Obsessions With People

[mazer34]

OMG,and I thought it was just me that obsessed about people !! just now Im obsessed with my poor GP,Im never off her seat !! My other one is my councellour,I think about her 24/7.I live for each thursday when I see her,it tears me if she goes on holiday.I have feelings for her but I'm straight !! Im married with children as well.I just feel so messed up about it all right now . :wacko:

[gingerwoman]

OMG,and I thought it was just me that obsessed about people !! just now Im obsessed with my poor GP,Im never off her seat !! My other one is my councellour,I think about her 24/7.I live for each thursday when I see her,it tears me if she goes on holiday.I have feelings for her but I'm straight !! Im married with children as well.I just feel so messed up about it all right now .

I'm happily married with children as well. I never thought I'd do this s*** after I found someone to love me.

I think the popstar thing is actually more socially acceptable.

[bish31]

Yep, I get this too I fixate on particular people even though I am happily married with two children. I fixate on females as well as males, at the moment I keep thinking about some bloke that lives by me..hes a real smooth talker, got the gift of the gab but I know hes also a nasty piece of work and a bit of a bastard..yet I fantasize about what it would be like to be with him..madness i know!!

So without reading back all through all these posts to find out, can anybody tell me is this a bpd thing? Can anyone offer any explanation to these obsessions?

[gingerwoman]

Yep, I get this too I fixate on particular people even though I am happily married with two children. I fixate on females as well as males, at the moment I keep thinking about some bloke that lives by me..hes a real smooth talker, got the gift of the gab but I know hes also a nasty piece of work and a bit of a bastard..yet I fantasize about what it would be like to be with him..madness i know!!

So without reading back all through all these posts to find out, can anybody tell me is this a bpd thing? Can anyone offer any explanation to these obsessions?

It seems a lot of us think it's related to child abuse and neglect.

[sunchildlz]

Does anyone else here get insanely fixated on people to the point where the object of your fixation dominantes you ever waking moment?

I have had this problem since I was a little girl. I would fixate on another girl in my class. It's more than a sexual or in love thing.

Absolute fixation.

Of course there were lots of lovers that I would fixate on. Usually I would fixate on one person for a number of years before the object of my fixation changed to someone else.

Now I am happily married (have been with hubby for 10 years) married for 12 and yet I am fixated with some guy on a message board and he is kind of a jerk and yet I am totally and utterly besotted with him and my emotions go up and down like a rollercoaster and if I think he is mad at me or he isn't sending me enough private messages I feel horrible ache.

I AM WELL AWARE that it is COMPLETELY insane and stupid but it won't go away.

Anyone else have anything like this kind of weirdness?

I'm talking 24/7 obsession.

[sunchildlz]

i got in trouble for that a lot when i was younger because i didn't realize that i was staring at the people who i was fixated with. their friends tormented me constantly. it was never sexual though. i guess the right words would be pathetically hopeful. :(

[erica67]

Hey

every single freakin time I meet a man I like and I always screw it up

Erica

X

[gingerwoman]

Look at my horoscope for tomorrow.

"You're never going to to work your way back into important hearts. It hurts to be snubbed, as you well know. Take care never to do it again. Elephants never forget, neither do ex best friends. It's a pity but you'll have to pay baby with no mercy.."

:( :(

[Stezzy]

Wow I am exactly the same - I always thought I was the only one! This thread is such a relief for me.

Ever since I was a child I became totally attched to people who showed me some kindness. It started off when I was 14 and on work experience, and I "fell in love" (not in a sexual way) with a lady there and kept going to see her for months afterwards. Then I got attached to a teacher at sixth form anf we ended up socialising together after she left teaching. Unforrtunately I became too needy and demanding of her and she couldn't cope, so we lost touch. I then developed a huge crush on a counsellor (again, not sexual) at sixth form, then a lady who I worked with, and then finally a psychotherapist who I saw while I was at university. I seem to go for mother figures or people who seem to like me and want to be with me. I fall in love with them and become really needy with them. I want to be special to them and go overboard with them which then pushes them away.

