Therapeutic Communities

[summersun]

To join the TC in our area you only have to be off benzo's. And they help you get off any other meds only if you want to. I am off everything now, after going through loads of anti-d's, mood stabs and anti psychotic's in the past 16 months. I don't feel much different being off them only going back to being anxious again. But I was told this in the first place that medication was not the answer for BPD and I would not believe them but I hate to admit it that I think they were right.

[aussiebabe]

We haven't been told about coming off meds so will have to find out that. I saw psychiatrist about 3 weeks ago and he doesn't want me to come off them at the mo anyway.

I saw psychiatrist last November and he reccomended that i went to the Brenchley Unit, but before he could refer me i had to be drug free for 3 months, and as i had weaned myself off of the drugs i was on apart from Buspiron (sp) he said come back in 3 months for a referal. I went back 3 months later, in February of this year and he had left, 3rd doctor i have had in one year that has done that but i digress, a further 3 months later they got a replacement doctor who i saw. Being a new doctor he basically wanted to put me straight back onto meds after being drug free for 6 months and suffering but i refused and he begrudgingly did the referal to the Brenchley unit, which i am waiting to hear back from after doing a form for them.

I do not want to scare you and i am sorry if i did, but you might need to be drug free so they have a blank canvass to work with if you know what i mean, to meet and see the real you if that makes any sense?

Again i am sorry if it is the wrong thing i have said, but it is just a friendly heads up incase it does happen and it will not come as a big suprise to you...

I had my CPA meeting today and the Psychiatrist said that they like you to be off your meds, but he is going to talk to them as he doesn't feel it would be a good idea for me to come off them yet. Hopefully they will be ok with that. I start the prep group on Wed but i have been told that if i find i am not ready to go that i should be able to defer going.

With the 121 i go to, i can continue to do that and come to an agreement on a timescale to finish it , which i am dreading!

I have a new care coordinator who is my old OT so at least i know her. She also runs the needlecraft group i go to.

Will let you know how it goes on Wed

Sharonx

[aussiebabe]

Well i had my first prep group today. How do i feel? Honestly, like shit! I was sitting there thinking i want to go. I could feel myself getting more and more red. i made a sign to lady in my outreach group saying i feel so red as she lipped 'no' therapist asked is everything ok. the lady then said i thought i was red and that was it! Everyone looked at me! My worst nightmare! Did i want to something, i said no. From that point i just wanted to cry and i had to keep taking deep breaths to stop myself. When it ended i went in the kitchen with lady from outreach group and burst into tears! To top it all our therapist from outreach group came in and i just could not look at him, he just handed me some tissues and said i'll see you on Monday then.

I am so bloody cross with myself, i hating being me. why can i not just relax, not go red and get so worked up. Had coffee with friend and calmed down. But even writing this is making me cry. For god sake i am 42 years old. I used to run staff meetings when i was acting manager in children's nursery. Why i am so shitty now. I just cannot deal with it. I I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A friend popped round this eve who knows where i go etc. We watched videos of my son as a baby , toddler etc. I saw myself then. We also watched video of when i was at Butlins with my cousin when i was about 25 and we did a 'pop' video and my friend couldn't believe it was me! I was smiling ( plus seeing the fashion then was amusing!! But then that makes me feel worst.

Oh i am so sorry i have waffled on, it is just i feel so cross with myself because of how i am and how i feel.

Sharonx

[morbidsoul]

wopuld it be main house, sorry to be so frank but huin if you are willing to engage then yes you can have life back but you have to be ready it is fucking intense, so keep with prep group if i am on the right lines do they still have resy in there to help and answer questions? i hope they do it can help just you need to be ready, and by the way you broke down you are, just rember you are not the first nor will you be the last, and it is what prep group is about, tc hun and you are on good lines and being human is not a weakness.

[aussiebabe]

Thanks. I have been told i can defer if i find it so hard at the mo. I was even more stressed when thay said you could claim travel expenses if on income support or jobseekers but nothing else! Just looked on DWP site and it does say if you have NHS Exemption Certificate you can claim for travel. So will ask about it next week as i get that through CTC. Would be one less stress!

I will go next week but i will have to find some techniques to calm down and try and relax. I didn't feel good crying on first time there, makes me feel weak.

sharonx

[morbidsoul]

wel taking its main house(if wrong just correct) then that actually has done you more favours as you are ready and willing to engage and thats the most important thing out of it all.

[aussiebabe]

Sorry what's main house?

Sharonx

[morbidsoul]

just curiouds hun, if it was`simlar

[pmilkman]

For god sake i am 42 years old.

I hope you did not say that in a nasty way ! <big grin>

Well done, you have made the first step, the more you take the easier it should become, and on the hard days remember that there are people in a worse off boat than you. Thinking that helps me keep my chin up. If it is of any help as you were worried about being medication free (which i have been for 6 months and suffering) i got some of those 5-HTP suppliment pills from Holland and Barret Sunday morning, and i definately felt my mood lift by Sunday evening, so it might be worth a try if/when you decide you want to try. A bit pricey at £16.99 for 60 x 50mg capsules, and as im trying 200mg (100 morning and 100 evening) its only 15 days supply, but i have seen it in healthfood shops online for as little as £11 for 60 x 100mg capsules.

Anyway, well done on your first step...

[yorkiegal73]

it takes a while to settle in Sharon. i was so scared on my first day in a TC. I had to sit in a room with 16 people and we all had to write a statement on a big piece of paper in the middle of the room on the floor. I'm very overweight and was so panicked about how i would get up again. then someone asked me a question and my voice came out all hoarse! but once i'd got to know everyone in the smoking area it was much better. but it took me months to be able to make eye contact, and 6 months to eat anything at lunch.

[Aztec]

Hi,

re 5HTP: I buy them off the internet: which is difficult to decide where to buy them from, as there are so many stories about buying pills without any active ingredients in them! I order from justvitamins.co.uk and as far as I can tell, they seem to be the real thing. And far, far cheaper than Holland & Barret. they cost £10 for 90 100mg tablets.

i got some of those 5-HTP suppliment pills from Holland and Barret Sunday morning, and i definately felt my mood lift by Sunday evening, so it might be worth a try if/when you decide you want to try. A bit pricey at £16.99 for 60 x 50mg capsules, and as im trying 200mg (100 morning and 100 evening) its only 15 days supply, but i have seen it in healthfood shops online for as little as £11 for 60 x 100mg capsules.

[Aztec]

Hi sharon,

Just wanted to reassure you on a few things. Firstly, I'm 40 and I'm always going bright red in therapy sessions and general TC meetings! Yes, its hugely embarrassing, but i keep reminding myself that I was referred here cos I struggle in social situations (amongst many other things!), and blushing is just a symptom of that, and nobody is going to judge me for it.

Also, it takes a while to feel comfortable in any new setting, so don't run away from this in such early days. Give yourself chance to settle in. No matter how confident you have been previously, that is not where you are now. don't beat yourself up about it. Just accept this is where you are now, and that you are accesssing the right help to help you get your life back.

Don't give up!!

Claire xx

[aussiebabe]

Thank you eveyone for your advice

The expense thing is my travel costs to get to the unit, it is 40 miles there and back plus car park costs, my meds are free.I know i should be allowed them as i have NHS exemption card. Just have to speak to them next week.

I will persevere with it. What i am dreading most is that you have to do a presentation!! My worst nightmare!

Sharonx