eve-naive Posted October 12, 2008 Report Share Posted October 12, 2008 :bigarmhug[1]: Hope you are okay walker? I just wanted to say that a lot of the time I think that I am just making it all up too. But I just wanted to remind you, that you wouldn't think that of me, and I wouldn't think that of you. It has really been helping me to think on the fact that if I met me (as someone else, you for instance) I would believe what you say about how you feel and try and be a comfort. Take some time to allow yourself to be a comfort to yourself - the same way that you comfort others here and have spoken words of goodness to them. I understand how you are feeling and know that sometimes you can be in a place where nothing anyone says seems to make any difference. Try to hold on to the fact that there are others that feel just like you and understand and care and believe that the bad things you are going through really matter.love eve-naive xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 12, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2008 :bigarmhug[1]: nogotta sleepalredy been sic newaydoenst solve antything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crackers Posted October 12, 2008 Report Share Posted October 12, 2008 I completely agree with eve, and i also have spent the last 2 years thinking, shit, ive made all of this up, none of its real ive done it for attention and its all backfired, but no, thats wasnt true, and it took me a while to realise that, like eve said; a lot of the time I think that I am just making it all up too. But I just wanted to remind you, that you wouldn't think that of me, and I wouldn't think that of you. It has really been helping me to think on the fact that if I met me (as someone else, you for instance) I would believe what you say about how you feel and try and be a comfort.[Take care buddy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel123 Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 let us know hows you are today hun........We care .xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 well the keyboard seems clearer!!!!BUT MY HEAD IS STILL SAYING ALL THE SAME STUFF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 Ross, you say it is pp mode, that you have seen the others, yet it is all I ever feelday in day outT - its your fault - get out and do things - make something of your life - clean the house - eat properly - da da da da da da da daJames says i am trying to push him awaywell i know he doesnt want to help me, even though he keeps telling me he doesbut i think he doesnt want me around, because i think no one wants me aroundmaybbe because i thought they didnt want me around, - but now they change what they say and do, and tell me i remember things wrongand i am so confusedand all the time the only truth I know is that i am making it all bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 Hi WalkerHave been doing some digging around, and I think i have found something that may help you and James.Ask him if he has a copy of Robert L Leahy's "Overcoming Resistance in Cognitive Therapy" (dont panic about the title, this is a nice thing) and tell him to turn to chapter 4 - Validation Resistance. I have read the chapter and I think it describes very well the situation you are in and may help James to support you through the deadlock.If he does not have a copy then I would suggest he buys one - its a very well respected text. Please dont dismiss this as an impossibility or that he wont do it etc - please just try suggesting it to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 bless you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 bless youYou're welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 so whats going on?no love, no hate, no nothingno feeling, no understanding, no thoughts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InnerPeace Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 Sounds very Zen!Ahh...peace! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 peace?nojust nothing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InnerPeace Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 Disassociating kind of nothing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 peace?nojust nothing"detached protector"I hereby set you homework to identify your modes**spanks walker for not yet identifying modes** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 dont think sojustwellemptycould leavebut will stay but nothing mattersed. Hummmmmmmdetached protector Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 dont think sojustwellemptycould leavebut will stay but nothing mattersyupdissocation / detached protector :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 wierdI know when it happened toowas in complete state after being shafted on here this morning, but had to go straight out to GPSO had to face the world..Let go a bit with GP, but then shut off as I left - and completely lost touch with how I had felt earlierseem to have no access to those emotions atm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InnerPeace Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 That's understandable...Grounding techniques help bring us back in touch with our emotions but it will happen, keeping grounded when they do come really helps too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 wierdI know when it happened toowas in complete state after being shafted on here this morning, but had to go straight out to GPSO had to face the world..Let go a bit with GP, but then shut off as I left - and completely lost touch