Gemu Posted September 5, 2004 Report Share Posted September 5, 2004 hi... my names gemma but most people call me gemu, im fifteen. I've never been diagnosed with BPD or anything but i got here via a trail of links from a self injury help group on msn... i had a quick glance and thought that this seems a pretty friendly place and so i joined . as you probably picked up from earlier i cut myself quite regularly... my mum sort of knows about this.. hmm that needs better explaining. Well I usually cut my wrists and wore a sweatband all the time but i cut my arm a lot deeper than usual and so the healing cut was not going to be explained away with 'oh i scratched myself somewhere' as it was all open and should have had stitches etc.. but anyway my mum asked me about this particular cut and so i told her as she thought i was getting cut up at school or whatever. so she knows ive cut myself on one occasion but doesnt know about all the other times. However after she found out she's acted really weird. Whenever I tell her i've gotten annoyed about something she becomes kinda distant and keeps on telling me not to do anything stupid... which really doesnt help as she tends to act like its something that she'd rather not think about and just doesnt understand. bah. I also have a real problem with my emotions.. I find it really hard to talk to people about how I feel. So what i usually do is just either cut myself to get rid of the negative thoughts or just put on an act... However sometimes I do feel great about everything about my life. But then ill go all moody and everything's bad.. everything I thought was going great is suddenly going terrible. which makes me annoyed with myself (which obviously exacerbates things). It's tiring too. I also tend to get really overemotional about tiny things that really aren't significant. like the other day i misplaced a disc with some work on (Not really important work either) and I just got so upset over it.. I was crying and screaming whilst wrecking my room trying to find it.. I did eventually find it but afterwards i still felt upset because I had no idea why I had gotten so upset and mad about a silly little disc. Also i felt really strange after because it had felt like it wasnt me who was throwing my stuff everywhere. Bah... it's nice to be able to say all of this stuff to real people. I've never really talked to my mum about how i cut because i get this horrible taste in my mouth and feel like somethings physically pushing at me and I daren't tell my friends in case they start treating me like some kind of freak... So this is nice to be able to talk about how i feel and why and just the fact that i do actually cut myself.. Well thats me... Im not sure if this forum does a 'ask newbs questions' system but if you do i'm open to questions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo Posted September 5, 2004 Report Share Posted September 5, 2004 Hi Gemu! Welcome to the site! Glad that you've found us and feel able to talk here. i find that chatting is my best distraction to avoid si, but theres loads, and hopefully you'll find whats right for you and you'll get lots of support from all of us here! take care, jo xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemu Posted September 5, 2004 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2004 Thanks! I usually surf the 'net or draw as well as chat. but sometimes even they dont work or im not able to do any of them like if its in the middle of the night and no one's online i cant exactly phone a friend and say 'hey, wake up and talk to me so i dont gouge out some flesh' they'd probs go all scared lol... thanks for the welcome. I guess I feel so at ease here because there are others that know how I feel and so won't see me as some kind of nutcase who is a danger to others. Straight off, my first reply was first hand help on how to distract myself from sh-ing rather than someone judging. thankies for that :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summer Posted September 5, 2004 Report Share Posted September 5, 2004 Hiya Gemu, Glad you found us...You'll find alot of support here...Looking forward to chatting with you...........HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starrbarr40 Posted September 5, 2004 Report Share Posted September 5, 2004 hey gemu! Glad you joined the site and can't wait to chat and get to know you! I hope you find the site and information that can be helpful in some way. Welcome!!!!! Take Care..... Jessica Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calyps Posted September 12, 2004 Report Share Posted September 12, 2004 hi... my names gemma but most people call me gemu, im fifteen. I've never been diagnosed with BPD or anything but i got here via a trail of links from a self injury help group on msn... i had a quick glance and thought that this seems a pretty friendly place and so i joined . as you probably picked up from earlier i cut myself quite regularly... my mum sort of knows about this.. hmm that needs better explaining. Well I usually cut my wrists and wore a sweatband all the time but i cut my arm a lot deeper than usual and so the healing cut was not going to be explained away with 'oh i scratched myself somewhere' as it was all open and should have had stitches etc.. but anyway my mum asked me about this particular cut and so i told her as she thought i was getting cut up at school or whatever. so she knows ive cut myself on one occasion but doesnt know about all the other times. However after she found out she's acted really weird. Whenever I tell her i've gotten annoyed about something she becomes kinda distant and keeps on telling me not to do