Ruth24 Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 name and shame? good grief. what is the world coming to??!! very bad idea me thinks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 Name and shame people? Why not put them in the middle of town square and throw rotten eggs at them? Yay! Bring back the stocks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 because my point being.. i wouldn't throw rotten egg's but i would know that a member has been oppressed and the staff have been SEEN to be in control. we are all adult enough to get on with our own business.. you don't have to name them.. just a simple box with the number of people who need to calm down.. therefor only the party's involved will know the situation and user's will know staff are there.. there are other possibility's with this idea.. i only meant to put an idea on the table.. this is a great forum and long may it continue to be.. but the clue's are all over the forum that bullying does go on and i am only as roxy pointed out the staff are not seen to be in control.. this is not a criticism it is merely an idea that could with peoples input be a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slit Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 because my point being.. i wouldn't throw rotten egg's but i would know that a member has been oppressed and the staff have been SEEN to be in control. we are all adult enough to get on with our own business.. you don't have to name them.. just a simple box with the number of people who need to calm down.. therefor only the party's involved will know the situation and user's will know staff are there.. there are other possibility's with this idea.. i only meant to put an idea on the table.. this is a great forum and long may it continue to be.. but the clue's are all over the forum that bullying does go on and i am only as roxy pointed out the staff are not seen to be in control.. this is not a criticism it is merely an idea that could with peoples input be a good idea. If you can't see the flaws it isn't worth explaining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 I used to be a staff member, and what you see and what the staff do behind closed doors are two totally different things. staff can't disclose all they do, but a lot does go on to prevent and stop bullying. As i have said before, those who feel bullied should not only report a member but do all they can to protect themselves, blocking etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autism-bpd Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 i never saw the apology before i posted and at whatso ever i am not a bully but did find the thread offended because people with disabilities cant help it with spelling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 bring back the stock's.... lmao :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibiddi Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 Perhaps it would help to remember that this site is run by all of us, sure the buck stops with the mods, but you and I are all responsible for the way the forum runs. Next time it kicks off, each of us could think 'what can I do to help'. It may be the action is to block them, or ignore the thread, or try and help the angry person say what they want, but in an acceptable way that can be heard. Or, that although someone feels bullied, it may have just been misinterpreted - for example having a different opinion is not bullying, but it can feel like it. Its ok to have different views. I also agree with those that have said that these can be useful moments to learn from. I actually think that conflict is really important for the forum to work through, it brings difficult emotions up in most of us. Here is a safe place to work through these feelings and learn. We all can have a role to play in helping the forum run smoothly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwoman Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 Maybe rules should be really strict, ie you get kicked out immediately when there is a questionable comment either publicly or via private messages. People will most likely get upset about getting kicked out and they will most likely kick off about being misunderstood, bullied by the system etc, but it would make everyone think before posting. After getting kicked out a few times and having to register again, the bullies should learn because they are just making it hard for themselves. Can the system recognise mac address or just ip address? It could limit the re-registering from one address so there is a limit how many times a bully can reappear and offend. I know its nice to have freedom of speech here but people take advantage of it big time. I got kicked out pretty much immediately from a dating site once after commenting how scary looking one guy was, and when I re-registered I had to use another email address and I stopped making such insensitive comments. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 Maybe rules should be really strict, ie you get kicked out immediately when there is a questionable comment either publicly or via private messages. People will most likely get upset about getting kicked out and they will most likely kick off about being misunderstood, bullied by the system etc, but it would make everyone think before posting. After getting kicked out a few times and having to register again, the bullies should learn because they are just making it hard for themselves. Can the system recognise mac address or just ip address? It could limit the re-registering from one address so there is a limit how many times a bully can reappear and offend. I know its nice to have freedom of speech here but people take advantage of it big time. I got kicked out pretty much immediately from a dating site once after commenting how scary looking one guy was, and when I re-registered I had to use another email address and I stopped making such insensitive comments. x Yes the moderators can tell our IP address (it comes up underneath our name on each post, I think). However, there are ways to get around this, so it isn't a perfect method of getting rid of trolls. The rules could be really strict, but Josh owns the site, and he doesn't want them to be. He wants us to learn from conflict situations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 Maybe rules should be really strict, ie you get kicked out immediately when there is a questionable comment either publicly or via private messages. People will most likely get upset about getting kicked out and they will most likely kick off about being misunderstood, bullied by the system etc, but it would make everyone think before posting. After getting kicked out a few times and having to register again, the bullies should learn because they are just making it hard for themselves. Can the system recognise mac address or just ip address? It could limit the re-registering from one address so there is a limit how many times a bully can reappear and offend. I know its nice to have freedom of speech here but people take advantage of it big time. I got kicked out pretty much immediately from a dating site once after commenting how scary looking one guy was, and when I re-registered I had to use another email address and I stopped making such insensitive comments. Only over my dead body No thats not an invitation.