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fabbychic

BPD & EUPD

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fabbychic

I guess I'm lucky, not for me.. I have more awareness and understanding of the illness than most doctors.

 

They don't know why we are addicts and spend all our money.

 

I do.. By having these traits we are always in need, so we will always be looking for help.. Our illness feeds on need, everything we do is about asking for help, doing stuff to see if people care.

 

Our lives are led by what our head tells us about a life event, in fact that will only be based on what feeds the need.  We never can see both sides, for and against.. We only get what in most cases is bullshit..

 

The very part of us that gives us the ability to love ourselves is missing.

 

My head told me that i could never do anything because who cared anyway, who is there to say well done.

 

Like achieving stuff in education making myself better. My head said i couldn't do it.

 

Its bollocks

 

Our brains are wired to do anything that it can to look for someone to care, it has a need, whilst we are looking testing, splitting its feeding.

 

Its not so much black and white, and all about if they cared blah blah.  We not realise we are abusive, and manipulative.

 

My head made up some real bad shit that has caused me to be suspended from work..Because my boss didn't reply to my emails and messages.

 

Its never been this bad. i know what it is..

 

I have never ever not had the bollocks to beat something.. This is killing me.. Doctors and no one helps cos I'm too stable for them i work two jobs.

 

I know how bpd works, what drives, it what causes, it i do stuff bpd and two days later I'm so ashamed it was all lies in my head

 

Bpd is stand alone,, if you get something else its because of your life. You all talk to parents and family that treat  you like shit.. you associate with friends who take the piss, you do jobs that you don't like.. your killing yourselves.

 

BPD is all i have..seeing stuff, nope not bpd.. bpd is only triggered by stuff happening in your life, bipolar just does shit.. 

 

im sick of people asking do you hear things.. fuck sake,, educate yourselves.  i demanded by boyfriend did this he didn't reply i told him i needed him, fuck sake,, manipulative and abusive.

 

The only way to live is to not have people in your life..  the only people you will be normal around are those who are friends who grow with you, 

 

Self harm is because your hurting so much.. I've never seen anyone.

 

BPD can cause other stuff because of your life.. 

 

We can stop stuff when we see it. but we cannot control what we see or we see it.. 

 

i have boundaries now.. but I'm sick so bad the coke is there because I've not got any capacity to fight it so i take coke to get the need make me feel I'm doing something, so off it i live like a dead person..  

 

Its the same for us all, if we all lived the same we would be identical.. 

 

i get called names for saying stuff, that bpd does not do this or that.. voices.. fuck sake.. noises.. seeing things..

 

its not the brain and its workings, its the personality it reacts to life events.. 

 

I ve been trashed because bpd makes people think they are better than others and judges, we think we are awesome, we talk shit and slag people yet forget we done worse.. we wake up at night thinking how bad they are.. 

 

we tell ourselves its love bullshit.. its need..we don't love..we need,,love doesn't live through what we are..we take shit to save people,

 

why do you see shrinks.. unless you get like me your fuked..i see it its so bad how our head lies and sees stuff thats so not true, how we hurt people and think weight when its all shit in our heads, we say stuff its not even real..we live in a world where we beg for help, to see if they care then hate them when they don't kiss our arse.  no one deserves shit or that.. the spending and addiction we can't control.. its there so we get ourselves in shit to be saved.  we can live stable with a friendship.  we can never be sure what we see is true.. 

 

Those low functioning.. because they are lower intelligence so they cannot process stuff like others.. 

 

you all are hurting, but you don't ever realise people make you ill.. 

 

i won't let this kill me it is at moment... i want a life.. i need to work.. i want to educate people even doctors.. who don't know why we have addictions and spend.. they know what we do, they don't fully understand why.. there is only one cause.. and at one age.

 

You can't be born with it.. you can't fucking get it cos your mum did.

 

Its a personality disorder.. it grows from birth

 

I am sick of people being just retards

 

Depression. is caused by life events you aren't happy, something in your life makes you sad, but you still live it.. or you keep thinking of the past what if. if i had done this..  i just took six years of torture like prison it would have destroyed normal person i didn't get depressed, why? it won't change, its happened. life is the future.. depression don't last forever, its people trying to get others to carry them or fix them.. its the easiest to fix and you never get again. anxiety, i sat in a house for two y ears recluse, i beat it.. i had a breakdown.. i beat it.. myself alone.. no doctors..took six months.. i now have bpd which is destroying my life because i am weak.

 

I will live on the streets to sort it.. i will sell my car and be on the dole to beat it..

 

bpd is a cancer its driven by need to make you not able to be strong enough to be happy y ourself

its a lie.. you can fight it but you need to have a life that is stable and happy.  you can't fight shit with no reason

i don't want to die I'm not su^cidal but i would rather die than let this destroy me and let my kids see it.

 

my life was bpd, this is after. i didn't do dbt i doubt anyone would ever see it like me

 

i want to be somebody and i will

 

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