AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Time stands still, this can't be real.You wouldn't do this to me, you know how I feel.We are so in love, you said you'd love me forever.What are you doing?!And why is it with her?I'm right here! Can't you see me?You're mine! You're mine! You're mine! I want to scream.This must be a mistake, you wouldn't betray me like this.My eyes are deceiving me, I'm the only one you kiss.I can't move, I'm frozen hereJust watching, waiting...things aren't what they appear.You see me..., but don't care.I feel my heart breaking, my eyes tear.My hopes and dreams I had been cherishing,In an instant now are vanishing.I'm left with nothing but my pride.You will never see all the pain I hide.ps thanks daisy for your poem that brought up all the old hidden memories and feelings that I must have needed to get out! :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 sounds verypanful and it fills me with questions i just anna know more if thats ok u wanna talk about it ? i lilked ur poem xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Lol! I didn't think anyone would be intersted so I tried to write very vaguely. Ask away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 so does this mean u wtnessed a love cheating? if so how aweful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Lol yep. I didn't believe it until he reached around me to grab her ass and kinda pushed me outta the way to kiss her. But that didn't really go very poetically, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 What a swine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Ha Ha thanks Roses! It messed me up for a long time, but I am hoping I will be able to get over it soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 u did at least beat him with a frying pan lol i would have t no eriously u didntdserve that im sory what an ass was this long ago are u ok about it now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 If you beat him wit ha frying pan they'll put you in jail. Rat poison in his dinner over a period of time..... now that's genius... LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Am I over it...hmmm I had thought so, but well its kinda a long story, but since you know most of it... the night that that happened was the night that I realized I was pregnant and told him. And the girl was my best friend. And I freaked out so bad after seeing them and being pushed aside by them that I had a miscarriage. It was four years ago, but I kept both of them in my life for some reason but I have a hard time trusting him still and my old best friend is now pregnant with a son and I am utterly freaking out cause I lost my son and still haven't had one. And it makes me hate hate hate her. Which is unfair and makes me just feel worse for being such a horrible person. Hmmm...hope all that made sense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 in the south hee frying pan is a reasonabe defence it slipped ur honor lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Lol you two are too funny! I wish I could have, but instead I just wandered in a daze for months and months until I realized I was pregnant again and had someone new to live for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 see the way u o it is u make grits piping hot like lava then u domp it on him and then u beat him with fring pan tryig to get t off lol calledmaing him breakfast u ever here a souuthern woman say i made him breakfast now u can just laff caue its usually a wife beater lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 I wish it was that easy to take all the pain and memories away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Ave, I will tell u something not many people know. When I was 18 I left my (now hubbie) and went abroad. He and my best mate got it on. I came back and they split and we got it back on. I got pregnant and day I confirmed it he left me for her. Then 2 weeks later came back. Then we planned wedding and 1 week before (night of hen night) he called me (5mths pregnant) and told me he couldn't do it as he loved her not me. I was in pieces. Then just b4 baby due we got back together (he realised his mistake) and we married week b4 had son. He was 8 weeks old when he left again. Literally packed his stuff up whilst I was out and ran down drive leaving me sobbing with baby in my arms. Somehow we managed to be on and off and moved around a lot. Eventually we had another and when he little he had gambling problem and left us with no money and lied to people about me spending it all and borrowed £12k off his Mum in one year and took all our money and got in £6k debt and mentally abused me. Through all this I had my own mental health problems and pnd on top as well as two little kids under 5 at time and living somewhere awway from all family and friends. We are now closer than any other couple I know and have worked through it all. I am telling you this so you don't give up on men. I hope my pathetic story helps. Another day I'll tell yo ubout my childhood :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 To be honest I don't even know what one I would go after first. I just felt so betrayed and sickened by both of them. It was one of those experiences that just gets boxed up, then boxed up again, then hidden in the darkest corner of my memories with caution tape around it so I wouldn't ever think about it by accident. Now that I was reminded of it I can't stop thinking about it. I get flashbacks, I get panic attacks, I feel like I just wanna die so I don't ever have to feel that pain again, I feel like I don't ever wanna see him or her again, I feel lke I am failing by still not being over it. They made a mistake, I thought I forgave them and yet now I don't know if I just ignored it instead. Grrr I cant stand myself sometimes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 sometimes the really awful men lead u igh to the riht men later cause get stronger snd dont compromise for thst crap anymore xxxxroses sorry itwas so haed but lad it turned out in ed xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 You are an inspiration Roses, that is what I am aiming for. He is an amazing guy who made a mistake. It just didn't affect him like it did me. To him it was just an idea of a baby. To me it was already my son Isacc. And he doesn't understand how I wanted to die how all I could dream about or pray about was that anything would happen so I could not have to wake up in the morning. I hated him, I hated her, I hated myself, I hated God. I had so much hate and so much hurt. And he just doesn't think it was that big of a deal. And I don't know how to fix that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Guess whole point of my monologue was to tell u that it doesn't have to be this way and u can work through it. Before I got pregnant with first I had a miscarriage and person I was with blamed me for it so know how difficult it is. Just look forward and let it go. It is HIS problem and HER problem. I'm surprised you have anything to do wit hthem. For a long time I couldn't stand my hubbie cos of it and would DEFO not have anything to do with her. I call her "the trogmonster" as can't een bear to hear her name. She stalked us for about 6 months after he finally ditched her. Scary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Lol jades. That is true, but when I fall in love I have an awful hard time falling back out of love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Ha Ha he calls her the dirty nasty whore! Although I feel that is unfair since he was the one getting on her. Anyways.... I had forgiven her because well...she is a whore and I don't think she could honestly help herself. But now she actually asked me to plan her baby shower and now I just feel physically sick if I hear her messages or anything and it makes me panic and stuff. I can't believer her nerve, and she keeps harassing me about it, but anyways... guess that will blow over eventually. I just feel like I'm being mean but that she is being cruel, so I suppose she is being worse so I should just stop feeling bad for how I am ignoring heromg, sorry for the ramble, guess I needed to get that off my chest too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Me too. But don't fill your heart with hate. We are all only human and some of us just a bit lower down evolutionary ladder than the rest !!! Peace can be found through forgiveness. It sounds corny but it can. Star Wars was right "hate leads to the dark side". Find love in your heart and you will find peace. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Yeah thats something I should definately work on. I'm a grudge holder, its one of my worse habits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 i agree wit roses but something wonderfu can come out of it my first love was not bill but his cousin and found out he was cheating on me whole time with his baby moma then he dumped me outta blue but i met bill outta it and we fell in love and were happy together for 9years before he passed try to look for the posiive u lost a loser u got lucky u dint marry him right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Totally. Marriage is whole new dimension. Guesss I just a hippy at heart. Want to have utopian world but know will always be shadows. Is how we deal with shadows that makes us great though. If we pray for strength do we get strength or the opportunity to be strong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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