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[Data]

I can see everyone getting banned now,Can't speak to staff like that,It's ok for them to take the piss but you can't do it back.

This whole thread is a storm in a teacup. Maybe Josh gave the appearance of mocking or being sarcastic in his original reply. He has said that he did not have that intent and I personally am happy to give him the benefit of the doubt.

The idea that "you can't do it back" is totally unfair. Josh has allowed this thread to remain open.

I suspect some of the people here have issues with the site and are just looking for an excuse to have a go.

[Dani]

Lola -i think you should take a look at yourself and see who is acting ridiculous.Your insults to the staff exp Sammy and joshua are a personal attack and out of line.If you have such a problem with this site or the staff here it's quite simple-don't use it.

[Paris]

Lola -i think you should take a look at yourself and see who is acting ridiculous.Your insults to the staff exp Sammy and joshua are a personal attack and out of line.If you have such a problem with this site or the staff here it's quite simple-don't use it.

hear hear!! why bother coming somewhere you dont like!

[Joshua]

Okay lets be careful not to go down the same route ourselves as this member took.

[Sammy]

Lola don't patronise me just because you can't take responsibility for what you do. I don't kiss ass I speak the truth and not afraid to do so, if you don't like the truth or can't handle it tough. Once again you talk in a condescending and patronising manner and expect us to just take it - a writer? That's a laugh! I'll respond to whichever topics I like, regardless of who started them. Whatever you think about me I have a lot of friends here and so don't really care about one person who thinks bad of me, ie: you.

Once again people making assumptions...I'm uptight am I? Funny how everyone that actually bothers getting to know me sees me as one of the most laid back and calm people they know. lol, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it's ignorance rather than stupidity.

[Sammy]

Noone on here has pretended to be omni potent beings - we've repeatedly said we are only human, and volunteering on this site to try to help people, which I believe that we have done quite successfully. You are the one who has had unrealistic expectations of us and percieved us to be omnipotent, and had your bubble burst so now throwing your dummy out the pram. My children act more responsibly than you and throw less temper tantrums. They also know how to communicate in a polite manner with respect to people.

You also say don't thank anyone or apologise anyone running this site as we do nothing to regard those words...You have no idea how much work goes into keeping this site running, or the costs involved personally to Joshua, if we all quit, then where would you be? Then you wouldn't have a site to go running to and whining about the running of it.

So yes you should be grateful, that there are people here willing to give up their own time, unpaid to provide a service for you, regardless of whether we meet your unrealistic expectations of being omnipotent and at your beckon call.

[hummm_mabbe]

This is not aimed at any one person.

It does seem like a lot of personal baggage has come up here.

Whilst I am not able to say either way if it warrants the level of emotion being expressed, I cant help but think of my own experiences in life, and the realisation that sometimes, if you keep hearing the same criticism over and again, that maybe there is at least a small grain of truth to whats being said.

For me this has been very true because I very often have engaged in behaviours that to me felt not only justified, but positively called for - but which I was consistently attacked and criticised for. The same theme kept coming up repeatedly, but my own ego at the time wouldnt let me go "hang on - is there perhaps just the smallest grain of truth? Why do I keep hearing the same things again and again?".

The criticism at the time may well have been delivered with unwarranted strength and hostility - but I realised that at least part of that hostility came from the fact that I kept denying that I had done anything wrong, because I felt I had no choice but to defend myself and to behave as I did. I would not see or validate their truth, and as they became more angry and entrenched, so they would not see mine and the argument feel into insults and bad feeling. I saw them as an attacker, and they saw me as an attacker. Stalemate.

The real truth was that yes, I had done something wrong that had upset people, and they rightly became upset. The reason it got out of hand was because I would not accept their feelings because to accept criticism was too painful. I fought off the feeling of defectiveness and rejection by getting angry and making it their fault, and I marshalled all my intellect to show them just how wrong they were. But this didnt change how they felt - they just got louder and louder, and whetnever something similar came up, so would the old grievances.

Validation and empathy, even if you fiercely believe the other person is a moron, will always solve conflict quicker than simply shouting over and criticising one another - no matter what side of the argument you are on.

[Trace]

Cripes!

[Ocean Wolf]

Ummm.... Just going to point out that there wouldn't be any site or any posts if the staff weren't here. Not to mention telling Josh not to post is kind of like trying to kick him out of his own house. Telling the other staff not to post is similar.

Also, the best way to get help is to be polite to the people you're asking. The best way to get a point across is to say it calmly.

Sammy is my friend. You can think of her what you like, but don't expect sympathy.

[Roses]

I too am shocked at the filth that came out of Lola' mouth and after I supported her stating that we had forgotten this was her thread. I wish I hadn't opened my mouth now. Some people just aren't worth it. I feel like hugging you Sammy and Josh. I am so sorry for my poor judgement.

