Obsessions With People

[Highway2hell]

I do this well used to b4 i fell in love with my g/f. Yet as far as i know i have no illness. I just thought it was part of growing up. :S

[obandange]

All my life. I dont think i can function without functioning for a specific person. I think im empty and alone when i dont have someone to obsess over. Scary i know ^^ not so sure how to get out of this cycle. Maybe its not such a bad thing but it can be heart breaking. I lived through my ex-girlfriend for 3 years untill we broke up. Now i found a new fixation but without one i cease to funtion.

[seafree]

I have become so fixated and obsessed with a friend of mine that he refuses to now speak to me. He even rang my best girl friend up to ask for advice because i was calling him constantly throughout the day.

I've managed to push loads of friends away doing this. Especially male ones because i fall for them so easily so you're not alone!!

Much luv

Jess x

[gingerwoman]

Thanks Jess

I'm in so much pain right now, because my main social contact outside my family was my internet friends from the message board. I was brultally flamed and attacked and my crush did not stand up for me even though I have stood up for him 100s of times when others were attacking him. In fact he kind of encouraged the attack so then I said every mean thing I had thought about him but never said and he got such a shock and now he keeps saying I'm like two different people and crazy. He told me to get help...

It's all so stupid I wish I could just let go of it. My husband and kids love me. I've lost my other friends by being internet addicted but I do still have my family. I just feel so empty and aching.

I know how stupid the whole internet thing is and there's plenty I didn't like about my crush but still I feel like I love him and feel so gutted that he no longer loves me. (He used to say he did a lot because I did so many nice things for him.)

[clareallison]

im glad that im not the only one who fixates on people it always worries me when i get fixated on females though because then i think oh maybe im bi but think id run a mile if anything happened and dont let them know im living in fantasy world with them anyway the latest obsession lasted two years over a mental health nurse who was abit like a seargent major but could be warm and caring to mixed messages anyway hope im over her now saw her few weeks ago when i was last on our local psch ward and felt really embarrased thought she could read me but she was ok with me anway i can identify with what other people have said about this

[gingerwoman]

im glad that im not the only one who fixates on people it always worries me when i get fixated on females though because then i think oh maybe im bi but think id run a mile if anything happened and dont let them know im living in fantasy world with them anyway the latest obsession lasted two years over a mental health nurse who was abit like a seargent major but could be warm and caring to mixed messages anyway hope im over her now saw her few weeks ago when i was last on our local psch ward and felt really embarrased thought she could read me but she was ok with me anway i can identify with what other people have said about this

Yes the people I have had obsessions with have ALWAYS been those who give mixed messages. Who sometimes are cruel and sometimes kind. This makes me think it relates to our parenting. Certainly my mother was like that in the extreme.

[tripper]

My obsession with someone I truly loved (emotionally, sexually, spiritually) who lived on the other side of the world from me.

Every waking moment I was thinking about her, wondering what she was doing, was she still in love with me etc etc. I was so afraid of the day she would ditch me for someone better. Eventually that day came and because of my obsession I could not handle the rejection and attempted suicide. I found myself again in hospital but I couldn't tell anybody what the trigger was, I felt humiliated.

The sad thing is after everything is said and done I still madly love her and very recently she contacted me again. This time I am more careful but deep down in my heart I want to plunge right in like I did last time.

My fixation with someone I'd never even met (except through the wonder that is the internet) nearly cost me my friends, my marriage and my life.

Is it perverted and twisted to say I still feel the same way about her though?

[gingerwoman]

My obsession with someone I truly loved (emotionally, sexually, spiritually) who lived on the other side of the world from me.

Every waking moment I was thinking about her, wondering what she was doing, was she still in love with me etc etc. I was so afraid of the day she would ditch me for someone better. Eventually that day came and because of my obsession I could not handle the rejection and attempted suicide. I found myself again in hospital but I couldn't tell anybody what the trigger was, I felt humiliated.

The sad thing is after everything is said and done I still madly love her and very recently she contacted me again. This time I am more careful but deep down in my heart I want to plunge right in like I did last time.

My fixation with someone I'd never even met (except through the wonder that is the internet) nearly cost me my friends, my marriage and my life.

Is it perverted and twisted to say I still feel the same way about her though?

Tripper I'm going through the same kind of thing. My fixation with someone I'd never even met (except through the wonder that is the internet) HAS cost me RL friends, and might have cost me my marriage.

I would not say I love him in all the ways you do. I know on a logical level that it is not the kind of healthy mature love I have with my husband, that it is an unhealthy obsession that is vastly inferior to my love for my husband which is normal and REAL but still I can feel such passion for me. Anyway his opinion of me at this point is that I am "Fucking nuts." lol

He and I had a fun friendship at one point but I destroyed that. I go up and down, feeling I'm totally over him and then longing for contact with him again. It's very stupid.

Tripper I think a first step for you would be realising that your marriage is REAL and your relationship with this woman is not but even though I say that I know that it's not easy.

Her recent letter to you may just be her saying "Hi how are you old friend." and you have to do your best to stop yourself from jumping in the deep end again. Believe me I KNOW how hard it is.