It is such a relief to know that I'm not the only one who has feelings like this. xx

[gingerwoman]

I want to be special to them and go overboard with them which then pushes them away.

Yeah that's what I'm like. I REALLY want to be SPECIAL to them. I want them to LOVE me.

It would be more normal if I had my "crushes" on people who showed me kindness like a lot of you.

Most of my crushes are on people who start out being mean to me.

:wacko:

[pucca_chick]

hey guys. gingerwoman-have the same problem yet it hasnt blown to what i beleive is full proportion but i can see it and so can my therapist, i know if i dont learn fast it will cause me serious problems.

i always got obbsessed with female teachers that were in an authorative position. while everyone else hated them i found them wonderful and even when it was not in my best interests i agreed with them and thought they were wonderful. yet they could also be very soft and gentle.

its now repeating itself with my doc. she began as nice and soft, but the fact she a doc , i was younger slightly than now and she is much older than me ticked the 'authorative' boxes. god i have tested that womans pateince with my neediness, clingyess, constant need for reassurance and apparent aggressivness at times. she lost it with me a few months back and i FREAKED out. i literally lost all reason to live, everything went to absolute shite and i was broken. but i still worshipped her despite how much she had hurt me-my therapist really struggled with that because she felt i needed a new doc and that the one i had was unproffessional. i was determined tho and won her round after weeks of exhausting attempts, and stupid mishaps i got myself into. this past few months has been full of inconsistancies with her and ups and downs yet i follow her every lead and continue to think shes god.

even she has told me i have to high expectations of her and think shes too wonderful, my therapist tells me every week-but is it a BPD trait that you cannot be reasoned out of these feelings,people have terrible time trying to change my mind, convince me into seeing different. its because if she not great then shes bad-and i cant have that, and also she makes me feel happy.

i too want to be the 'special patient' but i know im not, she will and has probably seen worse than me and felt more willing to help others-its why i HATE all her other patients.i get very jealous altho id never ever degrade myself to tell her-itd drive her miles away and im very ashamed of being jealous. once i heard her calling another patient to ask how they were feeling-i went mental again. i HATED that voice on the other end of the fone,i wanted to stomp in there and scream at them and then break the fone and jump all over it like a big child and yell'what about me,why do u not care about me, why do u not call me and ask how im feeling-you obviously dont care about me and must hate me and u want me to OD!!!!'-i do get the urge to say 'fine ill fucking OD then!'-but i hate to be manipulative and would be utterly mortified to be such a drama queen-but its so intense i have to literally keep my mouth shut.all that just over a fone call-i was deeply hurt i almost began crying in the waiting room-what 19 yr old gets that worked up over her doc talking to another patient??

like one day she told me she sees people with severe eating disorders and they can be waiting up to a yr for a specialist, making out that i wasnt being patient enuff for my refferalls.-i was FURIOUS!!!! not to her cos shes great but i took it out on me. i decided she was calling my a big fat disgusting fucking shit, she hated me, wanted me out and loved absolutley every other patient on her list especially the ones with ED's9which i then took a personall hatred for).i hated my body then more than i do now, i was so angry at myself i cudnt stand being in my own skin, i harmed a lot. i had brushed with eating problems for years before and imedietly took up that campaign against my body again-just to get her to want to help me. but the next time i went back she was nice to me and i changed my mind and began eating without a second thought. is that drastic???

its weird the crazy things u will do just to be liked, even tho logically i know my doc is not there to 'like' people she never can and probably never will-its just a job. but my head doesnt always feel that.

xx

[gingerwoman]

hey guys. gingerwoman-have the same problem yet it hasnt blown to what i beleive is full proportion but i can see it and so can my therapist, i know if i dont learn fast it will cause me serious problems.

i always got obbsessed with female teachers that were in an authorative position. while everyone else hated them i found them wonderful and even when it was not in my best interests i agreed with them and thought they were wonderful. yet they could also be very soft and gentle.

