HelenS70 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hello All, I am new to this forum and I was wondering if I fit in here, I have been diagnosed with bpd and bp, I have a history of mental health incl. being admitted to a mental health institution. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow because I feel the medication isn't working. I feel lost, alone and very angry at myself. I don't socialise with anybody and I lock myself up in my house. I even do my job from home which probably isn't a very good idea others might think but then I have panic attacks with people I don't know. I am anxious and feel I need someone who understands what I am going through. I haven't been in a relationship with another man for 10 years (although I did go through a phase of promiscuity which left me feeling empty and dirty, since that time I won't go near another man or woman) I am not good with people and wish I just had one friend who can like me for me and not walk over me and treat me unkind. I have most probably given way too much information about myself but believe me this is only a minority of what I go through on a daily basis and what I have been through. Like others with mental illness it's a vicious circle. Best wishes, Helen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiteemma Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hello Helen welcome to the fourm.. Im sure u will fit in here Everyone is friendly here and supportive Good luck with psychiatrist tomorra Take care Em xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hello Helen welcome to the fourm.. Im sure u will fit in here Everyone is friendly here and supportive Good luck with psychiatrist tomorra Take care Em xxx Thanks Em, I tried other forums for the panic and anxiety and I feel I don't fit in there at all then I belonged to another group in the U.S and felt totally isolated. I do hope you are right. Thanks, Helen xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hi Helen, I'm new to the forum too. I can totally understand your situation, almost to the letter!! If you ever need to talk, let me know Shaz xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hi there and welcome. Hope you feel you settled here soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hello Shaz, I felt I put a wee bit too much info in this one so I copied/pasted it to a part of the forum it may belong as I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I could do with a chat anytime I have such irregular hours of being awake and what with work too. Don't you feel like you are in a bubble? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 I keep very irregular hours too, so it'll be nice having someone to chat to in the wee small hours. I have BPD too, with depression, chronic anxiety and panic attacks. My condition is so severe at the moment, that i cannot work. I live alone, so most days i feel like a prisoner - unable to go out because i'm scared of people i don't know. Luckily i have some good friends, who i feel safe and comfortable with, and i am able to go out and be 'normal' in the evenings and at weekends. But during the week, when everyone else is out at work, every day, sitting in the same four walls ... :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hi STW, I know what you mean, prisoner in your own home, anxious about being in public places. I recently went out to eat something and had a panic attack, where it came from I do not know. I can't watch tv, I find myself getting frustrated to what is on the tv, I can't abide soaps, reality tv, contestant programmes like xfactor etc make me foam at the mouth so called zlebs becoming famous for what? So radio2 (certain dj's only) and my music is the only thing that keeps me going. Perhaps I should have changed my name to Grumpy :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hehehe! Bless!! I can't stand the rubbish tv you mentioned either. A life without music = HELL :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 currently listening to the dark lord's great shoe (Alex Lester) on iplayer! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 B) I'm actually at my best mate's house at the moment. He's watching Red Dwarf, so i have one eye on that. I was roped into sampling his chilli vodka. Yikes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 hmmm haven't tried the chilli vodka even when I was a big drinker but I have been 'sober' for two years now but I have tried chilli chocolate made by Lindt, which is absolutely devine! :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Oooh! I am a chilli freak. I eat fresh chillies with everything. There's something in chocolate that doesnt agree with me. It makes me feel dizzy and sick. Odd huh? So chilli choccie is off the cards for me. Congrats on being sober for 2 years. You must be amazingly strong. In the past i've used alcohol as a coping strategy - false confidence. I also drank very heavily for a year after my father died. I still fall into the trap from time to time. The fact that i can't go out by myself any more means that i can only get drink if i'm with friends. They keep an eye on me, and pull me up on it if they notice i'm drinking too much. It jmakes me feel like i'm about 5 years old though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 I had to give up the alcohol