Threemoons Posted December 31, 2014 Report Share Posted December 31, 2014 I'm a bit anxious too, feeling stressed about eating. Not sure how I'll manage the evening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted January 1, 2015 Report Share Posted January 1, 2015 (((Addy))) I hope this evening is better. I find phoning difficult at the best of times, phoning when I feel anxious and stressed to start with is usually impossible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2015 Hugs threemoons and Emma yeah I find calling so hard as well emma I keep saying maybe tomorrow I've had so little sleep but feeling vey hyper and agitated. How was your evening threemoons? I hope you both had a good day xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 1, 2015 Report Share Posted January 1, 2015 Thank you for the hugs, Addy. My evening was finally okay, I went on and off of the meal but still managed to eat. I'm disappointed cause this time of year is meant to be cheerful and full of hope for me usually but lately I just feel unease with life, all's kind of empty and vain, which freaks me out cause it's how my last suicidal lapse begun and I first acted on it. Any tips on how to see the purpose of life again and keep me safe? I send you courage for your call, Addy. I used to be really nervous on the phone so I understand you dread it. I hope you'll feel better after it's done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2015 Thats how I feel Christmas time is a big disappointment to me as well I usually get very depressed. I'm not sure I'll call anyone I don't see the point it only leads to more frustration as they don't get me. My only advice is to be open and honest with those supporting you make them aware how you feel and do good things, things which are nice for you even if you don't feel like it. I'm refusing to fall into this yr I can't go to hospital for my kids so I have to avoid it no matter what xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 2, 2015 Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 you have all of us on here for support. Not feeling well at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted January 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 Sorry to hear that maddy, I am here too for everyone. I'm still in bed and it's after two I really need to sort myself out but feeling crap today. Hugs maddy xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 2, 2015 Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 had to take some prn to turn the volume of me voices down as i almost started head banging. Think that would have freaked my friend right out... I dont wanna freak him out as he has been really lovely letting me stay with him over the christmas period. He is bi polar so i dont wanna do anything to trigger him off as that really wouldnt be fair on him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted January 2, 2015 Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 Hope you both are feeling better Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 3, 2015 Report Share Posted January 3, 2015 Feeling a bit better today even if my voices woke me up at half three again just like yesterday. they so angry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 3, 2015 Report Share Posted January 3, 2015 Sorry to hear Maddy, do you know why they're angry? How do you feel today Addy? I had a good day today, met someone who likes me and we did a productive work together. Hi Steve! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 I'm exhausted I didn't sleep until 4 am I was so anxious I couldn't stop shaking and then I woke after 7am in a panic attack and shaking again I had to get up at nine to leave my daughter of to musical theatre as they are travelling to Dublin to see a musical I feel bad as most parents went but there is no way I could go, the lady who runs it said she could go without me cause she's almost 12 and two others are going without a parent I still feel bad though I'm useless. I can't go back to bed as my anxiety seems to get worse then and my six yr old is up so I got him breakfast. How are you all today? Have the voices got any less maddy? Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Hello Threemoons...how are you? Maddy..I am alarmed the voices wake you, same question as Threemoons about the anger Addy..you are hard on yourself...two other children went without a parent..you are doing fine Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon5 Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Hi hope you don't mind me butting in. I was wondering how you cope with looking after your children Addy. for 10 days now my children haven't been up until 3pm, me around 1pm. I cook food but that's all. they are older thank goodness for that. just wondering what you do and any tips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Hello Bluemoon...do you mean your children haven't got out of bed?? Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Hi bluemoon, I don't cope so well my partner is here which makes a big difference. I haven't got up before 2pm the entire Christmas but my partner gets up and sees to them when I get up I dress them and make dinner I just do what I can really I feel so bad alot of the time. How old are your kids bluemoon? I have two teenagers as well who slept most of Christmas too apparently it's a teenage thing so try not to feel too bad about it. Are they old enough to go out alone? I sometimes drop mine of with friends at least then I know they have been out for a while or sometimes on a bad take I get their favourite take away food and we watch a movie they love it and it makes me feel less worthless as a parent. It's the small things that sometimes make a difference. Without my partner though I wouldn't cope practically, he drives me everywhere I can't go out alone anymore even at home I panic on my own it's scaring me how I'm loosing myself in all this. I hope your ok bluemoon feel free to pm me anytime if you need. Thanks Steve I'm always