Villan Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 sick of it its rude!!!!!!!! sod you all Not read all this thread but i agree with you. I say hi to everybody. It is just plain rude Set status to away if you are not looking at the screen. Often i go in and its silent but full of people. That doesn't bother me, its either a quiet night or people are im. but if everybody is chatting and nobody says hi it can make me feel really bad. I don't go in as often as i used to xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Data I dont want to be invalidating, but I did count, and I feel this needs to be said. There were 8 people in chat when you joined. Chit was in IM, there were 3-4 who said very little all night (one of whom admitted they felt depressed and didnt want to say anything, just felt like they wanted to be logged in) and so may not have been looking at the screen, 3 said hello. That adds up to 8, so I presume you are criticising the ones who in all possibility werent actually looking at their screens and didnt say hi to anyone at all? If this is the case, can you see that it wasnt due to any dislike of you personally? Whilst this is a good reason to ask that people set their away indicator, it doesnt mean they were 'deliberately' ignoring you. Why place yourself in unnecessary pain? Ross I did not ask for your advice in this case, Ross. I have not said that anyone dislikes me personally, just saying that in my opinion there has a breach of etiquette. I cannot help but feel pain if I am ignored. It makes no difference whether the people like me or not. To argue with this is an invalidation of my feelings. I hope that this discussion will not prevent us from getting on in the chat in he future, Ross. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaisyChain Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Jesus Christ, get over yourselves Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 I was one of the 4 people that didn't say hello, I was in a pm because someone was feeling pretty desperate and needed to talk, I was preoccupied with trying to help them that I wasn't looking at the main screen, didn't see who came or went and I came back to the backlash of you're abrupt exit, which was also very rude, because you made a sarcastic comment in an attack at those of us that maybe were just busy which implied we had ulterior motives for not saying hello to you, when in fact we had none. I read up to see what everyone was talking about and yes when I read what you said I felt quite upset and offended too. I don't set my status to away as I am still there, I'm just in pm, when I go in pm I don't think to myself I'll be there all the time, I try to check in main window once in a while but if I happen to miss someone come in I don't feel I should be attacked because of that. There are also many times that I might pop away just to grab a drink, answer the phone etc... and I don't set my status to away as I'm wanting to just answer the phone quickly before the machine cuts in, or I think it will only take a few seconds for me to get a drink, I might get distracted or pulled away for a bit longer when I'm off doing that. I dunno maybe I just feel it's much ruder to out right attack people and make assumptions about them than happen not to be looking at the main screen at the time in order to notice everyone that comes in. When I return to main I always say hi to all those that have entered whilst I wasn't looking. I wonder how much of you're thinking at the time was biased because of this thread being in existance and it being at the forefront of your mind. There were 8 people in chat, I also counted, in fact all of us counted - 3-4 people said hello to you, you ignored those people! Is that not rude? Out of the other 4-5 people remaining, myself and another person were in pm and so handn't noticed your arrival, chitma was marked as away, one other person was very very ill that night and didn't feel able to talk at all, she'd mentioned that much earlier and had spent rest of night not talking to anyone and that I believe leaves one person who may or may not have had their own reasons for not saying hi that may or may not have had ill intention, but even if it was ill intention or being rude that is just ONE person and your sarcy comments were aimed at everyone in the room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Hi Data No I hope it wont too! If I see you log in, you can rest assured that I will say hello. I did note that you made a point of saying hello to everyone in the room, and so i can see that you made a big effort to be friendly. It wasnt returned and I can see why you would have got upset. Your feelings at this moment are of course real, and valid. I just hope you can come to a point where an event like this no longer affects you so deeply and that it becomes more of a wave to be surfed than a tsunami that knocks you for six ... Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 I don't go in as often as i used to xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Pls change that cuz you make me giggle :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 I don't go in as often as i used to xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Pls change that cuz you make me giggle Oh thats lovely Its not because people don't say hi or bye or wb or wahtever...its just cos i have less time on my hands. i used to go in every night, but tv is good on a monday and tuesday lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 i dont go in chat so apprciate that i dont understand the same as others but id imagine that if most people made an effort to say hi most of the time this would be no biggy to paris (or to data for that matter) like if i reply to paris' threads most of the time but then dont at other times im pretty sure this doesnt offend you, same as if someone replied to most of my threads but then didnt to some id just think they havent got anything to say/are too busy/have their own stuff going on etc, and not worry bout it (although i apprciate this can be differnet if feeling para at the time) but i kinda get the impression that this is similar