HelenS70 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 Hi Shaz, well things are a little different to what I thought it would be but as like many websites it takes a while to adjust, there are some that you will get along with and some that don't. Other than that I am fine, I love knowing whats wrong with me and I am enjoying the meds, I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I understand what you mean but thats the good thing of this website, it gives you time and you can adjust at your own pace. I am a typical bull, I go charging in like a bull in a china shop lolol How are you? Helen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nfatima1 Posted January 6, 2010 Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 hi, i have bpd too. i dont raely understnd it although i have read so much about it. its quiet complicated - it seems the more i read about it the more confused i become. its not straight forward. everything that the diagnositic manual points out i make every living effort to avoid those things. but i am still not happy. its complicated. i dont really understand anymore, i dont even understand depression. i have recurrent depressive disorder and i cant understand it. i did A-level psychology and i learnt all about depression and in my exam i got full marks and the essay question was to "outline and evaluate the biological explanation of depression", and now everything seems a confusing, the only thing that i can feel is being fed-up and suicidal. nothing else. i cant make sence of anyother emotion. or behaviour. i hope we could be friends. i dont have bd, but i knew a lady who had it at the hospital. its tough going between the extreem changes of depression to mania. love sarah.X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 Hi Sarah, we would be all genius' if we could figure our mental illness out, even the best of psychiatrists are still learning. I don't know if you are on medication but I am and I feel like my moods are lifting slightly, I have a long way to go but I am ready... I am finally trying to talk to people again. Going from one extreme to another is mad but I am getting used to my swings, my son is a blessing in disguise, I am the most patient person with him, he is adorable! I am happy to be friends with anybody, this is all new to me so a good support network is necessart ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 8, 2010 Report Share Posted January 8, 2010 Hi Sarah. I hope you're finding this forum useful and supportive. It really helps sometimes to just get things out, especially when you're sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences with people who can understand and relate to them. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me Hey Helen, I totally forgot to sign in today until now!! I'm ok thanks. Just a bit nervous about my second meeting with my new psychologist tomorrow. He seems nice enough, i just haven't formed a trusting bond yet. But naturally, that is going to take a little time. I'm really pleased that you are feeling so relieved at having a diagnosis, and that you are happy and settled on your meds :)Children are amazing things. They can make us stronger. While i don't have any children of my own, i am very close to my niece, and she can have such a positive influence on my moods, when i see her and talk to her. I hope you are still feeling as well today as you were yesterday Shaz xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STW1984 Posted January 8, 2010 Report Share Posted January 8, 2010 Hi Sarah. I hope you're finding this forum useful and supportive. It really helps sometimes to just get things out, especially when you're sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences with people who can understand and relate to them. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me Hey Helen, I totally forgot to sign in today until now!! I'm ok thanks. Just a bit nervous about my second meeting with my new psychologist tomorrow. He seems nice enough, i just haven't formed a trusting bond yet. But naturally, that is going to take a little time. I'm really pleased that you are feeling so relieved at having a diagnosis, and that you are happy and settled on your meds :)Children are amazing things. They can make us stronger. While i don't have any children of my own, i am very close to my niece, and she can have such a positive influence on my moods, when i see her and talk to her. I hope you are still feeling as well today as you were yesterday Shaz xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momokani Posted January 12, 2010 Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 Hi Helen...I identify with your panic attacks and avoiding people, anger and loneliness. I'm worn out with life from trying too hard for the past 25 years struggling with my emotions. Been to psychologists/councellors etc. That was just for panic attacks. I've done CBT for ages and still not getting to the root of my problems which are mainly my emotions running riot. I have to get to my GP to see if he can refer me to a good therapist in the Gloucester area. What gets me is I have so much potential but not used it because I have held myself back through lack of confidence. Well done to you for making an effort and desire to continue trying. It's tough. I've got this far so I hope the next forty years of my life coupled with effort will be better...lol Cheers Momokani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 Hello Momokani, Thank you for your reply. I fear there isn't much for us with bpd bp with psychosis, especially when you get the voices that sometime don't get along and start chanting hatred and to s/h. I feel pretty much sensitive to other peoples moods too which doesn't help matters especially when someone rapes you of all energy.... I hate those people with a vengeance! These people are all around us, just lurking and waiting for you to say something out of line.... then they pounce and tear you to shreds and gang up on you... be careful! They twist words and make you out to be the baddie... that's when I want to s/h the most which of course would bring them great delight of course... I think they want to see me suffer, they want to see me dead.... and only because I was having a bit of fun... some people just don't like it when there is laughter... I think we suffer enough! As for the panic attacks I have found a small way around them but it is still baby steps, I will post more on this