Eating Disorders

[ragdoll]

Well time for another babble.

Since I was a Rower, my coach told me I was too fat even though I was extremely underweight for my height. I mean i was just under 6' and I weighed 67kgs and I was only 15 yo. And then I suffered from what I would say not anorexia, I still ate, not much, but I did eat.

At around the age of 18, when I left home and had stopped playing sport and the symptoms of my BPD really started to kick in, i began putting my fingers down my throat to rid my gut of any little bit of food that I had put in my mouth even if i had just had an apple. I didn't think I deserved it and thought that I was fat from eating it. Or even from just drinking something. Even water.

At 20 it had become a huge problem with me going for 6 months living on just coffee, sustagen and toast. I lost a load of weight. Then at 6 months later, the vomiting started again even with minimal food intake.

This fleeting from one thing to the other has continued to this day at 28 and my weight has gone up and down to the point where i nearly reached 100kg last christmas, to where I have now lost nearly 20kgs since the end of February. Tonight I started to binge but all i managed to binge on was a small apple pie and i mean small, like mini muffin size and half a packet of chips and a glass of milk. ok, that is my binge. But I don't know if its enough to be of concern. I do go for periods where I still don't eat, but do drink. I was referred to an eating disorders clinic once, called them but then the clinic told me on the phone that there were no beds atm. So I lost motivation to go. And I thought I was too fat for the place like all do. But really I was.

Anyway in all my research of BPD i have only recently started to come across sites with links to eating disorders, how and why does this occur and why do i seem to have an issue with both not eating for lengthy periods and then purging myself. This disorder just ceases to amaze me.

stace ;)

[shiney35]

what is stustagen?

[ragdoll]

Sustagen is powdered formula you can get to add to milk that is low in fat but high in vitamins and minerals, its like a meal supplement given to people who need extra nourishment. High in proteins, energy and carbos and as mentioned all the daily required vitamins and minerals that you would usually get from food. and is best received from these products.

[strangemale]

My ex wife was head of an eating disorder workshop at a facility called "The Meadows" in Arizona several years ago. The reason why you wont find a whole bunch out there about eating diorders is quite simple in my opinion, no-one seems to know what the hell to do with them!

Along with sexual addiction, eating is the toughest "addiction" to deal with. I can quit drinking, shopping gambling etc. but food and sex?? Have to go for "healthy" quitting is not a real option with either.

For women, we have the immposible 2% factor. About 2% of females fall into the current ideal as deified by hollywood, Madison ave etc. Tough S*** to the other 98%.

And your coach? Genius, simple shaming, (along with how many messages a day from billboards), and you remember it like yesterday.

From what I learned I would recommend that you stop weighing yourself, thats not an accurate measure of eating "healthily". Plus your body has been abused by binging and purging, and most probably wont react the way you would intuitively believe. (For example, evolution tells us, when times get hard and food cant be found, our bodies compensate by storing fat, so dieting kinda messes that up).

Look for a food plan, usually looks like exchanges of fats, proteins starches etc. and just stick with it, weight will take care of itself eventually, once it learns to trust you.

Diets suck! (That one I am sure of).

Sounds easy doesnt it? I wish.

Good luck

Stephen

[ragdoll]

WELL DONT I FEEL LIKE A BITCH, BUT YES THAT IS BPD STEPHEN, LOL.

ANYWAY. YEAH WELL I AVOID STARCH'S LIKE THE PLAGUE EVEN THOUGH I HIT THE CHIPS AND PASTRY SHIT LAST NIGHT. IT WAS MY FORM OF SELF HARM, AND I DO AVOID PROTEINS ASWELL, I HARDLEY EAT MEAT AND AS A RESULT AM IRON DEFICIENT BUT ONLY MILDLY. SUPPOSED TO BE ON SUPPS BUT DONT LIKE THE RESULT. HHMMMMM.

ANYWAY, WITH THE WEIGHING I DO IT TWICE A DAY, AND I PANIC AT THE END OF THE DAY WHEN IT IS LIKE 1 OR 2 KGS MORE THAN IN THE MORNING. LOGICALLY I KNOW THAT I WILL WEIGH LESS IN THE MORNING BECAUSE OF NOT EATING DURING THE NIGHT FOR SOMETHING LIKE 12 HOURS EVEN MORE IN MY CASE, SOMETIMES 24 HOURS SOMETIMES THE ENTIRE WEEK.

THOSE WEEKS I HAVE NO PROBS WEIGHING MYSELF. I LOVE JUMPING ON THE SCALES, HOWEVER IF ITS NOT WHAT I WANT IT TO BE, ILL THINK IM STILL FAT, LIKE I DO EVERYTIME REGARDLESS, ILL CONTINUE TO NOT EAT AND EVEN REDUCES MY INTAKE OF FLUID. AND HERE IN QUEENSLAND YOU CANT DO THAT, IT'S EXTREMELY HUMID AND I WOULD DEHYDRATE VERY FAST. BUT I KNOW THAT WHEN SUMMER HITS I NEED TO BE ABLE TO LOOK GOOD IN SUMMER CLOTHES AND IN A TWO PEICE PAIR OF BATHERS ON THE BEACH. IM NOT LIVING HERE ON THE COAST AND NOT HITTING THE BEACH. I HAVE NEVER FITTED IN ANYWHERE IN MY LIFE AND MY LIFE IS GOING TO START HERE, THIS YEAR.