paris, that this is not a one off where people didnt say hi, but that you feel its quite often like that, and that does then feel like being dismissed and ignored, which is v frustrating if going to chat to look foir some consideation and company. so i think this thread is valid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Well I know I am one among many that try to say hi every time we see anyone enter, including Paris and Data, they may be ignored by a couple of people - I don't know full ins and outs, but I'm pretty sure the rest of us try to make the effort, and if on one or two occasions we haven't noticed them come in as we've been pre-occupied with something else that we need not be attacked for it. It would be different if those people that are accused of ignoring were chatting in chat, you could see them talking to other people and they blatently ignored you, but if they're not even talking in chat, I would assume they are pre occupied elsewhere. (didn't feel attacked by Paris, but did feel attacked by Data last night when he made wrongful assumptions of why I amongst others didn't run and greet him straight away, all he had to do was ask, pm me, msn me, whatever and I would have told him that I'd not seen him come in and why.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 In future, if I feel I am being ignored or I feel that I don't want to stay because the chat is quiet, I will avoid sarcasm. I will either leave without saying anything or say how I feel. Hopefully that way, I can avoid offending people so much. Some of the people who have replied here are people I like and I need to consider the feelings of others as well as myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Thank you data, I know I appreciate that, I think too it's feeling untrusted, that you really think I would ignore you intentionally, cuz you know what? I like you too, even if I did feel upset by you last night, I still like you, just would like to feel you think more of me than that I'd ignore you intentionally. I certainly would prefer the latter option of how it is making you feel or pm'ing me or something to say you feel I'm ignoring you so I get the opportunity to explain and reassure you if necessary, but I can't stop you just leaving either. It's a shame we can't find some kind of resolution for people feeling that way though, perhaps if not enough of those there greet them they could make a noise to let people know they are there? And maybe wait a few minutes to give people a chance to return to computer, as even if I hear a noise I might be on here like I am now in the flow of typing so I finish what I'm doing first then I return to chat and say hi. I mean the rest of us, jokingly were setting our status to busy just in case earlier, I personally set mine to I will talk if I'm looking at the main screen, I know that is petty but that is also how I felt, that I have to protect everyone else and take responsibility for how others feel if I happen to not be looking at the screen at the time, and I think it would be a shame if it did really come to that. I think those that are feeling ignored or anything need to work out what kind of action they could take to confirm whether or not their assumptions of others are correct, that could be by asking directly for example one to one or posting a topic asking for reassurance, I don't really know what else can be said, we can't mind read and if we don't know how you feel we can't reassure you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 its always nice to get a warm welcome and a pleasant goodbye, and i do my best if i notice somebody arrive or about to leave. I don't think it is anything personal. As pervious people have said, I think it is just people preoccupied in other conversations. I have walked in and people have not said hello, i think most of us have. Some people just don't want to talk and i wouldn't call that rude. I think rude is if they say hello to everybody except you and i think that rarely happens. Paris, Data...please don't take it personally. It is not only you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paris Posted November 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Thank you data, I know I appreciate that, I think too it's feeling untrusted, that you really think I would ignore you intentionally, cuz you know what? I like you too, even if I did feel upset by you last night, I still like you, just would like to feel you think more of me than that I'd ignore you intentionally. I certainly would prefer the latter option of how it is making you feel or pm'ing me or something to say you feel I'm ignoring you so I get the opportunity to explain and reassure you if necessary, but I can't stop you just leaving either. It's a shame we can't find some kind of resolution for people feeling that way though, perhaps if not enough of those there greet them they could make a noise to let people know they are there? And maybe wait a few minutes to give people a chance to return to computer, as even if I hear a noise I might be on here like I am now in the flow of typing so I finish what I'm doing first then I return to chat and say hi. I mean the rest of us, jokingly were setting our status to busy just in case earlier, I personally set mine to I will talk if I'm looking at the main screen, I know that is petty but that is also how I felt, that I have to protect everyone else and take responsibility for how others feel if I happen to not be looking at the screen at the time, and I think it would be a shame if it did really come to that. I think those that are feeling ignored or anything need to work out what kind of action they could take to confirm whether or not their assumptions of others are correct, that could be by asking directly for example one to one or posting a topic asking for reassurance, I don't really know what else can be said, we can't mind read and if we don't know how you feel we can't reassure you. tad petty i think and makes me really wanna come in chat doesnt it?