Threemoons Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Well, I guess it's less about how you see yourself than how you feel about your body. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 all i know is i feel huge even though everyone i know tells me i am not. Wish i could find the off switch for this disorder anall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie1986 Posted January 8, 2015 Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Hi maddy, I feel for you. I've always been built bigger than a lot of people and growing up was always chubby but I unfortunatley found solace in bulimia with anorexic traits and went from like 14 stone down to 7.5 in 6 months because I restricted so much and was sick when I managed to eat and then went on huge binges and wasn't satisfyed until it was all back up. I was 100% convinced even when fitting into size 6 clothes I was huge. I'm no longer what is considered bulimic but now I restrict in times of stress then binge until I'm so full I hurt which has caused massive weight gain which triggers thoughts of being sick that sometimes win. It's horrible when you can't control how you feel about food. You have made massive progress from reading the first comment on this post to reading your latest one. Ana is a horrible horrible monster and she takes no prisoners. Be proud of every single little victory you manage. A small victory is just as important as a huge one if not more so. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2015 Since i have come home i have been avoiding food. Been skipping meals again. Think i am back sliding. When i was doing really well when i was at my friends house i was eating really well. Now i am not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 19, 2015 Report Share Posted January 19, 2015 Aw. Would it be an idea to phone to each other regularly so you keep the feeling of his presence? I hope you can get better soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 I talk to him every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 20, 2015 Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 Okay, I'm glad you have his support then. It feels less lonely talking to someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 Still doesnt stop me wanting to push the self distruct button in my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 21, 2015 Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 I find that self-destruction urges are very strong usually so I acknowledge how difficult it is for you. I hope you don't get discouraged and that you can keep trying every day. Every little victory counts, even if it's bad again the next day. Rome wasn't built in one go. You have the right to have lapses, you're just human. Keep challenging, my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2015 thanks for the reply three moons. Really struggling with my anorexia since i came back from my friends house. why is life so fuckin hard? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 23, 2015 Report Share Posted January 23, 2015 I don't know, Maddy. Maybe we just had an easy life before this one so now we have to struggle to maintain the balance? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2015 still skipping meals. Feel like i have no control over this bloody disorder sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted February 1, 2015 Report Share Posted February 1, 2015 It's not easy, my friend. Would something fresh and light like a fruit be more ok than a complete meal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2015 I am not aloud fruit as it reacts with my medication. Its so annoying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted February 4, 2015 Report Share Posted February 4, 2015 I'm sorry for suggesting it then, I didn't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2015 Still struggling with my anorexia. The urdge to perdg my food has come back. I havent done it but its there n the back of my brain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted February 9, 2015 Report Share Posted February 9, 2015 Well done for admitting it and saying it out loud, this way you can get support and help. Try to let the thoughts flow, keep distracting, and if this becomes too much don't hesitate to call your doctor to let him know. I hope that things will be alright. It's stressing to have these thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 yeh three moons it is stressful thinking this way. Not to mention distructive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crispin Posted July 31, 2015 Report Share Posted July 31, 2015 thanks for your reply bob...i am really struggling todayi still havent eatin anything. and i'm scaredi'm drinking though now which is a start but it still isn't food is it???my friend made me some pasta last night and when i picked up the bowl i felt really sick looking at it in my hands...i know i cant look at it really, just a figure of speech.i'm hate my self!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted April 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 I've been struggling with my waight since i moved i've put on half a stone and i'm beeting my self up over it its not making sence and i know its not helpful to my over all look of my self but i cant help it i must be punnished for putting the waight on somehow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted November 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2016 Well i hoped to not be posting here again but here i am again basically things are not good at all my size six jeans are too big again and i look fuckin terrible i was doin really well when i moved i was back in 8 jeans again and feeling really positive about the waight but now thats fucked big style voices tellin me i am too fat uglley nothin but damaged goods no one should look at perging got really fucked up i am constantly doing it feel like i have no control over it and its recking my life all over again dont know what to do really scaired dont know how to brake the cycle i gotten in to thanks for reading if no ones replied Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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