artemis84 Posted November 9, 2013 Report Share Posted November 9, 2013 I feel guilty for posting about this but I really need to share. Please don't feel I am gloating or trying to make anyone feel bad. Very few people in real life know about my mh difficulties and those that do, perhaps understandably, don't get how big this news is for me... Back in January I was discharged from my mh team after being under the care of a few different people and departments for 6 years. They weren't discharging me because I was better but because they thought I needed a break from services before embarking on more therapy. Apparently the break was so I could prove to the powers that be that I was 'robust' enough for the therapy but at the same time my psychiatrist said that they needed to try a new approach and the only thing they hadn't tried to date was removing me from all support. I was devastated and felt extremely hurt and abandoned. I felt like they had finally given me a diagnosis that made sense to me (EUPD) and then told to get on with dealing with that alone. Not only that but I had no guarantee at all that once (if) I'd survived the prescribed 9 months alone I had to endure, that anyone would actually take me on for therapy at all. I was convinced that they'd say to me: "Well, if you can survive 9 months alone then you can survive alone full stop" when in reality, I knew the test would be incredibly hard and not how I could live long-term. Anyway, I did it. It was really tough and took an awful lot of strength but I kept to their rules and did the 9 months with no support. I went back to my GP (well, several GPs as it took a few attempts to find one who 'did' mental health) and they referred me back to the practice MH nurse. She has been the best mh worker I have come across in all my years of treatment and really listened to me. She got me an assessment by the therapy team and today I got a letter saying I can start therapy in the next couple of weeks!!!! I am astonished and amazed - the nhs actually worked in my favour for once! I have been lucky because the therapist was looking for someone they could use as a case study for their current further training and they said I seemed very committed to recovery and would be ideal if I was happy to do it. I'm so relieved and so happy. They have said that they want to get my therapy right this time as I've been through so much til now. I'm just so happy to be given the chance. Like I said, I don't mean to gloat at all but I thought here, if anywhere, people might get how much this means... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted November 9, 2013 Report Share Posted November 9, 2013 Oh artemis, those are such lovely news. I'm so happy for you as well. Well done for managing 9 months on your own and for getting the support from nhs. Congratulations. Be as happy as you deserve to be. Lots of love. I hope you are doing something really nice for you :-) xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted November 9, 2013 Report Share Posted November 9, 2013 its not gloating it is WELL DESERVED BE PROUD xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elke Posted November 10, 2013 Report Share Posted November 10, 2013 Remember though, that the purpose is not to get "in" to therapy, but to ge "out" of it. To some day not need it anymore. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted November 10, 2013 Report Share Posted November 10, 2013 I think that is great you obviously have worked very hard and this shows how much you want it. well done and good luck x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted November 10, 2013 Report Share Posted November 10, 2013 Hi I am so very pleased for you. You have been through so much, and this 9 months has really been a test and required a lot of hard work. You have done it and you have a lot to be proud about. Even going back to the GP and battling through the difficult appointments.. you have done it and you have survived. I am so pleased you're getting the help and support you need now and I too hope they get this right for you. It might not be easy but hopefully it'll help to know there are people here and there to support you. Also, it might help to remember that you CAN cope without them. I don't mean that in a 'dump them' way.. I mean it in a way like... my therapist went on leave for 3 weeks and I swear I thought I'd not get through it. I literally counted down the days (and hours.. yes I'm sad). But I did survive. And now when I'm struggling I try to hold on to the fact that I did get through 3 weeks (and you 9 months!) alone.. that I did cope without her. I'm waffling.. but I'm so pleased for you. It's been such a difficult journey for you and now there is hope. Jenny PS I'm so sorry I haven't messaged.. I've been really crap! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted November 10, 2013 Report Share Posted November 10, 2013 good luck! Not sure how u feel if it was a test? to me i was left and i never learnt new behaviour and thought i did was right.It was hard to be with out help, but i survived. Is that what he was looking for? i mean if u survive for certain amount of months does that mean you can cope? like u say if u can then therapy may work. I am 42 and have started group pyschotherapy, didnt work before as i wasnt ready. Wasnt actaully ready for any therapy. Now i think i might do. Not sure if they are expecting to much with u. To me age is the key, but then all depends on the help. sry not making sense. just thinking outloud. Good luck hun xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artemis84 Posted November 10, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2013 Thank you all so much for your lovely, warm responses. I feel all wrapped up in a cyber-hug right now It did cross my mind Barbones, about it being some sort of test. I know it felt like one. What I do know is that I have learnt a lot over the 9 months and I am far more confident in my own abilities to deal with life. I was petrified that once I was left alone things would spiral downwards in nanoseconds but although it was tough, I found that I was more resilient and resourceful than I gave myself credit for. There are definitely still deep rooted issues that I need to work on but entering this phase of therapy I am less worried about it ending than I have ever been before. I know when it comes, I'll doubt myself again but I hope by writing this I'll be able to look back and see just what I have achieved alone. Like you say Jenny, although my intense fear of abandonment remains, I know I can do it. And Elke, I hope I am one more step closer to coming out of therapy too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArtMatters Posted November 11, 2013 Report Share Posted November 11, 2013 I don't see how that's gloating at all silly bean...you should be happy.. it's great news and I'm glad you are getting the support you need Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted November 11, 2013 Report Share Posted November 11, 2013 Wow you have every reason to be proud! I am so impressed!! My guess is that they did it indeed to make you see that you can handle more then you think and so that when you did start therapy again youd be willing and able to do the work as you already learned more about helping yourself, does that make sense? I think people too often think therapy is someone fixing you for you when in fact all they can do is guide you while you do the work. Not saying you had that attitude though. Lily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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