[tripper]

Do you want to know the ironic thing about this person I fell head over heels for? She works in the mental health field and specializes in BPD and other personality disorders. She was the one who actually picked I have BPD long before the doctors diagnosed me.

It is so hard isn't it gingerwoman? I am trying my best to keep this purely platonic this time.

[gingerwoman]

Do you want to know the ironic thing about this person I fell head over heels for? She works in the mental health field and specializes in BPD and other personality disorders. She was the one who actually picked I have BPD long before the doctors diagnosed me.

It is so hard isn't it gingerwoman? I am trying my best to keep this purely platonic this time.

At least you have that option. The guy I love is truly sick of me now. Every few days I send him just one little thing but he mostly ignores me now. And he used to say stuff like "God I fucking love you!!!!!!!!!!" Now he just says I'm "fucking crazy" if he says anything to me at all.

:(

[doormouse]

i can't believe I hadn't read this thread before. (I haven't read the whole thing but skim read most)

I do the imaginary conversations in my head and sometimes i'm so involved in my own little world i realise I'm talking out loud, oopps!

I've always had the obsession/admiration thing, for me it is always an older women, its always someone like a teacher, doctor, mentor, coach. I want some deep relationship with them and for them to understand me and care about me. I've never told any of them about it. I usually stop having the obsession when a situation dictates that i don't see them anymore and the obsession moves onto some other lucky soul.

I often want to find out imformation about them and often do a bit of internet stalking.

Hey all,

I've read most of this thread - but its kinda this post and similar ones that I really identify with. Its kinda interesting and weird for me at the minute because I've had so many obessions with people - like those sofaraway talked about - but now, (as various people on this site who I've moaned, waxed lyrical and generally gone on and on about it to, will know!) really fallen badly for a male friend (I am straight), and this is the first and only time. I was really ,and to an exent am still really worried that its just another BPD obessive thing. some of my obsessive behaviour - like the imaginary conversations! - spills over into this. But at the same time it is really different - I guess there is a 'sexual' element to it as I am actually attracted to him, among other things.

Also, with all my people obessions it does tend to be a feeling of "this person totally sees through me, and understands me", and suddenly I feel desperate to be close to that person, or to be like them or for them to be around forever. On perhaps one occasion, I have managed to turn this into a relatively normal relationship - with my former chaplain, whith whom I still keep in touch, and who is lovely to me.

Does anyone else have this strange experience of learning to differentiate between what BPD "pathological" and whats normal? And how do you prevent one turning into the other? - Because that is what really really worries me now....

Sorry if this is self obsessed and off topic....

Mouse

[doormouse]

oops...

just realise I posted on this when the thread first started......months ago.....

Ah well

:rolleyes:

[pucca_chick]

THANK GOD more people posted!! is it an illness this obbssession/-its just i cant see how other 'normal' people would even possess the energy to fixiate so much-i mean for the shit i come up with it must take a hell of a lot of imagination! i play out full movies in my head(my own ones lol).

as ive said,i have fixated on people before-and its always been female-but not sexual-i think anyone not experiencing it wud have a hard time beleiving that, but im telling you its just a whole different level-sex doesnt come into it. i can admire the person and not think but 'know' that they are positively the most attractive person in this world-but have nothing sexual for them-its just wat i accept-that theyre wonderful and it comes with their package.

im not diagnosed as BPD, is this a trait or does the rest of the world sdo it too?? currently my obbsession which has lasted the guts of a year is my GP. it is very bad-i think i freak her out, but she has been great in terms of helping. however, as it always goes, i fixate on someone who can be soo caring and gentle, but has a very authorative harsh side also. when shes caring i want nothing more than for her to take dare of me(jesus that is embarressing), she makes me feel safe and like someone, not of my family who are obligated really, cares. but god,but when she even says anything to cririsise i absoultley shatter to a million bits inside, life isnt worth living-cos shes 'IT' and speaks the truth. i HATE all her other pateints in the waiting room. im screaming and swearing in my head about whoever is in her room, when they come out i swear at them in my head. the other day i was waiting in the reception que to check in adn this twat sat and bunged everyone up filling in a form and i was trashing the insides of my head screaming at her inwards. then once i overheard my doc calling another patient from the room she said 'hi, its *docs name* just calling to see how you were feeling*-i felt a physical rush of anger, hurt and anxiety-how dare she, she never calls me to just 'check how im feeling', and then i decide she doesnt really care.

but other days shes great.

has anyone ever told a psych or any1 this-id never risk losing my doc over it-and if i lied it was someone else theyd know straight away-they already think im off a bit.

btw-has sexual abuse anything to do with it you think??

xx

[sundries]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Break-Your-Add...917&sr=8-47

[tripper]

Thanks for the link sundries. It might be of help that book.

[gingerwoman]

Thanks for the link sundries. It might be of help that book.

Am I the only one here whose obsessions ARE sexual as well as emotional and everything else.

Pucca chick I understand about HATING the other patients because I was checking his myspace 20 to 30 times a day and HATED most people who posted on it.

