starrbarr40 Posted August 28, 2004 Report Share Posted August 28, 2004 hello all, my name is Jessica and this is my story........I was diagnosed with bpd about 8 years ago and when the doc told me this I thought he had gone crazy.....not me it was all him!! About a year later after nothing had changed and I had drove away all the people that I cared about I decieded to look some things up on it. As I was reading.......agian I thought...wait this can't be right...........becouse this ( what I was reading) was me to the tee. I mean capital T......hit me right on the head......From then on I educated myself on the disorder. Let me start from the beginning...........When I was about 2or 3 my mother adn father got divorced. He was physically abusing my mom, lucky for me he loved me so much he didn't hit me......From when I can remember i would hear from him when ever it was convient for him....which wasen't very often. But being a little girl "I LOVED MY DADDY" When he would come get me I would have a great time......but I was little and didn't know what was really going on. I loved him so much and loved spending time with him and my mama (grandma) When I was about 4 my mom met an amazing man (sure he had flaws but who dosen't) He took me in as his own and I love him for that. As far as i'm concerened he is my dad in all the ways that matter. They got married when i was about 5 or 6. BY this time I would rarely hear from my dad but I would get letters if he was stuck in jail lol yeah when he was cornered he thought about me. There were times that he would call and say he was coming to get for the weekend and say "honey, I'm leaving now...see ya when I get there love ya" So I would run and go pack my bags and wait by the door or window.....waiting......waiting....and yes still waiting. He never called or nothing. I would be there at the door for hours crying my little heart out!! My mom always told me how worthless he was and I would always take up for him. Actually that caused alot of heartach on me and my mom's realationship. This emotionally scared me. I truelly believe that no I know that......and thats what the doc (that was crazy lol) said. anyways.....I have uncontrolable bouts of anger, i drive my friends, family and my boyfriends away. I mean people can only take so much......i have terrible mood swings and anxiety problems. But right now I have a handle on my disorder and someof you might think that will never happen but you will do it. I've had to really work hard on myself adn have patience with myself. I have a 2 year old daughter and will be getting married in march of 2006. Things are going good. I still have days ....those horrible days the feelings the anger but they come far and few between. I did try and commit suicide and thats how I found out i had this disorder.........i've been there the ups the downs the real real downs. I still need to talk to people and I love this site. Well thats my story. Hang in there and we all can do this with the help of each other becouse i need all of you and i hope you can use me!!! -----Jesscia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 28, 2004 Report Share Posted August 28, 2004 Welcome Jesica, we can use all the help, perspective, and support that we can get! you sound like you'll be a valuable addition to the site. Thanks for coming. Welcome again, bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lottie Posted August 28, 2004 Report Share Posted August 28, 2004 Welcome, we can all get through this x :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo Posted August 28, 2004 Report Share Posted August 28, 2004 Hi Jessica Welcome to the site! Its good to hear that even though you've had a tough time you've got through it. Looking forward to getting to know you more take care jo xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summer Posted August 28, 2004 Report Share Posted August 28, 2004 Welcome Jessica... Glad you found us...You will find alot of support here.....Hang in there...HUGS!!!! :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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