What Do You Believe Is The Cause Of Bpd?

[McFuzz]

I disagree that it's only "caused by a faulty attachment to your parents" because my siblings turned out to be way more emotionally equipped for the world than I did. I was diagnosed with BP, BPD, GAD, and PTSD. Lots of kids with one parent turn out just fine. Not all children are affected in the same way. I'm going to say probably mostly biological. I also don't think that an emotional state is necessarily an "immature" state. Invalidating a child's emotions can have terrible effects and is a factor, though.

[burning wing]

I also tend to think BPD isn't being emotionally immature. I think kids at the age from 2 to 5 do not have the same intensity of emotions and impulsivity, and black and white thinking and other BPD symptoms, so I don't think people with BPD are kids among adults in the world. I may not be right, though, and everyone has his own way of seeing things and BPD can be experienced differently. Usually people don't say I'm being childish. Most often they say otherwise, like 'wow I can't believe you're just 16, 17,18,19 - you sound as if you were 25'. And when I have emotional outbursts, people call it not being childish, but evil and impolite, unfortunately I wish they understood it's not always intentional, though

Although, since a borderline personality cannot control their impulses and sometimes feel really weird among others, they may perceive themselves as being 'weaker' 'more evil', 'demanding' or whatever, because when others tell you 'yes you can regulate that' - and you cannot, you come to think you can but do not want, and then you come to perceive yourself as cruel/evil/childish/selfish etc. Until one actually gets to know he has BPD, his self-image and self-esteem become so distorted they see themselves as some sort of kids dependent on others, although it is not childish behavior, I think so. But it all again is only from my own experience, which can be totally different from someone else's.

[Kara.]

burning wing thank you for replying to my question. I understood what you meant and it made sense.

My experience, re to last post, maybe a little different. I do sometimes feel like a child and I believe that part of it s due to core baby/child needs not having been met and still needing to be met. Emotional regulation, protection, safety, connection, are some of these needs. I do think though that not all is a replica of a child. Much is also defenses that one started using in order to cope with the difficulties imposed during childhood. Some people will never develop these type of defense or if they do they don't go to such extreme as we do.

[maddy harper]

one of the voices inside my head is a ten year old called sarah. My shrink said its the part of me that wasnt aloud to grow up properly. I mean my sister had her furst child when i was seven and i had to help out a lot. i wasnt aloud to grow up basically

[Afrika2015]

I think mines is due to my messed up childhood. Childhoods are so important. It's when you develop your first relationships, attachment etc. A lot of important stuff happens during this time. There is hope, but I just think that people rarely come out of childhood trauma 'alright' or without scars.

[MischaD]

Some really interesting ideas here.

For me I agree that the chronic emptiness comes from a lack of a strong parental attachment and security. Invalidation of feelings as a child is a definite for me. I also feel like a baby at times - despite being 36 and having a professional job. When I'm feeling insecure I just want to be cradled and rocked back and forth, wrapped in a blanket and comforted the way a baby would be. When I was in my late teens I still secretly had a dummy and would still cuddle teddies in bed and talk to them. I have a thing about people saying they will 'protect' me. I really need that and I think that all comes from a lack of acceptance, validation and positive nurturing as a child. I never felt I belonged anywhere and still don't. I was never told that I was great or good at anything and as a result developed a lot of perfectionist traits - constantly trying to please so that I would be good enough, loved and accepted. Though you can never be perfect enough when you feel like that and that's where I feel the extreme emotions and need to self harm and punish myself comes from.

[jenny1471]

Hi

I haven't been able to read all the responses to this as it's felt quite 'triggering' at times. I have attachment issues.. and currently working through them, or trying to work through them with my therapist.

For me personally I think my issues have come about from childhood. I had two parents who did no harm and only did the best they could for me, but they had massive things going on for themselves and actually, didn't meet my baby/child needs. This is not blaming them but just saying it as it is.

As a result I've consistently spent my life (from teenager to now) trying to get that nurturing from people. I've done horrific things (lied) to get the nurturing mother figure to mother me.. I've wrecked relationships, threatened suicide, tried suicide etc. None of this has been done on purpose as in I've not done it on a conscious level.. rather, as my therapist would say, it's been 'acting out' from a place in my unconscious mind, yearning for care. And getting incredibly scared when I don't get the care.. when that person stops (in my mind) caring.. and I spiral and behave in a completely illogical way.

And this acted out in therapy too. I pushed and pushed the boundaries with my therapist. I sat and cried, sobbed, got angry, emailed her, phoned, etc etc. I'm not proud of it.. but she didn't abandon me (was close, but she didn't!). She has tried to sit with me through it.. it's been tough for us both I think. And she says that sometimes she thinks I've been trying, subconsciously, to SHOW her what it was like for me as a baby. Because of course as a baby I couldn't talk. I couldn't put in to words my pain or what was going on etc. So in my own way I've shown her what it was like for me growing up.