with how I had felt earlierseem to have no access to those emotions atmYes that will do it - thats pretty much exactly how my detached protector comes in too. It seems like you have a small handle on your punitive parent and detached protector modes now. Look out for th others as well, Angry Child will be in the mix somewhere there too.For me, extreme emotion can cause my DP to switch on, and I do it in the therapy room as well. All to be expected as its how we deal at first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 yep angry child appears each time i have been attacked on here, closely followed by vulnerable child because i am not allowed to retaliatebut where does this get me?i think it must happen to me when I am with James, too, as I switch rapidly from one thing to another and feel like the last thing has completely gone At least that is how it seems to me - like one topic, or converstaion, or worry, has just come to an abrupt end - finished-and I cant connect with it anymore - dont know what James thinksbut how does this help?Doesnt everyone do this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 yep angry child appears each time i have been attacked on here, closely followed by vulnerable child because i am not allowed to retaliatebut where does this get me?i think it must happen to me when I am with James, too, as I switch rapidly from one thing to another and feel like the last thing has completely gone At least that is how it seems to me - like one topic, or converstaion, or worry, has just come to an abrupt end - finished-and I cant connect with it anymore - dont know what James thinksbut how does this help?Doesnt everyone do this?The feeling of being 'not allowed' is still PP mode. Vulnerable child is the one that feels alone, anxious, depressed etc. The PP mode is the one that guilts and controls you and stops you from doing things, you will recognise it by a sense of shame of powerlessness. I posted a list of modes - use that as a shirtcut too to identify them.No everyone does not do this! You are starting a topic that is emotional and then losing the connection with the emotion because it is too much for you. That stops you from ever getting the actual emotional need met, because you always 'cut off' before it gets there due to fear, shame or guilt.READ YOUR BLOODY BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!! (prac guide)Tsk. How many more times do I have to tell you?? :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 :( am re reading (its here beside me atm)please dont go on at me thoughPerhaps I just dont have your understandingI still dont understand how it will help, (you dont need to answer that )Interestingly, though, I have been feeling for some time that James needs to push me harderI think maybe we need to take an issue and hammer away without switching offNot sure I can do that though, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 OK I sense that this could be a long night, but here is why the modes are important:1) You have an emotional need that needs to be met - eg love, expression of anger, expression of fear or shame, need to be heard or validated2) The Punitive Parent mode views needs as bad, wrong or shameful, and comes in to punish you (or rather, Little T) when you try to express those needs3) Chronic frustration of needs leads to build up of strong emotion eg anger, and this comes out impulsively and destructively, either at the self (via self-hraming or attacking actions thru the PP mode, such as when you tell us how shit you are) or at others via the Angry Child. Again the PP mode may come along after a break into AC.4) Strong affect - which is in itself SCREAMING OUT for the meeting of a need - may cause you to dissociate. Once you can no longer feel , you lose contact with the need and so with Little Walker.The mode loops prevent you from ever getting your real emotional needs (which may be so buried you do not even realise you have them) met and so you stay stuck.The aim of therapy SHOULD be to keep you in Vulnerable Child (Little T) mode, so that all of the buried emotion can truly come out. But the reason its important is because the modes are themselves the barriers to better ways. If you like, they are the 'cycles' I mentioned, but personified.You may like to figure out what mode your 'crisis' posts are - I get the impression that you are craving validation and understanding when you are in that mode, but its one that only experiences panic, isolation and fear because it is so rapidly flipping between VC and PP - literally a rapis succession of self-abuse. The aim in VC is to feel sadness, so that the therapist can actually provide comfort to Little T. This is the aim of the therapy relationship, and its why currently you are at an impasse. You are not able to let James in and comfort Little T - because she is in a corner being scremaed at by PP who is saying "make sure everyone knows what a piece of shit you are or Ill beat you". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 you dont have to do thissorry to be such a burden to youed. it makes sense - James said he can see me crashing between vc, pp and others during every session Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted October 13, 2008 Report Share Posted October 13, 2008 you dont have to do thissorry to be such a burden to youHey lookie, I meant the shoutie bit as a joke, sorry if it came off bad. read the post above, hopefully it will tell you why the mode work is important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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