manja. Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 so i have decided that trying to stop cutting will be my next challenge. since i started doing it regularly i just decided not to worry about it as if it's helping for now then so be it. trying to stop wasn't a priority. my priority was firstly to stop overdosing and i have. been almost a month now. the thoughts are still there, but i am sure i'm not going to give in to them. and it is no longer the way that i have the intense need to od, like there's no other way to get through it. they're just thoughts,that's all, and i can handle them. my second priority was to tackle the gambling problem. this one is harder, but i have gotten myself in bad financial trouble. i don't have an addiction, and my cpn agrees with me on this. the rush i get while gambling was filling the emptiness for a while, and i'm fine with not gambling now, but tackling the financial a mess is a whole other challenge so i'm trying my best at that. so next challenge i seen what a mess i'm making of my body. i don't think the next challenge is even just to stop cutting. perhaps the next challendge is to somehow get myself to care enough to want to stop cutting. i need to really want it, like i've really wanted to stop overdosing and stop gambling. i need to really be determined. and then i need to put a serious attempt of trying to stop. next challenge, here i come :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 Wow I am really impressed with how you are dealing with everything. I think you've dealt with the OD-ing and gambling well and I think you just need to apply the same strategy to not cutting and find something healthy to replace it. Remember little steps and a day at a time and if you do slip, pick yourself up, try to recognise why you did slip and then carry on. I wish you all the luck in the world with this - you certainly are one very inspiring and determined lady. Love Cats xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted August 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 you certainly are one very inspiring and determined lady. thank you Cats although people say stuff like that, i can never ever see it in myself. i can just feel the crap. but i try to see it from an external point of view, and think how i would feel if it was someone else i was watching doing this. i try to see how they would see me. i'm trying to let myself admire myself and feel good about myself that way. i don't know if it's really working, but hopefully it might soon :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 whow manja you are really trying hard, yes agree caring for yourself is the way to go, xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted August 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 whow manja you are really trying hard, thank you christine hun i am trying harder at this than i've ever tried at anything. it's all tied in with the night i did the writing i described in this http://www.mentalhealth-world.org.uk/forums/index.php/topic/68379-something-very-personal-may-be-triggering/page__p__652620#entry652620 The night I wrote what I posted in that is the night I got my fight back, and I realised I've gotta do whatever it takes to get well. The fact that I have already taken several weeks off work is a huge deal in itself as I am naturally such a worker. I am trying so hard at all of this, but that almost makes it harder in a way. I'm a natural hard worker, and working hard at this is what I want to do, but it can be so frustrating at times cos sometimes it feels like the harder i work it still makes no difference, because its such a long painful process. i will admit that stopping cutting is going to probably be trickier than the others because I don't see it as such a big deal. but i will start trying to take care of myself at least first, and that's a step in the right direction i guess x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honeyflower Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 way to go manja I am really proud of you,I think I will write a list of challenges for myself soon too,I wonder if I will be ablle to keep to them ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted August 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 I think I will write a list of challenges for myself soon too,I wonder if I will be ablle to keep to them i will be here to support you in any way i can xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abstract312 Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 You go girl I wish you best of luck That's the point of life, if you fail, try and try again, gee, you really inspired me ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 You are doing great manja and it is so nice to read this, feels very uplifting . Well done hun, i was told when i was cutting not to worry until i felt strong enough to deal with things. I agree that caring for yourself is th key too xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted August 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 You go girl I wish you best of luck That's the point of life, if you fail, try and try again, gee, you really inspired me thank you absolute423. i'm feeling quite low now again and can't imagine inspiring anyone ever, but i'm glad if i did x i was told when i was cutting not to worry until i felt strong enough to deal with things. although i said its time to try to stop cutting i don't think i am ready. i don't think i can stop just yet. but maybe to become more conscious of it would be a start maybe, i dunno x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 I'm sure you can do it, like you said you need to take it slowly and start just with caring enough to want to stop cutting, its hard just to stop doing something. but you have acheived so much and i'm sure you can get there. I know it feels really strange when people say nice things about you but it is all true, you really are great and inspiring Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted August 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 thank you emma hun. i will do my best x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 I think its great that you have this approach that works for you. Wanting it seems to have been the thing that has really driven you on in those things which is awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted August 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 thank you. cutting is going to be the hardest of all though. over-dosing i was really scaring myself by how often i was doing it, and seen how crazy i was acting and also the fact that i made myself so sick scared me, so it was more fear than wanting it. gambling i simply don't have the money, but i am doing myself a lot of harm financially. actually again it is probably fear than wanting it. but i am not that bothered about cutting. i don't see it as a problem as much as the other two. i just know that i am eventually going to be very annoyed at myself for ruining my body, and i'm trying to cling on to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 I don't think fearing something is a bad place to start. and when you feel really depressed, the things you usually want don't seem to matter but the things you fear can still effect you. Fear is powerful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted August 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 I don't think fearing something is a bad place to start. and when you feel really depressed, the things you usually want don't seem to matter but the things you fear can still effect you. Fear is powerful. that makes a lot of sense emma x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 I don't know if you've ever done DBT but I've just been going through my DBT file and found some things that might help you with self-soothing and sensations. This relates to cutting. With intense sensations: - Intense sensations interfere with the body sensations felt with the current negative emotion. - Intense sensations may also work to focus attention on something other than the stimuli arousing the emotion. - The important thing to remember is that this is with other sensations. These may be strong sensations and can include holding ice cubes in hand, standing under a very hard, hot or cold shower, listening to very loud music or putting a rubber band on the wrist and flicking it. Using strong sensations is the key here but they must NOT be sensations that are harmful to your body. Self-Soothe/Self-Care/Self-Love Self-soothe is comforting, nurturing and being gentle and kind to oneself ie - pampering yourself - face mask, painting nails, long soak in a bubble bath with candles - treating yourself - clothes, something nice to eat and savour it, magazines, new CD - giving yourself a hug. - make time for yourself - reading, listening to music - taking care of yourself - daily facial cleansing routine, showering, washing hair, eating properly and healthily, pluck eyebrows These were just some of my ideas you can add or change what you like to do. A way to remember these skills is to think of soothing each of your five senses. Vision - watch something that makes you feel good - I sit and watch my cat. Hearing - listen to some music you like. Smell - body lotions, perfume, fresh coffee, fresh flowers, smells of nature Taste - sweets, puddings and really savour them Touch - pet cat, cold compress on head, clean sheets on the bed, a snuggly blanket. Hope this helps a bit. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted August 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 thank you cats. this is so helpful. i have been learning a bit of dbt. this is exactly the kind of thing i'm going to need, thank you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaisyChain Posted August 7, 2011 Report Share Posted August 7, 2011 have several times done this: Get all my blades and pick the best, lay them out, bandages and in time that allows for stiches at surgery, feel such powerful emotions, feels like I cant do anything else, then count back and deal with thing logically, why am I doing this, why do I want to hurt, what am I hiding from and who am I really angry with, then why do I feel I need to hurt, who would I really blame and want to hurt. Then put them away and keep them safe, and do to the little what I would hope they need, if im still angry knock the fuck out of something inanimate, plastic garden furniture is grand for this, kick it all round the garden, make it crack and smash, costs bugger all to replace and saves the embarrassment of scars, and explanations to two confused kids at 8 and 10. Booked holiday abroad with hubby and kids, gave me incentive to stop long enough, though I burn now with poker in places no-one needs to see, dont need others to see it, just need to feel it, but I know I am on the up, gone a long time without it, just in a blip right now, and no need to punish myself for that, and you dont either xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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