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Becca95

Anorexia creeping back (trigger warning)

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Becca95

So I've not long recovered from atypical anorexia (not due to body image).

For the last few months I've been very uncomfortable with bloating and bowel issues, it's being investigated now, I've got an ultrasound next week. However, it has really affected my confidence, all I see is my ballooned stomach and I instantly think I'm fat. 

Ive started eating less and I feel so uncomfortable with my boyfriend touching my body or seeing it now. He was really sweet about it but I won't believe him.

Anyway it's just making me feel really shitty and I can feel myself slipping into anorexia again but for the weight issue this time, they say it never leaves you don't they? :(

*trigger*

Been getting the urges to self harm, all over my belly, I want to feel release from that area and I don't like it anymore :( 

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artemis84

Hi Becca,

I am a 'recovering' anorexic - was hospitalised for it 6 years ago but have managed to maintain a 'healthy' weight for 4 years. However, I still consider myself as recovering as like you say I believe it never truly leaves you.

I am sorry you are feeling so bad about this.  I don't know if it helps but when I was in treatment I was told that the stomach is the first place weight goes and the last place it leaves as your new weight evens out over your body.  But it will even out.  I know you have additional bloating issues but try and tell yourself that it is for a medical reason and does not make you fat.

I am having issues at the moment too - was put on mirtazepine when I was hospitalised over the summer and it has made me hungry all the time - I feel like I am bingeing all the time and again feel my stomach is huge and I am fat.  I have found covering my full length mirrors with postcards and pictures of places I have been / dream of going has helped - you can see enough to know you're not going out with ketchup everywhere(!) but not enough to see your 'fat' image.  Just an idea.  I know our situations are different but they do have some similarities.

Please try not to sh though - those scars will last forever but your bloating won't. xxx

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