How Many People Work?

[shell]

I was off work (well lost job) for three years. But managed to get another job when I had stabalised a bit. Been working for 3 years but took four months off sick last year. Work know I have 'mental helath' difficulties!! but not my diagnosis (bpd). It is difficult keeping it all together at work and I do get questions about the cuts on my arm from students (i'm a tutor). I had to drag myself to work for most of the year and spent the days wanting to go home and hide, but am finding it better now.

Shell

[paddypotty]

Badbug/Jane,often think about work,been toying with the idea of doing a mental health course in January just to begin meeting people etc,I suspect I need to figure out how to be a normal human being again before I could join the workforce.

You should give yourself credit for being out there,working in spite of the challenge of mental health issues.Nursing was not for me,I wasnt able to remove myself from peoples pain,especially the older patients that were just dumped in the geriatric wards.

Patricia

[Cactus]

didnt work till I was 27.dont think i was capable.

worked on directory enq for 5 years that was ok as didnt have to deal with public face to face but then got in destructive relationship and had too many warnings bout time off.

so left found out I was pregnant done bit of temp work then on incapacity benefit for depression til 2003 did temp work til last december got permanent job but been off sick since June.cant see myself being able to cope with work for long time yet.think i need to concentrate on getting well and being able to cope having both children at home every night and do all the household chores.

[zach112331]

The only thing that has helped me keep my job even though I am really drugged up sometimes is thast fact taht I have documented enough of my other disabilities to my employer. In the U>S.

there are some laws, americans with disabbilities act and family medical levave act, that can be used to protect oneself. I have writtten notice to my employer requesting/notifying them that I seek accommodation for my disability, as in the need to the use of extended leave to include using LWOP when necessary to deal with my problems. I dislcosed depression and ptsd, but no need to let them know go bpd as my other stuff triggers protections of laws.

A few years ago i attempted to get my psychiatrist to help me get a statement as to disability so I would qualify for non working compensstion. Unfortuantely, or fortuantely she refused to to it and explained to me she wnated to do eeverying she could tto keep me onthe job. In a way I hate it but I also love it. She was the best shrink ever - naturally she moved away, shit.

[zach112331]

forgot to m en tion that family medical leave act allow me to take up to 12 weeks of leav e, unpaid, per year for myself or family members issues. they do not have to keep your specific job held but mmust giv e you a job with the same pay, etc.

[zach112331]

SHELL --

i too want to hide every day - going to work isalmost painful - i even hide when i can there too -

must be hard to do as a tutor

[Si-Leeds]

Zach I am guessing that you are American as we dont have any of what you have in UK, we have Disability Laws but they are biased towards people with physical disabilities as are the benefits that we are allowed to claim ...

[Lauren]

In the last 4 years I have never held a job for more than six months,and that was just the once.Normally I last between 2 and 4 months.

Nearly all of them have been minimum pay and really menial as well.

But then I could never stick out further education either.....

I mainly feel pressured to quit due to the huge amounts of time of sick I have to take.Then I bash myself by convincing myself I could have gone in if I had tried that bit harder.

But 70% of the time I dont feel able to be a fully functioning adult.(dont feel/am not.....wheres the line?)

So im 24 now,have recently quit a job that was ok.My son has just started school,my husband is in the Army and of course works hard and is never sick.

I cant even manage to be as I would like with my child all of the time and I cant even manage to ensure that we have a spotless house.

(ugh,going to curb it there,before I feed the self hate Monkeys that are hanging around today any more Bananas)

I spend most of the day sleeping or on line.Its a real effort to make myself go to the post office or into town.God knows.Im a fuck up.

[Si-Leeds]

Lauren, we all do what we can and if yours is to get out of bed then so be it ... the only bit of hope that I personally cling hold of it that I will be able to go back to work at some stage

And your not a fuck up, you have an illness!

[Lauren]

Yup,

I know the logic.I am a very harsh personal critic. ...................................................

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Wish I could fill in the blanks.Prehaps then I could change things.

[Si-Leeds]

Yup,

I know the logic.I am a very harsh personal critic. ...................................................

