abbynormal Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 As some of you (Pip probably the most, sweet ((((pip)))) know it was not me yesterday. Matter of fact it wasn't me last night either. I looked at what I could find that "someone" wrote and I don't find anything offensive. If that happened, sorry. What I did do or whoever is upsetting.... and maybe to you guys I will confess... but I found myself out at a bar basically drinking... running from me. I made it home but my poor hubby is distraught. He is about to travel... going your way.... for a couple of weeks and is worried. I feel like a total albatross. I just need to know someone is out there. I don't even know what I need. Am I alone? Is there no help? Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Abby I did wonder if it were you.You have us - all of you.You have your Therapist tooand your family- you are not alonelovePatriciax Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbynormal Posted September 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Thanks PipEven though we don't really know each other sometimes I think you are the only one that remotely cares. Hubby has to. T I could take or leave some days... today is leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Stick with T AbbyHe is helping youxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbynormal Posted September 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 :wacko: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 It just take baby stepsx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbynormal Posted September 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 I know but Pip.. you don't get it... the fall is really bad for me. They are trying to kill me. I should just give in. help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 You need to get some onsideto protect yousorry - dunno howHave you asked T? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbynormal Posted September 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Pip do you secretly know T? That is what he says.. try to get sara and jean and mary and elizabeth to help. But thats it.. no how... Should I put a work order in? Submitt paperwork in triplicate? Should I sit cross legged on the ground and light candles and play with a Ouija board.... nothing.. just do it. Thats like me telling you to just feel better, just do it. Sorry I am so upset right now and only you care. Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Sorry AbbyI didn't mean to offend you.If they kill you, then they are gone too- so it is in their intterests for you to be here.Sorry if this sounds daftand I am scared it might- could you write Jean a letterand leave it somewhere where she willl see it?I am sorry I don't have the answer Abby,but I do carelovePatriciax Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbynormal Posted September 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Pip I wasn't angry at you.... I am angry at me and this useless life I have. Please don't feel bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Abby,I just want to help you.I wish I knew the answer to help yousorryPatriciaxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbynormal Posted September 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 You know Pip... I don't think there is any help. You guys have this website and even though I hang around here I don't have alot in common with you guys. Sorry I am just feeling sorry for myself..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Abbywe all hurtwe have that in common.All we can really do is be there for each otherI am and always will try to be here for youlovePatriciax Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs tree Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Abby...As you know not everyone has the BPD dx here...it is not a requiremnet that you have that dx to give or recieve support from this community...There are differences in the problems we face even with the same dx as BPD is a very broad dx.I don't pretnd i know how to deal with your alters but do here your pain and your fear.Are your feelings for your T diminished since his hols? maybe you need to talk to him about that if its the case.Take whatever support you can get you need and deserve itTc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miko Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Pip do you secretly know T? That is what he says.. try to get sara and jean and mary and elizabeth to help. But thats it.. no how... Should I put a work order in? Submitt paperwork in triplicate? Should I sit cross legged on the ground and light candles and play with a Ouija board.... nothing.. just do it. Thats like me telling you to just feel better, just do it. Sorry I am so upset right now and only you care. AbbyHi Abby,Autumn (fall) is a strong time of year for me too. The colours and smells in the air (that's got to have its chemical element) and the attached memories of a new year at school or college, the reawakened shame of a year's work - and relating - not well done and fear of the repercussions or of history repeating itself. Regrets I daren't feel and a promise I daren't believe, mixed with the beauty, the exhilaration ... Autumn has often been a difficult time for me to not drink (and I basically can't drink safely).Now amidst the increasing volume of posts on the forum and the pressures on me to not look at the forum (connection down, work, eat, sleep, errands) your posts are among those people's that have been the biggest highlights for me. You have been such a hope bringing person at the forum for me. I shall try and follow your posts as best I can the next couple of weeks.It must feel a heavy cross for you to have your 'alters' intervene but I like to hear about them as well as about all the other inspiring elements in your life.I don't usually have names for my different facets, but I might have in future - I don't know yet whether that would be right for me.Anyway the way I look at it I sometimes think I have got to have a friendly chat with Miko the stunningly winsome but irresponsible adolescent, Miko the old grouch (I can be like the man in 'One foot in the grave' which we have on the TV here, not that I watch it, ironically named Victor), Miko the child ill in bed being comforted and static and perhaps reading a plane spotting book, Miko the almost obsessive resource investigator looking up all kinds of information about Asperger Syndrome, depression, community