Does my girlfriend is mild/medium CLUSTER B?

[Pownder]

 

Hi Guys, I had a relationship of 4 months with a girl (colleague in the office) and I believe she has the personality disorder components of a CLUSTER B. I believe she is a mixed type, not entirely BPD,  as we did not had physical fights, and she did not chased me, I was the one always chasing and searching for attention.  I would like to check with you. First of all, an important detail: I am 36 and she is 22.  I would not say that the beginning was fast; we went out 2 or 3 times since se** initiated.  I had to chase her, as after the first night we had I was not too caring, and she started to somehow ignore me. In any case, after some more efforts, I came to her place, and we started to have se*** regularly (amazing se**). Slowly we started to get connected and going out frequently. Before we really started a relationship I discovered that after drinking a lot she had se*** with another colleague. On the next day of the discovery we sat and talked about and we came to an agreement. The honeymoon period was amazing but I was not being me completely; I was trying to understand her and to treat her on the best possible way, even if I had to be subject to her outbursts of anger, pessimism and sadness. I was the first to say I love you and she has been always resistant to say this. She was very afraid to do it so, but ended up saying. It has been a long time I have been that open hearted in a relationship; really wanted to rediscover the real girl which was behind that armor (white knight/hero/prince/savior syndrome). We went to her city and I formalized the relationship. The relationship went on, we  spent a lot of time together but I had vacation days and I was away. Most of the time she was ok, but on other moments she said I have abandoned her. I gave her some feedback about her behavior (lack of affection, no embracing and so on) and she even started to change. As I have not acknowledge her explicitly she became angry and returned back to the previous behavior. We became distant, after some conversations we got closer again but then we had more discussions. She said that things have been too fast between us and wanted some space. Lately we had a discussion  and I told her that her problem in the eye (which is stress related and very severe) was not my fault. This was a big trigger and for a bloody coincidence she had the problem again; as a result she has cut me off  completely. She had to engage on surgery and now is recovering. I offered support and help but she did not wanted at all, saying that I don’t care a shit about her. She told me that will recover by herself (her father was around when she did the surgery, 3 days ago) and them afterwards we can talk. I am completely lost but it seems all these things are big red flags signaling I should leave her. What are your impressions? Bellow a list of symptons/attittudes.

 

1.         Trust issues. She barely trusts people at first; always on alert; don’t want that “strange people” – even my friends or acquaintances go to her place. She did not allowed my cleaning lady to go to her place, as she is not comfortable of letting her alone on her place; she is comfortable in having 2 or 3 best friends and that is it;

2.         Secretive about her life (facebook with a lot of privacy settings; never posts on facebook; very few pics; more active on Instagram and snap);

3.         Abuse. She has told me she has been abused by a former boyfriend (cocaine user, I believe he beated her); also told me that has been raped (probably by an affair, as she said that a friend of her was on the scene before); she said she hates arabs, so I suspect that it was one of them (she told that it happened to a friend of her, but I think it was her story);

4.         Antisocial. Dont like to go clubbing; prefers to go to calmer places. Her dream weekend is to stay at home watching series.

5.         Sudden Burtings of Anger. React verbally very harsh for small things, like messages on Whatssap; small mistakes (like putting my fingers her house wall; pulling a chair and scratching the ground);

6.         Previous Warnings. Things like “I am trouble”; “Why do you want to stay with me” and so on have been shouted in the beginning of relationship;

7.         Se***ual Liberalism. Said she is liberal on bed; suggested a 3 some with 2 girls; but I must accept a 3 some with 2 men; for her se** is se***, there is no “love making”; very high resistance to pain on bed; even when I try to bite her hard, for example, she never says ouch;

8.         Few Friends. And don’t want to do new friendships; had a story of f*** buddies or friends with benefits; I believe for her age she had more partners than the average girl;

9.         No introduction to friends. Never introduced me to her friends.

10.        Insecurity. Thinks that herself is dumb, non capable; has been always a shadow of her so to say smarter, more focused brother (PHD student in a famous university). In any case she already has a Master and started to work;

11.        No display of affection. No Public Display of Affection; no holding hands; petting is rare; no embracing;

12.        Abuse of Nicotine ( 15 cigarettes per day; in summer 40 cigarettes day)

13.        Eating Disorder (told me she has gaining and losing weight frequently – but she is not fat at all). Told me that her self image is very important to her;

14.        Mom Relationship (said her mother never said I love you, but nowadays she says her mom is like a friend)

15.        Silence Treatment. Sometimes she has told me that only she speaks and I don’t talk; has accused me of lack of empathy (which to some sort seems right); likes to adopt silence treatment;

16.        Health. She said she never did a checkup on her life; this is starting to annoy me as I had se*** with her always unprotected;

17.        Negativity. Always says that will have cancer and die around 50’s; never an optimistic for her; but has most of the time supported me on my endeavors;

 

Thanks guys

[addy2]

Wow why would u analyse your girlfriend like that? I should also say not all people with bpd are physically violent that’s an awful assumption to make and insulting. Also maybe she is a private person who has been hurt in the past, not wanting to go clubbing is not anti social some people just don’t like it, she could have anxiety and clubs make her anxious. 

In answer to should u leave then yes, leave her alone it sounds like you harass her especially when u say she is reluctant to say she loves u maybe she doesn’t love u and if she cut u of its because u are too much and moving too fast listen to her instead of thinking what u want. I see more red flags with ur behaviour than hers.