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 I've admitted it was petty Paris, and it was from my own feeling that I had to make sure no one got offended if I didn't jump straight in and say hi cuz I was elsewhere, I'm also now telling absolutely everyone I see in chat that if I don't say hi immediately I might be elsewhere or pre occupied so to make a noise to grab my attention, I think that is also unfair. I also didn't have to own up to it, but I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Well I know I am one among many that try to say hi every time we see anyone enter, including Paris and Data, they may be ignored by a couple of people - I don't know full ins and outs, but I'm pretty sure the rest of us try to make the effort, and if on one or two occasions we haven't noticed them come in as we've been pre-occupied with something else that we need not be attacked for it. It would be different if those people that are accused of ignoring were chatting in chat, you could see them talking to other people and they blatently ignored you, but if they're not even talking in chat, I would assume they are pre occupied elsewhere. (didn't feel attacked by Paris, but did feel attacked by Data last night when he made wrongful assumptions of why I amongst others didn't run and greet him straight away, all he had to do was ask, pm me, msn me, whatever and I would have told him that I'd not seen him come in and why.) sorry, i wasnt trying to say people were ignoring anyone, but maybe just that the feeling of being ingnored was building from different times and this one just kinda topped it off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 I can understand that completely Roxy and thank you for clarifying, I too have been guilty of feeling that everyone here is against me, hates me, wants me gone, can't trust anyone, but I accept that is my own issue and so try at least to avoid attacking everyone for it and allowing people at least a chance to reassure me that my feelings are not based on reality but in fact on my own insecurities whether or not based on very real past experiences or not. And when my feelings are based on reality, such as someone really is ignoring me, attacking me, hates me etc... I try my hardest to at least allow again others that do not have those feelings for me to reassure me and not attack those. We all make mistakes though and slip ups, and as long as we can hold our hands up and learn by it, I don't see a problem with that either, hence why I've said I appreciate Data's last post very much, because I feel he has done that. And besides it's damned brave of him to do that too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paris Posted November 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 you know what i think i didnt make my point clear enough, its when noone says hi to you and blatantly carries on the conversation as if you werent there which gets me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Yes Paris I agree with that one, and I think I mentioned that in one of my posts, or Ruth did, I know some of us talked about that instance in chat earlier. Then, if that was the case the point would be very much valid if people were clearly talking to each other and blatently ignoring you, I certainly can't argue with that. I can't make any assumptions about why they would do that, but it would feel quite personal to me and very rude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Hi LickMe We were talking about those settings last night, I think I am going to change my "sound on enter" to on, so that I catch when people come in! Sometimes I am waffling away and dont look up from the keyboard to see the little red thing saying someones come in, so hopefully that will help there too. I will hear a sheep baa-ing or something and know to say hello! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 are you sure that isn't just sound when you enter? and that it does a sound when others enter too? might be worth a test run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 yeah sound is cool... until someone comes in the room and starts sending loadsa loud scary sounds and then my sound gets swiftly switched off... :wacko: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 In future, if I feel I am being ignored or I feel that I don't want to stay because the chat is quiet, I will avoid sarcasm. I will either leave without saying anything or say how I feel. Hopefully that way, I can avoid offending people so much. Some of the people who have replied here are people I like and I need to consider the feelings of others as well as myself. Hi data I think it would be awesome if you could say how you are feeling, it would give us a chance to try to respond to you, make me feel much more like you trusted me and were giving me the benefit of the doubt and stuff. Perhaps also if someone is being quiet, then others can say "oh yes she hasnt said much today" and then that person will ping in and say sorry / offer cuddles I wanna say, I have felt exactly the same on a number of occasions, and have PM'd folks to say 'is so and so angry at me or sumthin', and then was told they were having a bad day or were very upset about something ... it really helps because I go from feeling uncertain and sad, to feeling worried about them or at least understanding more. I feel happy that you want to change things, makes me feel like you value peoples heres friendship :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 are you sure that isn't just sound when you enter? and that it does a sound when others enter too? might be worth a test run. Theres a range of them - sound on enter, sound on exit, sound on new text. You have to first set the box at the top of the menu to 'on', then select your noise, just like the one you did last night. I think you can still disable the silly noises like the car horns and stuff lol Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 I think you can still disable the silly noises like the car horns and stuff lol oooo i hope so - if you can let me know how if you work it out that'd be cool... i like the noise on entering but i hate all the chainsaw stuff... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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