Obsessions With People

[gingerwoman]

too just had to reply to this message, my best friend thinks im crazy and so do most men!!!! Mine happens most of the time to be around sex/love i only have to go on 1 date and i can spend weeks daydreaming planning the wedding, music, honeymoon, house, kids, pram, down to every little detil !!!!!

Its really does freak me out!!!!!

Uggg when I was single I used to do this too. I'd meet someone for coffee for the first time and to my horror find I was humming the wedding march under my breath. :lol:

[pink1]

I've been obsessed with different woman especially oler pretty women for as long as I can remember. I just got out of a psych ward and I wasobsessed with one of the nurses.

x x x x

[Little]

I've never gone so far as to stalk someone but I do obsess. I obsess with people I don't know. The most recent was a lady who was in a class with me, I just automatically fell in love in one sitting, and I didn't even know her name but just the thought of seeing her made me go to class every single day. I had dreams about her too.

All of my obsessions have been with women, never with a male.

[rain]

To the person who started the other thread: Look, you are not alone!!

I am the same as well really..... :(

[borderlinegoth]

OMG you've no idea how relieved I feel having read through this thread. I started one myself last night not realising this one was here,. but happily it was pointed out to me. I've been like this since I was very little. My first obsession was a teacher when I was about 7 and there's been several since then (I'm 36 now). They take over every waking moment.

If I get a text I'm on a high for half an hour, and then I start checking my emails again and because there isn't one I start sinking again and then think I've done something wrong so I send an email to check, and then if there's no response in about five minutes I send a text and it just gets absolutely rediculous. I get to the point where I feel that I can't possibly live without the person. I hate it when you get a text, and you get that quick buzz, only to discover it's from someone else!

I really do feel at home here.

[pucca_chick]

i wish i cud obbssess over someone actually within my reach of closeness. not sexually, i dont do that, i cant even obbssess over a crush, i dont feel very attracted to people, or sexual towards them. i obbssess over peoples personailities. it gets worse when im feelin alone and abandoned. right now i have no counsellor and its hard, ive just found ot my assessment will be months and i have no meds because they dont think i have a problem, thats what im waiting to be assessed really.

the one person i can talk to, unfortunatley for her is still my doc. i am aware of becoming too overbearing and its extremeley difficult to hold back. my life is a mess right now and ive found myself spending all day obbsessin on how to get her to help me, how to get her listening and understanding-becausei genuinley feel she can help me find the answer.i would never ever admit to someone about it apart from on here, it makes me seem like a pathetic stalker type person wth no life. i do have a life but truth is if she leaves my life becomes completley worthless, i have no end it siiht then and i feel like im not worth shit. im thrown into utter chaos and i MUST win her around. i HATE being so touchy, and i hate being so eaily affected by what she says. people think you can reason youre way out of this like its a high school crush or a good freindship gone a bit wrong. but reason has nothing to do with it and there is absoltuley no logic to it. ive often found that the feelings i get are directly related at times to the abuse. if she is mean to me i feel exactly the same way, i feel angry at her and alone, very hurt and then like i deserve the punishment she gives me and the words that are very harsh to me. its not a logic thing its and emotion thing that is so deep and complex you cant just turn off. then when she is nice to me i feel incredibly high, i have hope and i dont feel so alone and afraid. i will do anything she asks then and i try to reward her by telling her things and opening up, but then that leads to more risks with her judging or something( i dont think she gets that that is me rewarding her, she might see it as overbearing, whinging and not trying but its not that- im trusting her so she can help me). when she is nice to me i feel as if she is a person who walked in on the abuse, stopped it and took me off by the hand-that is equal to the feeling. it is hard to explain to someone why you need that good feeling-how can you deny that feelin of being rescued like that? its to big a feeling and i cannot train myself to not want that-of course i would want that who wouldnt?! countless times ive been in a mess and began convestaions with imagninary people, ive wrote letters and played out whole scenaros over and over again all day in my head just to recreate the feelings. i will do anything to get closer because i find in general, altho she makes me nervous because i know she has such a big effect on me, i find her overall quite calming. i used to call a lot about stupid stuff, i was in a bad way but id dull it down. sometimes if im on a suicidal low i walk past the surgury, far away enuff so im not seen prancing back and forth, just so i can see the building and feel calmer, just cos she is in there so im closer, its kinda wen im on the brink just to be within distance of something that helps, even if i cant get to it its better. im the creepy type also that if i have a voicemail left on my phone i will listen to it over and over again trying to work out the tone of their voice, what it means and what theyre really thinking, also to try and calm me down somedays-it not good when it deletes itself to after so many days

of course, she does not know this. i think shed run if she knew, who wouldnt though. im one of many patients, she cant know me that well and if i found out someone thought about me all day like that id be unerved also. i think some people think ur unstable then, and that ur an actual psychopathic stalker and ur a threat. i know im not a threat, the idea is to please the person not hurt them.when i get hurt my only aim is to get them to understand but not in a threatening way apparently ive been aggresive at times, but i think it was misinterpretated.