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Wish I could fill in the blanks.Prehaps then I could change things.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If we could bottle the cure then we would be happy and millionaires I reckon ;)

[shell]

Zach

It is hard but you can sort of hide behing the "competent tutor face" . its just playing a role. We have a counselling service at work so if I really need to hide I can go to one of their counselling rooms and just shut myself in. Gets a bit claustrophobic after a while though. But nothing beats hiding in a large douvet!!!

Shell

[verbena]

I work full time. I also take a class Tuesday and Thursday. I start out Monday mornings great guns but by Wednesday night am pretty tired. I'm so lucky though, that my job is flexible and I can leave early when I need to or stay late when I feel well. Weekends I live in my bed. Books, food, the phone, movies, legal pad and pens around me, I sleep most of the day Saturday, then Sunday I do go to church, but then back into bed. I try to get up every so often to change loads in the wash machine or load the dishwasher. Mostly I just lay on my side and daydream. But on Monday morning I am ready to come back to work.

[caz]

I think working is hard but it really heps. They say it is more effective that an anti -d. It is just hard to be consistent. I am really crushed by any negative remarks-so that they know I'm pretty unstable. But nevertheless-I plough on.

[verbena]

Last week we were in a meeting. I was toward the front of the room. I was fiddling with a piece of plastic while my boss was standing up front speaking. I swear I didn't know I was doing it and that it was not noisey, but she stopped talking and said "Ann! Would you please finish with that!!!!" My face was so red, and the guy next to me felt sorry and patted me on the shoulder which made me feel worse. I had to breathe, breathe, breathe, and force myself not to run from the room crying. My office mate was at the table behind me and said she felt really bad and could tell how upset I was, but didn't think anyone else could. It was awful. I couldn't leave early that day. Later, I would like to have taken her outside and kicked her ass around the parking lot.

[FleeingFox]

WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's that then?????????????????

[zach112331]

yes, i am in the u.s.

Only with the recent push by federal government encouraging the hiring of pyshciatrically impaired was I willing to expose my ptsd and depression. Also, I am thinking getting a one to two week evaluation done for psychopharmacology, etc. A few weeks ago, I realized I was on the border fo flipping out about everything at work and home and I wrote my supervisor an e-mail explaining that I would like to take a week off. She responded do you have enought leave. I wrote her tha I might enter a leave without pay situation for part of the week. She then asked how much leave I had.

I could see this shit was going nowhere. I was so tired, so screwed up, that I was afraid I was going to take severely inappropriate action. I douuble dosed myself for four days that week and was in so much of a stupor, i am not sure I even knew my name. So in order to trigger the emplyer's respnsibility under the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Family Medical Leave Act (12 weeks lwop) I turned in a letter dislcosing two of my main disabilites. In effect, i put them on notice not to fuck with me (legally I could take action and emotionally I could not take it - fuck them). Amazing, the following week I had some asshole at work send me an e-mail raising a ratiion of ship. He was wrong. I contacted my supervisor and my second level supervisor that the atttack was unfair and unwarranted. The second level spoke to the dipshit and my supervisor apologized to me for the guy writing me such a e-mail.

It sure has made the world of differen ce. I do a good job and am unwilling to take abuse from employees.

[Si-Leeds]

Fsir play to you Zach for having the balls to stand up for yourself ... I think over in the UK we just quit or go sick rather than tell anybody anything its a sad state of affairs :(

[Bluegrass]

Longest time I held a job was 2-3 years but it was tough and I took a lot of

time off - other times been a few months here and there -

not worked now though for 11 years cause of MH issues

[Si-Leeds]

I am going to see some support worker with my HSW they help people with MH issues back into work or courses ... I think I will look at doing a course

[Swan]

I've just gone back to work full time after three years of not working or even being aware of what was going on in the world.

I really struggled to keep working and only gave in when GP and psychiatrist both told me I had to stop. It is REALLLY hard going back again, I get very stressed by feeling that I can't remember everything I have to do and very very tired.

But it is definitely the right thing to be doing. I think that I was suffering much more from PTSD than BPD and the docs didn't really get that. But if I hadn't stopped work I'd have kept collapsing.