hard on myself I just want everything to be perfect but it's not. How are u doing Steve? X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 Hi all, hope your day's going okay. I feel better Steve, had a motivating talk with a friend on here. Thank you for asking. Addy, I also think you're too hard on yourself, dear. I'm sure you're doing all you can for your kids and they know it. Your anxiety and panic attacks sound awful, a lot of people wouldn't cope better if they were in your shoes. The fact that you're hard on yourself proves that you're indeed a good parent. Bluemoon, could you ask your kids why they sleep so much? If they don't reply in a way that makes you think they're depressed or ill, I wouldn't worry too much about it as it's the holidays and they probably need some extra sleep to recover from school. Or haven't them been much active during the year? It could also be a teenage thing as Addy suggested. If you suspect anything wrong though, please talk about it with them and your family doctor, particularly if it's really unusual of them. Better to ring the alarm for nothing than leave worries unchecked. I think the fact that you sleep a lot yourself means you're struggling. Maybe they're just copying your behavior. What can you do to struggle less? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Not sure what to do, haven't been sleeping more than three hours a night I'm so tired I have therapy in 8hours time yet here I am awake and anxious. What so I even tell her I've realised I've stopped talking I haven't posted much on here about the reality of it all I haven't called lifeline or been to my gp I usually go every week it's been over a month haven't saw my therapist in three weeks either. Now this might sound a positive thing but it's not in my crisis wrap plan it's one of my early warning signs that I totally withdraw and another one is not sleeping, what do I do now I don't even know what to tell them x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Dont know what triggers off their anger..-wish i did so i could fuckin fix it somehow. Hugs all round with a big aww thrown in for good measure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Addy, just tell them what you've told us, that these are early warning signs and that you need extra help. Is something else written in your plan about what to do when such signs show up? I'm worried for you, not sleeping is horrible and so draining. If it's too hard talking, could you please print off your last post and hand it to them? Take good care dear, you must feel exhausted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 I tried to tell them today I had an appt with my psychologist this morning and cried the entire hour she said I looked pale and tired. She told me to call the mh team and get an appt with my psychiatrist but he can't see me until feb but they rang my gp who rang me and I cried at her too because she was so good to ring me she had upped my trazadone and said if I don't sleep tonight to call her tomorrow. I feel so low I told them it's going to build until I do something I shouldn't, I tried to sleep earlier and I can't I can't function at this level my gp said she knows this is how it goes and that things get bad but she said she's there for me they all there I just have to call. My psychologist says what I'm experiencing is PTSD something has triggered me I know what it is but I couldn't tell her xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 i back what three moons has said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 I'm so glad these professionals are there for you Addy, please use this support as much as you can. You don't have to tell them what the trigger is if you aren't ready, you'll just tell them when you are. Don't pressure yourself my dear dear friend. You're going through a horrible patch and I'm well worried that you think it'll build up until you do something you shouldn't. I think the first thing you need is peaceful nights, it's vital. I hope that the trazadone will help you sleep, don't wait though if it doesn't tonight, call back tomorrow right away. Can I ask how you spend your day? What are your activities? How does your husband react to you nowadays? Sorry, I don't want to ask too much questions. It's just that I'm willing to help you the most I can. I'm here for you, you can PM me anytime. I want to reach out to you, I want you to feel how much you're loved here. Want to take you in my arms and hug you gently until you feel reassured you're not alone. PTSD is hell but be sure one can come back out of it and live happy again. Please be safe, Addy. Much much much love to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Some days I'm active I get my partner to go for a walk in the forest with me and I'll go to town and do what I have to do and I can tidy up and cook. Other days like now when I haven't been sleeping I can barely cook I don't have the energy or the motivation but the problem is no matter what I do it makes no difference if I lay in bed all day or if I'm up and active I still feel shit. Some days I just lay in bed until the kids come home from school. This time of yr is bad for me I don't know why but I get so depressed and I try to keep going I am in a choir and panto but I feel so depressed and low even when I'm there so I don't know why I bother I have no interest anymore in anything. My husband doesn't say much as long as I keep pretending he's happy he knows things are bad but I don't think he cares. I feel so ill my head aches and I tried to sleep earlier but I couldn't I don't understand why I can't sleep anymore. Thankyou so much threemoons for being there for me xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 8, 2015 Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 sometimes when we feel low we cant sleep properly because of the stuf goin round in our heads. Hang in there addy sweets it will get better. You wont always feel this way. Huge hugs my dear, xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.