I was second in his top friends but I was so fearful he'd move my position that I ended up deleting my own MySpace before he could do that.

He had started calling me crazy and was ignoring my MySpace messages. He doesn't want to be friends anymore.

I'm not diagnosed BP either and I am FULLY aware of how crazy and sick this all is but that doesn't make it go away.

[gingerwoman]

Pucca I wasn't sexually abused but I was physically and verbally abused a lot by my mother.

[pucca_chick]

hey ginger-you know if i read that in a mag or i knew the person-i should be thinking'crazy stalker'-but no, your not, its weird u can have these qualities and be harmless, theyre so intense, the fanatises deluded but i do not act nor wish to on them-do u ever wish to act on urs?? what psych wud beleive it tho--esp iof my doc was to put her own safety measures in-for all she knows im a raving lunatic!!-or like that dude from 1hr photo but without the dodgy haircut.

i think maybe it has some link with abuse-the need to be wanted and validated for everything-pple start off sympathetic like my GP, but soon i exhaust the resources and want something that no human being can provide-undivided empathy and caring to just me!

ive never told my GP i hate her other pateints-she already thinks i can be aggresisve and i dont think that little secret wud do me any favours. ginger-have u bin to a psych for BPD or have they mentioned it-do u feel it sums u up?. im down as emotionally disturbed, we dnt mention it, im not ill according to them despite everyday is a struggle. but they did once mention i shud be tested for ADD-do u think its like an over active thing??

xx

[gingerwoman]

Well I'm not even hyperactive type ADD but I guess my brain is overactive with thoughts.

I AM a creepy stalker but I don't really hurt anyone. I have acted on my obsession out of sheer desperation and despair.

I'm SURE it's linked to the abuse.

I could not be diagnosed as BPD but I think I have some of the traits. You can have a few traits of a condition without being full blown enough to be dianosable I think.

If you have ADD you will have had ADD symptoms since childhood.

I think ADD people have experienced so much rejection in life and are very sensitive so maybe they are a little more prone to this kind of thing.

You know there are books about How to Stop a Stalker but no books about How to Stop Being a Stalker. Seriously I'd love to read one.

+

[gingerwoman]

Damn I'd snap up that book sundies listed if I had any money.

The cost of shipping books to New Zealand is so high. Also how would I explain buying that to my husband? He doesn't know I'm obsessed with some stupid guy I've never met who lives on the other side of the world.

[pucca_chick]

hey, yep-my prob with the books is no cash and no means of ordering

about ADD-thats what they said to me to get tested for. i have had the symptoms since before i was abused, it caused severe problems in school-but at home i was a nightmare-also have had anxiety since as long as i can ever remember. i dont mean the hyperactive-i mean with day dreaming maybe we think to much lol.

right now im on disability for depression and anxiety yet im now unofficially diagnosed as they gave me emotional disturbance last time(wankers). i get help in UNI-much needed. wen i trail my ass to UNI or actually go to classes, im in dreamland, cannot for the life of me follow a word. ive come close to losing jobs cos i seem to have no initiative whatsoever-i just dont see what goes on around me, cant remember instructions, sequences nor can i work the tills. im crap at sports also cos i cant follow instructions and there is just too much happening at once

xx

[gingerwoman]

OMG I HAVE all those problems too. But I envy you. I HAVE lost most jobs because of those things. At age 36 I have given up on the workplace. I got an inheritence so I own my own home and I have a working husband and two kids. I'm at home with my toddler. But we are struggling on one income.

I could never concentrate in lectures either but I majored in English Lit where it didn't really matter. I have a Masters Degree with honors in English Lit.

[Lolita]

Reading these texts I start feeling more and more that I found the right place...people like me. I've been there, done that too. Obsessed with people, unavailable people, when I was younger I did the whole rockstar/moviestar thing where I was convinced this or that person was the one for me and that I pretty much couldn't live without it. Then again, as much as I'm ashamed of that I probably wouldn't be alive today if I hadn't had that to hang onto. But yeah, permanent damage, I even took a tattoo which I then regretted later...still kinda do and I have another on top of the original one so it doesn't really exist anymore...

Obsession with "real" people, people who are nice to you...yeah, I go all "nuts" when someone's nice to me. I like it way too much. My therapist says it's because not so many people have been nice to me in my life but still...and then I go overboard.

[tripper]

I am embarrassed by the fact I am still in that whole obsessing over a popstar thing... you should see the spare bedroom of my house, it is totally dedicated to Robbie Williams! Posters everywhere and even a life-size cardboard cutout. For me this kind of obsession is the "look but can never touch" kind. A bit safer than some of the other obsessions with people I have found myself in.

[sundries]

maybe if someone bought the book they could scan it and email it to you ginger. or would it be cheaper photocopying and posting it to new zealand or is there a new zealand amazon site?

perhaps if you have any english friends who come over to visit you ever you coudl ask them to get it for you (say you are in love with matt damon or somehting lol)_

I cant afford hte book eithher. I just went on a spending spree opn amazon that i really cant afford I have so many bloody self help bbooks its humiliating how scred up i still am