its now repeating itself with my doc. she began as nice and soft, but the fact she a doc , i was younger slightly than now and she is much older than me ticked the 'authorative' boxes. god i have tested that womans pateince with my neediness, clingyess, constant need for reassurance and apparent aggressivness at times. she lost it with me a few months back and i FREAKED out. i literally lost all reason to live, everything went to absolute shite and i was broken. but i still worshipped her despite how much she had hurt me-my therapist really struggled with that because she felt i needed a new doc and that the one i had was unproffessional. i was determined tho and won her round after weeks of exhausting attempts, and stupid mishaps i got myself into. this past few months has been full of inconsistancies with her and ups and downs yet i follow her every lead and continue to think shes god.

even she has told me i have to high expectations of her and think shes too wonderful, my therapist tells me every week-but is it a BPD trait that you cannot be reasoned out of these feelings,people have terrible time trying to change my mind, convince me into seeing different. its because if she not great then shes bad-and i cant have that, and also she makes me feel happy.

i too want to be the 'special patient' but i know im not, she will and has probably seen worse than me and felt more willing to help others-its why i HATE all her other patients.i get very jealous altho id never ever degrade myself to tell her-itd drive her miles away and im very ashamed of being jealous. once i heard her calling another patient to ask how they were feeling-i went mental again. i HATED that voice on the other end of the fone,i wanted to stomp in there and scream at them and then break the fone and jump all over it like a big child and yell'what about me,why do u not care about me, why do u not call me and ask how im feeling-you obviously dont care about me and must hate me and u want me to OD!!!!'-i do get the urge to say 'fine ill fucking OD then!'-but i hate to be manipulative and would be utterly mortified to be such a drama queen-but its so intense i have to literally keep my mouth shut.all that just over a fone call-i was deeply hurt i almost began crying in the waiting room-what 19 yr old gets that worked up over her doc talking to another patient??

like one day she told me she sees people with severe eating disorders and they can be waiting up to a yr for a specialist, making out that i wasnt being patient enuff for my refferalls.-i was FURIOUS!!!! not to her cos shes great but i took it out on me. i decided she was calling my a big fat disgusting fucking shit, she hated me, wanted me out and loved absolutley every other patient on her list especially the ones with ED's9which i then took a personall hatred for).i hated my body then more than i do now, i was so angry at myself i cudnt stand being in my own skin, i harmed a lot. i had brushed with eating problems for years before and imedietly took up that campaign against my body again-just to get her to want to help me. but the next time i went back she was nice to me and i changed my mind and began eating without a second thought. is that drastic???

its weird the crazy things u will do just to be liked, even tho logically i know my doc is not there to 'like' people she never can and probably never will-its just a job. but my head doesnt always feel that.

xx

Pucca Chick at least you guys with crushs on your therapists and doctors have a way of keeping them under your thumb haha.

But actually when I was co-admining a message board with my crush I had him where I wanted him and gave it all up to try and break the obsession. Also gave up being second in his top friends on his MySpace which I LOVED!

But I had to give those things up to get over the obsession.

Anyway enough about me. Pucca you are trying so hard. You're working so hard to NOT be a pain, to not give into the terrible urges you have. That's what people don't know. All the crazy things we DON'T do that our minds are pushing us towards.

I guess we should congratulate ourselves for that. If people could see all the pain inside us, the desperation they wouldn't judge us so harshly.

[Justine]

I too realised recently that I do this and have managed to trace it back to my childhood when I was in the brownies. Im not going to list my obssessions because I am so embarrassed by them. I obssess over people of both sexes and for different reasons....OMG what does that say about me!!!

Any of my obssessions that have turned romantic have been idyllic for the first few months and then I would imagine that they were trying to leave me so I would start pushing them away, I wouldn't listen and would mock them when they declared that they loved me and would do anything for me. I would eventually finish with them having made them feel awful about themselves but also to blame for the split!!

