Confused,is it me

[Lost1981]

I've struggled in my younger years with depression,something I've been able to control,I also previously self harmed. Many relationships I've had have been intense and failed,I'm beginning to question is it me with the issues? There are times I feel suicidal and have difficulty grieving and processing events in my life,I just feel isolated,alone,unsure I thought my ex had bpd but the more I look at things in my life it appears the same pattern occurs. I did an online test which indicated I highly likely displayed traits,my mum also is diagnosed as bi polar. I'm not quite sure where to go from here but I'm beginning to hate myself and blame myself for things that have happened

[Saharah Blue]

No one here can dx you and a self dx is not enough to to make stride forward, but if you are feeling that it is you that is the one not right in your own head then it is a good time to look for help outside yourself and find a professional that is experienced with working with BPD patients or just PD patients in general, I think you will find the best starting point there.

But, please keep posting about what is troubling you because here, we aim to be supportive without judgement and a full idea that w take responsibility for how we behave. I myself have greatly supported in finding ways to be honest with myself here.