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 idea's are being shared.. i luv it.. the most important thing is we can learn from the experience and i for one choose to... united are on in a bit so i'm gonna choose to go buy something nice and then enjoy the game.. have a good un folks. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 wasn't roxy's point the effect that arguments have on people here so... if we all work together to reduce (cos we can never get rid of) the number of arguments that flare up here then surely what roxy is (very validly) pointing out becomes less of a problem... cause and effect... exactly, and thank you for being someone who actually gets the point! and i think the working together thing would have more effect if staff stepped in publicly when the situation warents it, rather than leaving people feeling like something is only done when bullies happen to break a rule i know staff do alot behind the season, i said that quite clearly, but publicly they often do v little, and as often people keep bringing up the same antagonisms with the same people it looks like the behind the seens efforts arnt doing a great deal. im just saying that i think itd be helpful if staff sometimes publicly stepped in and made it clear to all, those reading and not posting also, that bullying is not acceptable. that also might encourage a culture where bitching is something people think about before posting, or actually take responsibility for and not repeat as much as seems to happen on here. im not suggesting that people who sometimes behave in a bullying fashion are not very supportive in other ways, or that they are not deserving of support, but it doesnt take away from the times they hurt people, sometimes v intentionally considering the past patterns of behaviours, and maybe thatd be something everyone wd think about if when this is happening staff wd publicly say something. itd have alot more effect if staff got involved and pointed out how unacceptable this behaviour is than when other people say so, and i think thatd hopefully help everyone think about whether or not they are trying to hurt someone with their words, as well as helping those looking on in fear feel protected and supported. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 Roxy the problem is that we would be seen as taking sides. Most of what people are referring to here as "bullying" is actually just people having disagreements and arguments. This is different than actually bullying. A bully sets out to hurt another reguardless of whether that other person has actually done anytyhing to provoke it. They often do it to make themselves feel better because they are insecure and have issues of their own. Obvious trolls on this forum are given a permanent ban with no warning and no chance to explain, but people who are going through a tough moment are worked with. As moderators we must discern which is which. The recent events here, I have seen not as bullying but as people falling in and out of crisis, having disputes with each other that escalate and not being able to cope with them. How would you feel it this was you and some staff member publically humiliated you and did not offer the support that we often do offer behind the scenes? In the cases of these arguments, we offer support to both sides! and remain objective. To put someone on a public list would only serve to push them further over the edge in their hour of pain, which to me is nothing but bullying in itself and abuse of power as a mod. There are people responding to this very thread saying that bullies should be exposed who themselves have been accused of being a bully by other members reports! I have spent a great deal of time supporting them through it. How do you think things would have gone if I had publically announced that fact? Funnily enough as we get reports that "So and so" is a bully, we are also getting reports from "So and so" that the person who just reported them is a bully! Which one do we publically flog or burn at the stake? Just because someone says a person is a bully doesn't mean they actually are. The term is often tossed around loosely and used anytime someone is unhappy with something someone else said. WP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 3, 2010 Report Share Posted November 3, 2010 no to do something publicly you wd not have to take sides. there wd be no need to humilate anyone, thats a pathetic excuse for not acting. and alot of supposed disputes come from certain people inetntionally being malicious, which is obvious when its the same people attacking the same people again and again, clearly there is some other agenda and its unacceptable, and frequently its obvious how much fun some people are getting out of hurting others and making staff look like fools by not listening to whatever pms are done behind the scenes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted November 3, 2010 Report Share Posted November 3, 2010 no to do something publicly you wd not have to take sides. there wd be no need to humilate anyone, thats a pathetic excuse for not acting. and alot of supposed disputes come from certain people inetntionally being malicious, which is obvious when its the same people attacking the same people again and again, clearly there is some other agenda and its unacceptable, and frequently its obvious how much fun some people are getting out of hurting others and making staff look like fools by not listening to whatever pms are done behind the scenes Any name that interferes with a person's ability to be anything else, is stereotypical and as such, the more you mention bullying, the more life will show you things about bullies that don't allow you to see the person any other way. Allowing yourself to be closed to the plight of any individual, makes your views a little offensive for my liking.... but me being offended by anything you say is MY problem. Perhaps you are too busy trying to fight for the little guy that you fail to see the good things that we all do here at times.... You remind me of a character in my old workplace... they were white, had absolutely no idea what it felt like to actually BE black, and for that matter didn't seem to have any real understanding of the crusade they were on to teach 'diversity in the workplace'.... I found her teachings humiliating... I was embarrassed but never