[bibiddi]

Oh 'eck!

If I were to sell popcorn for people reading this thread, I'd make an easy profit!

Salt or sweet?

p.s. I wonder if how we feel about authority, and their power over us comes into play here?

[Roses]

Thing is do we get Oscars?

[Dani]

Oh 'eck!

If I were to sell popcorn for people reading this thread, I'd make an easy profit!

Salt or sweet?

p.s. I wonder if how we feel about authority, and their power over us comes into play here?

sweet please....

[Joshua]

p.s. I wonder if how we feel about authority, and their power over us comes into play here?

This is one of the main reasons I encourage staff to use words and support over moderator action.

[bibiddi]

Thing is do we get Oscars?

Nah, people were reacting impulsively. I think threads like this can help people learn how it can be a good thing to slow their responses down, and ask for clarifications, rather than make assumptions.

sweet please....

*Throws Dani a bag of sweet popcorn*

p.s. I wonder if how we feel about authority, and their power over us comes into play here?

This is one of the main reasons I encourage staff to use words and support over moderator action.

Oh, thats a good idea. I like that.

I've learnt a lot about how to deal with conflict through threads like this.

[Ruth24]

Lola,

are you trying to be argumentative and seeking attention? This is a site i enjoy coming too. everybody is supportive and helpful and the work that people do here is great. you were hideous to sammy.

If you want to go then go, don't try and drag people's moods down with your rubbish. If you had something decent to say i would listen and try to support. But no, i can't be bothered with your attitude so i have no intention of reading your posts again. you are nothing but a trouble maker and i am not going to waste any more of my time on you, when there are people here who really do want help

Go find another web site and abuse somebody else

I'll probably get kicked out for saying all this, but i needed to get it off my chest. proplr like you ruin these forums for everybody else

[canadian mike]

That's great, sammy, really impressive! Very supportive!

I do not see this as an unreasonable request. The staff have the ability to remove posts. Why not do so? Certainly, it should be permitted for the author of a thread.

[Sammy]

Mike I'm meant to be supportive even when someone talks to me and about me like crap? Why do you think that just because we volunteer here that it's ok for people to talk to us that way and for us to constantly remain supportive to them regardless of what they say? Do you agree that they should not have to take responsibility for their words and actions? I think under the given circumstance I remained as calm as I possibly could, there was a lot worse things on my mind that I refrained from saying.

As for why we don't take down the topics it has been repeated over and over again.

1) The rules that you are required to confirm you have read and understood upon joining clearly state that we do not remove posts unless they are offensive/trolling or contain personal information such as addresses etc...or that would identify who they are.

2) It clearly states in the rules that once a post is made it becomes the property of bpd world and Joshua Cole for him to use for whatever purposes he likes.

3) Once a topic is started and replies made other people have invested their own time and emotions into replying, and it would be insensitive and rude to them just to remove the topic. The topic is then a group discussion and no longer solely belonging to the person who started the topic, respect must be shown to the entire group involved. If topics were frequently taken down, people would learn there is no point putting their heart and soul into replying to people's posts as they could be taken down anytime anyway.

4) Members who have requested to have topics deleted or requested their accounts deleted have been seen to be indecisive and impulsive, by returning and still posting frequently about the same issues they wanted taken down in the first place.

5) The rules clearly state that the opportunity to edit or delete a post will remain for up to one hour after posting, this is to give impulsive members a cool down period to change their mind about what they post.

6) It is the members responsibility - not ours - to think before posting about what they want to be read and seen on the site.

7) There is a very small staff to members ratio, the staff are voluntary and do what they can when they can, and cannot be expected to be at the beckon call of every members whims. We have neither the time nor inclination. We do our best to assist with technical issues and personal problems and keep this site safe for the members.

8) We are not here to be authoritarians and monitor every argument that breaks out between members - we are not the police and prefer to allow members to resolve their arguments themselves as long as they stay within the rules of the forum.

9) Most other forums also do not remove topics at posters request.

10) A positive aspect of leaving topics up is that you can come back and look at them again later and see how much progress you have made since posting.

I hope this makes it clearer for you to understand why we do not remove topics and the posters request and why it is unreasonable to ask this of us. It is mostly all in the rules or already said in posts on this thread already, so really I shouldn't have needed to repeat them, but obviously it has been overlooked so I will put it all together here this one last time.

[Shellybelly]

it also states in this that tickets will be answered in 24 hours

WRONG

there not mine was put in over 24 hours ago and still no one has answered...

Maybe i should make my ticket public about what i have a issue with and see how

ye answer me then.

[Sammy]

Shellybelly I am sorry your ticket has not been answered within 24 hours. We have said we try to answer them all within 24 hours, but sometimes this is not possible due to staff not being available. It is a bank holiday monday and I am sure that staff have been busy with their families today.

