lonelyheartemma Posted May 22, 2014 Report Share Posted May 22, 2014 The feeling that everyone hates me, that I'm not likeable, that my perceptions aren't real, that everything anyone says to me is an attempt to tell me how horrible I am. I imagine what people are saying about me behind my back and I just want to destroy myself because I'm so bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 22, 2014 Report Share Posted May 22, 2014 thanks mousey for your kind words... they mean a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted May 22, 2014 Report Share Posted May 22, 2014 The horrible never ending anxiety which then changes to never ending depression there is no happiness or hope I have given up this is it I am stuck in this cycle forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 23, 2014 Report Share Posted May 23, 2014 i also struggle with having a warped immage of my self Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentGirl Posted June 5, 2014 Report Share Posted June 5, 2014 Not being able to show the real me.. Whatever the "real me" means... I have no idea who I am... I struggle with allowing people to get close to me... I've lied and lied about who I am... in fear of I don't know why... I know I've dealt with a lot of traumatic experiences growing up and maybe that's why Ive lied a lot as an adult, scared... needed to protect.. I don't know... I feel like I'm going to get betrayed by others even though I've betrayed them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JABaillie Posted June 5, 2014 Report Share Posted June 5, 2014 Shame, all the time the shame. The hollowness. I have no idea who I am and define myself only by my various mental inequities and the people I happen to be around. When I'm alone I'm as beige as the walls of my room. The abandonment anxiety is so severe I've basically just cut myself off from everyone so that they don't have the chance to abandon me. And I hate myself for all of it and want it all to stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burning wing Posted June 7, 2014 Report Share Posted June 7, 2014 shame, I even feel ashamed and unworthy to send this comment, it's like 'who the hell I am to have the right to share my expierences?!' Omg I hate it. And also I hate most of all my submissivness and not being able to let go of people. I do whatever, just whatever so that they wouldn't leave me, I always feel on the edge of being left and I can't imagine what I will do when they eventually have to leave. I'm afraid to make close contact with people because I'm afraid of them leaving me and then I won't be able to cope with the emotion. I hate it, I hate my submissivness, my fear of being alone, my everything, myself!!!! And also I hate not knowing the boundaries between me and others, that feels awful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 8, 2014 Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 this thread is really intresting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane-M Posted June 8, 2014 Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 My paranoia, impulsiveness which makes me hard to think rationally. I overact a lot in situations not like others. I attach myself to people and they always leave, nobody ever stays. I am so lonely I wish i was still with my ex-busive husband, at least somone was there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 9, 2014 Report Share Posted June 9, 2014 i also struggle with feelings of lonelyness, emptyness inside my soul, feelings of being frightened everybody leaves me in the end dianne so your not alone because i can so relate to what you've posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salamence91 Posted June 12, 2014 Report Share Posted June 12, 2014 I struggle with the downers the feeling wirthless having no hope in life. The paranoia I have in my head. The feelings of that I've failed because ive relapsed back into struggling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackcat14 Posted June 18, 2014 Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 Area : Relationships with the years I have been shutting myself off in order to avoid getting too close and …. loose it completely. If I get close to someone i can go from 0 to 100 in no time. To little time. All intensity comes bursting out and that triggers all the rest: impulsivity, reckless behavior, obsession. Area : the VOID. There is always a sense that something is missing. A huge black hole that swallows everything up. The sense of unreality. Need to pinch myself awake. When younger, I needed to burn. Now I need to keep up 1010101001 things a minute not to feel swallowed up. Area: sensitivity. I can feel and sense people, their soul, under my skin. The environment. Can sense the pain of everybody inside. The quest to find an anesthetic. Alchool, drugs, any kind of madness. Anything to stop the pain. Even more pain. Area : thinking. Yes, I am creative. I am luckily blessed with a good hardware. I can "function". I can be smart. BUT the head. It feels like it is bursting. The continuous thinking, registering, thinking over, the energy that goes into maintaining self control. A torture. Long for a restoring sleep. Not a good moment today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 18, 2014 Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 i also struggle with feeling hollow inside all the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 the mood swings for me are a nightmare i also struggle with abandonment issues, feelings of emptyness, feelings of self haterid and no self worth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 at the top of the list, i hate my self Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhyMeAngel25 Posted June 21, 2014 Report Share Posted June 21, 2014 My whole mixed up emotions are driving me mad at the min...... i go from love to hate really really fast.... 1 sly word twists my head more than you could imagine.... but sometimes the person saying the sly words are the ones supposed to be there for you.... people get mean or vindictive when they dont hear what they want...very resentful just dont understand why they stay ... i am angry at this min..... i dont know how or what to feel ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey_Hepburn Posted June 22, 2014 Report Share Posted June 22, 2014 well, I had many more issues prior starting therapy but still these are ones: constant mood swings, anger and rage, hurting people I love, idealization and devaluation, constant fear of being abandont, self-destructive behaviour, "I hate you-don't leave me" pattern, being unable to feel happiness... wow, a lot of things I have to work upon still Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 22, 2014 Report Share Posted June 22, 2014 its intresting to read people's replys on this subject because we all have some common issues that we struggle with but some of us struggle with different things to the next person.hope this post made sence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhyMeAngel25 Posted June 22, 2014 Report Share Posted June 22, 2014 see i could be here all day writing things tbh an im at the place in time where i feel what is the point... i feel there is no end to this way of life..... i probably wont think like this tomo or in half an hour but i do right now..... im suffering with a whole lot of everything...... iv just had a bereavement which has caused me to replase almost completely ..... im so angry why do people take me so wrong why cant they hear or understand what am saying an see what a good person i am.... drives me mad!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carthraziel Posted June 22, 2014 Report Share Posted June 22, 2014 I posted before but I want to post again, I am stuggling because basically all the turbulence that usually comes with BPD got to a point where it was so bad that something in my brain just shut it all down. And while that sounds amazing I've been stuck like this for so long. I don't feel things. I'm a shell of a person, I'm dead, I barely exist... it's like the emotions just go somewhere else and I never know. I don't know if I'm sad or happy or depressed or estatic so I just pretend to feel how I think you're supposed to. But this isn't real... I'm not real anymore. And now I'm stuggling because I know that ultimately I need to reconnect with my emotions but I desperately don't want to. So I'm stuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 23, 2014 Report Share Posted June 23, 2014 hugs carthrazial Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carthraziel Posted June 23, 2014 Report Share Posted June 23, 2014 Hugs Maddy. : ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 24, 2014 Report Share Posted June 24, 2014 thanks for the hug, means a lot especially as i'm really down atm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ekim Posted June 25, 2014 Report Share Posted June 25, 2014 Anger. Impulse control. Depression. The usual. My wife really scored herself a winner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ekim Posted June 25, 2014 Report Share Posted June 25, 2014 It's the lonliness. It's like having a void in my soul constantly sucking away enjoyment and meaning from everything.I feel like everything is pointless, nothing matters... Often I am able to shift my pattern of thinking and find some other way to give meaning to my life, but the void is relentless. I feel so isolated even in a long term stable relationship. I feel isolated from my friends when I'm with them. I am constantly being eaten up from the inside with this horrible gaping feeling. When I was at school it used to crush me, now it's more like an underlying current of my life. It's just tiring in a really general way, nd sometimes when I am eakened by life this void is so overwhelming and I'm so tired of living with it that I just want to throw myself in. I also hate the way that always feeling like this is so abstract for other people to understand that they really can;'t see why I feel like that at all. That then makes me feel like an alien and even more isolated. Wow, well said. This is me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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