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Do I potentially have BPD?

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Hi everyone, 

I am new here. My name is Charly, I am a 24 year old woman from Scotland. Let me tell you about my situation... I spent 4 days in hospital recently due to attempted suicide and drug misuse. I had gone out for a couple of beers, gone home and broken up with my partner for no apparent reason before leaving the house again and taking cocaine and ecstasy with more alcohol. I wound up by the side of a river and even had my bank card stolen from right out of my pocket by a man who tried to get me to go home to his for a drink (at 7am). 

I have been provided with mitarzipine and recommended to go to drug and alcohol counselling. But ever since I was a late teenager I have had these same feelings of depression and an unbelievable temper. I find it so hard to control my emotions that it is like permanent PMS. I am unpredictable and impulsive, some days I am erratic but my mood changed fairly quickly.

My relationship is something I could be 100 percent invested in one minute and then a total bitch another. I get so angry and upset that I hit myself and I cannot control it. I can break up with my partner and then one minute be grabbing on to her legs because I don't want it to be over.

Now that I am out of the hospital, I feel like everything has just resumed back to normal. I am still fluctuating up and down in the exact same way. 

I also suffer with constant guilt over nothing, I have a dysmorpgic view of myself and cannot face the mirror and I have horrible intrusive thoughts that make me feel disgusted with myself.

The hospital physciatrist said I have anxiety. But she spent all but 10 minutes assessing whether I was fit to leave. My partner has also just told me that they hate me as I screamed at them during an argument over a ski holiday. 

I am smart enough to know that this is something more than anxiety and I'm not sure if I can go on living like this without it being destructive. All I can think about doing is going for a drink, getting absolutely hammered and doing whatever the hell takes away this feeling. 

I know this is long but I would love to hear from some of you.

My email is charlyhouston@icloud.com if anyone wants to get in touch there 



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Saharah Blue

it sounds like you need need to get your substance use under control before you would be eligible for a professional assessment. it is not really possible to play two ends ageist the middle and hoping for an accurate dx. Take some time to care for yourself and see you deserved to have a proper help. Be honest with yourself.

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