Stellar Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 Am defo not safe,flip a coin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted May 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 Stellar...?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILostHer Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 Stellar...I really do care if you are safe or not...you can always pm me. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 hello I am safe...had major hard times last couple of days.... good to see Ilosther....big smiley hug... Stellar, how are you? hope that coin landed on 'heads' for decision making to keep safe... well wishes dear people MBB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellar Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 Thanks, I suppose i always come through.I don't think anybody can tolerate like me.I take concoctions of very strong meds plus alcohol.The Two extremes both spell danger.Both end up with the same self loathing.How many times have i thought "this is it",only to wake up to groundhog day.There really is only one way out.It is so hard not to succumb.If the one person i turn to in turmoil had not been there,i would not be here.I i treat them good/bad.They even stayed on cam,whilst i upset them by making them watch me cut myself.What sort of a person does that to another.They say i am their"everything",they will always be there despite the things i do.I am not used to this.It leaves me confused.Only they can unravel my dissociation,understand the other me,make some sense when nobody else can.They say they see the real me.How so,when i don't even know myself.Yes its sexual too,extra marital.I am bad,i fuck peoples lives up,my life is fucked up.I am still here,yet am not.I live within a bubble of emptiness.I know now things will never change. But tonight i am safe Stellar(Zoe Dead Girl) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 Oh my Stellar, I am so sorry, but thank you sincerely for your expression...happy to know that you are safe... It is wonderful that you have someone to see the real you...we can leave all judgements to yourself and the other person choosing to be with you, it is your journey, outside here, I will not judge these things, you needed support, the other was strong enough to really be in it with you... Yes, this is something precious for you in that time... Yes, you are as survivor of these symptoms, your tolerance must be building very high, I will project this as a positive to you, you are getting stronger at 'coming back', even if, at these times, you, me and others are coming back to emptiness, void, blank (or the other end spectrum's)...we are still present...we are still surviving, and whilst we may be 'fucking it up', we are still 'fucking going' and that to me, is inspiring and wonderful... Wish you well for tonight Stellar, MBB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellar Posted May 2, 2014 Report Share Posted May 2, 2014 Thanks MBB, I wish i could look at things in such a wonderful way you have just described.Your words make me feel somehow calmer.That someone can both understand because going through similar and at the same time view things in such a positive within in the negative,leaves hope for everyone. Thank you for your kind,constructive words, Yes,i am safe today,the storm abates Stellar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted May 2, 2014 Report Share Posted May 2, 2014 YAY STELLAR...totally wonderful to hear this, strikes a very positive note for the day... May I be honest (err, as usual to much so), and say that the 'positive thinking' does not come as naturally to me as the negative thoughts and experiences...may we all strive to find the extremes, in that way, we may gravitate ourselves, to a healthy middle ground of being... Well wishes to everyone pushing for a safe place, and new way of coping today, stay safe people, well wishes MBB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellar Posted May 2, 2014 Report Share Posted May 2, 2014 Hi, Am really doing well up to now,have had quite a few to drink,am alone,yet not harmed myself in any way.I am really down as well,i suppose you reach that plateau when you feel that low you can't be bothered.I think the high or in between is worse,there again i think i,m wrong.Anyway,a few people have listened,that's sometimes all that it takes.Or am i talking total crap again Anyway,i'm safe tonight,hope everyone else is Stellar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted May 2, 2014 Report Share Posted May 2, 2014 no Stellar you are not talking total crap... A few to listen, is often, very much 'all' it takes... I was going to reply to another thought of yours you left in another post, may do that now... I am safe, but feeling very, small, fragile, and alone, the last one is a new sensation, building over the last week... I am not used to 'feeling' the alone-ness...I have a rich internal life... wishing safe wishes for all of you, MBB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellar Posted May 3, 2014 Report Share Posted May 3, 2014 Hi MBB, I am getting lost within my self again.I think i am safe.Just can't tell anymore.Think its probably best if i say am going to top myself,when next they ask,instead of i only think it.Think i need help,Am not