somedays im glad my mind can occupy itself with obbsesions if it makes me feel better, but other times i wish i had more control, it takes up a lot of my day and thins dont get done much.i dont like relying on someone elses mood to influence my own emotions. but like i said before it is hard to fight feelings that are deeply rooted and that connect with something so intense. i dont think people understand sometimes how intense it is. its hard. i try sometimes to distance myself and sometimes in a particular mood it dulls, but when i have a freak out it always comes back, it is bad that i always need a rescuer, i dont like it but see i always feel on my own, i freak out more than other people, i get so exhausted and i think its either the end or i have to go runnning to th person thats the 'rescuer'. when i get there tho i cant get my feleings out, so i gets frustrating. ah well thats my little obbsessions.

i love this thread, i always thought it was only me

xx

[Sarahlou]

Wow this is a long thread ! xx

I too have this problem, started around about 10 years of age i think. I have had fixations on teachers, doctors, gay men and others !. It can be very very painful.

The most recent was the postman, dont laugh !! and i know there is another one developing around about now.

[Sarahlou]

Wow I am exactly the same - I always thought I was the only one! This thread is such a relief for me.

Ever since I was a child I became totally attched to people who showed me some kindness. It started off when I was 14 and on work experience, and I "fell in love" (not in a sexual way) with a lady there and kept going to see her for months afterwards. Then I got attached to a teacher at sixth form anf we ended up socialising together after she left teaching. Unforrtunately I became too needy and demanding of her and she couldn't cope, so we lost touch. I then developed a huge crush on a counsellor (again, not sexual) at sixth form, then a lady who I worked with, and then finally a psychotherapist who I saw while I was at university. I seem to go for mother figures or people who seem to like me and want to be with me. I fall in love with them and become really needy with them. I want to be special to them and go overboard with them which then pushes them away.

It is such a relief to know that I'm not the only one who has feelings like this. xx

I can relate to what your saying about the kindness thing, it can trigger off obsessions.

The only reason i liked my hubby when i first met him, was because he was "nice to me" , at first anyway! id better not tell him that! .

[Athas]

Things have changed so much and so many things have happened and I have two obsessions right now: my therapist and her sister.

I keep it under control. I know in which village my therapist lives, but i never went there and I also never went to the forensic ward (where she works) without having an appointment with her (except for the few times that I was visiting my friend who was a patient/prisoner there, but then I didn't try to get in contact with Dr. P., my therapist.

I think the thing that set it off was the fact that she chose me as a patient. Two years ago I was in the ward where she was a doctor back then (not the forensic ward) and around the end of the stay, i told her I had mixed feelings about returning to my old therapist and she said well, she could continue my outpatient treatment. i didn't ask her to do it. And the reason why I didn't attempt to kill myself since knowing her (at least not on purpose) was that she told me right when I got to know her that it would be really bad for her if I killed myself. Whenever I wanted to do it, I imagined the disappointment and pain in her face after learning that I'd given up on myself and that kept me from doing it, so in a way it was a good obsession.

I used to be obsessed with teachers and almost stalked them and because I know that wasn't good, I force myself not to do that with Dr. P. Before Christmas, we went to the Christmas market together and just had a fun afternoon without talking about therapeutic issues and it was so wonderful. I learned a lot about her, her little son and her husband, and lots of other things. I felt a serious interest in her as a person and she didn't mind. I walked her to the main station and when saying goodbye, she hugged me. I was feeling like I was floating afterwards.

When I'm obsessed with people, I often crave physical contact with them... nothing sexual, just hugs. In spring I got to know Nici, Dr. P.'s sister. I didn't like her because she was my therapist's sister, I just liked her for who she was/is. Every Tuesday night I go to her pub because she bartends on Tuesday nights and she always hugs and kises me. In some way she has become like the big sister I never had. One day, she even told me "I love you" - not in the sexual way, she said "Ich habe dich lieb" in German which is what you'd say to a sister or a friend or to parents (unlike the "Ich liebe dich" - direct translation of "I love you" which you only say to someone you're in love with in a romantic way), but it felt so good to hear that. She plays in a German Punk Rock abdn and I went to one of their concerts recently and always look at their Myspace site (of course I'm their friend) because then I feel close to Nici. I'm drawn to her like a moth to the light.

