Was it my mental health or something else?

[Serena_]

Hey there! I'm completely new to this forum so don't really know what to expect, I just needed somewhere where I could talk about my issues and help others out in the process.

So basically about 6 years ago I was diagnosed with psychosis, which they now think could be schizoaffective disorder as I suffer from delusions and thought disorder as well as manic episodes. 

I just needed somewhere where I could talk about my first hospitalisation really to get a second opinion as I haven't really spoken to my family and friends about this issue. 

When I was first diagnosed with psychosis in early 2011 I was sectioned because I was a risk to myself and others as I had been walking in the road against a flow of traffic. By that point I had completely lost the plot and thought that I was being possessed. 

What led me to that point however is where my dilemma arises - I had been studying at college doing art and I was completely besotted with my teacher and I thought he could have felt the same way. Things came to a head a couple of weeks before I was sectioned when I tried to kiss him after class and I was given a warning from the course leader about my behaviour.

Although I shouldn't have done this I still can't help feeling that there had been a connection between us that I still haven't forgotten about to this day. It is very unlike me to attempt to kiss a professional so brazenly and although I know I was in a manic state of mind at the time I still can't help but feel that these feelings were a result of his actions towards me and not my mental health. He was quite unprofessional. 

Suffice to say I didn't end up going back to college after Christmas as I had been hospitalised so I never saw him again. I just want to know why I still think about him, I really want to move on. 

Serena xoxo