when accomplishing the whole lot. I feel just because I have this for life it doesn't mean I am going to give up without a fight, with these meds I am confident that the days will get better... I certainly sleep more which can't be a bad thing ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted January 12, 2010 Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 ((((((((((((((((((helen))))))))))))))))))))) dont let the **** grind you down... xxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 thanks chit :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spectre Posted January 12, 2010 Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 Hi Helen,welcome I'm very new here too,but have been really touched by ever1's support & acceptance, take care, Jackson x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 Hello Spectre, it can be a wonderful place if you skip the cliques... My moods are all over the place but luckily I have found a few with the same condition as I and it just feels great to talk about it. I love havin a laugh too, my psychiatrist thinks I have a good sense of humour and I get on with most folk but as most people with bpd and bp/psychosis it can be hard to form proper relationships. Friendship is always welcome so anybody who wants to add me to their friends list they are more than welcome, I have been told I give a positive vibe through email :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spectre Posted January 12, 2010 Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 Thanks Helen,I can Identify with the mood swings,my PTSD kicks me around like that,I gave up on hospitals & psyc's, I just cant seem to get proper treatment,I have a few other probs but am starting to open up here this is the 1st forum I ever joined,I'm starting to find my way around & have been able to talk about things I needed to get out for a long time,just wasnt able to or never had the right place to do it,starting to feel very safe & supported here,Im shy & have a lot of trust issues so it takes awhile its starting to happen though,glad you held on to your sense of humour,got to,dunno how I kept mine.anyways I wont start waffling(bit of a habit)good you found this place It's been a real help to me the amount of others who understand the things Im going through and dont critise or just dismiss my feelings,take care & feel free to PM me anytime I cant work & I dont sleep so I'll be around,regards spectre x :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 I am the absolute opposite lol, I sleep 14 hours a day, I work full-time and there is never enough hours in a day because of my darling 12 year old boy. Plus my moods are like yours... I feel like a theme park half the time but then the meds are really starting to work now. Not too keen on the side effects. These boards are a great help if you want to know something but if I was you stay away from the bitching, it kind of goes with the territory of bpd one minute they are fine next they are your worst enemy... they can't help it, they haven't learnt how to divide their swings. Because I am in full time employment and have a lot of responsibility I must be careful not to follow down that hole most are in. Stay safe and positive and watch your back Take care my new friend :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spectre Posted January 12, 2010 Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 I know what you mean about bitching,but dont worry I can get myself into enough trouble without looking for it, lol and thats the positive attitude I like to hear,Im gonna get one of those one day, you keep safe too &its nice to be called freind,I hope the stars shine for you today my friend Im off to make another coffee,that should hep me sleep ,spectre Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 omg coffee lmao! that would keep me wired for days... it's horlicks time for me Yes I love to breathe a bit of positive attitude into a forum... some love it others like to wallow in self pity, which is a shame because you can have a perfectly normal life with this illness, it is just your choice in how you go about it all. I nearly finished work then I am off to bed, I have therapy tomorrow then work at 6pm again. (gotta pay mortgage and bills lol) I tend to put my foot in it too lol so we are alike I do say sorry but not everyone accepts that word here either lol so much to learn in so little time hahahaha Anyway, I am off to send report in and get my sons lunch ready for tomorrow. Have a good 40 winks your friend Helen ((((((((( spectre ))))))))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spectre Posted January 12, 2010 Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 Your a card Helen,I like that All the best & same too you Im actually starting the day with a smile,thanx (((((Helen))))) ciao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2010 My day today was like a rollercoaster, started at a 90 mph downhill now I am right up there happy as Larry. My son has an xbox elite and it had red ring of fire(some hardware prob) they say it takes up to 3 weeks to get fixed, well it arrived today just 5 days I am chuffed to bits but the expression on my sons face just made my year! He is such a lovely boy he deserves this! I hope you are having one of the good days too Spectre :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spectre Posted January 13, 2010 Report Share Posted January 13, 2010 Hey Helen, Good stuff ,I used to have a little shop that fixed playstation/xbox built pc's etc so I know what ur talking about(bloody Bill Gates,mumble,,microsoft,honk :angry:end of rant), yeah their little faces are pricless are'nt they,I have a son almost that age,not seen him since he was 2 tho,he did have a stepbrother around 7 I raised as my own from ~2,so I can Imagine the smile it put in ur heart,3 weeks!! cheeky buggers,sounds like a firmware(like software) prob, mostly only takes app.1/2 hr or so to fix 1hr at most,I've even had a couple that had 6mnths+ of dust in them,oh but they took apart&tried evrything so maybe its best to buy a new1.Unscrupulous is a word that comes to mind. My best mate(like a brother2me)& his fiancee called in to see me today,that was nice so I did have 1of the better days,thanks for asking. sorry for the late reply I fell asleep in a big way,even the laptop was asleep on me when I woke(just then)maybe I should give that coffee a rest &get back on the horlicks Horlicks mmmm malty , hope tomorrow(my