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lonelyheartemma

I Phoned Women's Aid

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lonelyheartemma

This post is partly for me because I actually did it after more than 2 months of being scared.

It's partly for other people who are thinking of phoning them for help. I think I'm going to write loads and loads so I'll put the first few words of each paragraph in bold so you can just skim it or skip to the bits that interest you.

I phoned them and got through straight away so I didn't have to worry about leaving a message on the answerphone and being called back. They say it's less busy between 8pm and 8am. I actually called a bit before 8pm but I still got through.

The lady was really lovely. She was understanding and supportive and really kind. I talked for quite a long time but she didn't try to rush me or tell me to go. She was validating and said it did sound like emotional abuse. She said the things my mum said about me weren't true and she shouldn't have said them. She said it was possible to get away and be happy. We probably spoke for a good 20 minutes.

I'd written down some of the things I wanted to talk about and I read it aloud and that was fine with her and it meant I knew what to say. I read from another post I'd made on this site. I found it helpful to read from a computer screen as it's much easier to read than my handwriting and it meant I didn't have to worry about destroying scraps of paper.

She gave me some helpful information. I have two helpline numbers and details about a place that runs support groups. It took her a while to find some of the information which means she put a lot of work into finding exactly the right organisations.

Making the call was difficult and scary to begin with but it got easier. When I started off, I felt upset and faint. I was shaking and my heartbeat probably went over 120 a minute (it's naturally over 100) and it seemed like I could hear it thumping away. But after 5 minutes or so I forgot about how I was feeling or maybe I just stopped feeling that way.

So if you need to call them I really hope you will. It took me time to work up to it and that's probably the case for a lot of people but once you're ready it's so worth it. She didn't solve everything - I still have to find time (when my parents aren't around) to phone the numbers she's given me and it is possible they won't be as good as her. There's still a lot for me to do. But I've done the first part.

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Data

Well done Emma. I am glad that the lady was nice and gave you some perspective on the relationship between you and your mum.

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Pickle59

Well done ((((Lonelyheartemma)))))............Very proud of you too...........I'm glad that the lady you spoke with was nice and very supportive, but all credit to you for picking up that phone..............as you say, you have done the first part in asking for support, help and understanding and from it, with time, and some privacy you will be able to take the next steps if you need to..........Pickles

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lonelyheartemma

Thank you Data and Pickle. My parents didn't go out today so I wasn't able to phone anyone but I'm sure I'll get the chance soon. I hope the next one will be easier because I've already done it once and the others aren't national numbers so there's more chance of getting through.

It's weird but I feel like I'm an adult now. A very young insecure inexperienced adult but still a proper grown up.

I got a copy of a letter my psychiatrist sent to my doctor. The doctors seem to see me as an attention seeking drug addict (though that might not be true because that's my mum's opinion and she'll say anything) and I told the CMHT that so now whenever they send out a letter they always put in a comment about how determined I am to get better and how much they enjoyed talking to me. That's really kind of them. But it said in the letter that moving out of my parents' house would be really good for me.

I was worried about being referred back to the occupational therapist as I saw one before and we had a few...communication issues. Whenever I said something, she heard something completely different which made conversation very difficult. But she's not working there anymore so I'll be seeing someone else which I'm happy about.

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lonelyheartemma

Thank you Artemis :)

I wouldn't have done it without you and the other lovely people on this forum. I wouldn't even have known women's aid existed without mh world. Scary thought.

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Eagleheart

Emma,i tried to PM you but it wouldn't let me.

Your mother sounds very much like mine was,so i can truly sympathise with you.

I found some great info & support from a site called Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers.

It was a revelation reading about so many others suffering the exact same abuse as me.

I thought it was just me,that i was so bad. Negative mental conditioning over a lifetime has left me damaged so badly,i may never be free from it. It gave my soul such a lift when i read that you called womens aid. You have the chance to undo the damage your mother has inflicted on you. Keep being brave & break free. X

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lonelyheartemma

Sorry Eagle I get so many posts saying "I tried to pm you but couldn't!". I've deleted some messages now.

Thank you, I'll look at the site. I never really thought it might be common enough for there to be a site about it. I think my mum was the daughter of a narcissistic mother too and she can't help what she does but that doesn't mean it's right or that I should suffer it forever. I won't have children so I won't be able to make the same mistakes. But I hope I can find someone to love me because no one really does.

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Eagleheart

I was still in primary school when i vowed never to have children because i just wouldn't risk being like my mother was with me. Only a few years ago,mother told me she was heartbroken that my sister hadn't made her a grandma but she was glad i hadn't had kids because i was "unfit to be a mother".

She was so ruthlessly cruel.

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lonelyheartemma

Do you mind if I call your mum a bitch?

I think you would be an excellent mother. You have so much love inside you, it overflows into your posts and gives everyone love.

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Eagleheart

Aww,bless you for that Emma.

I am a good mum. It's just that my kids are cats instead of humans!!

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angel tears

Hi there

Really well done for making that phone call hun, that's a huge step in breaking free from the abuse :) I am so pleased for you!. I too know what it's like to be f**ked up by my mum and dad after many years of abuse, even now they do it by cutting me out of the families lives!! Nobody has anything to do with me because they say so!!!! Well sod em. We are better off without em.

My mum is a cruel cow!!! I fought hard to keep my daughter who was taken off me by the social and my mum was going around behind my back saying I had given her up!!!!!!. Now I am the bad guy because I told her to tell the truth!!!.

((((Emma)))) keep going hun xxxx

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lonelyheartemma

Cats need a mum too :)

Thank you Mert :)

Thank you Angel, atm the rest of my family has limited contact with me (as in buying me birthday and Christmas presents) but they don't really see me as I am, they just see me as my mum describes me. Everything comes through her. To be fair my sister always buys me good presents and my aunt's presents for me are no more offensive than her presents for everyone else but they have no interest in me, I'm just someone they're obliged to buy presents for.

Your mum really was cruel Angel. That's a terrible thing to do. She had no right to do that and social services shouldn't have listened. There are far too many professional people who accept the word of a mum over the word of the person they're supposed to be helping. It doesn't seem to occur to them that the mum might be the problem.

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addy2

Hugs to you all Emma, Eagle and Angel, you are all worth much more than what your mothers say. Mine is the same a heartless bitch and now I'm the bad one in every ones eyes too but I don't care. I am so glad you called Emma and that it went well I hope you get to call again soon xx

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lonelyheartemma

You're not the bad one in my eyes Addy. I know that's not what you mean, it is a bit different because I'm not your family but if I was I would be on your side and I would be so proud to be related to you.

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