right.I really don't know what is going on anymore.Will not burden you with this,will have to sort myself.Things are just so fucked up right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellar Posted May 3, 2014 Report Share Posted May 3, 2014 The one person i turn to is a "wolf in Lambs clothing".It is bitter sweet.It is stockholm syndrome. i learn too much,i could die Stellar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted May 3, 2014 Report Share Posted May 3, 2014 Hey Stellar, I am sorry, I have collected things to read from up here all day, and was reading through some things...that often laves me, just 'sitting there' on the screen for you guys...sorry... Did not mean to ignore, the confusion and distress that you are sharing... Stay safe out there Stellar, well wish MBB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Settng Sun Posted May 3, 2014 Report Share Posted May 3, 2014 It's been a pretty dreadful week, despite being paid £150 more than I was expecting (there you go, money doesn't bring you happiness!). It's just been a week of pressure. Pressure from professionals involved with my autistic daughter, pressure from my parents about her behaviour and finding our own place, pressure from people I work for, and pressure from things surrounding my ex-wife. Even the safe haven of the weekend is being permeated by moaning, complaints and a complete lack of understanding and support. As great as these forums are, and they have been quite comforting and really helpful since I have joined, I really do need someone, anyone, in my outside life that can occasionally just put an arm round my shoulder and reassure me. I'm not looking for someone to tell me everything's going to be alright even when it's obvious that they're not, just someone to encourage me when things DO go right and when I have done things the right way. That's all. I don't think that's too much to ask. But apparently it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted May 3, 2014 Report Share Posted May 3, 2014 Setting Sun so sorry for all of that strain...sounds like a very tough week...good to know your safe... I am still safe, still crying, still panicking and still with epic fail, to leave the fortress.... Well Wishes MBB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Settng Sun Posted May 15, 2014 Report Share Posted May 15, 2014 Nope. No I'm not. I think days like this are worse when they are following on from a couple of really, really great days. If things were just crap all the time then maybe I could deal with days like this a lot better. But it's been one of those days where people can see that I'm having a ton of crap dumped on me but think, "What the hell, I'll just dump some more on him, it's not like he'll notice!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 15, 2014 Report Share Posted May 15, 2014 i don't feel all that safe today tbh. been doing lots of distraction techniques to try to squash the feelings inside. ut nothing has worked so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 17, 2014 Report Share Posted May 17, 2014 i don't feel very safe a t m my anxiety tablet isn't working well today. may have to top it up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 17, 2014 Report Share Posted May 17, 2014 i still haven't improved on the feeling safe front wonder how long this bout of fear will last... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 18, 2014 Report Share Posted May 18, 2014 i don't feel safe at all. my voices are making it worse!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie.is.jammy Posted May 19, 2014 Report Share Posted May 19, 2014 Hello moonbeambeth ask me to mak pm for some peeps ere but I cant dont no why so buzzybee mousie was two of da peeps but nuff otha peeps to she want me to say som info to but i cant pm so if you want da info maybe peeps can pm my box yea ok fanks peace JJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 19, 2014 Report Share Posted May 19, 2014 i don't feel safe today at all have hidden all the sharp things when i was fogged up with clonazepam and now i cant find anything which is the intention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellar Posted May 19, 2014 Report Share Posted May 19, 2014 I think i am soaring away to heights beyond my control,the sharp things are there,they tease,they call out to me,they beg to be used,i beg them to use me,abuse me,end me.My head is so messed up,todays group,useless,me,useless.Two grown up children don't allow me space,to place in my routine,to feel and see the trickle,the flow,to take to that needed point,to relax,to transcend to a better place.Now i wait,again in my buzzing craving.An opportunity,each one foiled.What do these people want with us,can't they leave.Why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheeky_lilly Posted May 19, 2014 Report Share Posted May 19, 2014 Nope... any tips for dying? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 20, 2014 Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 i feel a bit more safe today which makes a change cause i usually don't wonder if its got anything to do with the mg of clonazepam i took this morning to stop the fear/trapped feelings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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