once mistook her intention for anything other than what it was. I hear your sentiments, I know your intentions are good, but focussing on the bad, all the time, in a bad place, brings us all down. I may be the only one thinking what you are posting here is really disheartening.... I hope you can learn to stop using judgmental language to express your views because I think, your views are valid but come across as defeatest and that's a shame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 5, 2010 Report Share Posted November 5, 2010 no to do something publicly you wd not have to take sides. there wd be no need to humilate anyone, thats a pathetic excuse for not acting. and alot of supposed disputes come from certain people inetntionally being malicious, which is obvious when its the same people attacking the same people again and again, clearly there is some other agenda and its unacceptable, and frequently its obvious how much fun some people are getting out of hurting others and making staff look like fools by not listening to whatever pms are done behind the scenes Any name that interferes with a person's ability to be anything else, is stereotypical and as such, the more you mention bullying, the more life will show you things about bullies that don't allow you to see the person any other way. Allowing yourself to be closed to the plight of any individual, makes your views a little offensive for my liking.... but me being offended by anything you say is MY problem. Perhaps you are too busy trying to fight for the little guy that you fail to see the good things that we all do here at times.... You remind me of a character in my old workplace... they were white, had absolutely no idea what it felt like to actually BE black, and for that matter didn't seem to have any real understanding of the crusade they were on to teach 'diversity in the workplace'.... I found her teachings humiliating... I was embarrassed but never once mistook her intention for anything other than what it was. I hear your sentiments, I know your intentions are good, but focussing on the bad, all the time, in a bad place, brings us all down. I may be the only one thinking what you are posting here is really disheartening.... I hope you can learn to stop using judgmental language to express your views because I think, your views are valid but come across as defeatest and that's a shame. i am not closed off to anyones plight, and as iv already said those who are bullying people are also supportive and valuable in other ways. i find it highly nieve that youd make such an assumption, and even more nieve that youd compare me to someone you know when you know virtualy nothing about me, that shows your lacking in insight. and i dont think you're hearing me at all, in fact you come across as not having the capacity to hear whats being said, which is clear as you seem to think all im saying is negative which if you read clearly it is not. i think you're the person being judgemental here and using very innadaquate judgements Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted November 5, 2010 Report Share Posted November 5, 2010 A lot of people here have had their say, including the staff. Can we let it lie now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted November 5, 2010 Report Share Posted November 5, 2010 i luv you lot.. and love blossoms like a rose on the canal. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted November 5, 2010 Report Share Posted November 5, 2010 name calling again roxy... you are directly calling me naive (which in real life you would find many, many people who would actually disagree with you so you know me just about as much as you claim I know you) and you also call me judgmental. ME, judgemental... not my response or my words, but ME.... stop trying to find a box to fit me into.... I do not fit into any one category but of course, it helps to categorise people doesn't it? It fits your model of perception. I'm out of here, hopefully, when or if I ever return, you will have got some insight yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 6, 2010 Report Share Posted November 6, 2010 im calling your behaviour here nieve, our assumptions you make about me nieve, not making any judgement on you as a person or calling you names. you're clearly very hostile so your words carry no credibility best of luck whatever you do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted November 6, 2010 Report Share Posted November 6, 2010 Guys you two obviously disagree,thats perfectly ok,people can have differing opinions about things. Why make it personal? Lilly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 6, 2010 Report Share Posted November 6, 2010 im not but im not about to sit back while someone makes ignorant assumptions about me, naming someones innapproriate behaviour towards you is an important part of protecting apporpirate boundaries, i have no personal problem with sanctuary but find her antagnoistic behaviour towrads me, and others, innapropriate, and have a right to say so, thats no judgemnet on her as a person and is nothing personal, just based entirely on her behaviour/wording in these posts. however i dont want it to be personal either so im not going to reply to any of her posts on this thread as i dont feel she is discussing the subject matter but using it as an excuse for a personal issue she has Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted November 6, 2010 Report Share Posted November 6, 2010 but im not about to sit back while someone makes ignorant assumptions about me, naming someones innapproriate behaviour towards you is an important part of protecting apporpirate boundaries, i have no personal problem with sanctuary but find her antagnoistic behaviour towrads me, and others, innapropriate, and have a right to say so, thats no judgemnet on her as a person and is nothing personal, just based entirely on her behaviour/wording in these posts. however i dont want it to be personal either so im not going to reply to any of her posts on this thread as i dont feel she is discussing the subject matter but using it as an excuse for a personal issue she has Although its completely fine for you too...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 8, 2010 Report Share Posted November 8, 2010 im not meaning too, im basing what i say entirely on how shes behaving towards me here, i was trying to talk about the subje ct matter but she made it personal as usual and thats frustrating so i'll try and be more careful about what im saying, and i apologuise if it does not come across well. but i am not making value judgements about anyone, i wish her all the best regardless of how badly she behaves towards me and i dont believe your opinion is un biased or credible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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