because I associated it with my drug abuse and smoking. I am clean but there is always that risk of returning so I have to keep strong. Just like I have to push suicidal thoughts away, I have too much to lose, my family and I are very close but they live far away. My son is 12 he is my world. So there is no going back to that lifestyle but I have new drugs to keep me 'happy' Being allergic to chocolate, you must be very slimline I however love food and it loves me so much it stays put but I mustn't complain I have what they call a curvy figure :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hahaha - no no. Not slimline. I'm actually a UK size 20. I comfort eat. Just not chocolate You seem to have overcome a lot :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 We all have our battles in life, I am currently on a 1700 cal diet which is working nicely, I can't stick to the strict ones, I lose interest and boredom kicks in then like you comfort eat. I think eating disorder whether comfort eat or starve and mental illness go hand in hand. We all have that perfect body image but that is unachievable. Just feel good in your skin is the way to go, we got enough on our plates (no pun intended) ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Teehee! Yeah, i actually don't bother with diets, and try not to focus on my weight too much - i've got bigger issues (and bigger clothes!) Obviously there are some days when i get hung up on it - and get upset about it. But ultimately, life holds too few pleasures as it is. Why deny yourself things you enjoy, just to live up to the media image of the perfect body. Until my weight becomes a genuine health concern, i'm going to keep on as usual :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 I just want to love me again, I would love me a lot more if there was less of me but then after seeing that article in Daily Mail, being a size 16 is not that bad at all really. I guess I am just fixated on trying to fit in and be liked sort of thing. Being accepted as a human no matter what size no matter what mental health. I think I have a long way to go when it comes to acceptance of one self :unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 My perception of myself is often distorted. Some days i can accept myself as i am, other days i cannot bear to look in the mirror, or see anyone, because my self-image is so low! It makes no sense I used to be very thin til my late teens, when i went to uni, and started living on takeaways and copious amounts of lager. Taking the contraceptive pill may have played its part too. And as soon as a few pounds stuck, a whole lot more came to join the party. So now i'm a size 20. I peaked at 22, but after a change of meds i dropped a dress size. Whether the two things were linked, i dont know. But i didn't actively seek to lose weight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 I think there is a link between weight gain/loss with the meds, mine I have gained 2 stone so I decided to join an online weightloss support group. I think I might have lost 2 lbs in a few days already but that's just water weight. If you are interested in joining pm me and I will give you the details. I am not sure how this website works when it comes to advertising other webpages. As a moderator myself for 3 different websites each have different rules which users must stick by. My 20's I can't seem to remember, all I know I was in Amsterdam killing off lots of braincells if you find my decade please return it I am off to bed shortly because dreaded alarm is going to wake me up at silly o'clock for different appointments but soon will be on nightshift Thanks for the chat and pm me if you like, I will catch up with you tomorrow! Sweet dreams -_- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Ahh cool I'm pretty sure i read somewhere on here that you're not allowed to advertise other websites and products on this site. I can't recall exactly where i read it. Thanks for the chat. Hope you have a successful day tomorrow. Looking forward to talking again. Take care and sweet dreams, Shaz xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 Hi Shaz, I have become full member, I am loving this site! Great to talk to you again, even in chatroom or on one of the many boards I have created lol Tucking into cheese and onion crisp buttie... oh so naughty but nice :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ambrosia Posted January 6, 2010 Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 Welcome Lavender XxX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 Thanks Lavender, lovely name, beautiful smell (on my pillow) :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 6, 2010 Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 Hey Helen, Yum . . . crisps are one of my major downfalls! I don't seem to be able to access the chat on here. I'm guessing it's because i'm not a full member. I rather like the anonymity of this site. It means i feel comfortable talking about some of my most personal thoughts, feelings and experiences. Things i wouldn't normally reveal to anyone. I don't fancy handing out all my details. I get very paranoid. That may change though, if i continue to visit here regularly. How are you today? Shaz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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