roxy222 Posted October 9, 2009 Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 that must be really hard to feel, must be like when you were little and no one was interested in how you were feeling inside. can you say anymore bout this feeling? sometimes i find that i can disconnect if i feel like im not been heard, or like im just passing people not connecting. its can just feel too sad, and too big a feeling to be with. i think for me it feels that way cause it triggers the being alone when little, when everyone looked right through me and no one was interested in what a little girl knew. sometimes being misheard now can trigger that same sence of being see through. i had that a bit yesterday and then i was walking through town and its like everyone banged into me or walked over me and it felt v strange and sureal. i think i must have been feeling the little girl feeling so much everything seemed to confirm that i was not there. but then i went to t and talked and it was ok. i think often wanting to be close for me is wanting the pain of then healed, the 'what was missing' filled, and sadly that cant be done. i can be with those feelings, and talk bout them and let them be heard and do my best to support me with all this, but no one now can magicly wave a wand and fix this stuff cause the damage doen was so log ago. often when i give time over for this stuff it get easier to be close to myself and that feels less alone. i think i have this big lie programmed into me saying that i can not be connected to people out there, that i other will only hurt me, that no one will ever have the capacity to know me, that i will only ever be 'filled' by the m. but this is a lie, her lie, that she implanted in me so id allways be dependant and therefore shed never have to feel this lonely feeling cause she transfered it to me. but now i know this is her lie, i can be more aware of when it kicks in in my life, when the longing for someone to come along and instantly fill that void is so over whelming it leaves no space for anything else, and be aware of when it keeps me from conecting to other people the same way other people do, by just talking and sharing and learning who each other is, not by discarding anything that isnt the perfect fit to heal me. today i feel full of energy, and happy cause i have a crazy adoring kitten on my shoulders Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted October 9, 2009 Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 tired... went bed too late - my own fault... but happy cos had some good chats with some good people last night xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
losh Posted October 9, 2009 Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 I was extremely tired in the morning and felt demoralised later on. I feel ugly and now I feel like giving up on my assignment which is due 12 hours from now. I also feel lonely & guilty because I have not heard from my boyfriend for 24hours now since we fought over me being overly moody and how tiring it is for him. losh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peace7 Posted October 9, 2009 Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 I've had a bad 24 hours-ish.... Early last night I became distressed and started hearing voices so went to bed to try and sleep but to no avail!! Until about 2am, it drove me crazy. This morning wake up feeling terrible and the voices are still there AGRH!!! and I had really bad shakes too. I went back to bed and told my mum how I felt via text message... she said she may ring my cpn (I doubt it though)... that's I didn't ring before hand. I tired but ok at the moment and still have slight shakes... =( xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 9, 2009 Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 (((harmony))) had bad time last night now numb again nothingness Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted October 9, 2009 Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 I am all talked out and wanting to disappear now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x-Bliss-x Posted October 9, 2009 Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 Strange sad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 terrible, tension in neck real bad, pains and aches and all loosy body stuffs. feel weepy, emotional, wound up. feel upset and angry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x-Bliss-x Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 Sad but alright. x-Bliss-x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ocean Waves Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 Feel ok,Just bored and tired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 a little frightened alright I think I'm going to be okay I think things are going to be okay tired glad I have be connecting with my family members in an honest way lately (would be nice if it lasts) coping surprisingly much better after the last 2 weekends dramatics Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 well fine ok all gone nothing wrong with walker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 fucked up and shit. Had to run out of the store and have still not got the jeans I badly need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobody Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 Sort of feeling pretty ok after a terrible night last night. It has taught me to be careful how much i drink atm. Nervous about meeting my Dad in a bit (it's a difficult relationship) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 tired and vulnerable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 angry apparently since people keep telling me i am - i guess i am surrounded by an anger aura wtf i clearly dont see me as others see me SHIT - and i thought it was bad - whatever do they see? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 hey walker, you often sound v angry at yourself, but i know thats often lots of different emotions. i used to work with a girl who presented as v v agressive and angry constantly, but most of the time she wasnt, but that she didnt know how to deal with any negative emotions so presented this way and then transfered them onto otehrs. staff would tell her that they understood she was angry blah blah blah and the poor girl would end up getting reall upset trying to explain she wasnt she was hurting or anxious or scared. today i feel mixed up, dificult and starnge night. over all been doing better recently though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 spacey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 tense.. my house is a mess.. so much shouting and disorganisation and anger.. realised today that .. if there were no kids.. I'd be outa here by now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FuzzyLogic Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 I feel tired and really spaced out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 sad again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted October 13, 2009 Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 awake to early, grrr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted October 13, 2009 Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) In pain, and trying desperately trying to distract myself. Overwhelming sense of failure, and really really fucking angry with my body for being so broken. Also anxious that i have unintentionally upset quite a few people today, and wanting badly to apologise but not knowing where to start properly through fear of just being told to fuck off as soon as i begin. Lots of thoughts and feelings i want to explore, especially with something that i have spoken about today, but thinking it is best to make a few notes and leave it til i am feeling a little stronger, but not sure. I feel like i need punishing, too. Or more acurately - i feel i need to punish my body for being so crap & failing so spectacularly at doing what it's supposed to do. Kinda feel like i'm going into hibernation-mode. Edited October 13, 2009 by CrippleAndStarfish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x-Bliss-x Posted October 13, 2009 Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 Down... = failure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_-Rach-_ Posted October 13, 2009 Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 I feel lost....a burden and im very worried about my driving lesson tomorrow and wonder how long it is before i give it up all together because of how worried i get in the days leading up to each lesson! <_< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.