I never had any control over this behaviour the only thing I knew was that it would happen again and again and I could do nothing about it. As for friendly obssessions I have found that I have love/hate relationships with them. We can be getting on great and have so much in common and talk non stop but then they will say or do something that really annoys me (or it is my perceptions that they have) and I start pulling away from them until I totally isolate myself from them and I can't stand the sight or sound of them. But then we will talk and patch things up and I am back to loving them again (not romantically) and they can do no wrong. I will stand up for them doggedly against anyone who says anything other than positive about my obssession.

Reading back over this I can't believe what an awfully cold person I appear to be, I honestly am not a cold person I just can't control this because by the time I know about it, it is after the event when it is too late.

Im truly sorry that I am like this.

[JohnDoe]

Does anyone else here get insanely fixated on people to the point where the object of your fixation dominantes you ever waking moment?

I have had this problem since I was a little girl. I would fixate on another girl in my class. It's more than a sexual or in love thing.

Absolute fixation.

Of course there were lots of lovers that I would fixate on. Usually I would fixate on one person for a number of years before the object of my fixation changed to someone else.

Now I am happily married (have been with hubby for 10 years) married for 12 and yet I am fixated with some guy on a message board and he is kind of a jerk and yet I am totally and utterly besotted with him and my emotions go up and down like a rollercoaster and if I think he is mad at me or he isn't sending me enough private messages I feel horrible ache.

I AM WELL AWARE that it is COMPLETELY insane and stupid but it won't go away.

Anyone else have anything like this kind of weirdness?

I'm talking 24/7 obsession.

Wow! I always wondered if someone else has this to. Me to have this problem, and it really makes it hard to get a girlfriend, and I suffer from that. I had luck to find a girl who could be obsessed with me, but we are together for two years, and she has some problems to, and me to, and I am all confused now, and....I am obsessed with another person, and I start to do stupid things,and always think if she thinks of me, or not, or did she write, why did she say this or that, and then get the feeling she has the same feelings like me, then the other moment I think she hates me...aah. it is hard, and on top of that there is the emphaty thing for evey one, then my current girlfriend, and dealing with self esteem problems and....it just felt good telling all this. and I wanna say I love all the people here on this topic, and all. cheers

Just wanna say I didn't read every thing, because I couldnt resist posting after the first page:P.

[gingerwoman]

Does anyone else here get insanely fixated on people to the point where the object of your fixation dominantes you ever waking moment?

I have had this problem since I was a little girl. I would fixate on another girl in my class. It's more than a sexual or in love thing.

Absolute fixation.

Of course there were lots of lovers that I would fixate on. Usually I would fixate on one person for a number of years before the object of my fixation changed to someone else.

Now I am happily married (have been with hubby for 10 years) married for 12 and yet I am fixated with some guy on a message board and he is kind of a jerk and yet I am totally and utterly besotted with him and my emotions go up and down like a rollercoaster and if I think he is mad at me or he isn't sending me enough private messages I feel horrible ache.

I AM WELL AWARE that it is COMPLETELY insane and stupid but it won't go away.

Anyone else have anything like this kind of weirdness?

I'm talking 24/7 obsession.

Wow! I always wondered if someone else has this to. Me to have this problem, and it really makes it hard to get a girlfriend, and I suffer from that. I had luck to find a girl who could be obsessed with me, but we are together for two years, and she has some problems to, and me to, and I am all confused now, and....I am obsessed with another person, and I start to do stupid things,and always think if she thinks of me, or not, or did she write, why did she say this or that, and then get the feeling she has the same feelings like me, then the other moment I think she hates me...aah. it is hard, and on top of that there is the emphaty thing for evey one, then my current girlfriend, and dealing with self esteem problems and....it just felt good telling all this. and I wanna say I love all the people here on this topic, and all. cheers

Just wanna say I didn't read every thing, because I couldnt resist posting after the first page:P.

Thanks for your comments John. Just try try try to focus on the girl that loves you and not the other one.

It's so hard. I love my husband and kind of hate the man I'm obsessed with and can't stop. There are three of us now in this situation. It's almost a form of self hatred when you find love to focus on someone who doesn't love you.