mental health teams' success rates, M.E., what have you, and a few others besides.There is a terrific lot of good in each of those personae and each of their main strategies has great value, but in terms of balance and prioritising, coordinating and collaborating towards this wider work that sustains us all, I as each of them need to learn - as a learning experience - how to have these facets pull together (literally pull myself together) and cooperate to achieve wider and deeper goals such as reestablish my livelihood and household routines including supplement taking for my health, also enhancing my communicating ability, rather than 'sabotage' these goals.Without trying to compare myself to you I am aware of some unpredictability in my facets showing themselves if I don't keep a handle on the situation, which is a new understanding for me anyway.Perhaps a similar approach would be appropriate for you? The strong points of each of your facets, can they channel them in the common good, out of friendship and I think there is that feel good factor in friendship including friendship with oneself/ves.It's not a race, there is no call for us to be hard with any of our facets if we achieve too slowly, or to become unfriendly within ourselves among our facets. The mutual inner self-acceptance in the fundamental sense of beholding and cherishing, just exactly as it/he/she appears to us, and uppermost in our beholding the positive motivation in the strategy of each. Meantime our life rarely looks as bad to outsiders as it does to us, if that's any comfort ...'Paperwork in triplicate' could become an 'in' joke ... imagine them all scrambling eagerly onto the fireside rug to hang onto your everyword exclaiming over 'paperwork in triplicate' as if it were candy !!!Or in terms of work orders, it makes me think of 'The Boss Cat' and Sgt Bilko whom he is reputedly based on, the rest of the cast seem to have as much fun letting themselves be cajoled into whatever activities as the Sgt/TC has in getting them going. The sheer upbeatness of the atmosphere. Watch your timing though - don't schedule a complete outcome within 25 minutes at the outside (including commercials)! 25 months or 25 years is sometimes right!I like the word 'personae' as it reminds me life can be made into a play, a game even that can be enjoyed (as a way of getting round exposure anxiety).Rather than 'disorder' I see 'work in progress' and 'personality developing' and 'growth'. It would be alarming if any human being was not expected to grow, further, beyond now, at any age.Just a thought.Rather a colossally long one.(Hoping your thread doesn't get deleted - chorus Miko the frightened child and Miko the old grouch in unison - hey that must sound quite musical )Hoping your hubby's business is ultra successful and that you can feel close to him all the time ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbynormal Posted September 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Miko,I never knew or would have guessed that anyone here paid any attention to what I had to say. I love your way of expressing yourself. You made me smile. Yes, fall is so hard. It is the smell, the rustle of the leaves, the wind that whips around you, the speed at which night descends..... it is evil it is a reminder of pain and torture and of death. I won't go there now. I wish I could never go there again but therapy takes me there and sometimes I can't get back.Thank you for making me feel heard. That is big ......Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 ((((((Abby))))))you are cared about here, i only pm'd you the other day to see how things are going hon.im sorry you are in this hole right now, i really think your T and Pip are trying to help, don't let the bad stuff envelope you....i know how easy it is, but we are here to share and listen and support.sending hugsjaix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbynormal Posted September 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 thanks jai... you are sweet as always Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mort Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 ((((((Abby))))))I don't know you very well yet but I'm glad i know you and hope to get to know you more.I'm so sorry you are in such a difficult place at the moment but this place is for all of us who need support and I do care about you already. You have tried to help me and I wish I could help you.You are wanted here. I just hope it helps you as much as it helps me.tcmort x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Told you Abby- we all carepipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbynormal Posted September 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Hey.... this is not Abby.... but that is ok.... this is SaraYou guys have been a great support...ok MOST of you guys have been a great support to Abby. Right now there is a list being made of good reasons to die. Perhaps good reasons to live would be helpful to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Hi SaraYou guys have a great hubby and family who love you very much.They would be devastated if you were gone.Can you please help Abby?pleasepipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaghetti Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Hi sara is abby ok to talk ?is she safe ?the choice is life death is not a valid choicelet abby talk to us, sara, please .xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miko Posted September 14, 2006 Report Share Posted September 14, 2006 Hi SaraPlease can you and Abby send me a whiff of New England sea breeze down the internet line.Like in the pictureI can't get to the English seaside at the moment (practical reasons)Best wishesxxOh and spring thoughts, light, flower scent, is that a nicer smell for you all? It's not so far off now.P.SLet me show you round my garden (below)the big blue letters are a patch of skyThe deep green is trees and you can see some brown trunk/branchesThen under that is those tall orange flowers that get everywhere, I've forgotten what they are called,The red, yellow, and mauve are small clumps of flowers, with bright green leaves, and a small water feature (bluish) with some brownish stones nearby.And a row of little pink flowers right in front of everything.I hardly do any gardening but have seen enough of my parents' and my old landlady's and some stately home ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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