maddy harper Posted December 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 Woke up with a racing heart and head this morning. Have taken three clonazepam all ready and my daily dose is four...shit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 Dont feel as anxious today as i have been. Think i have accepted the fact i am goin back home and what i am gonna feel like when i go back. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 29, 2014 Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 Sorry Maddy. I'm glad you're not as anxious now. Take extra care of yourself. Big hugs your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 Thanks three moons. Anxiety has crept back in i am afraid to say. Have had to take meds to calm down. I dont want my friend being wound up by my mood so i have hidden it with the medications help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 looks like i will be goin home earlyer than planned as my friend is starting to become unwell again. wish i could stay around to help him but he is worried about his driving. I have been crying since he told me. How useless am i?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 30, 2014 Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 You're not useless Maddy but you two have your own limitations. Can he take the bus if driving worries him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 i have the pigs with me remember so we have to drive back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2014 Woke up at half four feeling terible and so so sad. Had teers running down my face when i woke up. Not looking forward to feeling lonely when i go back i guess. Its been really nice being down here for this brake away. have enjoyed the company. All good things have to come to a end. Thats what my family said when i was a child playing outside when i didnt wanna come back inside. hope this sadness doesnt last long. I cant stand feeling like this. thanks for reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 31, 2014 Report Share Posted December 31, 2014 Huge hugs Maddy, wish I could transport myself to your side when you're feeling lonely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2014 aww bless ya three moons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2015 Woke up this morning to a racing heart. Forgot to take my anxiety meds last night along with my usual night meds. I treet the night time anxiety pill dose as prn even though its written on the lable that i have to take it. dont wanna run on full dose of that one as i want it to work for me. If the docks had their way i would be so doped up i wouldnt be able to do anything. They want all the smart people kept pinned down by meds so they cant take over the world and run it properly. Thats what i think anyway. Its all to keep us down and controld... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 was woken up by my voices and my body wanting morphine. Had to take clonazepam morphine and voices meds to calm down. Its kinda worked but not quite. Still anxious as hell but i hope that wont last long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 still n same state but now i am ajitated to go along with it. Hell, its never ending. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 I am pasing about the livingroom here. Gotta pull my self together somehow. Dont know how though. Think this s the start of another relapps..-new the stability wouldnt last long. Meh!!!aaaaah!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 3, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2015 Yesterday wasnt a good day mentally. Today isnt any better iether, really strugglimg with my anxiety at the moment. The bloody voices dont help iether... They just make things worse. Had a voice attack yesterday and started crying in front of my friend. He cuddled me and that made me feel better slightly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 3, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2015 I feel so low. Whats the fuckin point n living if all i do s suffer, can anyone answer this question for me as i am having difficulty seeing light at the end of the tunnel right now. The lack of sleep isnt helping my mental state any. niether r the fuckin voices or the disconection from the world and people around me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 managed to sleep in till five before the voices and fear woke me. Hate this frightened feeling so much because my head and heart start racing which makes me even more scared so its a full circle i go through. Its like being on a fair ground ride that i cant get off. Aaaaah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 feeling really anxious now i go home on wednesday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 Oh, Maddy. Huge hugs for you. Come on here on Wednesday, we'll friendly chat. I'm sending lot of love your way. Hold on my dear friend. We're here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 thanks three moons. Means a lot. Huge hugs back. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 hell i dont like this anxiety that i am suffering with at the moment. When will it stop i wonder... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 6, 2015 Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 Hold on there Maddy. I'm singing you a soothing melody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 You could always flute it instead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 7, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Had a slightly better nights sleep but i am still as anxious as hell. I cant stand it when my head and heart start racing at the same time. Then the shaking really kicks in and i look like a total freak... Have side effects meds to stop them but they dont always work. Depends on how scared and frightened i am as to how bad they are. swings n round abouts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 sorry things are still bad for you maddy do you still take drugs? they could be interacting with your meds and making your symptoms worse although no doubt you know that xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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