I cherish and adore my husband honestly. It's hard to explain. I really think it has something to do with abuse from my mother who could be so loving one minute and then so nasty and furious and insulting.

[gingerwoman]

God I hate being a stalker. I don't want to be a stalker but I'm so mad he called me that that I want to write an email telling him. hahaha

But I won't.

Anyway I am the THIRD woman who has cyberstalked him so I think that says something about him. It's because he plays games with people.

[gingerwoman]

I realise stalking makes me feel in control but really it is out of control behaviour I know this. I do it to ease the emptiness the hole in my stomach as someone here put it. (I'm not talking about really bad stalking like hurting someone. Just googling, myspacing, emailing one target person.)

But it MUST STOP!

Help me by posting. When I connect with people it helps ease the need to stalk and the horrible emptiness.

[JohnDoe]

I realise stalking makes me feel in control but really it is out of control behaviour I know this. I do it to ease the emptiness the hole in my stomach as someone here put it. (I'm not talking about really bad stalking like hurting someone. Just googling, myspacing, emailing one target person.)

But it MUST STOP!

Help me by posting. When I connect with people it helps ease the need to stalk and the horrible emptiness.

Thanks for your reply.I feel that I hate that other person too. Sometimes i wish i never met her, than it wouldnt be all messed up, but again i cant stop thinking about her, watching her my space... I hope you will get better. What if you try to do something interesting with your husband? Then you wouldnt think of the other person. I do gymnastics, that takes all of my power away, I calm down for a while, and makes me feel better about my self. Maybe if you found something that needs complete concentration... best wishes:)

[gingerwoman]

I realise stalking makes me feel in control but really it is out of control behaviour I know this. I do it to ease the emptiness the hole in my stomach as someone here put it. (I'm not talking about really bad stalking like hurting someone. Just googling, myspacing, emailing one target person.)

But it MUST STOP!

Help me by posting. When I connect with people it helps ease the need to stalk and the horrible emptiness.

Thanks for your reply.I feel that I hate that other person too. Sometimes i wish i never met her, than it wouldnt be all messed up, but again i cant stop thinking about her, watching her my space... I hope you will get better. What if you try to do something interesting with your husband? Then you wouldnt think of the other person. I do gymnastics, that takes all of my power away, I calm down for a while, and makes me feel better about my self. Maybe if you found something that needs complete concentration... best wishes:)

It seems so many people have this MySpace checking problem. It's been mentioned quite a few times in the obsession threads.

[etheria33]

Oh God! I am so so happy to have found this thread!! I have never met anyone else who has extreme obsessions with other people. It has happened to me many times.

I have previously been obsessed with a married minister, and another married guy 30 years older than me, I think I may have gotten besotted with them because they were very intelligent moral and compassionate towards me. Usually I am very moral myself and would never deliberately go after a married guy, yet when an obsession takes hold I don't trust myself, it becomes all consuming, I can think of nothing but the object of my desire every waking moment, it is like some form of torture! Not to mention the tidal wave of pain and devastation that hits when I realize it's never going to happen or I get rejected.

Another guy I was obsessed with from the ages of 18-21 was a local drug dealer, one of the "in crowd" sexy and good looking I had a one night stand with him and I was hooked. I tried everything to get him, I got hold of some difficult to obtain gig tickets to see his favorite band and casually told him I had a spare ticket going, I walked 5 miles out of my way to accidentally on purpose "bump" into him on his way home from work, but all he wanted was the odd night of sex. Seeing him with other girls was like a punch in the stomach, one night I was upset so along with a friend we put graffiti on his front door, the next day I walked past and couldn't help but laugh when I saw him scrubbing it off! Very immature I know!

I've also had non sexual crushes on other women, usually the type who seem to understand me and are everything I want to be or think I want to be at the time.

At the moment I am extremely obsessed with a guy I am having a sort of long distance relationship with, I say sort of, because I don't think he is that bothered about me, I am so besotted with him that I do little but fantasize about him, at the moment all I can think about is having his baby.