hrs are odd,2day,2moro,night,day its all the same to me)hope its even better than today, spectre ciao for now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2010 Hello Spectre, This is only a quick message because I am working till 2330 and I needed to have a little break from my laptop that thing gets hot, so I am writing this on my desktop while I can keep an eye on laptop multi-tasking lol Have had some more good news, my company sent the roster for the rest of jan and feb, they haven't given me my early morning shift because of my medication, so they have kept it all in mind and given my favourite overnight shifts and evening shift only.... I could jump up and down! My son is totally addicted to that xbox elite live thing but what he doesn't know is that my parents will be visiting next month so the xbox will have to go in the spare room on crappy old tv, the one he has now is a 40" full HD TV spoilt child lol it is only because I like to watch my films, I am not into television at all, got the basic of basic packages from virgin with some movie choice thingy. Haven't watched in ages, I can't seem to concentrate. Isn't it funny that what with my mental illness I can still do my job properly and sort the mortgage and bills out on time. Yet on my days off my mind is one big fuzzball Perhaps I should ask H.O if I can work every day LOL! I know what you mean re Bill Gates, Apple and other various hardware companies, they really like to get their money out of the consumer, extra points, maps games and other software... really gets my goat! I bought into that whole iPod thing wish I didn't because after spending hundreds on music I can't put on other players because of the stupid copyright, I know it is a lot more lenient now but I vowed I won't buy the iPhone purely for that reason so I bought my son and I a blackberry... cool gadgets, he has my diary so at school he knows if he can ask me to pick him up or take the bus. And he is on msn and facebook too so all round a good one! Nice of your pals to drop by, I am a bit of a hermit here.. I go to the shop or hospital but that's about it really... keeps me happy (when not swinging with the moods lol) Anyways better get back to work, hope you have a good rest with your horlicks mmmmmmmmmmmm malt! (even nicer made with goldtop milk) Take care, Your friend Helen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spectre Posted January 13, 2010 Report Share Posted January 13, 2010 Hay Helen, Just a quick msg, Thats great,realy happy for u,u can get ur music back,theres freeware that lets you move/copy from Ipod,had it,will try hunt it down for u & send a proper msg later. look after yourself your freind& fellow hermit, spectre Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 14, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2010 Same here re quick reply, I ended up going to bed too late and what with 600mg Seroquel still inside me I drive my son to school who happens to have missed the school bus because he a) over slept the snooze or too involved in xbox game. I am guessing the first one just to give him benefit of doubt. Luckily all our roads are snow and ice free... not even black ice. I managed to piss someone off because I stopped at amber and soon we were off he just had to overtake me and ended up in jam anyways... I sniggered! Am not in such a bad mood considering but I am feeling very tired, I reckon if I had kaa (junglebook snake) looked at me I'd be gone within a second lol So my dear friend, I have come to a great conclusion.... am going back to that lovely bed and sleep for a few hours. I might do something constructive when I wake up or I just might be a lazy cow and just do my job! Hey ho all these decisions... too much for this sleepy head! Just a question I want to throw out into cyberspace... Have you ever sat at the computer with radio on and wondered what the hell is getting on my nerves I feel a ball rising and my heart beating faster like a panic attack and it turns out to be a song on the radio James Morrison wah wah wah or some x-factor winner UGH! Where's the proper prog rock on radio? The thing is, I just love radio2 and have my favourite dj's I just have to listen to them... currently ole slaphead Ken! Bedtime! Laterz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 14, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2010 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelenS70 Posted January 14, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2010 Well I did have the 40 winks but I definitely got up on the wrong side of bed, I have managed to upset a friend and myself, I feel like s/h and doing something stupid like drive off the M4 bridge. I hate myself so much, I am angry, hurt and think there is no way I will ever love someone again... after what I have been through now I have the memories together with the racing thoughts and voices.. it's like they have all come out to play with me but in a more vicious way. I feel like shit that I hurt someone I felt close to. Goodbye for now.... :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted January 14, 2010 Report Share Posted January 14, 2010 what happened helen pm me (or tex) if u dont wanna say here hunni love and hugs to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spectre Posted January 14, 2010 Report Share Posted January 14, 2010 HI Helen,Im really sorry your hurting like that,I wish I could take that away ,I feel bad coz I slept heaps & never got back to you,just couldnt wake up.Its a crap feeling isnt it,you go to sleep feelin ok good even,but when you wake up you cant undersand why the sky fell on you while you were asleep,I had a mate that used to wet a towel and wring it out keep twisting & twisting to get all the water (and his frustration) out, those bloody thoughts & vioces,they only tell lies too,b4 my flatmate left I used to stay away from home(a cuople days) when I was that way coz I thought he'd be pissed at me,but he always gave me a swift kick in the bum & a hug and told me I must stop thinking like that,I can identify with the love thing my ex,after she left,I,well I guess Im saying(in a long roundabout way)is I know what your saying,& even tho it may not seem like it now,next time you see the person close u felt you hurt,you'll wonder why u worried so much,happens to me ,a lot, x try cheer up,(I'll give you a lolly) hugs spectre Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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