks ria xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
totalwar Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 9-12 that the age I started self harming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted April 15, 2012 Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 5-8 abused at 4 but ptsd/dissociation started at 5, worse after further abuse 9-11, self-harm and anorexia/binge eating and risk taking behaviours started when i was about 13 or 14 - not diagnosed with depression until 50, ptsd at 51, cptsd at 52, bpd at 53... sort of coped until chronic pain after bicycle accident at 49... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abster Posted April 15, 2012 Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 I voted 13-15 as that's when I can really remember having bpd symptoms. Stuff happened way before that (from about 3) but I think I was so dissociative that it's all just very blurry and I can't really remember what was happening or any symptoms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted April 15, 2012 Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 that's interesting abster - if you'd asked me a few years back i'd have said exactly the same. however, with 2 years of specific specialist cptsd therapy (re-experiencing the traumatic bits whilst the therapist makes sure that your conscious remains engaged and that you remain grounded), many of the bits in between came back too... more recent dissociative episodes remain a closed book though so i still don't know how i get to the places i get to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abster Posted April 15, 2012 Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 The specific cpstd therapy sounds interesting. I've tried EMDR in the last but it was too much. As I do more work in therapy I am starting to have some bits of memory of those earlier years return, but it doesn't feel like 'me' in them. I have a visual memory but no emotional connection to them. I have no idea what I felt or how I coped in those early years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bumbumhere Posted May 3, 2012 Report Share Posted May 3, 2012 If you are diagnosed or believe you have BPD, at what age did your symptoms first appear? I am interested in comparing my own experiences with those of others. If you also had another condition as a child, you might want to reply below. Symptoms first appeared 14. As a child I had tantrums Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devon069 Posted May 4, 2012 Report Share Posted May 4, 2012 i voted 13-15 because thats when i left home running from myself hidding from the hurt inside i didnt understand,all the rapes and sexual acts done to me life of bikers n drugs violence all around. no idea untill i first sought real help at 28 why or what was going on in my head. everything i was doing sex at young age drugs all the so called "wild" life i was living was normal to me. so i thought. now raising teenage kids i have a lot to clean up because i lied my way thru dr.s and so on untill 28years old. im 37 now and am happy i found this site. thatnk u for being here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElleT Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 I said 9-12 because that's when I started to notice, my mother however noticed a big personality shift when I was 4. We moved to a new state and I went from an outgoing loud and happy little girl to a very very shy and quite girl. So maybe that's when it happened, funny thing though is the only big thing that happened then was we moved to a different state. I didn't have any really good friends where we lived, so I wasn't upset about moving, that I remember anyways. There is a lot of things I don't really remember. Apparently in my kindergarten class one of my male classmates strangled me. My mom found out by calling the school and asking why I had marks on my neck. I think other things happened there but I'm not sure. I remember that before we moved I was very independent, I would sleep with my mom at night but then when we moved my mother going anywhere without me was horrifying. So I don't know why I just spilled all this, I've told therapists and they just say we will address it I dunno. I"m in a spilling kind of mood apparently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 (((hugs))) I'm glad your mum noticed the marks and that you do remember that - it gives a way in for therapy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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