WELL I HOPE, EVEN IF I JUST GO TO THE BEACH AND READ A BOOK, AS LONG AS I GET A DAMN TAN, HEH AND LOOK DAMN GOOD AND SKINNY LIKE I NEVER HAVE BEFORE.

I HAVE TO SHOW EVERYONE THAT I CAN LOOK GOOD. AND NOT FAT!!!!! AND UGLY!!!!!!! :(

[ragdoll]

YAY................LOST ANOTHER 2KGS TODAY...........WAHOO

I START BASKETBALL NEXT WEDNESDAY....WILL LOSE MANY MORE AND FASTER.....SHALL BE INTERESTING

[ragdoll]

i know eating disorders is nor understood very well here and not covered much and i have to do the research myself which is fine the brontefoundation help when they can. but i know im a total stuff up and somethings that i have done today here at home and here here today prove it.

eating wise i binged today. i ate two whole large filo patry spinich ricotta things and then a pudding. a big one then i purged. i feel terrible. absolutely terrible. im home on my own and am going to be for prob two weeks. my cousin is prob going to be in hospital and everyone else is going to be back at work while im left at home on my own to do nothing except well. you know dont you. tasks. i feel like shit. thank god for her broadband pc as my hard drive crashed and id have no pc and no life otherwise. i feel like shit. i feel really bad for everything that i have done today and im going to get in heaps of shit for everything. if only pms worked still. its not my fault. there is just so much going on right now that purging is the only way to get the bad feeelings out like self harming but it just seems to make things seem worse. except it gets the food out and i dont put on any weight. yay

[ragdoll]

ive decided to go and have an assessment done about my eating patterns in the city. it is a problem and im worried. i dont like it and like everything else happening at the moment i dont know what to do and where to turn.

they are going to send out the stuff to me and then i see where i go from there. god i hope something works but from the sounds of it its going to mean alot of bloody eating. i mean six snacks per day. shit. omg, i cant even eat once per day let alone six times per day. omg

[chelle]

Hi Ragdoll!

Gosh I really related to what you just said. It sent goosebumps down my spine!

I was diagnosed with an eating disorder when I was 12 years old. I too went through the "you are too fat" thing when I was in gymnastics. I was told if I could lose just 10 pounds, I could get higher, flip faster, etc... Then I became a cheerleader and that just made things really bad! I could lose 5 more pounds and I would really get great height when I was thrown into the air. But 5 pounds was not enough for me...so I continued to lose more and more until they finally got my mother involved. I played it off, ate in front of her, but after she left the table, I would go in and purge.

The last time I had to go in for treatment was 2 1/2 years ago. I am doing much better, but everyday it is a struggle. Somedays it is easier than others, but I just keep on truckin. I did have to lose the scale thing though. I had 5 scales in my house and if one of them showed that I had gained a pound, I would starve myself until it was where I "needed" it to be.

Since losing the scales, my weight has improved, I feel healthy, and I feel as if I am in the "control" that I thought I had when I was purging every meal. It is a true battle, but it can be overcome...with a lot of dedication and hard work.

You can do it!!!!!!! Just remember to take care of yourself because you are worth it.

a suggestion that is easier said than done...try to lose the scales.

take care,

Chelle

[fairytales817]

I have a friend with an eating disorder, and it really worries me. The thing is, it's a guy friend, so it's not as recognizable. No one really worries about males who have these disorders, but when you're close to someone, male or female, with an eating disorder it can really cause a lot of stress. He's acctually much too small to be almost 16 but he thinks he's fat. He works out a lot and eats hardly anything at all and he's always feeling sick. He just doesn't understand that he's hurting himself. The thing is, he doesn't recognize that something is the matter...

Doll, you know something is the matter. When you know there's a problem it makes it that much easier to fix. We're here for you, doll... and you deserve to be ok.

[fairytales817]

I fail to mention that I have been recovering from one myself. I guess here I have nothing to be embarrassed about, so I'll just admit it. I've suffered from eating disorders from a long time, never being satisfied with the way I look, eating too much or too little, simply not wanting to eat because I didn't want to gain too much weight, though I've always been really small...

It's a serious thing that needs to be dealt with.

[sniffles]

Stace,

*hugs*...I know this is hard. believe me i do. i have a website that you might be interested in. one that i created personally. if you are interested, email me.

choralgirl101@hotmail.com

~Sniffles

[DivaPrincess1283]

im still new around here, so i hope i'm not overstepping my bounds by replying to this post....

i've suffered from an eating disorder for the past 4 years, bouncing back and forth between anorexia and anorexia(purging subtype). since my recent diagnosis of BPD, things are finally starting to make a little more sense, as i can see that BPD and eating disorders really go hand in hand.

i'm not sure where you're located, but if you are even slightly willing to start working on your eating disorder, take the window. opportunities to get help come few and far between, and old habits sure damned do die hard.

www.somethingfishy.org is a website that was created solely for the purpose of providing support and networks to those affected by eating disorders. while i dont chat there because there are just TOO many people, their subpages have LOTS of information, and there are even resources to finding help in your area.

best wishes to you, and ((((gentle hugs)))) because i know what you are going through.