90mphINneutral Posted December 18, 2005 Report Share Posted December 18, 2005 I found myself a new boyfriend after being single for a whole 2 weeks. But he is 15 and my friends and family think it's a bad idea for me to date him because of the age factor. But I love him so much. He is so mature emotionally and doesn't care that I'm borderline, like my other bf's cared about. He doesn't think I'm crazy. He can tolerate me unlike most men. He is perfect. But how do I get my family to get off my back about his age? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amanda A Posted December 18, 2005 Report Share Posted December 18, 2005 Hi 90mphI am glad that you found someone that understands you and is making you happy. The question about how to get your friends and family to back off is a tough one. I guess that one thing that might worry them is if your relationship develops then there might be legal implications due to the age difference. Sorry to be so to the point . It is possible that they just need a bit of gentle reassurance that you are both sensible and taking things slowly. Maybe a bit of time is all it will take for them to accept your new boyfriend.. I hope it all works out for you.Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs tree Posted December 18, 2005 Report Share Posted December 18, 2005 Reading your post I got the feeling you feel so unaceptable that you are just greatful for someone been prepared to be with you despite your problems.Two weeks really is not a long time to be on your own...Time alone helps you find out who you really are rather than what you think people expect you to beMrs Tree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted December 18, 2005 Report Share Posted December 18, 2005 90,15 and 18 seem far apart but 27 and 30 dont seem far apart. so i think it is partly influenced by that. Also, i dont know how innocent this 15 year old is or where you are but in the states you could be charged with statutory rape if you do anything with him. maybe uk is different.i agree 2 weeks is nothing for being alone. but i also know that at 18 having someone to date is almost critical. maybe you could keep this on the light side and make sure you aren't with him all the time. give the relationship real space. let him and you grow up and have some independent experiences.maybe he is okay with bpd now but after he has been with you he might feel overwhelmed and yet not know how to get out of it.just some thoughtsbets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LiveWire Posted December 18, 2005 Report Share Posted December 18, 2005 90 - I am not trying to be un-supportive or harsh, but in this case, even without knowing the "facts" I am on your families side. I hate to say it, but a young girl at 18 with BPD needs to be working on herself, making herself whole, before trying to work on a relationship, any relationship. I am sorry not to be on your side on this one, but this is very important to your future and his future; so believe it or not I am thinking of your best interest. :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drew Posted December 18, 2005 Report Share Posted December 18, 2005 i think you need take in to account peoples feelings around you and beaware of any legal impercations (sorry bad spelling ) though its great you have found some one and if it were ten yrs time dont think the age would count so much my partner is 4 yrs younger then i though we are both female . i think you need to think about weather this relationship is worth the hassel and if u feel it is go for but try not to alienate those around you who care as you may need there support in the future . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
realscape Posted December 18, 2005 Report Share Posted December 18, 2005 This is going to sound really harsh but I would just like to point out where the red flags are in what you have said:after being single for a whole 2 weeks - 2 weeks is negligibleBut he is 15 - He is a child. Fact.my friends and family think it's a bad idea - Ignoring advice from those who know you best.But I love him so much - You couldn't possibly.He is so mature emotionally - He can't possibly be.doesn't care that I'm borderline - Not caring is different than understanding and overcoming. Not caring is not caring. He doesn't think I'm crazy - Is he a psychiatrist?He is perfect - Nobody is perfect.But how do I get my family to get off my back - Trying to manipulate other people.I know that this post will probably upset you, but every sentence of what you wrote just made me cringe. It sounds so unrealistic. You need to learn how to stop thinking of yourself as defective and learn how to love and take good care of yourself and then you won't be so needy. 3 years age gap is HUGE at your age. It is less at 27 / 30 because by then you have lived nearly twice as long. Stick with your family and friends, they want the best things in life for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted December 18, 2005 Report Share Posted December 18, 2005 Sorry,But I agree with real on the most part.Though that is not to say that I do not have sympathy for hpw you must be feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted December 18, 2005 Report Share Posted December 18, 2005 Should add many 18 year old *men* date GIRLS of 15/16 and there is not many raised eye brows.I think that as you get older it gets harder to make a distinction between just who should be classed as an adult and who shouldnt.Confusing times for you im sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloeJ1980 Posted December 18, 2005 Report Share Posted December 18, 2005 i think you have to be really careful about this one. I can understand why you would want to be with someone, especially someone who says they dont care about your bpd....but to be fair, hes 15, he doesnt know much about anything yet really let alone the problems associated with mental health issues. I dont think its the case of him not caring, i think its more like he has no idea how hard it could be.Also, at 15 he is very young and naive, although you may not see it. Hes still a child, problems occurring in relationships (especially with bpd) could really mess him up for the future.I dont see how this could be anything more than casual dating or just friends, i think if you tell your family that thats all it is they might back off a bit. But if youre throwing the word "love" around i can totally see their point and understand the frustration Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liberty Posted December 19, 2005 Report Share Posted December 19, 2005 Im sorry, but i agree with what has been said here, you need to focus on you a little now and not reliy on someone else to make you feel whole. It's hard, i know that, i don't say it easily, it's something i am also having to do for myself now. but he is a child there's no getting away from that, our adult partners have difficulty dealing with our relationships, you cant expect a 15 yr old to be able to. look after you for a whileLib Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xoomer Posted December 19, 2005 Report Share Posted December 19, 2005 Are u Sure he is there for you and not just a 15 year old trying to get an older girl for a bit of nookie?? when I was that age I had a borderline Girlfriend and she was 18 (I look back now and all she was to me was a sex partner(no matter how We "felt" about each other... Me and her mom are friends to this day...(but IMHO there is nothing to gain..) Read the bottom of my signature... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
realscape Posted December 19, 2005 Report Share Posted December 19, 2005 Sorry, i wasn't being very sympathetic or empathetic or whatever the word is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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