Unfortunately I do not have access to tickets yet, so cannot respond myself to your ticket.

Also I do not know if the ticket system has been fixed yet, I will try to find out tomorrow if I can. I mentioned earlier that we are recieving tickets but our responses to them seem to not be recieved by the sender of the ticket.

[Shellybelly]

yes marchmadness has got back to me on that and told me it broken it should be on the notice board as it very

upsetting to members.

[canadian mike]

What I have seen on this thread is bullying of two members; lola & wobbles. Are they correct that tickets are not dealt with in 24hours, sometimes, not at all? Yes.

Here, as in the chatroom, one specific moderator/member seems to have a great need to dominate the discussion. Those not in agreement have been encouraged to leave or are threatened with expulsion/punitive measures. I have been disappointed to witness these attacks. Submit a ticket? Waste of my time.

Taking responsibility for one's self? Open your eyes, staff, this is a forum for people with personality disorders, some of whom are on psychotropical medication. With the exception of those whom suffer from psychotic episodes, members of these forums would not be here if they could take responsibility for themselves.

Joshua, you've held the mantle of administrator of these forums long enough to know that your forum policies will be questioned, alternatives suggested, and that you will be held responsible for all that takes place within. Baiting a member whom is threatening to quit, by suggesting that the threat is - based on one, or more, previous events - an empty gesture, is disrespectful.

Do I expect a greater degree of tolerance and empathy from the "staff" than from the general membership? Of course I do. If my expectations are too grandiose for what this site has to offer, please, let me know.

[Ocean Wolf]

What I have seen on this thread is bullying of two members; lola & wobbles.

Really? You haven't noticed lola's post at the top of this page? Or are you just choosing not to mention it for some odd reason?

Here, as in the chatroom, one specific moderator/member seems to have a great need to dominate the discussion. Those not in agreement have been encouraged to leave or are threatened with expulsion/punitive measures. I have been disappointed to witness these attacks. Submit a ticket? Waste of my time.

No one had been punished or threatened in any manner that I can see. It is possible I've missed something, but I believe it has been more along the lines of "if you don't like it, why are you here?" Which is a very valid point.

I have never had a problem with submitting tickets, so I can't really comment on that.

Taking responsibility for one's self? Open your eyes, staff, this is a forum for people with personality disorders, some of whom are on psychotropical medication. With the exception of those whom suffer from psychotic episodes, members of these forums would not be here if they could take responsibility for themselves.

Why? I never got to use those excuses. Why should anyone else? It's not like there is any difference between those who do have to take responsibility for everything and those who think they shouldn't.

Joshua, you've held the mantle of administrator of these forums long enough to know that your forum policies will be questioned, alternatives suggested, and that you will be held responsible for all that takes place within. Baiting a member whom is threatening to quit, by suggesting that the threat is - based on one, or more, previous events - an empty gesture, is disrespectful.

Josh hasn't baited anyone. The one post that caused people to think that has been explained. As for pointing out that often we act on impulse, that's a valid point. A lot of us here are impulsive.

Do I expect a greater degree of tolerance and empathy from the "staff" than from the general membership? Of course I do. If my expectations are too grandiose for what this site has to offer, please, let me know.

Again, look at some of the things that has been said to the staff. For example, lola's post at the top of the page. If you expect staff or anyone else to be content with such attacks, yes that is probably too grandiose.

[Roses]

Lola, I defended you on here and now you are being a foul mouthed little trollop. Thanks for treating me and my friends with such little respect. I wish you would just leave. This post is upsetting and triggering and should be closed.

[Sammy]

Mike I do not have a need to dominate the conversation, I have a need to answer people's questions to the best of my ability and be informative. I have never encouraged anyone to leave or threatened anyone with punitive measures for disagreeing with me either, and have always encouraged people to talk to me about any problems they have with me or the site, so that if possible I can help in some way.

I think you are being very unfair to me and quick to condone abusive behaviour from members towards staff, in particular myself. Bare in mind that the staff here including myself also have mental health issues too. Someone asked earlier if it was one rule for us and one rule for you, pointing out how unfair that would be, yet you have proven that you feel it should be one rule for you and one rule for us. A member can be abusive to us and about us, but we can not react to that in any way? Bare in mind that you have not seen pm's Lola has sent me, nor posts that have been made invisible, so what you see here is only half of her abuse and not as bad as it gets.

Also if you read back you will find I made no attacks on her till she attacked me at which point yes I reacted emotionally and in a hurt manner, but even then held back. How much do you think we should allow?

Lola, my responses on this thread have been to other people, their questions and requests, I won't ignore other members because you don't like me. You may not want me here but others do.