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pricilla

how do i tell my mum about my bpd diagnosis

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pricilla

hi, i'm 20 years old and have always suffered with mental health issues, mainly depression. when i was about 16 i started developing multiple signs of bpd, i had been living with this for about 3 years and then when i was 18 i  moved out of my family house and started to realise just how unstable i had become. i did nhs therapy for a few months until i eventually received a bpd diagnosis. its been about 6 months since i was diagnosed and i am still struggling internally with this , it has put alot of things into perspective for me and im glad i now have an idea of what i'm dealing with.  i haven't told anyone, not my roommates/best friends, my brother, but i especially have not told my mum.

the problem is my mum quite clearly has some serious mental health issues herself, and she has used me as her sort of therapist for as long as i can remember, but she has no awareness of mental health and is very naive to the topic. she is extremely sensitive and takes everything people say very personally, when she feels she is being blamed for something it triggers a downward spiral that the whole family has to endure. she is extremely insecure about her parenting in the past when we were younger, she feels like she neglected us as she was completely dedicated to her work for our entire childhood. because our interactions were so based on me talking her through her own insecurities and issues, i became the therapist at a very young age. i think because of this i have never felt comfortable sharing my own issues/emotions, especially with my mum as i am the glue that holds her together and keeps her stable. 

now because of the virus, i am back at home living with her and my brothers. i am constantly triggered and having to hide my emotions more than usual, as when i do show them i'm seen as rude or too sensitive. i know things might be easier or they would be more understanding if i told them about my bpd but i do not know how i can tell my mum. i know the first thing shell do is research it and see that a common cause is being neglected as a child and she will instantly blame herself for this and it will confirm all her worst fears about being a 'bad' parent. i'm worried she will resent me for this, and that she wont know how to interact with me and will get too caught up in researching and it will become all she thinks of me as, her parenting failure. 

please if anyone has any advice, or experience with telling a parent about their bpd i would love another opinion because i really do not know what to do.

 

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