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Checking In! (How Do You Feel Today)


piuma

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Like my every effort is doomed to fail. No matterwhat I do its wrong or just not enough. I hope to just die in my sleep, if anybody would miss me then theyve left it roo late to tell me and have me believe it.

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Giving a hug to all those who want it. :bigarmhug[1]:

Today I feel an improvement on my quality of life. Just spent a bunch of sad days feeling stuck and trapped in my room, now start to be able to engage again in some activities and enjoying it. Have allowed to satisfy a bit of caffeine craving and managed to stay on the feeling boosted dose so it's great. After dinner I'll be able to have a shower and to wash my hair. Feel in harmony with the others in our head space. :)

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Today I'm feeling pretty frustrated. I'm dealing with alot of symptoms. Mostly really suffering because of feeling really horrible about myself because of people in my methadone clinic are making fun of me, I feel like I'm back in high school and its making me feel horrible. It's making me hate myself.

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Today I feel... conflicted...

Yesterday I finally sat down with the homework from my DBT group and actually tried. I wanted to SH, I wanted to drink, I wanted to give up but I just stopped and decided to go to bed. I don't like sleeping because it's a waste of time but it's better than anything else I could have done.

I had to run to the bank this morning for quarters and realized when I got there I was wearing a tshirt and everyone could see my SH marks and started feeling uncomfortable and stupid that I had been so careful the last few weeks and got so absent minded today. But it's Hawaii so it's almost weirder wearing long sleeves. I crossed my arms and started feeling anxious and empty and then I stopped and forced myself to relax and I made it through and left and I'm still feeling better. Sleeping helped. A lot. I need to go to the gym but I slept in... haha.

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Doesnt matter what im feeling cos no one really cares its all a load of crap telling people your feelings. No one gives a fuck not really. We are all alone with our feelings and anyway everyone says they will pass which means feelings dont matter.

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I feel apprehensive because I'm feeling better. The last time I felt this good I crashed hard and spent two days in the hospital. I'm afraid if I start being happy again and start going out more something bad will happen... or if I get worse again then people will jus abandon me. It's easier if I stay at the bottom, then I can't go any lower. And I was getting used to the idea of death, even planning it. Now I'm distracted and that sucks because it's still obvious that people don't really like me but I stick around out of habit anyway and it sucks for all of us. I have this moral obligation to stick around because I've made enough people care and then they all guilt trip me like that's what I want to hear and I wish we could all just admit that it'd be easier if I were gone. Regardless I guess I'll be around for a while.

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I feel apprehensive because I'm feeling better. The last time I felt this good I crashed hard and spent two days in the hospital. I'm afraid if I start being happy again and start going out more something bad will happen... or if I get worse again then people will jus abandon me. It's easier if I stay at the bottom, then I can't go any lower

oh how we understand that !!!!

glad you will be around yet-a-while

xx

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I feel anxious & a bit frustrated. Quite a lot of worry which is causing me to be distant & aggressive. Bouts of guilt for being distant & aggressive

:-(

Edited by Hoobub
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Depressed and in pain.

My role model is being bought out in hockey (my icon)

And I cannot take anything for my physical pain from airbag deployment and mild concussion since i'm anemic.

Grr.

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Lately I feel like there's this brick wall stopping me from achieving any sort of piece or happiness. I know it's there and I try to climb over it but the struggle is harder than accepting it and remaining in place. My therapist and I think everyone else can see it too... and I think it all just makes me look lazy because it's so obvious. But this wall is so high and there are so many bumps and potential downfalls and the wall keeps following me. It's like I'm in a mirror maze, I feel like I'm on my way out and I hit a dead end.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I feel sooooooooooooooooooooo shitty. soooo sick. had a fever all night long in pain feeling awful/ can't stop crying .... I just wish someone would come take care of me :(

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Pretty unwell. Wish people would stop playing with my meds and listen to me about what works and what doesn't. Having issues with my prescriptions for physical conditions as well as the mental ones - feel really sick and dizzy and hot and faint and have done most of the day. :confused:

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