But here I also restrict myself. I accept what I get (hugs, kisses, any kind of affection) and give that back, but recently I got Nici's phone number and I haven't called her once. I want things to develop naturally because I know if I start calling her daily or showing up at her place, it will only make her withdraw.

Has anyone ever told you you were special and sort of captivated people? That's what frightened me. I wondered why Nici, a 37-year old member of one of the oldest Punk Rock bands of Germany liked me. Dr. P. told me things about me that kind of frightened me, like that I had a certain delicacy about me that caused people to feel affection for me, as well as the way I talked and behaved (and what had counted for her was the fact that unlike many women with BPD I'm not promiscuous, but that's a different story). Apparently, if I'm supposed to believe Dr. P., I do have a very strong effect on people who meet me irl and that frightens me because it feels as if I was manipulating people. I'm not, I worked for years on not trying to appear like someone I'm not, I'm just being me, but still... it has certainly helped me with the obsessional thing because the people I obsess about will often turn towards me without me having to do anything to make them do so.

Sorry, this is really long.

[Nightvision]

I'm not quite the same. I obsess about people whom I perceive have wronged me in some way, and I can feel the pain of what they've "done to me". This can go on for many years. For example, I still obsess about a girl who dumped me 25 years ago.

strat

I was feeling like totally the odd one out until i read this. I don't know if what i feel counts as an obsession, i seem to have it under control. the last person i was arguably obsessed with (in the sense that i wanted them in my life) I managed to cut off all contact with on my own, I wrote it in another post somewhere, I tend to fixate on people who show me kindness but usually it wears off. And I have a terrible fixation on Trent Reznor but given that most people I know feel the same way, males included, it doesn't worry me too much. It's like TR has become some sort of symbol for my life.

When it comes to unkind people though, holy shit - I keep a hit list of people I want to kill. Probably not healthy. I am ruled by a sense of injustice and these people pop up in my dreams all the time. So don't piss me off. hahaha.

[gingerwoman]

pucca_chick I really hope things get better soon. I'm still a little stunned by the "success" of this thread. I'm not even supposed to have BPD I'm ADD but for some reason I got this idea this thread might fit here.

I know I have had elements of BPD in my life though not the full syndrome. Congrats to the people who have said they are making progress putting the obsessions aside. It's so hard to do. Mine has lessened a GREAT deal but I can't say it's over cause I still check his MySpace and think about him several times a day but that is NOTHING compared to thinking about him ALL day and night. It's very different and not very painful any more, just a nuissance now, like ....I have all this other good stuff in my life why am I wasting my time thinking about this boring shit. It has become boring which is good.

[gingerwoman]

I hope you don't mind I thought I'd bump this topic because it was so popular and there might be new people who need it.

I am still struggling with this unfortunately although not nearly as I have been.

[icu_baby]

im absolutely fixated on the mental health service.

theres never really been any other fixations in my life. if there are any problems i deal with them and move on and dont tend to hold grudges.

With the mental health service things i havent been confident or well enough to stand up to at the time, unjustified criticisms, negative and unjustified interpretations ..they ALL stay on my medical record and continue to influence my treatment and be used to justify treatment options. I feel angry I havent had my say. I feel angry there are third party 'information' on my record there was particularly with one person who was another service user i know she said a load of absolute distroted shit about me cos she went around adn spread all these rumopurs to evveryone and i tend to have to put up with her coming and yelling at me in the street whenever she sees me. and i have had no opportunity to discuss that with cmht because she had hte same social worker as me and so i just thought it was inappropriate and i wasnt going to sink to her level.

I feel really angry about my medical records. it is like the insults are permanently continuing while they are there. things such as referrals saying stuff like 'she needs to be encouraged to take more responsibility for herself'.

