Daisy Posted October 2, 2004 Report Share Posted October 2, 2004 I have a lil qn maybe dilmia maybe observatio..dont know..but i shall ramble along anyhow.. I was wondering my psyc pointed out to me a few weeks ago that I was unable to realise how depressed I was *I was REALLY DOWN nad out for maybe 2 weeks* I was tottaly unable ot see how serious or down i was. But he said that i was unable to see how down I was untill I came OUT of it. Like i knew i was down, I knew i felt like crap, I knew i wanted to cry but I also knew Nothing at the same time. *not sure if that makes sense* but am i the only one thats like this? Like i know im depressed but its not untill i move up a lil or slowly start comming out of my black hole or just stop living so DEEP that i see how DEEP i really was. not sure if i make sense, but wondering if im alone anyhow. I want to try realise it earlier...but i dont know how. I can tell im slipping but i dont want to slip so low, and not so low that i dont know im so low..*gosh i make no sense..sorry... Katy :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
budgie Posted October 2, 2004 Report Share Posted October 2, 2004 u do make sense Katy...its great that the depression lifted after 2 weeks there r many sources where u can read on depression. in my case, i hv been having it for some time, on & off, its like a cloud that never lifted for long ... i hv major depression and am on prozac. for me, its just feels very empty, meaningless, hopeless, robotic....like a sorta living dead stuff but u still continue ya know.....its not a good thing really...we shud always try to feel life, b alive, smell the roses along the way, see the rainbow, know that the stars r shinning even when we cant see them behind the clouds! thats how we can keep on going ok hon. yeah...i may be depressed but i m not beyond hope..yet. <_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustOneMore Posted October 2, 2004 Report Share Posted October 2, 2004 I have been depressed for the last week or 2, and yes i have learnt to recognise the signs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tory Posted October 2, 2004 Report Share Posted October 2, 2004 I can recongise when i am depressed to an extent but when i am really in deep depression i dont until after like u. When i get into a deep depression i think all the scarey and self destructive things i think are normal and ok and its only when i come out of it i realise how bad i was. I can often see myself getting worse but dont tend to b able to do anything to stop it. Guess everyone is different! Take care Tory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted October 2, 2004 Report Share Posted October 2, 2004 i sorta know what u mean. but the last time i was in a year long full blown depression and was just watching my life crumble around me and it didnt matter. i couldnt talk to anyone, sleep, or work. i was totally incapacitated but it didnt matter.. i just wanted to stay in the unfeeling state i was in. i guess i recognized it but it was so deep that it had no reality to the recognition. hope this made some sense. good posts...thought provoking.] bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 I'm doing that now. I don't know why it happens. Sinking into one I do see myself falling into it but either don't care or don't want to resist. I agree that you lose perspective on yourself and situation when you are depressed...perhaps by the time you start slipping into it you have already lost the perspective you need to recognise and act? I think in my case there's a small part of me that dictates that I shouldn't care or resist it, as if I deserve it or this is the way it has to be! But I don't know why that should be. Self-destruction? My self-harm is sometimes about self-destruction - a way of showing myself how much I hate myself or situation. Maybe I just believe that because I'm a control freak, because I am less comfortable with the idea that maybe I just can't help going into one...it's not that we can't find the door out, but that in fact there is no door. That's too scary. By the way, does anyone else find that their depression perversely feels good sometimes? Like it's satisfying your need to devalue yourself? I'm not saying I enjoy depression...far from...but, oh, never mind. Brain hurts. On some level, perspective is key to it all. I mean, depression is to do with chemistry in part as well as thinking habits and cognitive distortions...if we can learn to handle the cognitive stuff (our perspectives, judgements, reactions to things) then all we have to worry about is the chemistry. Thinking more positively helps the chemistry, but so does exercise and drugs. I have been on drugs and although it helped I did not deal with the cognitive stuff so here I am again, depressed (albeit not as bad as before drugs). Oh heck. Thought I had something more useful to say. Soz. Blaffle. Take care everyone...XXX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 I'll get back to you on the "does anyone else find that their depression perversely feels good sometimes?" Sometimes it does. Sometimes I like to wallow in it, but when I see it affecting other peo;le, I try to get on top of things, and then sometimes can't. But yes, in a deep, deep way, I do enjoy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Americanimport Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 I definitely agree that depression sometimes feels good... I attribute that to the way I feel on meds.... it is like you feel like such crap, so raw for so long that you just want to die, but then all of a sudden the anti depressants kick in.... and then all the feeling just goes away. Initially I feel relieved, but very soon I think "hey, wait a minute.... where did all that emotion go that I have been feeling so strongly for months?" I find it very frightening to know that a chemical can sort of "erase" what I am feeling..... I then end up wishing I could have those feelings back. Does that sound totally screwed up or what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Depression, I think, can become almost a habit. Our body and minds are so used to feeling this way it can just slip back in so easily..... It takes hard work to pull out of it and I dont know anyone who feels like 'working hard' when they are depressed - it is just so easy to sit around and think dark thoughts and the numbness is sometimes a welcome thing. Our lives are so full of emotion(good and bad) that it is an escape... In some ways I find it almost a relief to get away from my life and fall into depression - I dont have to do anything, see anyone, talk to anyone - but if it gets too deep, well - we all know where that can take us. So yes, depression can be almost welcome, but it is a trap. I hate it really - cos it can control me... Dunno if that makes sense??? Ginny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deadwhisper Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Makes sense to me My depression doesn't feel good but it does feel comfortable in a way. Like an old friend, you know it's bad points but that's what makes it "safe" in a very weird way. It takes you away from the world for a while but as ginny says, if it gets too deep then it's not so good - not saying that it's good in any form but I hoep you know what I mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 No it doesn't sound screwed up at all americanimport. My Mum has depression as well and she has been on Cipralex for a year and a half. She has gone from someone who would cry at a leaf falling from a tree in Autumn, to someone who could not shed a tear when her mother died three months ago. She didn't even pick up the ashes for two and a half months...how fucked up is that!? It is the drugs that do that...erase every emotion that you had. That's why I came off them..although I hate depression, it is normal and healthy to cry at your mum's funeral...I don't want to live like a zombie with no feelings at all. I'd rather be depressed given that choice! As with everything in life..it's all about balance. So easy to say, pretty hard to achieve. Anti-depressants don't give you balance, unfortunately. That's not to say I'm against them utterly. I think they are very good at getting you out of a hole if you are at that desperate and dangerous point where you're just yelling inside and can't go on. Interesting also that we are talking about depression as a NUMBNESS. It's supposed to be a negative feeling; hopelessness, despair, futility etc: a very perceptible emotion with a physical response...be it shrugged shoulders, crying, sighing and so on. But the numbness is a lack of physical sensation that almost seems to arise from an overload of physical response...so much is coming in about how we are feeling that we shut the gates on it and go numb. I call this depression's lower level, because it only happens to me when I have been depressed for quite a while...then it kicks in...self-preservation? Also, depression does this thing to my head...it feels a bit like static and is definitely in the head...I can't think how to describe it but it's as if i'm losing my intelligence and abilty to think. It's really weird. I do feel on reflection that my memory is lots worse since being depressed, both short and long term. Also I am less intelligent and slower to grasp things. When I talk I find it difficult to find the right word as well. BLOODY 'ELL! Love n hugs... CLAIRE... :wacko: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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