I often wish that just for once it would be nice if the person I was besotted with felt the same way, I've never had a man that was mad about me, I guess they see glimpses of my intensity and it puts them off, not to mention my melancholy, introverted personality. At least I feel a bit better for having found this thread, at least I'm not alone in this! Grateful thanks to you Gingerwoman for starting this thread.

[iar]

I too have this...I try so hard to keep it in control and not to do anything stupid. So far, I havn't...it just hurts like hell. I've been like it for as long as I can remember.

Does anyone know WHY we have these thoughts/feelings? And does anyone know what a therapist will do or say to try and address the issue?

[Saffy]

After reading this I feel so much better, I realise I'm not alone. I've lived in my own little world of secret obsessions for as long as I can remember - Teachers, doctors, celebrities....anyone! It is so real, and intense, and emotionally confusing and upsetting. Sometimes it makes me feel happy but it normally ends in tears when it involves a real person I know. I wish I could stop it...but I can't seem to control it. I'm especially bad when I watch long running reality tv (like Big Brother or I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here) and get drawn to one particular person who I wish was my relative or friend. I then have to read about them on the internet and day dream about them......until someone else fills their place. It's so exhausting.

:huh:

[bjw]

This is my favorite thread on this forum since it hits so close to home and describes a lot of the problems I've had with my bpd obsessions. I'm actually getting better and am thinking less and less all the time about the person I was last obsessed with, I don't know whether its the meds or the DBT that helped though. I notice if I stay busy it manages to help get my mind off of everything.

A lot of people have mentioned myspace and now that I think about it I have to say that the internet is the worse invention to come along for the bpd sufferer. Primarily because it gives another outlet to us where we are connected to the rest of the world all the time. This gives another venue for the abuser to abuse their victim (the bpd sufferer) and fuel the obsession. Once they realize they have us hooked on the chats, messages, etc. they know they have us reeled in. I think the person we are obsessed with becomes every much at fault as we are at this point.

Anyone else on here think that bpd would not be as much of a problem in today's society if the internet were not so prevalent?

Anyway, for those of you still going through it just know that it does get better. I've managed to get better. It never goes away and I know it will probably happen to me again, but I am thankful that I now know what I have and how to handle it better.

[mememe]

Does anyone else here get insanely fixated on people to the point where the object of your fixation dominantes you ever waking moment?

I have had this problem since I was a little girl. I would fixate on another girl in my class. It's more than a sexual or in love thing.

Absolute fixation.

Of course there were lots of lovers that I would fixate on. Usually I would fixate on one person for a number of years before the object of my fixation changed to someone else.

Now I am happily married (have been with hubby for 10 years) married for 12 and yet I am fixated with some guy on a message board and he is kind of a jerk and yet I am totally and utterly besotted with him and my emotions go up and down like a rollercoaster and if I think he is mad at me or he isn't sending me enough private messages I feel horrible ache.

I AM WELL AWARE that it is COMPLETELY insane and stupid but it won't go away.

Anyone else have anything like this kind of weirdness?

I'm talking 24/7 obsession.

I too just had to reply to this message, my best friend thinks im crazy and so do most men!!!! Mine happens most of the time to be around sex/love i only have to go on 1 date and i can spend weeks daydreaming planning the wedding, music, honeymoon, house, kids, pram, down to every little detil !!!!!

Its really does freak me out!!!!!

[Tray]

i never saw myself as obsessin over ppl, but having read the thread, yea i guess i do! i obsess in my head all the while, argueing with myself, imaginary conversatuins ect. as soon as someone shows me attention, i go all out to get them. mine's in a sexual way, i use sex to manipulate i guess, i have had numerous affairs, i always 'happen' to be in the right place at the right time to see the latest one... it can get tiring, i cant leave the house these days without obsessin over who i might c, what do i do, say, how my facial expressions are suppose to look and that. but then again, i can get obsessive about a top, pair of jeans, even food...when i have something in my mind, it takes over everything.