I have constant angry conversations about it in my head. One thing though i find hard is how to describe what is going on. eg when they say something totally inappropriat that it isnt an over reaction to be annoyed about and yet ANYTHING im told is my 'perception' and what i 'imagine' to be the case. Im not disputing people can hear things wrong but sometimes things said or n on verbal communication cant be mistaken - and they certainly have no problem attributing to my non verbal behaviour THIER invariably hostile and suspicious interpretations of my behaviour and thieir biases and ignorances.

what is it called when if you say something a doctor has done wrong people try to rationaliose it 'doctors are good kind caring people who just want to help' therefore (even if they cant find any) there must be SOME good reason motivated by compassion why they have done a certain thing. if they cant think of one then its my imagination OR if it is utterly indisputable what has been done..then i have to put up with the 'oh well we arent perfect you know' which is a way of saying 'oh you are sooo unkind and judgemental to complain. yert even when i do something from totally 'pure' motives they almost have to ensure no cognitive dissonance by rationalising how for example, since im not mentally ill and its just my personality, if im having difficulties cos of severe depression it is manipulation and laziness and attention seeking.

Sundries, OMG, I could have written this reply. I can relate to it 110%. I am just recovering from a life threatening OD (3rd one in 6 months) and I said that I was depressed the first time I OD and the pdoc said I don't think it was depression. For some reason if you have BPD you cannot have depression, the two are mutually exclusive and then I wonder who the sick ones really are. I actually wrote an email to his supervising professor about this exactly and I am happy to copy you on it in private in case you might like to do the same. Now that I have written it I can forget about it and its off my chest.

About your record, I understand completely. Pdocs tend to be like sheep and they read a potential diagnosis etc and they are influenced by what the previous person said although I have asked several pdocs about this and they have told me in the end they make up there own minds about you when they talk to you and half the time they don't read what is in the file because they do not have time.

I have reached a point where I really don't care about what is in my file or not. It doesn't effect what I do in my day to day life (my real life in the real world) and it never will thank God.

You can always write something to counteract what is said in your file and they can add it in if it really bothers you. I did and it made me feel so much better.

Really the only good T out there I believe is DBT because they will validate your feelings as real and important and this is what we have been craving for all along. It is so simple but these pdocs are just so dumb to get it.

[goldfish1905]

there is a guy who is a friend of mine and we have been trying to get to know one another better but i swear if he knew how much i thought about him or waited insanely for his txts he would never tlak to me agen...

its so sad .... my mood is sky high after a lil flirty txtin session with him and if he doesnt txt me good nyt... its like time a guzillion!

and on the other hand my ex is throwing himself at me and that does nthn for my self esteem!

[Tisharra]

allauah!!!!!!! so am not the only one that has obsessions with people i also have an obsession of textin mindless shit to anyone surprised i have friends really lol at the mo cant stop talkin to my boss bout all my problems am sure she will tell me to fuckoff at some point!!!!!

OMG, for the first time in my life today I allowed myself to think something might actually be wrong with me because I do this. Actually, I do ALL of this. Funny thing is I didn't realize I had a problem because I get obsessed, I thought that was just me being a selfish person. I googled "tired of being a doormat" or something and got a site about BPD. Then I saw the obsession thing. The more I read, the more I said, "OMG! This IS me!" My current obsession is a soldier that's married, problem is, I am married to a soldier currently stationed in Baghdad. The guilt of this situation KILLS me, but my husband told me he understands how I am, and that I should do whatever is necessary to be okay until he can get back, and he wouldn't blame me. Yes, he knew I was talking about sleeping with the guy. Told me he didn't want to know the details, he just needed to know I was happy and alive til he could get home.

How on Earth do I deal with this? The soldier is more than happy to sleep with me when HE feels like it, and then disappears after til the next time. Ignores calls and text messages, and I know I am worth more than that and should drop him. I have deleted his number from my phone 3 times, but then it always ends up back on it. I feel like I am so much worse than the rest of y'all because I have acted on this more than once while my husband is fighting for our country, but heaven help me I can't control it. God, I am so selfish.

[icu_baby]

I re- read this thread aI don't think it is unusual, bpd or not, to be obsessed with people or things. I always have crushes on someone but after a few months I lose interest.

[Tammie13121]

I feel the obsession but almost never in a "crush" sort of way. Usually it's another woman who I fixate on. I hate her but want to be her at the same time. I even go to the point where I will wear things that she wears, even though I despise her! Part of me wants to be her so bad that it makes me even more angry.

[dolphin859]

OMG i can't believe other people have this obsession thing aswell, i though it was just me!! Mine started when i was about 12, it started with female teachers then doctors, and now it can be anyone from nurses to police officers to any older female who i attract to, even if i don't know them that well, and i hate it as i can't stop it. I think mine started because i lost my mum so i crave that older female role model, someone to care for me and someone for me to look up to and be like!! Its never been about a sexual thing!! But i do want to be like them and will try and get them to like me and when they've gone it is horrible as i feel like i've lost hem and its really hard to deal with!!