I'm really lucky in having a lot of support from both jobs (2 part time, one of which is self employed) but still, it is tough to get back into the habit of pushing myself and being anxious that I'm not doing well enough.

I do think that starting off with voluntary work, especially in the MH field can be quite a good starting point.

[realscape]

The thought of going back to work makes me feel sick. I never held a job in my life, getting sacked or leaving through being too chaotic. I used to drink and take drugs and party all the time and have really bad downers. In one job, I was a model for a ladies fashion manufacturers and I would turn up smelly and off my face having been out all night. They kind of tolerated that but then I got busted for drugs and held for 48 hours in police cells so I missed work. That put the icing on the cake and they asked me to leave. I've had every job you can imagine since I was 14 from factory work to babysitting to secretarial to building site work. I'v had some real top jobs where I used to try to walk the walk and talk the talk but they never sustained. I think the only reason I ever got them was because I look really sweet and innocent and always turned out in a smart suit for interviews. I always felt like a fraud.

Around 7 years ago I created my own job in a niche market and was my own boss for over 5 years earning cash in hand. I used to work like a maniac, take amphetamines every day, drink coffee and not eat. At nights I used to get home, count my cash, have a hot bath and pass out from physical exhaustion. I think I was a workaholic but creating a job for myself like that was like a licence to print money for someone who is chaotic. Working on my own, doing what I wanted and moving on every day to a new place. I can't say what the job was because many people know me through it but it was a real big earner. In those days I used to spend all my money partying and traveling, massive benders and big trips. I wish I never stopped but my lifestyle got very high risk and chaotic and I burnt out - then I started having therapy and facing the issues I had been running away from.

Now I feel like I'm dead and that whoever the person who used to do all that work was someone else. I've been on Incap Ben for ages now. I don't know what to do all day, I have no energy, I often feel suicidal. I watch TV every minute I'm awake and sadly, I love it. I feel alone and bored and trapped and I hate every element of my life. I don't have any support to work through this at the moment. I don't seen a way out. I hate my life, I barely have any friends and everything is so hard. Like my whole life is over. I can't imagine having a job again. I can't concentrate or stick to anything so even college courses are out of the question. I used to enjoy my job and I was respected for the quality of my work but now when I think about it I feel physically sick and sure I can't go back. I really have no life anymore and everything seems totally pointless. Does anyone else relate to this? And if so, what the hell should I do to get over this?

[Swan]

Yes. And self employment is a way of turning a fault into a virtue if you are intense and chaotic.

You sound like you are just not ready to start work again. Physically and mentally you need to be in much better shape to go back after a long time off than any time when you were yo-yoing in and out of work.

Do you have any decent medical help - that is the starting point. Then make sure you are getting all the benefits you are entitled to and start listening to your body - when you are tired sleep, when you are hungry eat, and if you are feeling lonely go and sit in a coffee shop and read a newspaper so that you are not alone but don't have the stress of interacting with people.

It may sound simple, but those are the main things I've done (along with some pretty strenuous therapy I have to admit) and over the last year, and although it has been a slow business, I have definitely got better.

[liz]

I'm a teaching assistant in a primary school. Been there nearly a year now and done supply work for 18 months before that. My biggest probelm is mylack of selfworth. i struggle with it still and dont believe i'm good enough and that soon they will discover that i'm uselss after all.

Having said that the days that i do feel ok are good and sometimes i can even feel proud of what i've achieved.

Liz x

[alphaOmega]

The longest I've ever worked was 5 months (thats bad, isn't it?) I haven't had a job in over 10 years, but I was in college going part time. It took 8 years to get a 4 yr degree Got mostly a's, except 3 b's, but the studying was anaother outlet for compulsion. I was supposed to teach when I got out, but the thought of that freaks me out.

I paint, but have a monstrous time scheduling my time, BRAIN and sticking to plans, so doing shows and selling work doesn't really work Keeping up with shows is hard, they're so unscheduled and hodge podge. They scare the hell out of me, anyway... I need more structure or something.