It's a silly example but, for example at times I would 'trap' her. Like I would ask her a question but no matter what she responded it would not be right or good enough. I'd be convinced she didn't care and no matter how much she tried to show me she did, I couldn't get it. And actually it was like this for me growing up. I never felt like I could get things right. My mum constantly asked me if I loved her and I spent years trying to persuade her I loved her.. when actually it wasn't me she needed that reassurance from. It's not quite a great example but I was, in my actions, especially in my 'crisis' moments and severe boundary crossing that I did, show her in actions what I could not put in to words.. which may be an indication in to my early years, before words.

I haven't read up on these things mostly because it triggers me and makes me feel incredibly sad.. but I guess I'm just working through things for me personally with my therapist. It's really, really not easy and I do think it's different for everyone. For me I have a good idea as to why I behave/think/feel the way I do... but what I'd love to learn (quickly!) is how to change that. It's taken me years to get to this point and it feels incredibly hopeless much of the time but I am also aware that I am no longer 'acting out' in the ways I did a year ago. The biggest thing was that my therapist saw and witnessed me at my absolute lowest and worst. She did validate me. She didn't reject me. Instead she's trying to validate.. to understand and be with me through the pain. I'm terrified of losing her but I guess that's all part of the therapy.

Sorry for the waffle

x

[Carthraziel]

That was a really heartfelt post Jenny
I am sorry you had such terrible experiences but thank god you have a wonderful therapist! It must've been sop dofficult for you to come and make this post so I just wanted to say you've done really well in being able to share this with us. : )))))

It's also interesting to read others responses as even though BPD is just one thing all of us have a very different experience of it. I'm starting to realise just how bad the constant emptiness that I feel is, because it's not the most dominent of symptoms spoken about on these forums. I have much experience of the other symptoms too but through a LOT of therapy and mindfulness practise I mostly have everything under control.... apart from the emptiness. I can apply mindfulness techniques to it which helps but utlimately it will never go away and it will never be filled and I have to find a way to live with this for the rest of my life.

With regards to it not being directly related to a parent, I have a younger sister and she is for the most part perfectly sound and well adjusted. She picked up some acute anxiety which comes and goes but overall she is fine. However she was also a happy baby; happy to be left alone, happy to be picked up, generally no fuss... the totaly opposite to me, as a baby I cried constantly.. cried when put down, cried when picked up, wouldn't settle, vomitted most of my food back up. I was told that I cried so much that my clothes were soaked through with tears on a couple of occasions. So I believe I just didn't form an attatchment at all wheras my sister managed to form a strong but uneasy one. But like I said in my previous post, I don't think any one thing causes BPD, I believe it's a combination of things alligning.

[MischaD]

Carthraziel - I too am very different from my siblings. I think that their 'easy going' personalities led to more of an attachment to our mother as they were easier to deal with. I apparent was a very difficult baby and know I was as a child. I agree that it's definitely a combination of things.

Jenny - Thanks for sharing your experience, you have described your situation so well. It sounds like in many ways we had similar childhood experiences - your first 3 paragraphs could have been written by me. I crave nurturing so badly. I definitely did push the boundaries, though there was a severe lack of boundaries with my mum so I would act out in outrageous ways just to get her to react to me in some way. She isn't a bad person but as you have said about your own parents, mine also had/have their own issues to deal with.

Thank you everyone for sharing, it comforting to know that I am not alone. i have felt so alone for so much of my life.

[EvMaGr]

Hi

 

I'm new to this forum. This is a really interesting conversation. I think it is a combination of nature and nurture. In my family there are definitely people that have BPD (Dad, Aunt) that manifested itself in alcoholism and other issues. I have a predisposition. But I had a distant father and a controlling but emotionally unstable mother, both of which led to a very unsettling childhood. I may have been ok, but then I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend at university, and bingo = bpd as an adult. It is a complex issue.

 

E

[Phychobitch89]

It's a lot of factors but mainly being neglected by your parents from a very young age u have to respond somehow this gives u false opinions about love and being loved giving you a personality disorder well that's what happened to me. Little more blunt but I do have bdp ✌️

[lonelyheartemma]

I think it's possible there's more than one cause. Some physical illnesses have more than one cause but still result in the same illness. Some illnesses can be there at birth or develop later. I think a lot of my problems were caused by my mum. She says I was always weird. She said I'd have been much weirder if it wasn't for her. But I can't remember what I was like as a baby. One of my earliest memories is of her putting make up on my bruises. I also remember her hitting me. I can't remember a connection but I was always scared of her. I'm so glad to have my own home now.

[-Whisper-]

Without really looking at the other replies, I have to say that the lack of stability seems to be an issue. I have not been diagnosed, and never will be, because I will not reveal this thing about me (BPD/BPD like issues) to those around me. I was always very close to my mom. She was, and is, the most amazing woman around. When I was little I had missed my father who had left us, but was always close to my mother. But, I dreamt as a child that she would leave me, be taken from me or die. That is where our relationship was unstable, even though it was just dreams. Nothing more.