[icu_baby]

OMG i can't believe other people have this obsession thing aswell, i though it was just me!! Mine started when i was about 12, it started with female teachers then doctors, and now it can be anyone from nurses to police officers to any older female who i attract to, even if i don't know them that well, and i hate it as i can't stop it. I think mine started because i lost my mum so i crave that older female role model, someone to care for me and someone for me to look up to and be like!! Its never been about a sexual thing!! But i do want to be like them and will try and get them to like me and when they've gone it is horrible as i feel like i've lost hem and its really hard to deal with!!

lol, police officers and teachers, my pet hates!

[™Michelle1]

Yes this has happened to me a number of times.

I brought it up to my Dr and she said this happens to alot of

ppl who have BPD.

Not only would i fixate on a man but i fixated on a girl at school

I wanted her to be my friend so bad that i would brank call her

and leave notes in her locker.

I haven't seen her in over 25 years but once in a while

i think about her

[charliesgirl]

i'm the same i try & get certain people 2 like me & am devastated if they leave go on hol etc.

Charliesgirl

[icu_baby]

Yes this has happened to me a number of times.

I brought it up to my Dr and she said this happens to alot of

ppl who have BPD.

Not only would i fixate on a man but i fixated on a girl at school

I wanted her to be my friend so bad that i would brank call her

and leave notes in her locker.

I haven't seen her in over 25 years but once in a while

i think about her

Wow after 25 years you still think about her.

I am trying to identify with what has been said. When you say you fixate, what do you mean, do you mean you have a crush on someone and you think about them all the time, kind of like being "love sick" or is it something more?

[kimik]

I'm talking 24/7 obsession.

yes. me. and it has been a HUGE problem for me and a HUGE source of loneliness and despair, embarrassment and confusion. it has also, on one occasion cost me a job. on another occasion, it cost me a normal relationship with one of my college professors (to whom i weepingly confessed that i was madly in love with him-- ON ADVICE FROM MY THEN-THERAPIST, BTW --) whom i badly needed to be in good standing with for future letters, participation in future classes and programs etc....

and, i will also share some good news: it does not happen to me anymore.

yes, this is one DBT symptom i seem to be cured of.

i still "crush out" on people, and i tend to be very romantic-minded and lovey dovey giddy, but no, no more obsessions.

good luck to you gingerwoman.... and to everyone....

[icu_baby]

I'm talking 24/7 obsession.

yes. me. and it has been a HUGE problem for me and a HUGE source of loneliness and despair, embarrassment and confusion. it has also, on one occasion cost me a job. on another occasion, it cost me a normal relationship with one of my college professors (to whom i weepingly confessed that i was madly in love with him-- ON ADVICE FROM MY THEN-THERAPIST, BTW --) whom i badly needed to be in good standing with for future letters, participation in future classes and programs etc....

and, i will also share some good news: it does not happen to me anymore.

yes, this is one DBT symptom i seem to be cured of.

i still "crush out" on people, and i tend to be very romantic-minded and lovey dovey giddy, but no, no more obsessions.

good luck to you gingerwoman.... and to everyone....

Did you ask your T for your money back? What kind of T tells a student to go to their prof and tell them they are madly in love with them? maybe she thought if you told him you would somehow wake up to reality, I am not quite sure what her motive was here. Poor you Kimik. I hope one day you will look back on it and laugh. I bet secretly your prof is flattered that a student was in love with him. What happened, were you in later classes with him and did this affect your grades in a good or bad way or was he professional about it all?

[SKyler1311]

My obsession still rages on, I first posted on this thread about a year ago, my current obsession has been with me for about 3 maybe even four years, and it's a celebrity, but I'm obsessed with the character she plays not who she really is, although I do record anything and everything she appears in, chat shows, etc, I was working through it with my T, but she got sick about a year ago and I never got a replacement. I have these stories in my head all the time, what she's doing, how she would react to situations, how she would love and protect me, but like so many others never in a physical way, although I am a gay female, I do not think of her in that way, in my mind she's always hetrosexual, I even write fan fiction, to play out my stories, and play out what I want to happen to her character in the show, on the plus side I get some good reviews for the stuff I post on the fanfic website, difference is, it is mostly read by teenagers who see it as a story, I'm a 38 year old woman who thinks it's real. But I find it comforting, if I'm feeling bad, I think about her being happy all the time, I have no idea where it will all end, I'm not a stalker and I would hate for the real her to see me or know of my existence, I'm just a fat lard arse with a mental health problem, I would die if she saw me.