anything stupid... which really doesnt help as she tends to act like its something that she'd rather not think about and just doesnt understand. bah. I also have a real problem with my emotions.. I find it really hard to talk to people about how I feel. So what i usually do is just either cut myself to get rid of the negative thoughts or just put on an act... However sometimes I do feel great about everything about my life. But then ill go all moody and everything's bad.. everything I thought was going great is suddenly going terrible. which makes me annoyed with myself (which obviously exacerbates things). It's tiring too. I also tend to get really overemotional about tiny things that really aren't significant. like the other day i misplaced a disc with some work on (Not really important work either) and I just got so upset over it.. I was crying and screaming whilst wrecking my room trying to find it.. I did eventually find it but afterwards i still felt upset because I had no idea why I had gotten so upset and mad about a silly little disc. Also i felt really strange after because it had felt like it wasnt me who was throwing my stuff everywhere. Bah... it's nice to be able to say all of this stuff to real people. I've never really talked to my mum about how i cut because i get this horrible taste in my mouth and feel like somethings physically pushing at me and I daren't tell my friends in case they start treating me like some kind of freak... So this is nice to be able to talk about how i feel and why and just the fact that i do actually cut myself.. Well thats me... Im not sure if this forum does a 'ask newbs questions' system but if you do i'm open to questions. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Gemu, I feel for you my sweet- I also have the awkward 'Ma knows i cut myself but can't deal with it' scenario. The first time she found out was when she had to drive me to the hospital, it was snowing and she made a big deal out of having to get the car out and drive. She also told me I should 'pick a less messy way'. Then the nurse in the hospital told me off for upsetting my mother who was in the waiting room, crying. That was three years ago, when I was 24. I can only give to you the knowledge I have learned from this- people who don't use self-harm as a coping mechanism will not understand why you do. I have been fortunate to since have people in my life who I can talk to about my self-harming behaviour, and who don't judge me by it and who are prepared to learn more to understand. With Mothers I think it's different, my mother seems to think it's all about her and I can't talk to her about it. But you're so young (in a non-patronising way) I hate that you only have these behaviours to make yourself feel better, because you are worth so much more. Please smile now for me, even if it's forced, and stay safe. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armyofangels Posted September 13, 2004 Report Share Posted September 13, 2004 i'm only 17 so i now what it feels like to start young, i started sh-ing when i was about 13 and everyone doesn't know how to react, "oh she's just an attention seeker" but if that were the case why would i try my hardest to hide the scars? If it were only for the benefit of others why would i get such a release? I'm asking these questions to the people who already know the answers... seems silly really but you get my point, i only found this site on saturday but i feel so much happier about getting better already, hope it works for you too Josie xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckygurl Posted September 14, 2004 Report Share Posted September 14, 2004 Gemu..I definitly think you found the right place!!! I can remember feeling the same exact way you did when I was your age..in my opinion..(at least so far inm y life) 15 was a very hard time because your naturally going through hard stuff, and then you have the whole emotional side too...its not always a cheery thing!! Youre lucky though because you found this site at your age where youmight be able to become more aware of how you feel and how to deal with it!!!! Good Luck!! :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemu Posted September 19, 2004 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2004 armyofangels- the whole 'everyone who sh's is an attention seeker' thing is another reason why i would never be comfortable with being open about it. I could never be ok with people thinking that i'm some, lonely little child who is jealous of others being in the limelight, because thats so untrue. bah... people suck. aww... thats horrible eirianwen... as if you didnt have enough crap going on without your mum going on. sorry if that sounds over critical of your mum... but i think my mum just finds it weird that i just dont seem to be able to cope with all the bad stuff... which i can understand i guess... *shrug* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted September 22, 2004 Report Share Posted September 22, 2004 Welcome to the site. I would like to relate to you that... well... I relate. I know a lot of the feelings you described above and I want you to know that I am here for you. I'm 16, so we're in close ages, too. It would be great to be able to talk to you soon. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm around. Email: stardanceraj@yahoo.com AIM: fairytales817 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemu Posted September 23, 2004 Author Report Share Posted September 23, 2004 thanks fairytales... my yahoo addie is die_gemusa@yahoo.co.uk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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